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I NOW COME TO THE FINAL part of the EXJW puzzle, “What do I replace my former Jehovah’s Witness beliefs with?
In many ways this is both the most interesting question for me and the one I feel least able to answer. For sure I have my own thoughts and opinions about the subject but I’m also very sure that what you choose to do about it is none of my business. Never again do I want to try to tell another person what they should think about an issue. Well, that’s not quite true. Never again do I want to pretend to have the only answers to the questions you ask.
I did that already and after years of reading the Watchtower and Awake, studying endless bound volumes and books I learned nothing of note. After reading and re-reading the same prophecies in the book of Revelation and endlessly writing “New Light” into the margins of books I now learn that most of what I was taught since childhood as “Jehovah’s Unchangeable Truth” has now changed! In fact if I ever was foolish enough to go back to the Kingdom Hall but refused to renounce my heretical beliefs, I would be marked as an Apostate and shown the door anyway!
I do NOT advocate running out to find a new religion. One EXJW I listened to recently described the process of leaving the Jehovah’s Witnesses as like a woman leaving an abusive husband. You don’t call her up the day she leaves him and tell her “Come round to my house, I’ve got a guy I want you to meet!” No, you let her take time for herself and in the future she might want to date again but right now it’s not a priority. That’s how anyone leaving a cult should think, “Right now I’m taking time for me and those I love, maybe later I’ll go find God”.
Years of life outside the JW’s has taught me that any question has a multitude of answers, many of them are really bad answers to be sure but you still need to hear some of them before you can make up your mind. So instead of telling you WHAT to believe I hope you’ll allow me a little leeway to tell HOW to learn instead. If you stick around for a few more pages I hope to show why it’s important that you spend a little time at least trying to replace the JW philosophy with one that is better and more worthwhile. Some of what follows is taken from my much larger and hopefully funnier book “The Great Apostate”. I copied it to save time and because some of what I’m talking about covers the same subject matter.
What do you do after a lifetime spent inside a controlling and all encompassing cult? What will you believe? Where will you go? Which church will you attend? Will you get involved in the world around you? What about politics? These and many other questions have been asked by me and a lot of other people, some have even asked me!
Anyone who has spent their lives being told what to think and say about almost every subject will feel more than a little confused when the first step outside into the world and realise that not only was what they believed for so long totally wrong but that there isn’t another system that they can jump into right away. Well there are systems waiting to accept former cult members, they’re called cults and it’s not unusual to see an ex Jehovah’s Witness leave and become a Mormon, or a Mormon leave their church and join the Jehovah’s Witnesses! If you have never been taught to think for yourself the prospect of being forced to do so late in life can seem impossible, better to let someone else think for you.
I want to be careful at this point to warn the reader that they not take my words as doctrine either. I am in many ways a very disappointing Messiah so I don’t advise anyone follow me to closely! Instead of following me, or anyone else I think it’s possible, admirable even, to take certain ideas and use them to follow your own path. In a sense we are all living in a kingdom of the blind but with some thought and effort on our part we can equip ourselves with a stick and maybe even recover a little vision too! So If you will bare with me for a few minutes and let me tell you what I think about this most important of subjects.
The ex cult member is often left seeking something for the rest of their lives, you might call it truth or a purpose but when I left I wanted to find the “Real truth”. I thought I’d found it through deep study of the Bible and came to the decision that it could be summed in the words “Sola Scriptura” or “By the Bible alone”. I reasoned that all the faults I had seen so far in my life were due to an incorrect understanding and interpretation of the Bible and like the Christians of old I could simply rely solely and completely on the words written inside the Holy Scriptures.
I’d love for this to be true but I discovered that, as much as I wanted the Bible to be my lodestone in life it was often lacking when I needed it. Like anyone else who studied the Bible I was left with doubts when reading about events I doubted, histories that disgusted me and teachings I felt were at best, just OK. The problem with Sola Scriptura is that the Bible alone has some terrible stuff in it and I don’t feel inclined to support it’s message entirely.
Was it alright when Jehovah made poisonous snakes enter the camp of the wandering Israelites in order to bite them all because they bitched about the boring diet? What about getting them to make a giant copper serpent to get better? and isn’t that exactly what he killed them for in the past, making a graven image? My kids bitch about eating pasta all the time and I have never send a poisonousness snake to kill them,,,,, just regular snakes!
Do I really need to praise God because he ordered a bear to kill a gang of brats who called the prophet Elisha a “Bald head”? Sure, as a bald man I feel a certain brotherly sympathy for Elisha and I too have tasted the salty stigma and shame of hearing kids make fun of my shiny head but I‘m not certain watching my children being torn limb from limb and then devoured by a grizzly would make me happy, call me crazy but I’m a people person!
I remember reading the story of Job as a child and learning the message in it, something about not being cheeky to god even if he kills your family. Even though I was very young a remember feeling pretty pissed off on behalf of Job’s family! Sure it’s not great to get boils but I think the real victims in this twisted morality play are his kids and I’m not at all certain that letting a house fall on them was the best way to test Job’s character.
For as long as men and women could think they have asked the same questions, “Why are we hear?” “How did we get here?” “What’s the meaning of life?” There are lots more but let’s just stick with these ones today, you can try answer the rest tomorrow. As I said earlier, the problem many people face is that asking hard questions is hard! It’s far easier listen to others ask those questions rhetorically and then listen to their answers. People have missed the fact that that this solution to life’s problems has directly led to Nazi Germany, Communist Russia, Maoist China and hundreds of inspiring posters like “Keep Calm and Carry On” or the one with the kitten balancing on a rope with the words “Hang In There Baby” above it. Basically taking other peoples advice is not always a great idea, so what do you do?
Wisdom is the application of knowledge learned through our own suffering and mistakes. You’re going to make mistakes and suffer anyway so the least you can do is get a little wisdom out of the experience! The greatest lovers of wisdom in history were the ancient Greeks, they loved wisdom so much they invented a whole new way of thinking and called it “Philosophy” which means love of wisdom and that is what I want to tell you about today.
Everyone has heard the word philosophy, the extent they know about the subject might be limited to quasi intellectual questions about trees falling down in empty forests and what sound they make and if that’s your limit I understand. Philosophy isn’t taught much at all and when it is it’s often made to be dull and wordy but in reality Philosophy is simply a system that allows it’s users to make decisions about their lives based on clear principles. It gives them tools to hear others impartially and judge accurately if what they said was truth or nonsense. It allows parents to teach their kids useful truths without filtering them through stories where bears eat kids or they get bitten to death by snakes for complaining about lacklustre menu options. Finally It gives you the chance to build a workable replacement for the faulty system that ex-cult members once followed. If philosophy accomplished just one of the things I’ve mentioned it would be reason enough to learn more, if it manages to achieves all four it’’d be a miracle!
Don’t be put off by the word philosophy, we all lived by a philosophy once it was just a really bad one. One of the core principles in my former philosophy was “Don’t bring disrepute on Jehovah’s name”. That was wheeled out by Jehovah’s Witness leadership whenever you were cheated or robbed, or a child was raped to stop the victim or their parents from going to the police. Jehovah’s Witnesses would be made to look bad if the public knew that members were just as evil and dishonest if not more so than the rest of society and so you’d best keep your mouth shut. Wouldn’t it be nice if the philosophy you followed wasn’t a cause for guilt and self loathing? This will by no means be a thorough discussion of philosophy but I would like to tell you about a few of the things I have come to love and that I try to teach my own kids.
1 Think for yourself but first learn how to think.
I was once fooled so completely and totally that I thought that I was part of God’s elect on earth and that one day soon I’d be saved while billions of others would die, that sounds pretty silly in hindsight and would have seemed silly then if I had just thought for myself. Thinking for yourself is great but it won’t help if you don’t know how to think in the first place.
Use your gut, if something feels wrong it probably is. If the idea of god killing seven billion people but leaving the paedophile in your church alive sounds wrong that’s because it is wrong.
Learn Critical thinking skills. Don’t base your views on assumptions and challenge ones you have. If you aren’t allowed to read books critical of the church you belong to it’s probably because your church gave up trying to refute those criticisms a long time ago.
Go where the truth leads you and don’t be put off. Though be pragmatic, you have spent enough time being a martyr for “The Truth”, maybe you should take it easy for a while.
Read and learn from others who have seen more and know more than you do. Take their wisdom and try to make it your own, you’ll fail more often than you succeed but it’s worth the effort.
2 Be unwavering in standing up for truth
It’s easy to go back on what you know to be true once you get pressed to by others, try not to. You don’t need to die fighting for what you believe but I think we lose a little piece of what makes us decent people whenever we back away from what’s true. When Galileo was dragged before the Pope to apologise for saying that the earth revolved around the sun he’s rumoured to have whispered on his knees “Yet it moves”, sometimes all we can do is whisper “Yet it moves” and sometimes that’s enough.
3 Understand how you were fooled and don’t let it happen again
Once you understand how dishonest people win arguments you’ll become a much harder target in life, so learn the tricks they use to win arguments for starters!
Appeal to Authority - These fallacies occur when someone accepts a truth on blind faith just because someone they admire said it.
“You want to question the Governing Body? “What have you ever done?” “They are The Faithful and Discreet Slave!”.
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APPEAL TO IGNORANCE - These fallacies occur when someone asserts a claim that must be accepted because no one else can prove otherwise.
People have been praying to God for years. No one can prove He doesn't exist. Therefore, He exists.
Since the students have no questions concerning the topics discussed in class, the students are ready for a test.
Appeal to Pity - These fallacies occur when someone seeks to gain acceptance by pointing out an unfortunate consequence that befalls them.
Don’t leave the Jehovah’s Witnesses. It would crush your mother.
Begging the Question - Also called Circular Reasoning. This type of fallacy occurs when the conclusion of an argument is assumed in the phrasing of the question itself.
If God didn’t make the earth, who did?
The leadership of the Jehovah’s Witnesses is the Faithful and Discreet Slave spoken of in the Bible because we say so and you should believe that because we are the Faithful and Discreet Slave spoken of in the Bible.
False Dilemma - These fallacies occur when someone is only given two choices for possible alternatives when more than two exist.
You’re either with us or against us, there’s no in-between.
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RED HERRING - These fallacies occur when someone uses irrelevant information to distract from the argument.
“They Left the Jehovah’s Witnesses and now they’re celebrating Christmas!”
when discussing people who sincerely disagree with their former cults teachings.
Slippery Slope - These fallacies occur when someone assumes a very small action will lead to extreme outcomes.
If we celebrated birthdays pretty soon we’d be worshipping Satan!
Straw Man Fallacy - These fallacies occur when someone appears to be refuting the original point made, but is actually arguing a point that wasn't initially made.
“Our founder Charles Taze Russell never said he was a prophet” when denying accusations that he claimed to be so. That’s true, he allowed it to be printed in his own magazine and allowed members to call him a prophet, but he never said so himself.
Sweeping Generalizations- These fallacies occur when a very broad application is applied to a single premise.
Watchtower 1995 Mar 15 p.1
"The majority of people have no interest in God and his purposes."
Ad Hominem (Attacking the Person)- These fallacies occur when an acceptance or rejection of a concept is rejected based on its source, not its merit.
Watchtower 2011 July 15
“Apostates are 'mentally diseased', and they seek to infect others with their disloyal teachings."
Band Wagon - These fallacies occur when a proposition is claimed to be true or good solely because many people believe it to be so.
Everyone at The Kingdom Hall Is getting baptized and so should you
Everyone else believes what was in the latest magazine why are you so special?
Post Hoc, Ergo Propter Hoc - These fallacies occur when it is assumed that, because one thing happened after another, it must have occurred as a result of it.
Jehovah's Witnesses believe the Last Days commenced in 1914, supposedly evidenced by dramatic increases in sickness, famine, war, earthquakes and crime.
4 Learn to argue without emotion
This one is my favourite! When we argue our views it’s very easy to get emotional and act as if the person disagreeing with our thoughts is attacking us. This is a mistake and serves to bind us to bad ideas because we have mistaken those ideas for ourselves. You are not what you believe, often what you think today will be wrong tomorrow, and possibly right again next year.
I get my kids to practice this by getting them to have various arguments with me about things they have really strong feelings about, chocolate for dinner for example! I then ask them to argue the point from the position against chocolate for dinner, they hated it at first but now enjoy thinking of reasons that their position may be right and as former cult members we were taught to accept what we were told and never argue or ponder over what we heard. Learn to discuss any subject with good grace and without turning red when you get challenged.
5 Seek the most good
If in doubt about your actions, seek the most good to the most people. You might be wrong about any number of things but by seeking the most good to those around you it will allow you to quickly handle tough problems without wringing your hands or dithering.
6 Keep an open mind
You are just one person. You are at best an expert in only one or two things and you are unlikely to be that much smarter than anyone else you meet so keep an open mind when forming new opinions. Accept that if the facts change you’ll change with them. Understand that you are prone to biases and petty dislikes and being wrong isn’t a crime, though being stubborn should be!
7 Accept your own limitations
Sad that you can’t fix the world? Disappointed that you don’t have all the answers? YOU ARE NOT ALONE! We all need to accept our limitations and admit that we will very likely only affect a tiny change in our lives. Kids who join the Army will often say they want to serve a higher purpose and religious people will say the same thing. We need to get used to the fact that it’s hard to do that and even if you succeed you might be wrong. I am just a single man. I am, in many ways a huge disappointment to myself and I constantly worry about how I am seen or how my actions effect others, so this message is mostly to myself. One man (or woman) can make a difference but it’s really hard and we need to realistic about what we can achieve and not hold ourselves to impossible standards like we used to do.
You’ll notice that nothing I just wrote told you what to think or who to follow, that’s your job and I have met ex cult members who went on to become evangelical Christians, Muslims or aggressive Atheists. I have talked with ex Jehovah’s Witnesses who have become Communists and Fascists and everything in between. If you do feel you’ve met someone with answers please make sure they aren’t trying to tap directly into your wallet before offering those answers up!
An insult often thrown at ex-Jehovah’s Witnesses by angry current members is that we are divided, that we fight amongst each other, that the only thing we all agree on is that only we are right but this argument is only partly correct. Sure there are lots of ex-Jehovah’s Witnesses I know and disagree with, lots more I know and love but whether we do or do not agree on theology, ethics, politics or our various styles of activism we do share one thing and that Is that we are FREE TO MAKE OUR OWN MINDS UP.
We can each read and make our own decisions based on what we feel is best for ourselves, our families and society as a whole. We may be wrong, we may right but we came to our opinions freely and fairly and we didn’t get fake truth, served hot and steaming from the bowels of a fake religion, served up by fake friends who will throw us away like trash if we dare think for ourselves and that seems a fair bargain.
Learning some basic philosophy will help you come to conclusions that can be trusted to stand the test of time, they will give you courage and hope to walk away from false religion, or all religion if you want to and it will take away the constant fear many ex cult members have every day “What if they’re right?” If they are right (they aren’t don’t worry) you can answer that doubt with this reply,
”I am not perfect and have made many mistakes but I am an honest person and honestly tried to understand what I was taught to be true. It did not satisfy me or millions of others like me and I can’t be a part of something I don’t believe to be true. I will seek to learn more every day and make good choices using the truths I do believe in. If I’m wrong I was wrong in good faith. If there is a day of judgement I hope and trust I will judged as fairly I judge others and my faults forgiven as I am only human”.
If you are escaping a cult or are just out of one. If you got out years ago I wish you happiness and success. I hope you can get past your past and go on to live a wonderful life free in the knowledge that you are better than the cult you left behind and though the leaving may cause you to hurt more than you thought possible It is worth it all, if you keep trying to make it so. If you can’t get out of your cult now because your family is still a part of it please remember that sometimes just whispering “Yet it moves” is all we can do, every one of us now free once did just that because we could do nothing more. What you choose to be is your choice, your freedom, whatever choice you make I hope it is one that makes you happy and I look forward to hearing what you do with your freedom!