| |
I am on the athletic field once more, and Sekhmet sits cross-legged in the turned dirt waiting for me. Her head is held aloft and her eyes are closed, yet she radiates her energy in such a way that she appears as alert as if she was about to pounce on a foe. I settle myself down next to her and await her instruction. The eyes of her lioness hood remain open, staring endlessly towards the horizon.
"Do you know why we are seemingly at rest this night, Ptolemy-daughter?" she asks at length, her eyes remaining closed.
"Tell me, O Sword of Egypt."
"Because combat of arms is only one half of war, Princess," she says. "The other part is knowing your enemy. Do this, and then you can anticipate what he will do. Correct anticipation eliminates unnecessary wastes of resources. What does your enemy have?"
"The greatest living general of men, and a single legion of steady, battle-hardened troops."
"What have you, Ptolemy-daughter?"
"More people with which to fight, but people who are either untested soldiers, or excitable, terrified subjects who are defending their homes and families. And," I make a gesture to myself, "novice commanders."
"You have the Greek. He is no novice."
"Set says he is not to be trusted."
She tilts her head to the side. "Trusted, no. Yet he is still useful to you at this time. Even a chipped blade may still cut."
"My lady takes a more practical view than my Lord."
Sekhmet makes a little purr deep in her throat. "Set thinks he is carved of stone, yet always he has been ruled by his emotions." She looks at me, her fireheart eyes glowing with amusement. "He does not always see clearly when it comes to you. That is why we appointed him your guardian but did not leave you solely to his instruction." Her gravelly laugh saws through the air and she gives a clap of her hands. "Enough of the Lord of the Stinging Tongue's foolishness. Tell me, what weakness can you discover about your northern wolf?"
"My sister said his weaknesses are violence and flesh."
"What say you?"
I hesitate, and the night in the Temple of Isis rushes back upon me unbidden, making my face hot. "I do not think it is that simple."
She nods. "Good. Tell me more."
I think on this. "She called them vices, and they are not the pursuits of a gentleman, though to call them vices brings to mind a man ruled by impulse. Caesar does not strike me as such a man."
"Indeed, Ptolemy-daughter. So what do you think is his true weakness?"
I meet her eye. "He hates to lose. Violence and lust are simply means to an end."
"Bravo, Princess! Now you are thinking as a general!"
I flush again, this time with pleasure at having earned such unguarded praise from the stern goddess. "But how does this help me? He is well-versed in avoiding the thing he hates and I do not know if I have the skill or resources to challenge that."
"You may not, child, but that is besides the point. The point is how he will react given what you know. Now, this man comes to the Two Egypts with control in his ib, and wielding the weapons of violence and lust. Who stands in the way of his desire for control of our realm?"
"The heirs of Ptolemy."
"Yes. How can he use the weapons at his disposal to achieve his aims?"
As if a lamp were lit in a darkened room, I see Caesar's path illuminated. "My sister presents him with an opportunity to use flesh to bring one half of the falcon throne under his control. Caesar is notorious for his affairs, but he rarely uses rapine for pleasure alone. He sleeps with rivals' wives and captive noblewomen because they have information. Lust is easier than rampage, and Cleopatra offers him the path of less resistance."
"So you know what weapon faces those who oppose the pair of them."
I shiver, thinking of the bloody portion left for me. Perhaps my sister had been right to offer up her body when she had the opportunity. Despite these dark thoughts, I continue to roll the goddess’ instruction over in my mind. "You agree that the general is not a man driven by bloodlust,” I say slowly to her.
"This is so,” she agrees.
I bite my lip as I follow the meandering path of this idea. "Then he will not lash out at us unless he is driven to it, because he does not love war for its own sake."
She does not contradict me. "And what will drive him to this pass, child?"
I stop to ponder. "Pride in his own ability. Or my sister's heka, if she can."
"Ah, the heka is unavoidable,” says Sekhmet thoughtfully. “Though do not despair, and focus instead on what you know of your sister. For the heka cannot not change who she is, only bring forth what is already inside. What are your sister's weaknesses?"
"She is quick to anger and it clouds her vision when it takes her,” I admit. “Sometimes, also, her quick mind makes her overconfident."
"Yes, so you must remember this as you go against her."
"Unless Caesar is strong enough to check these faults, which he may be. They are not flaws he shares."
"That makes them well-matched, but it also means they will perhaps be at odds of purpose. Use that to your advantage."
I sigh. "Ptolemy and I are also at cross-purpose often, and we are the weaker pair. Though if Egypt is to remain free, I must stay with him and weather the violence that will come down on our heads for opposing Cleopatra. Unless Caesar secretly harbors a taste for skinny princesses."
Sekhmet gives a shake of her head. "That is not your path, Ptolemy-daughter. It is not for those who wear the mantle of the gods' favor to bend in supplication. We are fashioning you so that others will bow to you, not the reverse."
"I do not feel worthy of that, Lady of the Strong Spear. Yet I will endeavor to be obedient."
For a single instant, her expression softens. "That is all we can ask of you." Then she returns to her lesson. "There is a third person to consider in this train of thought, child. Do you know who it is?"
I think of Ptolemy, Achillas, even Apollodorus. "Who, my lady?"
Her gaze becomes a long needle piercing my chest and revealing my ka to the open air. "What are your weaknesses, little princess?"
I should be afraid, though in truth I am not. The gods see all, they already know the feebleness of their servant. Nothing I could say would shock the bloody goddess because confession is not what she is seeking. She is asking me to look inward and show her that I understand the knotted threads of my own ba that will attempt to ensnare me as I labor in this fight. Part of me is very nearly relieved; this is a test I can do much more easily than swinging a sword or tacking a sail. I have precious few illusions about my own worth.
"That is simple, my lady," I answer promptly. "I think over-long about everything except in the governance of my tongue, and I am stubborn when I should be sweet. My confidence is only as wide as spider's silk, yet somehow I have enough arrogance to be defiant to all when it suits my fancy. I have more weaknesses than my opponents combined, yet I believe myself to know better than they."
Sekhmet lifts my chin like a firm mother who loves her children as fiercely as she corrects them. "Self-knowledge is an uncertain gift from the gods, child. It brings great strength, though often only through great pain. However, to know one's self is a more potent weapon than all of the machines of war and all of the intelligence that can be gathered about an enemy. When all else abandons you, look inside your heart to find your way."
And then I wake up.
––––––––
I was perched on the skeleton of an unfinished railing aboard one of my new trihemiolia, drawing my knees up to my chest, conversing with Dejen as he worked a plane along the wood’s edge and directed the shipwrights raising planks to form the hull.
“Ah, now this pleases me, Queen of Queens,” Dejen said. “Prokopios bought me to pull loads like an ox, but my father’s family have ever been craftsmen. I have been whittling at this and that since I was deemed trustworthy enough to hold a knife.”
I reached over to run a hand over the smoothed wood, rubbing away the fine coat of sawdust. “I have not much experience with skills of the hands.” I giggled at myself. “Mudjet barely trusts me to help her wind wool.”
He studied me playfully. “Ah, well, that might make you an unfortunate housewife, my Iron Queen, though the old gods seem to have intended you for more than weaving and sweeping.”
“You have not seen my handiwork, sir. We shall have to hope they have done so, otherwise I shall be twice-cursed,” I answered with a grin.
We were then interrupted by the approach of Ganymedes and a small contingent of native soldiers. Dejen helped me down from the railing and I ran over to meet them.
“Nedjet, Achillas and the Gabiniani are making their move on Pharos,” Ganymedes called out, his voice full of concern.
“Why was I not informed?” I asked, regretting the foolish words the moment they left my lips. “Has he at least had the sense to take the native troops of the Lost Lords with him?”
“Yes, but the lords themselves have been left behind as well. I prevented them from coming with me because I wished them to take care of any civilians who are caught in the middle. They are livid at the insult to Your Majesty's command.”
I held the back of my neck distractedly. “That is our problem. My command is so fractured I cannot even be sure that Achillas necessarily should have told me of this. He will say that it had my brother’s blessing and that is enough.” I paused, glancing about. “Teacher, have you seen Tahu?”
“I have not since this morning. I know he is on your business, but I have no other information.”
“Does my Queen wish me to find her Memphisian?” the deep voice of Dejen came from behind me.
I shook my head. “No, no. It is simply that I feel as though the general noticed his absence and used the opportunity to make this attack. Achillas must know that Tahu keeps me informed of everything that happens in the camp and in the city.”
“I am sure he will return when he hears of all of this. We should find high ground from which Your Highness can watch the proceedings,” said my teacher.
I agreed and all of us departed at once to a nearby roof to watch Achillas’ grand strategy unfold. Like many of our previous skirmishes, it was not a battle full of grand military art — only the grinding, grunting give and take of two armies trying to gain the upper hand in a relatively confined space, neither making much progress. Each side would grasp a few more feet of ground, then the other would agonizingly claw it back. The monotony had a hypnotic effect on those of us who were only spectators and it was only when I felt Quintus appear next to me and drape a swath of linen over my head and around my shoulders that I realized that I was almost entirely drenched in sweat from the afternoon heat.
“Thank you,” I said. “How does it look below?”
“About the same,” he answered. “I think this will end up being another stalemate. We were the only people caught unawares by this attack, I’m afraid. You will have to forgive your loyal servants for not preventing these events, Your Majesty.”
“It cannot be helped now. We shall have to do better in the future.”
Quintus proved right. As night descended, my army had taken a small chunk of the enemy’s position on the island, but it had not been the decisive push my general had wanted. So it was with decidedly less pomp than he had bargained for that Achillas met us on the roof, looking dirty and exhausted.
He held up his hands defensively. “I know what you would say, Ganymedes, but I needed the element of surprise to challenge the legion.”
My teacher was not impressed. “Nothing involving engagements should be kept secret from Her Majesty. What if she had been with the troops on Pharos and had been caught in the crossfire?”
Achillas’ conciliatory attitude evaporated. “It is patently unfair for you to suggest I would not have secured the safety of the princess before beginning the attack.” He appealed to me directly. “My lady cannot believe I would do such a thing.”
“Before today, I would have agreed, sir, though I cannot overlook the fact that the number of secrets you and my brother are keeping from me continues to grow. I do not know what to believe.”
He tamped down his anger and tried to be placating. “My lady must not listen to my detractors,” he said, glaring at Ganymedes. “They love you very much, but they forget that others care for you as well. All the Pharaoh and I do is for your protection. You have become the palace’s symbol to the people, we would not let any harm come to you.”
It would do no good to argue with him, yet as usual I could not control my tongue in favor of being queenly. “I do not need protection, that I have plenty of!” I snapped. “What I need is to be treated as a true partner in an endeavor that I have worked just as diligently in as you or Ptolemy!”
“Of course, Your Highness. You have done everything we have asked of you and more. But you are only a young woman, we simply wish to lighten your load...”
I cut him off, furious. “Our opponent is a young woman! I know we talk day and night of Caesar, yet do not think for a minute that Cleopatra is not in charge here! She... she has weapons you cannot even fathom!”
I did not wait for the general’s reply, but instead stormed off to my tents. Mudjet rose as I entered, though I waved her off angrily and threw myself down on my couch.
My companion ignored me and came over to stand at my side. “What can I do for you, my lady?”
I held my head as I shook it. “I do not know. Nothing. I do not see how I can continue to lock horns with Achillas over everything. I cannot lead my own head without his interference. I am fighting with shadows.”
She began to reply when a voice from outside the tent flap interrupted her. “My Pharoah, may I enter?”
“Tua netjer, I have been worried about you, Tahu. Of course.” He came inside and I motioned him forward. "What news have you?"
My burly Egyptian lieutenant came to my feet and knelt down, resisting my attempts to raise him. Then I knew what he had to say was serious. “I beg my Pharoah’s pardon for failing to know of the attack against Pharos in advance. It will not happen again.”
“You cannot be everywhere, do not be troubled. I know you devote the last of your strength to me.”
He grimaced. “The Leopard had sent a message to me to warn me of it, but I was away and did not receive the information until it was too late.”
“It does not matter. The attack was not entirely unsuccessful and we had few losses. My involvement or lack thereof was likely immaterial.”
Tahu’s face lit up with uncharacteristic anger. “No! The information I have for my lady proves that if Your Majesty allows this repeated disrespect from her officers, she will be lost!”
“What have you heard?” I asked, trying to keep my voice even.
"I have done as my Pharaoh asked of me. I have found out the plots of Achillas and your lord brother."
I blanched at his tone. "What are their intentions?"
"Lord Ptolemy has no intention of escaping the palace to join our forces. The general and he are in agreement that he should await events rather than running to the defense of his own people," Tahu said, unable to hide the disgust in his voice.
I sighed. "This is not shocking. I had hoped that circumstances would raise my brother's character, but he has always been lazy. If he does not have to lift a finger, he will not do so. I suspect our chances are improved without him here with us anyway; I will trust my own instincts over his help."
"That is not the whole of it, my lady. Your lord brother harbors this complacency because Achillas is tasked with providing a ransom to Caesar for the young king's release. They expect Lord Ptolemy to be able to walk out of the palace unmolested rather than bear the indignity of flight."
My cheeks colored at the memory of my own bedraggled escape from the palace. Naturally Ptolemy would demand the smoother path as always. I quickly set aside these thoughts, though, when I realized I would have larger problems on my hands than embarrassment if my brother was given attendant authority over our forces.
"What is the amount of ransom with which the general seeks to tempt Caesar with?" I asked, trying to calculate how we could match a sum to block their offer.
Tahu looked at me gravely. "It is no sum of coin, my Pharaoh. It is you."
I heard Mudjet let out a gasp at my side as ice froze around my heart. "I do not understand," I said dumbly. "Even if they wish to be rid of me, which would not be the most absurd of ideas, why would they expect Caesar to accept such an exchange? He is still Pharaoh and to them I am only a princess. What use would I be to him?"
"You are modest as usual, my lady. You are the face of our army, only you could have rallied so many different factions together into a coherent rebellion. Even if the Consul is foolish enough to believe you are only the figurehead of our struggle, he might see it as a prudent trade to demoralize our men and give them an untested boy in return."
I swallowed thickly against my dry throat. "Has their offer been met positively?"
He shook his head. "Achillas dares not raise the issue to the enemy without ensuring that he has enough support for this plan in our own camp. Otherwise, he risks a mutiny. He has hinted here and there amongst the Greeks and the Gabiniani, but no one of consequence has been receptive whilst we are holding our own against the legion. The Gabiniani in particular are not impressed with Lord Ptolemy's leadership since they placed their allegiance behind him in opposition to your sister."
I breathed out weakly. "Well, I suppose we must be grateful Achillas has been unsuccessful as of yet. Though this places his actions of today in a darker light. I will be on my guard. Thank you for this, Tahu."
He placed a hand over his heart. "I live to protect you, my lady. As do many. The general will not find his task an easy one."
He took his leave and I sunk into my own thoughts once more, twisting my mother's bracelet around my wrist.
"What are you thinking of, my lady? asked Mudjet after a time.
"Oh, of how worthy of Hephaestus my snares are. To protect myself, I must of course continue to lead the army in such a way that they will hold to my cause despite Achillas' designs to surrender me to our enemies.” I grimaced, then continued. “But such excellent generalship will only make that enemy more enticed by Achillas' offer should he manage to convey it to them."