Chapter Eight

Rain poured from the dark clouds covering the sky outside…again. Spring in Oregon was an ever-changing mood—rain to sun to chilly to warm. The weather had a mind of its own and there was no rhyme or reason. The result was an unfortunate growing dissatisfaction with the environment surrounding her. Sarah scowled and pulled on her rain boots before grabbing her coat. She was leaning more and more toward expanding her job search outside of the Pacific Northwest and the dreary weather it seemed to have more often than not. She could use some sunshine in her life. Instead, she slung her bag over her left shoulder and raced out of the house to her car. After swinging by Evergreen Espresso and dropping off her proposal with Sam while picking up her caffeine fix, she made her way over to Three Sisters Apothecary.

The bell chimed as she unlocked the door and entered. “Hi, Gran. Are you down here yet?”

“Just making my way,” Gran answered as she appeared from the back stairwell that led to her apartment above the store. “Good morning, darling granddaughter.” She grinned. “Are you enjoying our gorgeous weather this morning?”

Sticking her tongue out, Sarah grimaced and shook her head. “Ugh. I hate all this rain. How have I never realized how wet it always is here? I swear Seattle isn’t as bad.” She was lying, but refused to back down from her statement.

Gran laughed. “Oh, yes it is. You just don’t have time to fixate on it with all of your busy, big-city life. It’s spring. It should be raining this much. We need it. Think how beautiful the wildflowers will be once it warms up in another month or two.” The older woman leaned against the large wood counter and cocked her head. “What’s not to love about this weather, anyway?”

Sarah puttered around the shop, making certain things were set up for the morning. Bridget would be in around noon to take over, but wanted the time to start a batch of new lotions they were low on. Sarah threw Gran a sassy eye roll and received a Look back. “The wet? The chill? The wind? The lack of sunshine?”

“You kids these days. What about the smell of damp earth? The majesty of the gray clouds moving and shifting in the sky? The brisk breeze that blows away winter and promises warmer days are coming soon, so enjoy the snuggly blanket and cozy hot tea season while it lasts?”

“I suppose. If you’re into that kind of thing. I prefer the ability to go outside.” Sarah came around to stand next to Gran. “What’s wrong with that?”

“Nothing at all, dear. But there’s more than one way to keep warm on a day like today.” She winked and wiggled her brows. “You should be taking advantage of these kinds of moments.”

Grimacing at her grandmother’s innuendo, Sarah covered her face with her hands. “Gran, please!” She sighed and looked up again. “Besides, I don’t have anyone to do that kind of thing with anyway.”

“Another problem with a very simple solution!”

“Oh, is there? Care to enlighten me?”

“I seem to recall a very available young man who lives quite close to you. Next door, even.” Gran threw her another Look. “You two need to stop pretending you aren’t still pining for one another and get back together already.”

A flare of sadness leaped and dimmed inside Sarah’s chest. Try as she might, she did have unresolved feelings for Cornelius, but there was no way to go back. She’d burned that bridge to ashes and let the wind carry them away. She sighed. “I know you think Cornelius and I should date again, but it’s not that simple.” Her eyes stung and her vision wavered as tears threatened. “He’d never forgive me if he knew why.”

To her credit, Gran didn’t ask the why. She’d been down this road with Sarah before and knew that the answer wouldn’t be given. “He wouldn’t forgive you or you can’t forgive you? You can’t decide his reactions for him. You can give yourself the grace of forgiveness, though. The rest will follow. You owe it to Cornelius to at least tell him why. Maybe he can’t move past it for the two of you to be together, but at least you’ll both have closure.” Gran placed a hand over Sarah’s. “Neither of you can move on until the past is cleared between you two.”

Tears slipped from Sarah’s closed lids. “I know, but I can’t. I can’t tell him.” She opened her eyes and shook her head. “I can’t stand to see him hate me. And he will, Gran.”

“He won’t. That sweet boy couldn’t hate anyone if he tried. Whatever this thing is that made you run away from him, from all of us here, you need freedom from it. That can’t happen with you holding it tight inside your heart.”

“Maybe…” Sarah swiped at her cheeks. “I’ll think about it.”

Her grandmother gave one nod then smiled as a customer walked in, giving Sarah a moment to collect herself. Gran was right that Sarah needed to let go of this secret that was eating away at her sanity, that she needed to forgive herself. Yet that felt selfish after what she’d done. And telling Cornelius would be selfish too. How could she burden him with this knowledge so she could feel better? Did he deserve to know? Yes. Would he want to know? That she couldn’t answer for certain, but leaned toward no. And with the bomb he dropped the other day about his mother having cancer, Cornelius didn’t need any more grief and stress and pain.

Sarah might owe him the right to know what had driven and kept her away for so long, but now wasn’t the time. This burden needed to stay hers for a while longer, along with the feelings she still harbored buried beneath her emotional armor she never took off. It might be hot and exhausting to wear, but it was her penance for the past.

 

* * * *

 

Cornelius sat in his truck and stared at his phone screen. Three more alerts for potential matches. Sighing, he looked over the profiles. The first one showed a pretty blonde woman who liked hiking, hockey and lived in Portland. Tempting, but… He swiped left. Too far away for a real relationship. Maybe he should tighten his radius on this app. He’d learned the hard way that long-distance relationships weren’t for him. The second match showed a brunette who was nice looking, but didn’t appeal to him the way he wanted. It was superficial of him, but hey, what about these apps wasn’t? At least in the beginning. He wasn’t going to get a ton of information about someone from an application on a mobile device. Expecting instant chemistry via the internet was too much to ask for, but he still declined.

The third option was someone with an obvious lumberjack fetish. She listed loving the woods, brawny and bearded men and flannel. Hard pass. He wasn’t here to make someone’s fantasy come to life. And he didn’t want to roleplay until the novelty wore off and this woman dumped him. Besides, he wouldn’t fit into her imagined perfect man. While some of the loggers had large muscles and beards, not all of them did.

Cornelius was built with lean muscle. He just didn’t have the body type to get super stacked like some people. Maybe it was possible, but he didn’t put in the effort. Cornelius rubbed at his smooth shaved chin. A beard though… He could do that. He hadn’t grown one in the past because Sarah preferred him without, but he had to get a grip and move on. Jack had commented a few times how much Bridget enjoyed his and he recalled seeing Bridget nuzzling Jack’s face. Facial hair was something to think about. He did hate how cold his face got in the winter.

Knock, knock, knock.

The sound made Cornelius jerk around to see who was banging on his window.

Jack grinned at him. “Ready to check this place out?”

Tucking his phone away, Cornelius joined Jack and Bridget on the sidewalk. He glanced up at the Wild Rose Inn. “This is a nice place, little B. Good choice for a wedding venue.”

“Thanks. We walked by and I saw the plants in the garden and thought this was perfect.” She stared at the landscape before them with a smile. While others saw wintering plants, Bridget could name every one of them. “When everything blooms in early June, it will be a flower explosion. I wish I could have that at home, but my plants serve functions. I have to choose based on our products, not on pretty.”

Jack wrapped his arm around her waist. “You can have both at our new place.”

“Ugh, stop being so handsy,” Sarah called as she walked up. “You two are way too in love.”

Cornelius had to admit that he agreed with his ex.

“Jealous much?” Bridget teased her sister, but Cornelius caught the way Sarah’s smile wavered.

Was she jealous? He knew he sure was. This was the kind of relationship he wanted, what he thought he’d had with Sarah before she’d broken his heart. Seeing it day in and day out wore away at him, but at the same time, Cornelius also dreaded when they moved into their new house. He’d be even more alone than he was now.

“Okay, okay,” Bridget said. “Let’s go in and get started.”

An hour later they’d decided to hold the ceremony at the northern side of the yard. Instead of having rows of chairs for viewing, they would have guests sit at tables to watch. The walkway would meander around through the set-up and this way there wouldn’t be a need to move furniture around or go elsewhere for the reception.

“What happens if it rains?” he asked.

“It won’t rain,” Sarah declared.

He cocked a brow. “This is Oregon. It might rain.”

“Not on my sister’s wedding day, it won’t.” Sarah crossed her arms and glared.

He held his hands up in surrender. “Okay. If you say so.” Fighting with Sarah was not on his list of to dos today.

The owner of the inn stepped closer. “I have a large tent that can be used if needed. The sides roll up so the flowers are still visible.”

“Thanks, Jane.” Bridget looked between both of them. “See? Covered no matter what.”

Cornelius nodded and glanced back at Jane. She was so unobtrusive, he’d forgotten she was there. If he was honest, he’d forgotten her name until Bridge had said it. Jane seemed nice. He glanced at her left hand—no ring, pretty enough.

He wondered how long she’d been in town. Old Mrs. Dalton had run the inn for years. Why wasn’t she out here helping? Maybe Jane had been hired to manage things since Mrs. Dalton was getting up in years. Whatever the reason, maybe she could be the answer he was looking for. True, he wasn’t knocked out by her, but sometimes chemistry took time to build. That was what dating was for, right?

“I think we’re all done here for now.” Jack thanked Jane and took Bridget’s hand in his. “We couldn’t be happier with everything you have here.”

Bridget spoke up. “I know you do the baking for breakfasts here, but I wondered if you might also make cakes?”

Jane’s lips parted in surprise. “You mean like a wedding cake?” Bridget nodded and Jane blew out a breath. “Oh, I don’t know. I’ve never tried something that intricate before.”

“We wouldn’t need anything super fancy. Maybe two or three tiers. Very simple decorations. I’m thinking smooth icing with fresh flowers instead of designs. We can provide the flowers so you’d have just the cake to worry about.”

“Maybe. Let me think about it and practice a little.”

Bridget grinned. “Thank you.”

Cornelius trailed after his friend and his fiancée. Sarah had gone ahead of them. He took the opportunity to hang back with the inn helper. With a side-glance he cleared his throat. “So, um, Jane?”

She looked up with a polite smile. “Yes, did you have a question? Need something?”

They walked back into the house and he paused by the welcome desk. “I wondered if we, that is, if you would want to grab dinner sometime?”

Her skin flushed pink and Cornelius found himself charmed. With the color in her cheeks, she looked quite fetching.

“Like a…date?”

One side of his mouth kicked up. “Yeah, like a date.”

She peered up at him with her fingers knotted together. “I’d like that. Yes.”

“Good. How does Thursday work for you? At Moonlit Treetop Bar?”

Jane nodded. “I could be there at six-thirty.”

Cornelius smiled, but there was a small rock in his stomach. It wasn’t as if he hadn’t dated before now, but nothing with intent. This felt different. Maybe it was having Sarah back in town, but something in his mind had decided the time had come to move on for real. Now to find out if the rest of him—in particular his heart—could follow suit. “Cool, see you then.”

He took one step back and bumped into something. Or someone. He twisted and caught the person before realizing it was Sarah. His body ignited at the feel of her so close and his hands on her upper arms. “Are you all right?”

She avoided eye contact and pulled away. “I’m fine.” With that, she brushed past him and raced out of the building like it was on fire.

Cornelius realized she’d heard his exchange with Jane. Oh, shit. Now how was he going to act when he saw her again? There was no claim on him and no reason he couldn’t and shouldn’t date, but deep in his heart, it stung with betrayal. No. He deserved to move on and find contentment with another.