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Apollodorus departed into the courtyard to speak with the soldiers, and I followed the hallway towards our rooms. "I do not think anyone is coming," I said softly as I met Kharmion at the door.
She shuddered. "Best let me tell her."
We walked to the back room of the house where my sister sat waiting for us. The wicks had burned low and a couple had sputtered out. It was then I understood the dread of her servant.
Cleopatra sat with her hair disheveled and her blankly staring eyes blazing as she swayed on the low couch, whispering something unintelligible under her breath. She had her rw open on her lap and was flipping through its pages feverishly. Her face jerked up at our approach.
"Where are my men, sister? Kharmion? I must teach Ptolemy a lesson!"
"There are no men to be had from Judea, Your Majesty. We cannot raise a powerful enough rebellion this far from Alexandria," Kharmion replied.
"Nonsense! I am the enchanting Pharaoh-Queen of Egypt! I shall raise an army of the dead with the charm of my voice!" Cleopatra said wildly, and waved the rw at us.
Mudjet appeared from outside and gave me a frightened look. "She has been like this since you left," she told me in a low voice.
Kharmion moved forward to try and soothe her mistress. "My lady, you cannot do this. We shall think of some plan or another, but we cannot rely on the gods to help us. They will assist us if we help ourselves."
My sister's wild eyes danced as she shook her head. "No, no, no. Damianus retrieved this rw for me from the bowels of the Library, it has never let me down! And this one!" She reached for an even older-looking scroll underneath the first. “This is from the old priests in Heliopolis! It can do more than simple spells and potions I have dabbled my heka in! This is how I will rule Egypt! Those strange gods will favor me!"
Kharmion’s voice grew increasingly anxious. "My lady, please! Go to Ptolemy. Ask him for forgiveness! We can work to reclaim your position better from within the palace than from without."
As if a veil was lifted, the frenzied appearance of Cleopatra's face was replaced by an expression of coldest contempt. "Ptolemy will choke on his own blood when I am through with him. All who oppose me will be torn apart," she said emphatically, her voice like stone hitting stone.
A wave of nausea washed over me, but I worked to steady myself, "Sister, Kharmion's words are wise. If we could go back to the city, we could surely do more there than here."
Her wooden mask dropped away again. She flew at me as suddenly as Hycarnus had, holding me in place as her nails dug into the skin of my shoulders and her frantic eyes searched mine back and forth. "Why can my heka see something in your eyes it cannot penetrate?" she asked feverishly. "The mad king saw it too. What are you hiding, Arsinoë? Tell me!"
Internally I prayed to my Lord to defend our secret. She will strangle me here in this room if she thinks I have some kind of power to summon the gods. She will think I will use it against her. I said shakily, "Sister, I do not know of what you speak. I am as I have always been. Just Arsinoë."
She stared into my eyes a moment longer before releasing me and stumbling back to her cot, which she sank onto heavily. Sensing her wildness ebbing, I tried to reach her again. "We have heard a rumor in town that Pompey Magnus is coming to our shores to regroup his men after his latest engagement with Gaius Caesar. He was a friend of our father, may he dance in the Field of Reeds, and you have sent his army assistance whenever he asked it of you. Maybe he would favor us."
She turned at my voice and clearly attended to me, looking more like her usual self, so I continued. "He knows how ably you ruled alongside our father, surely you could persuade him that Ptolemy is too young to rule alone and that you have all the enlightenment necessary to guide him. These lesser men we have spoken with cannot see the wisdom in your words, yet surely he will.”
My words worked. My sister asked me calmly, "Do you know where he plans to make landfall?"
"He is not in a position to go to Alexandria. They say he will go to the garrison in Pelusium. But that means our brother will be there shortly as well."
Cleopatra stood up and ran a hand over her tangled hair. "Well, then. We have no time to lose."
I felt a little reassured as she leaned down on the table and began writing quickly, but I could not help noticing her left hand still fingered the edges of the rw.
––––––––
I am sitting between the two massive paws of the great Sphinx with my back against its stone chest. Before me lies Tiperses quietly sleeping under a starless sky. The air is still and sand at my feet rests as heavily as a double-matted carpet.
"The City of Yahweh is a mad place, I find," says the voice of my Lord floating down to me. I clamber to my feet and spy him sitting on the Sphinx's back, leaning against its ponderous head. He glances down at me and I see the flash of a wink. "Do not let his prophets frighten you."
"He has bested you before," I call out wryly.
"True, though there were not many Set-worshippers among his people, so I lost not." He snaps his fingers, and in an instant, I stand before him on the stone beast's back. "The question now is what will your sister do out here in the desert?"
I crouch down at his feet nimbly. "I do not know. She has no one else to go to. We are alone, not even in this desert," I make a motion towards Tiperses, "but rather camped out on Sinai hoping Pompey will swoop in to save us."
"Your sister is weighing her options, such as they are. She is running out of time."
"What should I do, my Lord?"
"You are doing well already, Beloved. You have been keeping your eyes and ears open. Let us see what you have learned. What did you think of the son of the Scipians?"
I make a face. "I am almost glad to not have his help. He is a fool."
"Yes, perhaps it is for the best. His blood is princely, but he is born late and is not worthy of it."
"Many of us share that burden, my Lord."
He grins. "To compare him to you is to speak of a sparrow in the presence of a phoenix. The world forgets sparrows."
I trace a line in the sand gathered on the Sphinx's back with my foot. I am suddenly troubled by the glibness of the desert god. "Maybe it should not."
Lord Set moves his head to a thoughtful position, as if he is trying to see inside of me even more deeply than he already does. This only lasts a moment before he shrugs it off easily. "And you say I speak to you in riddles, nedjet. I will think on what you say. But what did you think of the Edomite?"
"They call themselves Idumaeans now, my Lord."
"Is it so? Well, men hold themselves as equal with the gods these days, so perhaps all shall have many names now. What did you think?"
I ponder my response. "He is most cunning. I should not like him as an enemy."
"Do you think he is cowardly?"
"No. He is not easily rattled."
"So why would someone such as he refuse to aid a powerful neighbor such as your sister, particularly when they share a common patron in the son of the Pompeians?"
I cast my mind over all I had learned so far. "Because he thinks Pompey will lose this war," I answer haltingly. "He cannot waste support on Cleopatra when he has to slowly begin changing sides."
Lord Set nods, pleased. "Very good, nedjet. This is true."
"But he did not trust her or me enough to tell us this."
"Well, it is hardly noteworthy to be a part of a stampede of turncoats," observes my Lord. "The Edomite must show his new loyalty by being the first to smell a change in the wind."
I thought on this. "He is following in Aulus Gabinius' lead. The general accepted Caesar's summons on the condition he and his men did not have to fight Pompey directly."
"Indeed. In war, it is often better if one can avoid definitively taking one side over the other."
"And in politics, my Lord."
His face lights up as if lit by a black flame. "Exactly! And that is the path you must walk in the coming months. Do not bind your ka carelessly to one cause or the other. The way is not a straight one."
"What of the cause of Egypt and its gods?"
"That might be the crookedest path of all, Beloved. That is why I have had to find such a clever princess to travel this labyrinth."
And then I wake up.
We rode out towards Pelusium the next morning. We crossed the desert wrapped up like Bedouin women once more to keep the sun and the sand out of our mouths and eyes. Apollodorus rode out ahead to scout our position, taking one of the precious horses while we sat upon the backs of the more reliable camels.
After a while Mudjet commented vaguely, "I cannot see Apollodorus anymore."
The rest of us craned our necks around, but the Sicilian was nowhere to be seen. We continued on, though his absence clearly troubled my sister. Her head swiveled back and forth under the mantle of fabric shielding her face. I tutted my camel to jog over to hers and reined up at Cleopatra’s side.
"Do you want me to ride ahead to look for him?"
Her eyes flashed at me and I was startled by the naked mistrust I saw in them. She thinks I will ride off. Nevertheless, she called out, "Kharmion! Ride ahead with Arsinoë and see if you spy Apollodorus!" She met my eyes again as she added, "Mudjet stays here with me."
Kharmion nodded, and seeing that I could not argue with her, the two of us chucked the reins of our mounts. The beasts broke into their jolting trot as we headed over the crest of the next dune. At the top, all that greeted us was more desert, so we cantered down the other side.
As we surged forward, I stood up in the saddle to get a better view. At first I still saw nothing, but then suddenly out of the corner of my eye I saw a small group of horsemen moving toward us. They were a distance off yet, but I could tell they did not move like the desert horsemen. And out here, that could only mean they were my brother's troops.
Kharmion saw them at nearly the same moment as I did. "What should we do?" she asked, her voice edged with fear.
"We must get back to my sister. Whip the camels if you need to."
We wheeled the camels back around and urged them into a gallop. I looked over my shoulder at the horsemen and saw that they had noticed our flight. They began to gallop after us, their faster animals gaining ground. My sister and Mudjet came back into view with our train, though by then it was too late for them to flee and we were quickly surrounded by the small force of soldiers.
"Oh ho, my brothers in arms! Look who we've caught here! The Bitch of Egypt herself!" snickered their leader, whose voice was immediately familiar. He removed his helmet and Salvius' puffy features came into view. "The Queen of Sluts and her viper," looking at Kharmion, "and see here, Lucius!" he said turning to his companion. "We've even snared the little sand-blooded princess! Careful, Arsinoë, my sweet. Too much sun for you and your mongrel blood will turn you as dark as any peasant's wife!"
Cleopatra whipped aside the cloth covering her mouth. "Hold your fat tongue, Salvius! You seem to forget that I am still Queen."
He laughed. "Queen of dust, maybe. What are you all doing tramping around in the wasteland in the heat of the day anyway?" He paused and peered at us. My sister who glared back him, but unexpectedly, he brightened. "Well hazarded, my lord!" he said, slapping Lucius Septimus' back. "This one told His Majesty that there was no chance old Pompey's arrival here would not reach your witch ears! Especially since you consider yourself his great patroness. Does he know you've been living in holes in the desert these past months?"
When Cleopatra did not respond, he frowned. "Well, luckily for you, His Majesty said to bring you to the coast alive if we found you. So come, my ladies, we shall be your gallant escorts to the pharaoh!"
We had no choice but to be led to the garrison under the arms of Salvius and his detachment. We rode through the lands we had left months ago, riding out to find allies and finding only disappointment. The bloody-colored garrison on the sea had not changed, though perhaps we had.
"Look, my lady!" whispered Mudjet. I followed her gaze out past the distant beach towards the sea and saw a Roman warship on the horizon.
We were interrupted by the arrival of Ptolemy and his court contingent. My brother wore his shining golden armor proudly as he looked down his nose at our dirt-stained dresses. Theodotus and Achillas stood on either side of him, the latter catching my eye and giving me a wink.
"Dear sisters, it has been too long!" our brother said sarcastically. "Fortunately, my loyal lords found you when they did. The desert can be such a dangerous place..."
"Still playing at soldier, I see, dearest Brother-Husband," replied Cleopatra, her tone as disingenuous as her smile.
Ptolemy's eyes narrowed. "I've won more battles than you as of late. It is such a shame the Syrians and the Jews have proven to be so fickle. Hoping to try your luck with Pompey?"
"Perhaps, why not? You have been no friend of his, why should he help you?"
"Because I am Pharaoh!" our brother exploded. "You are not! Learn your place!"
Cleopatra smiled. "My place is on the falcon throne. One day you will learn your place, little brother."
"We'll see about that!" He motioned to several of his soldiers, who went into the fort and returned with a bound Apollodorus dragged between them. "Cut off his feet and work your way up."
Even my sister turned pale. "Ptolemy!"
Our brother looked up at her, his eyes dancing with malice. "And when you're done, do the same to that one," pointing to Kharmion. "Except start with the breasts."
Two other soldiers grabbed Kharmion, who screamed out to Cleopatra. My sister, whose voice had lost its cool edge, cried out, "No! Ptolemy, please! Take Arsinoë instead!"
All of us turned to her in shock. My mouth went dry as Ptolemy walked over to the flank of Cleopatra's camel. "Even if I said I'd do the same to her?" he asked, his attention rapt and his expression strangely hungry.
"Yes," said my sister quietly, with only the merest beat of hesitation.
I was so stunned I could barely breathe. The warning voice in my head that had called out to me in Jerusalem laughed coldly. Cleopatra's stony words slammed into my heart and a part of it I barely knew I had cracked apart. I stood here in the desert between my brother who would mutilate my body and my sister who did likewise to my spirit, with nowhere to go. My Lord Set spoke to me as if I had a glorious destiny, and yet here I was cast aside by my family as a useless appendage, far away from the only person left of my blood who treated me as if I was worth something. Ptah's bright face swam up out of my memories and nearly reduced me to tears. I clutched my cloak at my throat and shivered as if I was submerged in a lake of ice.
Ptolemy moved his gaze to me. "Well, my same-born sister, at least you know our Cleopatra would trade you for her lapdog without a tear. Shall I press the point with her and find out if she loves her Sicilian more than you, too?"
Theodotus cut in abruptly. "Your Majesty, a small craft approaches."
We all stopped to notice that the warship had anchored itself a dolichos or so out from shore. A small boat was bobbing its way towards us with several men abroad.
Ptolemy moved away from us. "Achillas, we will deal with Rome first."
"Of course, Your Majesty," the captain of the guard said with a bow.
"Salvius! Lucius! With me!" barked my brother. He gestured for his soldiers to come to us. "Get them down off the camels! Make sure the Queen's face is visible!"
We were taken from the camels and marched behind the king's entourage. Cleopatra and I were jostled towards the front as soldiers roughly pulled back our face coverings and tied them behind us. I sensed my sister was trying to meet my eye, but I faced steadfastly forward. When we reached the shoreline, we were pushed into place next to our brother.
"We are a happy family," he snarled at both of us, though especially to Cleopatra. "If you say anything that contradicts that, my men have orders to run you through where you stand."
So there we three stood silently grinding our own teeth and waiting until the boat reached us and the general they called Pompey the Great climbed out to meet us. My mind was still reeling from the dark venom of my siblings, and, terrified that Ptolemy would cut my throat if I fainted, I willed myself to focus on our arriving guest.
The celebrated general reminded me of an old Kushite lion we had for many years in our menagerie. One could tell he had been quite magnificent in his prime, but by the time I was showing him to Ptah, he was half toothless and his coat no longer shone in the sun.
Thus it seemed with Pompey. His jawline was set with modest jowls that gave him a tired appearance. His hair, worn shaggily long for someone of his age, still clung to its efforts to recall Alexander's golden mien as it lay heavy and sheenless against his scalp. I wondered whether at this point such a pathetically youthful styling was merely a vain, petty taunt at his adversary's reported baldness.
Everything about this man smelled of defeat and desperation. He was a great person, true, though he ran to our land with his tail between his legs and a cunning wolf on his heels, making no secret of his destination. Even if either of my siblings were still inclined to help him, he brought a dangerous enemy to our doorstep. Pompous old Juba might be willing to throw Numidia into Caesar's teeth, but why should Egypt suffer a Roman argument? Despite his obvious exhaustion, Pompey labored to hold himself with dignity as he walked ashore and inclined his head to us.
"Greetings to you, Your Majesties! You greatly honor me with your personal presence.” he said with gracious cheerfulness. "King Ptolemy, you must have grown a foot since last I saw you. Queen Cleopatra! Ever does the beauty of your countenance continue to grow!"
"Thank you, General. We are pleased you have reached us safely," said my sister, as she gestured to me. "Allow us to introduce our youngest sister, Arsinoë."
He looked at me, beaming. "Ah, it is good to meet you again, Princess. I remember you as a tiny toddling thing in Rome during your Honored Father's exile. How fitting it is that one given a name meaning 'to lift the mind' should possess the silver eyes of the Lady of Wisdom."
I gave a nod of my head, though fear clamped my mouth shut. I was too afraid of saying the wrong thing.
"We are saddened to learn of your defeat in Pharsalus, sir," said Ptolemy, attempting to redirect the general's attention back to him.
Pompey's shoulders sagged slightly. "A series of lucky accidents for Caesar, Your Majesty. I still have more men at my disposal, I am confident we can regroup." He turned back to Cleopatra. "Your Majesty has always been generous to the cause of the Republic. If you would be willing once more to loan us ships and corn, I am sure we could crush this rebellion."
My sister began to reply, but was cut off by Ptolemy. "You say victory is almost at hand, General, and yet you come with only one warship. Where are your men? Your allies? You bring the fiend Caesar down upon our heads and offer only words. Why should we risk our kingdom to aid you?"
Pompey blanched. "Egypt and I are old friends, Your Majesty. I saved this kingdom from your mad sister so that you might have a birthright! Don't throw away the freedom of Egypt and of Rome!"
"You are a foolish old man and your time is over," replied my brother. He summoned Achillas, Salvius, and Lucius Septimus forward as two other men shoved pikes into Cleopatra’s back and mine. "Anyone with half a wit can see that you are no match for Caesar. We must appease the stronger man." Before Pompey could respond, Salvius and Lucius jammed their swords into the general's chest and Achillas cut off his head. I gave a choked scream and Cleopatra started to step forward, but Theodotus placed a hand on either of our shoulders and held us firm. A few of our soldiers rushed at the boat and killed all the oarsmen but one.
As the general's headless trunk fell to the beach, Achillas kicked the remaining Roman sailor. "Take your comrades back to your ship. Pompey stays with us.”
The man began rowing frantically back out to sea as our brother nudged Pompey's head with his toe. "He really does look stupidly surprised, doesn't he?" Salvius chuckled darkly at my brother's words, though no one else laughed. "It is all right, Theodotus, you can let go of them."
"Well, now that you have killed our only ally, little brother, what will you do now?" asked Cleopatra, readjusting her cloak and brushing some sand from its creases.
"You're usually a better strategist, sister-wife. Isn't it obvious? I've killed Caesar's great enemy! When he shows up here in a few days, I'll be a hero and we will be the very best of friends. The Consul will support my rights and you will have nothing. You are finished. Which is why I, in my munificence, am letting you and your pitiful little entourage go." He signaled to his men, who unbound Apollodorus and released Kharmion. "Go rot in the desert, sister. But if I ever catch you in Alexandria again, I will take you apart piece by piece."
I stepped towards Ptolemy. The violence in his nature made me tremble with dread, but I knew I had a better chance of outwitting him than my clever sister. "Please, brother," I begged. "Let me come home to Ptah. You know I did not choose to leave the palace."
He looked at me, and I became alarmed at the abashed gleam I found in his expression. "Sorry, Arsinoë. I know you didn't leave voluntarily, but I need an alliance with Rome and preferably a Roman wife to cement it. If you return, the people will make me marry you and that gets me nowhere."
"You send me away with her?" I whispered fiercely, moving closer to him, not caring that Cleopatra could still hear us as the bile rose from my stomach. "She said you could torture me! I knew she bore me no great love, but how can I live with them now?!"
"I know. I'm sorry. I can't,” he muttered, shaking his head.
I stared at him in astonishment until finally Mudjet came over and gently led me to my camel. In my fog, I saw the cruel grin Salvius gave me as I was hoisted up into the saddle. The casual indifference of everyone else to all that had just taken place.
I thought of what hideous creatures we were; we, who had been entrusted with the rule of an entire kingdom. What kind universal powers could allow such a brutal thing? Someone rode past to give my camel a smack with the rod, and we departed the fort in no better position than when we entered it, making our way once again into the callous claws of the desert.
––––––––
We rode in silence for a long while until Cleopatra brought her camel alongside mine. Mudjet glared at her from my other shoulder, though she was ignored.
"Do not be like this, Arsinoë."
"Like what? You would have abandoned me to Ptolemy's whims. Am I just supposed to forget what you said?" I snapped at her.
"I had to say something! Do you deny that Apollodorus and Kharmion both are much more useful to me? You are only a little girl, another mouth to feed."
"You are the one who demanded my presence on this little adventure. It is not my fault if you have regrets about it,” I shot back angrily. “I know that neither you nor Ptolemy are overly invested in my well-being, but you are supposed to be the wiser of the pair of you. It would be expected that you would hide your indifference better.”
"And yet you were trying to stay with our brother and his sadists a while ago."
"My choices are limited. At least there is food and water in Alexandria. If I have to die, I would rather not starve in the desert."
"Have a little faith, sister,” she said soothingly. “I promise you we at least will not die in the desert."
I sighed. "Where are we going then?"
"Alexandria, naturally."
"What?! And have Ptolemy flay us after all?"
"Hardly. We will go in secret. I have remained in touch with Origenes, he will shelter us in his house. We shall see how things progress between our dear brother and the illustrious Caesar. And then I will figure out what is to be done."
I wanted to scream at her, hurl curses at her. She, who was so intelligent and literate, could she not see what she had done? We might have been truly sisters for the first time, we might have been friends. If she would have let me in, I could have perhaps changed our course, unfurled my dreams to her, and in the partnership of her heka that flowed like the Nile itself with me as a vessel for the gods to traverse it, we could have made for Egypt a new golden age.
We had quibbled and bickered through our childhood because we were children. Now we were growing up fast in dangerous times. In the midst of the maelstrom we had been given a chance to start over, but she had taken that precious thing and had stomped it into the dirt.
Somehow even then I understood that her words would leave deeper scars than anything Ptolemy might have lashed into me. Baktka had warned me that mine was a path I must ultimately walk alone. Here in these last months I had fought like a drowning man to see if it there was another way. Cleopatra had fulfilled the words of my nurse, there would be no other champion for the gods than the one they held out as their chosen. As foolhardy as I believed that choice to be.
Mudjet and I looked at each other. I could tell she was against whatever Cleopatra was planning, though we had no other option but to go along with her. We would at last return to Alexandria.
Come what may.