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A few months earlier
“Excellent. You are alone. We can have some privacy.” Lucas Gray closed the door behind him.
“Yes. I am avoiding Gemma because I grow weary of the same argument,” Abigail Cason confided to her dear friend. “Now, Jaqueline has joined the ranks to pressure me into attending the Mitchel’s musical this evening. I understand it is a small affair and I would be more than welcome since Lady Mitchel is a dear friend to Aunt Susanna. But I do enjoy the quiet evenings to myself.”
Lucas paused at Abigail’s comment. He never thought that while they were enjoying themselves, how alone Abigail might be. His family had abandoned her when, their entire lives, they had made sure she was part of them. Then, at the first opportunity, they discarded her. Did Abigail view their enjoyment of London in the same way? Perhaps he was wrong in denying her a chance at a season. No. He must stay firm with his opinion.
Only now, he would remain at home occasionally to keep her company. After appearing briefly at the functions they had accepted invitations to, he would pretend to slip away to carouse with his friends. Instead, he would return home to Abigail. They could play chess, read aloud, or enjoy each other’s company with the lively conversations they used to have. He had missed their time spent alone ever since his father threw his mad house party. Since Lucas’s arrival in London, his own social activities had filled his time.
No more. Abigail needed to be his first priority now more than ever. Once Gemma and Jacqueline married, Abigail threatened to seek employment. She must understand how important she was to their family. Lucas meant to keep her nearby.
“I am glad you see reason, and I support your decision to stay home. I do not understand this family’s madness for you to take part in the season.” Lucas unbuttoned his suit coat before sitting in a chair.
“Do you think it is madness?” Abigail asked quietly.
“Of course.”
“Why would you say that?”
Lucas swept his hand through the air. “It is more than obvious. You are wise enough to understand how the ton wouldn’t accept your presence.”
“Perhaps I do not. Please, kind sir, enlighten me.”
Lucas tensed at Abigail’s tone. The air stilled as it had at breakfast when he tried to make his cousins see reason for why Abigail shouldn’t join them for the season. He regarded his friend but couldn’t determine her mood. While he caught the underline sarcasm, she appeared serene, which only left him confused about how to proceed. However, she needed to hear the truth, regardless of how it hurt her feelings. He would rather be the villain than allow anyone else the pleasure they would receive by insulting her. Even his own betrothed had tried to tear Abigail apart.
Lucas now held his hands out in a peaceful gesture. “Abigail, you must understand how you hold no standing for my father to present you to society.”
Abigail sat up straighter. “I am your uncle’s ward.”
“You are a servant’s daughter.”
“Is that how you perceive me?” She pinched her lips.
“I am only trying to show you how others will respond to you at the functions our family will attend.”
“How will they respond?” Abigail whispered.
“Who?” Lucas shifted in his chair, uncomfortable with the quietness of Abigail’s voice when she asked her questions, ones he tried to avoid answering. But he must if they would help her understand her standing in society.
Abigail sighed. “Let us start with the women. How will they slander me? I am only curious because the ladies I have met have shown me kindness and acceptance.”
“Only because my father vetted those ladies before he introduced you to them. If you attend the events, he no longer has control over who you will encounter. If you imagine Lady Selina brutal, she holds nothing on the barracudas who will attack you. Their only purpose is to draw blood.”
She looked at him in confusion. “Why would anyone feel the need to attack me?”
“Because they fear you will steal away the gentlemen they have set their eyes upon. The married ones are an entirely different lot.”
Abigail looked down at her hands. “How am I a threat to them?”
“They fear their husbands will stray.”
Abigail lifted her head. “I still do not understand your point.”
Lucas gripped the chair, his knuckles straining. “When you walk into a ballroom, you will become a threat to every female in attendance, even if they seem friendly. The single ladies will fear every gentlemen’s attention will focus on you, and the married ladies will fear their husbands will lose interest in them to pursue you. I fear the same. If you were to enter the season, every penniless whoreson gold digger will seek to woo you. Every married gentleman will attempt to lead you astray into a torrid affair. You are a target, with your innocence only enticing them closer to ruination. I will not allow for a scandal to tarnish your reputation.”
Abigail listened to Lucas’s passionate speech. Nothing he spoke of shocked her. She understood how the gentlemen would treat her because of her rank in society. Also, the dowry Colebourne gifted her with would release the reprobates in search of coin. In truth, those were the reasons she had avoided attending any social gathering.
Yet she longed to see the elegance Gemma described. Perhaps even to find a kind gentleman to dance with. Hopefully, even form a friendship that would entice the gentleman to offer for her hand in marriage. She had watched Charlotte and Evelyn find love, and Abigail wanted to share the same connection with someone. Maybe over time she would grow to love her husband. Also, Colebourne would never allow Abigail to marry anyone unworthy of her love.
For Lucas to speak of married gentlemen pursuing her into scandalous affairs and her becoming their mistresses only indicated how lowly he regarded her. If he thought these gentlemen could tempt her into a scandalous relationship, then he was under the impression that Abigail held loose morals. Was this because her mother had been an unmarried servant with a child? Abigail was unclear of her mother’s predicament, but she knew in her heart that her mother’s reasons were valid for having a child out of wedlock. Her mother had given her security and provided a nurturing environment for them. She held no shame over the humble life she shared with her mother.
Abigail clenched her hands in her lap. “How will my attendance garner any attention? I will but blend into the scenery.”
“You misunderstood . . .” Lucas jumped from his seat and stalked to her side. He stood before Abigail, staring down at her, clearly unsure how to proceed.
Abigail raised her gaze, staring innocently into his. She sighed inwardly. Even when agitated, Lucas caused her heart to skip a beat. His eyes were ablaze, drilling into hers, demanding for her to understand what he attempted to say, without declaring what he truly thought. Lucas wanted to protect her feelings, but Abigail needed him to speak his mind. She needed to understand how he felt about her. If not, she would continue to pine away, hoping Lucas would confess his love for her. However, she must come to the reality of her wishful dreams meaning naught.
“Then please explain.”
Lucas ran his hands through his hair in frustration. “Do you not understand the depth of your beauty? Every gentleman will fall at your feet once you step through the door. You are every man’s fantasy with your curves and luxurious red hair. A goddess they would want to worship. Not to mention how your mind works, your sweet nature, and your innocence that enfolds you in a shield of protection. You are naughty and nice wrapped into a package that every gentleman will want to protect, no matter what his intentions are toward your virtue.”
“Oh.” Lucas’s comments shocked Abigail into silence.
Lucas strode to the window. He needed to put distance between them before he drew Abigail into his arms. Her wide-eyed response undid him. He must leave or else he would be no better than the gentlemen he had described. His father had etched his betrothal to Selina Pemberton in stone before he could walk, let alone voice his opinion. The only offer he could make Abigail would wrap them in a lifetime of shame. She deserved to meet a gentleman who cared for her, and that was his father’s purpose for giving her a season. Still, it didn’t stop Lucas from wanting to deny her the chance for the same reason. He didn’t want another man to love her.
“You never answered my question,” Abigail stated.
He turned toward her. “Which question?”
“I suppose I have two questions now.”
Lucas nodded for her to ask them.
Abigail twisted her fingers in her lap. “Do you perceive me as a servant’s daughter?”
“Yes.” Lucas shook his head at Abigail’s gasp. “No. I mean no. You misunderstand.”
Abigail rose and smoothed out her dress, clasping her hands in front of her. “No, I do not believe I have.”
Lucas took a step forward before stopping. “Your other question.”
“I no longer need to ask it. You have already answered the second question with your first answer. If you will excuse me, Lord Gray, I promised Gemma and Jacqueline my help in choosing their gowns for the musical this evening.”
Lucas slumped into a chair at Abigail’s departure. The full realization of how he had slandered Abigail’s character overcame him. While he attempted to be gentle, he had allowed his own personal feelings for Abigail to become involved in his explanation. Their friendship of late had been rocky. Now he expected it to turn nonexistent. If he had thought to persuade her not to attend the season’s functions, now he gave her every reason to go.
He only hoped she kept the reason for changing her mind to herself. Having Abigail upset with him was terrible enough. Once his cousins learned of his stupidity, he would need to seek refuge from their wrath.
He was a doomed man.