LIFE AFTER BIRTH: THE JOYS AND CHALLENGES
Films, celebrity photographs, art and imagery portray the moment after the arrival of the baby with much exaggerated glory, almost with a halo around the mother and the baby.
But when it comes to us, our fast and intolerant lives don’t mix well with the discomforts of delivery, childcare, breastfeeding and other responsibilities. Top this up with frenzied hormones and the change seems monumental.
So, what do we do? Try taking the fast and intolerant out. Do not, for one moment, dear mother, think that you are alone through it all. For as long as we’ve existed, women have birthed babies and experienced every conceivable emotional and physical distress millions of times over. This energy of love, pain and joy will make you tune into the mighty female force within you that shall enliven new sources of wisdom, intuition and connect to sustain you. You only need to allow yourself to change and take charge.
The Shift from Mother to Child
As soon as it is born, the baby becomes the cynosure of the eyes. Its needs come first, and however you feel, you have to manage your child’s care. If you have been the master of your own lifestyle, the sudden ‘total responsibility for another life’ could be rather shocking.
You deserve just as much support, care and love as the newborn. But to be a mother, a woman needs to discover a part of herself that is created for unconditional giving. It might not come so easy in our complex society. When the woman embraces her strength in her motherhood as a nurturer, her energies start flowing freely.
What to Expect on the Road Ahead
Unless you have the true privilege in life to slow down, your time will be just as full as your heart. Time is a limited resource, and more will have to be squeezed in every day than you could imagine. You will plan, prioritize, execute, multitask, delegate, coordinate, share and empathize more, and become the best manager you could ever be, all without setting foot in a business school.
Remember that your best worked out plans will go awry if your child wakes up with a rash one morning. The need to build a support system at every level cannot be stressed enough. Learn to ask for help and return it whenever you can.
Constantly focus on the higher aspects of life and shift your operating frequency from the trivial. As you grow as a person and a parent, you may feel a natural tendency to revise your personal, financial and business goals. This is part of the process. Make sure you make some personal time for yourself.
A healthy lifestyle and supportive relationships take energy, but are also the fuel for a life of balance and fulfilment. Both partners will need to make preparations and changes, but these become a source of growth. Also, make time for each other; it takes some doing to not get washed out on separate shores in the tide of parenting.
Anticipating Lifestyle Changes
Even before the baby is born, adopt an approach to simplify your life and cut the clutter. Get all unnecessary tasks and engagements out of your calendar. In the first couple of months, all a mother wants to do is to focus on bonding with the baby, breastfeed, rest, manage the household with minimum chores, get help with other children that she may have and take some care of herself as she regains her perspective to go about her new life.
Have faith that you will again attain your ‘new’ normal lifestyle, although it may be different from your past normal.
Organizing Home and Workspace
As parents, you might find yourself doing everything to attain utmost safety for your child including baby proofing your living spaces. Yet, there will be occasions when the child hurts her/himself in the most unthinkable or creative manner imaginable. Do not beat yourself over it. Remember, we absolutely cannot control everything.
It is a good idea to plug major safety issues around the house even before the baby is born. You may find the baby crawling before you know it, and there starts the most adventurous and dangerous saga of exploration! Keep your eye out for the height of the balcony and staircase rails, and any other windows, apertures or stairwells that present the risk of falling in or toppling over. Examine fixtures like electric sockets from a baby’s eye view. Dangerous equipments like portable heaters, table fans, air coolers and anything that can be within the way or reach of a crawling baby will need to be taken care.
Plan some storage space for the placement of the baby’s belongings—clothes, toys, furniture and accessories.
It is a good idea to keep your supervisors and key colleagues informed about your pregnancy early on. There may be a need to plan for your work in your absence. You can offer your help by training and providing all relevant information to the person(s) who shall discharge your responsibilities in your absence.
By communicating effectively, being forthcoming with all options and providing the necessary assistance, you will come across as a responsible asset to the organization, which will ease your integration when you return after your leave.
As you settle back into work life, you will find yourself juggling the ever-growing demands of your new work with the urgent needs of your baby day after day. A helping pointer is to commit yourself completely to your most important duty at the moment and surrender the others to alternative arrangements. Try as much as you can to stay clear of guilt or shame, affirming to yourself that you are doing the best you can under your circumstances. Make up for absences. Pat yourself regularly and allow others to appreciate you.
Recovering from Delivery: Post-partum (the first six weeks)
Childbirth is momentous; physical and emotional changes are bound to happen. You do not have to pretend or hurry to be the same person as before. Feeling pain? Extra weight? Too worried? Weepy? Slow and clumsy? Say ‘of course’ to yourself without guilt and total acceptance. You are allowed.
Common Physical Discomforts Post Delivery
Support yourself with the best care you can. You might experience:
Care After an Episiotomy
Whether you have had an episiotomy or a natural tear during the delivery, here are some tips for self-care:
Care of a Cesarean Section Wound
Depending on health and medical circumstances, women differ in recovering from surgery. It takes 6-8 weeks for the incision to fully heal and you must exercise due care during this period.
What to Expect Psychologically?
Know that unpleasant emotional impulses are normal and there is no need to fight or berate yourself for having them. Allow them to run their course and you can begin to understand how to manage them. In fact, you can see the purpose that every emotion serves. It is these emotional responses that prompt us to rest ourselves, seek help and remove other jobs or people out of our mind space so that we focus on the newborn and reorganize our lives. Sometimes, an emotional outburst releases old blocked energy and actually boosts a woman’s well-being.
Sometimes, the anxiety for the child’s wellness can be extreme, especially if the child is not doing fine in any way or if you perceive so. Whether it is helplessness at your inexperience, worry of lactation, a lack of bonding and anger at yourself for the same, overwhelmed by responsibility or depressed, whatever you may be experiencing, is perfectly normal.
Women’s responses also depend on a wide range of factors like love and emotional support, financial condition, physical health, social or family response to baby, prenatal and postnatal care, etc. The common postnatal conditions that affect women are—postnatal blues, postnatal depression and postnatal psychosis. Any psychiatric disorders that may be present before the pregnancy can worsen with the stresses of pregnancy and delivery.
Postnatal Blues
Most women will agree to a drop in energy and spirit immediately after birth, and this can persist for a few days to a few weeks. Some may experience more mood swings, weepiness, depression or anxiety about the future. Sometimes, coping with the baby’s needs and constant crying can seem too much.
Most mothers in the course of time and with their new responsibilities are able to shake off the blues soon.
Postnatal Depression
Postnatal depression is real and in varying degrees, debilitating. Typical symptoms include weeping, irritability, excessive self-blame, hopelessness or meaninglessness towards life, poor appetite, poor sleep, aches, tiredness and a loss of interest in all activities.
It is important to seek help with counselling and other forms of psychological therapy. When it is severe, medication may be required, along with psychological therapy.
Mommy Shares:
I started feeling tired and weepy a few weeks after my delivery. I did not feel like doing any house work or childcare and, in fact, felt very frustrated and upset at my son for his persistent crying. Sometimes, I got so angry that I wanted to hit him. One day, very hysterically, I told my husband about how I felt. We saw a specialist and I was diagnosed with severe postnatal depression. The doctor suggested I stop breastfeeding, which was actually a relief, and I was given medicines and therapy. My husband and parents supported me with baby care in every way they could. The treatment and therapy worked fast and I was able to return to normal life soon.
Postnatal Psychosis
Postnatal psychosis is extremely rare but remarkably noticeable because of its severity. It is marked with delusion, confused behaviour, hallucinatory conversations, restlessness, mood changes and depression.
The mother can also harm herself or her child and it is a psychiatric emergency that needs hospitalization and treatment.
Maternal feelings are augmented by the release of hormones such as prolactin, which produce peaceful, nurturing emotions that allow you to relax and focus on your child. Oxytocin promotes love and bonding while also causing the uterus to contract and return to its normal size. It can also reduce postpartum bleeding.
What Else You Can Do to Help Yourself?
Asking for help is not a sign of weakness be it household chores, childcare or any other responsibilities. You must seek support and make your healing and wellness a priority. Here are a few pointers:
Timeless Traditions:
Ancient Indian traditions place a very high importance on restoration of the physical and emotional health of the mother. A peaceful environment, hygiene and prevention of exposure to any negative energies as well as environmental contaminants is especially stressed on. A healthy, nutritious, freshly prepared diet that balances, heals and rejuvenates is recommended. There is no immediate pressure to return to a model-like shape or exhibit fitness in your work or job. There is no need to prove anything when you are in a retreat, soaking only in love for your child and yourself.
Ayurveda recommends complete peace and rest for 6 weeks to heal your physical and emotional fatigue. Warming diet, warm clothes, warm room and daily warm massage of the whole body and scalp aid recuperation. Ghee nourishes all the seven dhatus (the types of tissues/cells in our body) and herbal therapeutic preparations made with it are ritually served which heal the reproductive system, ease gas and constipation, promote good lactation and restore the energies in body, mind and spirit.
When to See the Doctor?
Some of the instances when you may contact a doctor are if you have:
Breastfeeding—A Dance of Connection
‘A newborn baby has only three demands. They are: warmth in the arms of its mother, food from her breasts, and security in the knowledge of her presence. Breastfeeding satisfies all three.’
— Grantly Dick
The ability to provide food to the newborns, and of such quality, from the mother’s body itself, is the most wondrous direction nature could take to ensure their sustenance.
No matter what you believe, what you have been told or what your body shape may be, this wondrous capacity to nurse your child is built in you. As research tells us, there is more to breastfeeding than just hunger resolution.
Staying healthy and learning as much as you can about breastfeeding before your baby is born will make feeding a pleasant act, not one filled with worry, pressure and tears.
‘There are three reasons for breastfeeding: the milk is always at the right temperature; it comes in attractive containers; and the cat can’t get it.’
— Irena Chalmers
Benefits of breastfeeding for the mother:
Benefits of breastfeeding for the baby:
Breast milk provides the most ideal nutrition possible for the baby due to bio-availability of nutrients in the right quantity and the right form for the baby. It has the perfect amount of vitamins, protein and fat for the baby’s needs.
Research Suggests:
There is some unconscious intelligence at work that manages the composition of the mother’s milk, customizing it to the needs of the child at a given time. The first mother’s milk or colostrum is a ‘made to order’ serving of concentrated antibodies, immune cells, growth factors and proteins in the lightest and easily digestible way. These stimulate and protect the newborn for exposure to life outside the womb, triggering many processes like passing of stools to get rid of excess bilirubin, thereby preventing jaundice. The milk produced if the child is premature is different from the milk produced for term babies. Studies also show that it varies according to the gender of the infant. In short, you always have exactly what the baby needs.
Important Constituents of Breast Milk
Why Early Breastfeeding?
‘It is only in the act of nursing that a woman realizes her motherhood in a visible and tangible fashion; it is a joy of every moment.’
— Honore de Balzac
If the mother appears to be doing fine after delivery, a number of hospitals and delivery centres encourage immediate mother-infant bonding, after a preliminary examination of the infant. Having just endured childbirth, the act soothes both the mother and the child and aids in restoring their nerves and vital parameters. The close contact also prepares both for the initiation of breastfeeding as early as possible.
Nature codes the respective instincts of survival and sustenance into all hatchlings and newborns. All babies are born with a suckling instinct, though it is stronger in some babies than in others. The instinct is reinforced when the baby is introduced to the breast within the first hour or so of life.
If a number of artificial feeds through spoon, bottle or other means are given first, the breastfeeding instinct in the baby can take a slight setback. Likewise, if the baby is fed on artificial foods, the mother’s capacity to lactate shall not express itself fully as the motivation to produce milk shall not be strong.
Breastfeeding Support for ‘On the Go’
How Often Should You Feed?
Between 8-10 feeds a day are considered normal, but as mothers will tell you, some babies feed more often. You will learn your own demand-supply rhythms with time.
If separation between you and the baby is inevitable, regular pumping of the breasts should be done to maintain the milk supply and the pumped milk can be stored and given periodically to the baby.
If latching on hurts, break the suction by gently inserting your little finger between your baby’s gums and your nipple and try again.
Some Positions for Breastfeeding
Establishing Good Lactation
Suckling by the baby stimulates milk production and flow.
Regular breastfeeding is usually adequate to ensure milk supply. If necessary, medications may be prescribed by your doctor to improve your milk production.
Fenugreek, also known as ‘methi’ (in Hindi) has been used to increase milk supply traditionally. Most cultures have their own locally grown, centuries old, safe and tried herbal remedies for supporting lactation.
Diet for Breastfeeding
If you are exclusively breastfeeding after delivery, your nutritional needs are in fact more than when you were pregnant. After all, your baby has grown in size and needs, and is still getting its food from you.
If your nutritional intake is low and you continue to breastfeed, your body uses up its own nutrient stores, leaving you depleted.
Do not stress too much about calories or gaining weight. Breastfeeding is nature’s way of dropping pregnancy weight, but give yourself the love and time to do it. Let weight not run your life, especially in this beautiful phase.
Breastfeed After Resuming Work
You can express your milk with or without using a breast pump. Depending upon the climate, expressed milk can usually be safely stored for 48 hours in a fridge (at -4°C), 3 to 6 months in a freezer (at -15° to -5°C) and a few hours even at room temperature.
Night Feeds
Night feeds can be done with pumped milk, if you are producing ample milk that can be stored. If not, a few positions like the side-lying position are easier to breastfeed in.
If your baby is fed formula, it helps to keep all bottles, nipples, bowls, spoons and any peripherals that you use for feeding sterilized and ready to use, before you go to bed.
How Long to Breastfeed For?
The World Health Organization recommends that babies be breastfed exclusively for the first six months up to two years of age with gradual introduction of solid foods.
Contraindications for Breastfeeding
There are some situations where exchange of body fluids could expose a person to life-threatening conditions.
Myths About Breastfeeding
You can't get pregnant while breastfeeding |
Breastfeeding may delay ovulation, but this form of contraception is not absolutely reliable. |
You need to toughen your nipples before your baby is born |
Your body naturally prepares for breastfeeding. Tactics to toughen them are not needed, and may increase your discomfort. |
Small breasts don't produce enough milk |
Breast size has nothing to do with the amount of milk they produce. |
Breastfeeding will ruin the shape of your breasts |
Most women's breasts return to their pre-pregnancy size with time after they stop nursing. Age, gravity, and weight gain have more effect on breast size than nursing. |
Basic Care for the Newborn
All mothers come to their own regimes when it comes to caring for their babies. There are no rigid ways and the needs of newborns, however consuming they may be, are basic—food, sleep, cleanliness, comfort or security, some activity and supervision.
All hands touching and handling babies should be clean. The full length of the spine from head to hips should be well supported, but special concern is always needed for the neck and head until the baby develops enough to hold it on its own. Whether in ecstasy or frustration, a baby should never be shaken vigorously.
Handling a Crying Baby
However heartbreaking or frustrating a baby’s crying could be to you, a baby has only one way of expressing tiredness, gas, hunger, cold, heat, wetness in the nappy, sore spot from a vaccine or just about anything unpleasant. In time, your mother’s intuition will tell you just why it’s crying. In the early days of infancy, all you can do is eliminate possible causes one by one to guess what could be the reason.
Babies feed round the clock and, with their fragile digestion, pass gas very often. Many a times, trouble passing gas can make babies very uncomfortable. The symptoms of gas are the baby pulling its legs when lifted, a bloated tummy, constipation, and no other reason for crying. When the infant has a fussy period due to gas especially during evening hours that is accompanied by inconsolable crying, screaming, pulling the legs up and passing gas, it could be due to colic, which is just a form of extreme sensitivity to gastric pain or to food. This will ease in a few months by itself.
Sometimes, colicky behaviour stays all day, but do consult with a doctor to rule out any medical condition that may need timely treatment.
Putting the baby on its tummy helps release gas, as do gentle exercises that flex the legs towards the tummy. If you bottle feed, make sure there is no air in the nipple and it is well filled with milk by holding it at the correct angle. Keeping the baby in an upright position after feeding helps the baby burp. Do not overfeed. You can also check with the doctor to change the formula, or if breastfeeding, examine your own diet to eliminate foods that could potentially cause gas.
Mommy Shares:
Following home remedies worked wonders for my baby when gas bothered her:
Make Your Baby Sleep Well
A newborn’s sleep patterns vary and they can sleep up to 16 hours in a day or more. However, they should be up every 2-4 hours for food, nappy changes and daily routines. Sleep is important for the incredible pace of brain and body development that babies undergo. Here are some tips:
Night time chores are hard on parents, so it is helpful when both partners can divide night time responsibilities between themselves, for example, the father can help with changing and putting the child to sleep, while the mother takes charge of feeding. Sometimes, sleeplessness or fussiness could be the sign of an underlying condition like an ear infection, blocked nose or teething distress. Remember that the phase shall pass and as the baby grows up, you will be able to sleep again.
Baby Massage
Massaging the newborn fosters a strong bonding, sense of security, deep relaxation, stress relief, good sleep and improved circulation. It enlivens digestive fire and is deeply balancing for the body, mind and spirit. For a healthy baby, it can be started soon after normal life resumes after birth. Some parents wait until the cord stump has fallen off. A few suggestions are:
Bath Routine
Always have the setting for the bath with water at the right temperature, towel, change of clothes, baby wash or soap fully ready before you bring the baby close. The baby should be held throughout the process, so no mixing waters or getting up for things after it is brought. Bath areas as well as the wet baby could both be slippery, so safety considerations are very important.
Methods to bathe babies vary around the world. Some mothers use small tubs, some work with the basin, some bathe babies on their lap, others use their outstretched legs for the purpose. Supporting the neck carefully, wet the baby’s head first. You can also take a drop of wash on your hand and rub it gently on the head. Special attention is needed for the eyes, nose and mouth, so wash the face in parts as comfortable. Next, wash the whole body and wrap the baby in a towel.
If using powder, exercise care to avoid inhaling into the lungs.
Sponge Bath
A sponge bath is just enough in some circumstances. It is also needed in the early days after birth. Check the water temperature and have a soft, clean towel ready. Soak it in water and wipe the face followed by the the body and finally the genitals. If the baby is dirty, have a change of water in between. Pat the baby dry.
Never leave the baby unattended between wash and changing rituals.
For someone who has just arrived in it, the world is full of stimulation. Be it all the family members cooing at her/his face, the scene at the window nearby, the different views, colours and patterns each room offers, or the live movie-like entertainment when taken outdoors, babies always have a truckload of stimuli to process inside their tiny brains.
You can make playing with the baby a part of routine for everybody in the family
Nappy Changes and Hygiene
The feared ‘nappy change’ becomes easy in some time with practice. Whether you use disposable or washable nappies, the rule of the thumb is that a nappy needs to be changed as soon as it is wet or soiled.
Did You Know?
A legislation called the Babies’ Act has recently come to be passed in America which aims to make baby-changing stations available to dads, too, in the men’s restrooms at public places
Summing Up: