The next morning, Jo stood in her bedroom, checking her packing for the fourth time. This time there would be no farewell party at the station. There was no possibility that Shaun or Sheila would come to see her off—which funnily enough, just felt more honest than last time, not more sad—and she’d told her parents she’d be able to get the bus to the station because there was so much less to carry. They didn’t offer to give her a lift. All part of them allowing her to be a grown-up, she assumed. She stared thoughtfully at her rucksack as if it might be able to add something useful to the conversation in her head. Instead she found herself remembering the last time she was packing, with the help of Josh, and thinking how different her life was then.
“All packed?” came her mother’s voice.
“Think so,” she said quietly.
Jo turned as she heard her father appear behind her mother. They looked nice together like that, framed in her doorway. She looked at them.
“I love you both, you know.”
Surprised, touched, but most of all embarrassed, her parents left her in peace. Jo smiled in some wonder. All these years, and the morning she leaves home she finally works out how to do it.
The journey to London was hugely frustrating. She hadn’t remembered it taking this long. She sat in the train urging it to move faster, although she wasn’t quite sure why. Every time she thought of the Fitzgeralds her stomach twisted. She tried to imagine how Josh had reacted when he’d discovered she was coming back. She tried to recall exactly what she’d said to him in the heat of the moment yesterday, but found it impossible to bring back the precise words. She started to consider the possibility that she might find it hard to be in his presence. When he was nice it was wonderful, but when he was the other Josh she found it painful just to be near him. Then she gave herself a stern telling-off. This was her dream come true, the job of a lifetime, and she wasn’t going to let him spoil it for her. She would just have to cope with Josh Fitzgerald living in the room next door. It was only short-term, after all.
She had to wait four minutes for the High Barnet tube train, and she paced the platform impatiently. When the train arrived, she jumped on it and paced again. When she got out at Highgate Station, she found she was breaking into a grin as she walked along Southwood Lane, admiring the urban yet cosy houses. As she turned down the High Street her mind flipped briefly to Shaun and Sheila, and she waited for the pang. While waiting, she popped in at Costa Coffee and got herself an espresso. By the time she hit Ascot Drive she was practically running, and she rang the doorbell three times. At the familiar sound of stampeding buffalo, she started hopping from foot to foot.
The door opened wide, and there was Dick, surrounded by the children. Even the cats had come to see what all the fuss was about.
“Hello!” he shouted.
“It’s Jo!” yelled Zak. “Mummy! Lula won’t give me back my—It’s Jo!”
Tallulah raced up to her and gave her legs a big hug, her face nestling into her thighs.
Cassandra stood in the hall, leaning against the banister, a smile lighting up her face.
“I’m growing my hair to be like yours,” she said, stepping forward slightly.
“Gimme a hug, gorgeous,” said Jo. Cassie obeyed. Tallulah giggled, and they all squeezed tighter.
Zak took hold of Jo’s hand. “I’ve got a new dinosaur,” he announced, overjoyed that there was someone new to tell. “It’s got green eyes and roars and moves its head like the real thing. Dinosaurs are extinct, I like your top.”
“How’s your mummy?” asked Tallulah, letting go of Jo’s legs.
“Much better, thank you, sweetheart,” said Jo.
Vanessa came into the hall. Jo braced herself and looked up. No Josh.
“Stop hassling the poor girl,” Vanessa instructed the children. “Jo, welcome back. Please come in. Let me take your coat. Your room is all ready for you. Come and have tea. There’s a surprise.”
“We’ve got a cake!” exploded Tallulah.
“Well, there goes the surprise.” Vanessa laughed.
They all followed Jo into the kitchen. No Josh.
“Go and put your stuff away, freshen up if you want, Josh is out,” called out Vanessa as she set the table.
Jo walked into her room feeling excited and disappointed at the same time. The room was smaller than she remembered. She glanced over to the door separating her room from Josh’s. So, she thought. He’s out. She didn’t know if she was relieved or insulted. All she did know was that she’d spent the entire journey being psyched up to seeing him, and her body was full of nervous energy with nowhere to go but her nerve endings. Mr. Bojangles had nothing on her. Then she heard the front door bang shut, and her nervous energy found its direction with impressive alacrity. She nipped into the bathroom.
Once inside it, she looked at herself in the mirror, tutted, and walked out again. As she did so, Josh walked into her bedroom. She stopped still. He stopped still. The room stopped still.
“I—” she explained.
“Don’t mind me,” he said, walking through to his room. “I’ll be out of your hair in a sec, just forgot something.” When he came back she hadn’t moved.
“Well, I came back,” she said, as he reached her door. “In the end.”
He stopped and raised his eyebrows. “Mm?”
“I just…I hope it won’t be difficult. For us—for you. I mean—”
“Difficult?” he laughed. “Why on earth should it be difficult?”
“Well, we…you know. I said things—”
He shrugged.
“And so did you,” she said.
Another shrug. “So? No big deal. I’d forgotten all about it.”
“Oh! Great! So, me being here isn’t a problem for you?”
He smiled pityingly at her. “Get over yourself.” He shook his head.
Jo gave a tight smile. “I didn’t think I was under myself.”
Josh fixed her with an intense gaze. “Listen,” he instructed. She listened. “They wanted you back, you came back. Great. It’s got sod all to do with me. I couldn’t care less what you do.”
She watched him turn and go, her teeth gritting hard. “Tosser,” she muttered halfheartedly—which made her feel a bit better—then joined the tea party.
Within an hour of arriving, Jo felt completely at home. Vanessa and Dick were bickering amid the sexual tension, the kids were rowing, the cats were unnerving her, and Josh was a dark, oppressive force invading her life. Home sweet home.
Monday midmorning, and Vanessa’s hand hovered over the phone. After a moment, she changed her mind and phoned Tom.
He answered after only fifty rings.
“Tom? Vanessa.”
“Vanessa! What a delightful surprise! I take it you’ve seen the rough edit?”
“I have, Tom.”
“She has, Tom. Oh yes she has, in that tough yet womanly voice.”
“Would you like to know what I think of it?”
“I would like nothing more, Vanessa. My life so far has been a prelude to this moment.”
“It looks rougher than a badger’s arse, Tom.”
There was a long silence.
“Ah,” said Tom eventually. “Don’t tell me. In the post-post-pre-preproduction meeting they said specifically that they didn’t want the badger’s arse look, because of the award-winning Badger’s Arse ad.”
Vanessa raised her eyes to heaven. “Something like that, yes, Tom.”
“Between you and me, Vanessa, that ‘badger’s arse’ look is a complete fucker to create.”
“Well, you managed it.”
“Why, thank you. Credit where credit’s due. Was there anything else?”
“Yes, Tom, I’d like to have a quick word with Anthony.”
“I bet you would. I’ll just put you through.”
Vanessa waited, staring at her desk.
“You’re a tough woman,” came Anthony’s soft voice, “but I like it.”
“Yeah, sorry about that.”
“Not a good rough edit, I take it?”
“Not if any of us want a decent bonus this year,” she said.
“Shit. We’ll get on it. Perhaps we should meet up.”
“Mm.”
“In a cupboard somewhere.”
“I thought perhaps this evening. In Nachos.”
“Oh! Great.”
“Shall we say seven?”
“Seven it is.”
Vanessa put the phone down and counted the hours to the end of her time as a scarlet woman. Only seven to go.
At three minutes past seven, Vanessa watched Anthony make his way toward her through the crowded bar.
“I know what you’re going to say,” he whispered in her ear as soon as he reached her side.
“Do you?” she asked.
“Yes. And it’s not a Silly-Nibble in my pocket, I’m just pleased to see you.”
Vanessa turned away.
“I’m just ordering,” she said. “What would you like?”
“I’ll have a Vanessa Fitzgerald please. On the rocks.”
She had to physically move him away with her hand.
“Anthony.” Something in her voice caught him short. He waited. “This is really difficult for me to say.”
Anthony’s features altered fractionally.
“Why? Is it in Greek?” he asked.
Vanessa gave him a look. After a pause, he started nodding and looked down. While he looked like he was resisting the urge to put his fingers in his ears, shut his eyes, and start whistling, Vanessa explained it as it was.
“It’s all for the best,” she concluded.
He nodded again.
“Come on,” she said. “It was a one-off. It was hardly serious.”
Another nod.
“We only did some heavy petting,” she pressed the point. “Please don’t make me feel like I’m finishing an affair.”
Anthony looked round the bar. “We only did heavy petting because I’m a gentleman, and we’d only just started.”
Vanessa shook her head. “No,” she said. “I’m a happily married woman. I’ve got three children. I love my husband.”
Anthony snorted. “You weren’t thinking of them in the Silly Nibble cupboard, were you?”
“Actually I was,” said Vanessa. “It was more about anger than lust.”
“Cheers.”
Vanessa sighed. “You’re not making this very easy.”
“Neither are you. Can you at least try to look ugly while you do this or…belch or something?”
“I can’t belch to order.”
“Typical.”
“Look,” lied Vanessa, “there are some things in life we’d like to do but can’t. It’s as simple as that.”
“Why?”
“Because we have to be grown-up.”
“Why?”
“Because that’s what we are. Grown-ups.”
“That’s what got us into this mess in the first place. Believe me, if you were a child, we wouldn’t be in this position.”
Vanessa started collecting her coat and bag.
“I’m going to leave now,” she said. “Can I…do anything? To make it all a bit easier?”
“Yeah, you could wear longer skirts.”
She smiled.
“And keep your jacket on all the time,” said Anthony. “And don’t smile.”
“I was thinking more of not appearing at meetings that aren’t absolutely necessary.”
“And get a run in your hose once in a while. Everyone else manages.”
“I should leave.”
Another nod.
Vanessa got up to go, and Anthony stared at the floor while she walked away. As she reached the tube station, he was still staring.
Jo began her first evening back in London sitting on her bed in her room, thinking seriously and maturely about unpacking. To her surprise, one of the cats appeared on her bed, stretched out and graciously allowed her to pet it. Then she lay on her back and fell asleep. She was woken by the sound of her mobile phone doing a samba. It was Pippa. She felt excited at the thought that Pippa was no longer her long-distance friend, and they arranged to meet the next day.
Then Jo told her her latest update.
“As soon as Dick sells the shop he’ll be at home, and I’ll be on practically the same salary part-time!”
“Go to the top of the class!” cried Pippa. “Part-time nanny on full-time pay! You should give talks.”
“I didn’t do anything,” said Jo. “It’s all because of Dick.”
“Hmm. Guilty conscience?”
“Well, I think he may have finished the affair,” confided Jo. “I don’t think I’ll be able to last working with him if he hasn’t. I certainly won’t be keeping any secrets for him like his son.”
Then she explained about Josh coming to Niblet-upon-Avon and dissected the row they’d had.
“I don’t believe it!” cried Pippa.
“I know. Bastard.”
“He came all the way to see you!”
“He called me a prick-tease.”
“He drove all the way to beg you to come back?”
“He called me a prick-tease.”
“How many miles is that?”
“I think you’re missing the point.”
“Well one of us is.”
“He called me a prick-tease.”
“Hmm,” said Pippa. “I wonder how he knows?”
“Pippa!”
“Listen, you’re going to have to say something to Gerry,” said Pippa.
“Oh God, why?”
“Because he’s planned your children’s first names. Did you know you were going to have four?”
Just then Jo heard Nick come into Pippa’s room, and had to listen to Pippa telling him all about Jo being back. She heard Nick tell Pippa to say hi and invite Jo to join them later that night. She also overheard Nick say, “We can invite Gerry. Make it a foursome.”
“Oh no!” cried Jo into the phone. She wasn’t going down that road again. “No need to tell Gerry about me being back for a while, is there?”
Pippa’s voice was slightly muffled.
“Too late for that. Nick’s already on the phone.”
“Oh God!” cried Jo. “Give me a moment to get my bearings.”
“I don’t think Gerry wants you to get your bearings. Much easier to sweep you off your feet if you’re already wonky.”
“You know,” said Jo, “I think we may be overreacting a bit with Gerry. He phoned while I was at home, and he was so friendly it was really nice. And when I couldn’t speak to him, he was absolutely fine about it. Better than Josh, who came in person and then blew me off. Did I tell you I slapped him?”
“Oh my God!” exclaimed Pippa. “How exciting!”
“Not really,” said Jo. “It was horrid, I flipped. It’s nothing like it looks in the films. It’s ugly and embarrassing.”
“How do you think you’ll be when you see him?”
“I already have.”
“How was it?”
“Absolutely horrid. He’s back to the nasty version. All hard and cold.”
“Oh dear. At least with Gerry you know where you are.”
“Yep.” Jo sighed. “With someone I don’t fancy.”
Jo explained that she had to phone her parents and tell them she was safely there and rung off. She lay back and closed her eyes, giving herself a moment before phoning her parents. When the samba started up again, she didn’t need to guess who it was.
“Hello, Gerry,” she said warmly, wondering if Josh could hear her.
“Hey! You knew it was me!” He laughed.
“Yup,” she said.
“So!” he said, after a fraction’s pause. “I hear you’re back then.”
“I am.” She laughed. “It’s a short but effective grapevine.”
“And I hear you finished with Shaun.”
“Actually it appears he finished with me.”
“Great!”
“Thank you.”
“I mean—”
“Look, Ger—”
“I wondered if you wanted to go out sometime.”
“Thanks, but not now,” she said.
“Oh. Okay. Give you some time to settle in.”
“Well, I think I’ll need a bit of time to adjust to more than that.”
“Just in case you change your mind, we’ll all be at the Flask from eight.”
“Right,” said Jo slowly, thinking that it would be nice to see Pippa and Nick, even if she wasn’t so sure about Gerry. “Thanks.”
“And I hope everything’s alright,” he said.
“Thanks. I’ll be fine.”
“Excellent. If you ever need to chat, just give me a call.”
“Thanks,” said Jo, considering that he might come in handy.
“Bye then,” he said cheerfully.
And he rang off. She massaged her temples for a while and phoned her parents.
“I’m here,” she told her father.
“Where?”
She smiled.
“In the bedroom.”
“Ah,” he said softly. “It’s nice, smaller than I’d imagined, but nice.”
She closed her eyes and smiled a bit wider, concentrating on her father’s voice.
“How’s Mum?”
“Fine. She’s just watching The Antiques Roadshow.”
A warm silence linked them over the line.
“I gave her a permission slip,” he added.
Eventually, she rang off, sat up slowly and, after a moment of sitting cross-legged on the bed and humming, started unpacking.