I have acceptance issues. I’ve been told a lot of negative things about who I am and subconsciously believed them. This is making it hard to conceptualize the fact that God almighty loves me unconditionally apart from my works, no charge. I do not know one single soul I can compare that love to. It’s unreal. The majority of relationships I’ve been in are conditional. Meaning the acceptance and love that I so desperately crave and desire was only given if … if I agreed, if I dressed, if I spent, if I conformed, if I was pretty…. I’ve been a puppet. A people pleaser, a manipulator, and it was all my choice. Key not you know? I guess I just didn’t know any better. I guess I didn’t believe I was worth any better, I believed the ones worthy of love were the pretty, the popular, the stylish in season—you know, the cool kids. It’s funny looking back after realizing that it’s actually the opposite that’s true. Anyway, I’m struggling with revealing my true self. I’m not often accepted or valued, or understood. I can rest though in the fact that God loves and accepts me. He thinks I’m pretty cool, worthy, acceptable. I wouldn’t know that if I wasn’t afflicted. If I wasn’t alone, made to stand alone, isolated. Jesus is in the outskirts waiting for the benchwarmers, the outcasts, the misunderstood. We are His elite, a part of His secret society, a royal priesthood, and ambassadors. Thank you, Jesus, for the affliction. You are perfecting me.
It is love and we all deserve and are worthy of that. It’s unconditional, pure, strong, and life changing when it comes from God. When it is pure and true.