As she drove west on Route 30, Roni discovered that some lies are easier than others. For the entire length of the trip, she struggled to come up with any story that would be plausible. One look at Darin, and his mother would know something serious had happened. On top of which, Roni had to maintain the fiction that she was Darin’s girlfriend.
She texted Jane to let her know she was coming and that she had Darin. Roni figured this would put Jane in a joyous mood, and that might ease down whatever lie she could concoct. When she pulled up to the house, Jane rushed across the front lawn, tears streaming, arms open.
After kisses upon kisses, shock at his appearance and tears at his arrival, Darin’s mother helped him into the house. Roni followed, still unsure of what to say, but Jane didn’t ask. She focused entirely on her son. With a hug, a kiss, a hand always on him as if afraid he might vanish, Jane brought him upstairs to his childhood bedroom, now a plain guest room.
From the doorway, Roni watched as Jane clucked about the room. She chatted to Darin about her worries and fears and the neighborhood gossip and anything else that came to mind. All the while, she wiped down the dresser, fluffed the pillows, and cleared away some toys for a cat Roni had yet to see.
Darin stood in the center of the room, staring out the window. At one point, Jane halted her manic preparations and put her hand on his cheek. He tilted his head towards her — just a bit — and his lips formed a hint of a smile.
“You probably need a little rest. We’ll let you be. Okay? We can talk at dinner.” She kissed him again and shooed Roni downstairs.
When they entered the living room, Roni headed for the couch, but Jane pointed down the hall. She followed Darin’s mother through the kitchen and into a back room. It was small and lacked all the charm the rest of the house held. An ironing board stood against one wall. Two folding chairs had been placed next to a window, and an ashtray sat on one chair next to a pack of cigarettes.
Jane lifted the window open and set the ashtray on the ledge. She sat in one chair, pulled out a lighter from her pocket, and grabbed the cigarettes. As she lit up, she indicated the now empty chair for Roni. Though Roni did not smoke, she noticed that Jane never offered her a cigarette.
Puffing away, Jane stared out the window. Roni started to speak, but Jane put out her hand. They remained quiet until she had smoked half of her cigarette.
“I’m sure you have quite a story to tell me, but I don’t want to hear it.”
“I know you think —”
“Don’t embarrass yourself. Be smart and shut up.”
Roni didn’t know whether to be happy or concerned — especially because she never did come up with a good explanation.
Jane went on, “I really thought we had hit it off. I suppose on some level you were being honest with me. But I don’t want to listen to you lie about Darin. It’s obvious that you knew where he was and what he was up to when you came here. You must have at least had an idea of where he could be. Otherwise, you never would have been able to bring him back so soon. Then again, you didn’t really bring him back, did you? You brought me a ghost of my son. So, if you ever gave a crap about him, if anything you told me was true, then please answer me directly. Is he a drug addict now? Did you get him hooked on something that made him this way?”
“No. Never.” Roni did not have to pretend her shock.
“Do you know what’s wrong with him?”
She hesitated, and Jane picked up on it right away.
“You won’t tell me, will you?”
“I’m sorry,” Roni said. “I really can’t. It wouldn’t matter anyway.”
“How can you say that? You’ve seen him. He looks older than me. What did you do to him that would cause that?”
“I didn’t do anything. I swear. He did it to himself.”
“What?”
“He ... well, it’s like he stuck his hand in a raging fire and then was surprised that he got burned.”
Jane stubbed out her cigarette with more force than necessary. “You’re blaming him for this?”
“It’s not like that. It’s hard to explain. I mean, I can’t explain it. I’m not allowed to.” Roni dropped her head into her hands. “I’m messing this whole thing up.”
“That’s evident. Why don’t you stop tiptoeing around the things you can’t tell me, and start with the things you can tell me? How about that?”
Roni thought it over a moment. Crafting her words carefully, she said, “Your son asked me out on a date because he needed access to where I work. I didn’t know that at the time. I thought he liked me. But he didn’t care about me at all. He used me to get into a private collection of items and exposed himself to highly dangerous, um, things. It was contact with those things that changed him.”
“And I take it you won’t ever tell me what those things are.”
“I can’t. I don’t even know for sure what he saw or exactly how it all happened for him. But I do know that you shouldn’t treat him like he’s crazy. You’d be better off approaching him as if he were a war veteran or something — a person with PTSD. That might get you the best results.”
Jane digested this information before leveling her coldest glare at Roni. “I want you to leave my house and never come back. I don’t ever want to see you again. If, someday years from now, you walk into a store or a restaurant or anywhere, and you see me, please have the decency to leave so that I don’t have to endure the pain of being reminded you exist.”
Roni wanted to say something that would repair the damage, but those cold eyes stopped her. Unlike Darin’s lifeless eyes, Jane’s spewed an icy venom that threatened violence along with the hatred behind them. Roni lowered her gaze as she stood.
“I am sorry,” she said. “I had no idea that Darin had intended —”
“Get out!” Jane’s body quaked as she yelled.
Roni left. She got back in her car and turned the key. Nothing happened. She tried again and heard a slight whine. She could feel Darin’s mother watching from the living room window. Trying again, she almost had it. Ten more excruciating seconds went by before the engine finally turned over.
She floored the gas and screeched her tires as she roared onto the street. As fast as the road would allow her, she got onto the highway and made for home. But in Lancaster, Route 30 had sections which could slow down to a baby crawl — especially around the shopping outlets. After twenty minutes and four lights — miles of store after store after store — she needed a break.
When she hit the small village of Ronks, she knew she had finally gone through the last major section of shopping outlets. On her left, she saw Miller’s Smorgasbord — a Pennsylvania Dutch all-you-can-eat buffet that had been in Lancaster for decades. That sounded perfect.
In minutes, she had parked, entered, grabbed a plate, and piled on the food. Mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese, and dried corn. A chef standing by a slab of roast beef cut her three lovely slices to which she added a thick gravy. She set the plate at her table and returned to make a second plate with a baked potato, creamed spinach, and popcorn shrimp. On her way back, she saw a slice of shoofly pie which she nabbed with her free hand.
Sitting in the back corner, she stared at her gluttonous banquet and felt all desire to eat drain from her gut. All the food slapped together on her plates reminded her of the twisted mess she had seen within that book. A tunnel of evil stretching down to a tumultuous sky. But at times it became a pleasant sky. It could not have been too pleasant — it destroyed Darin’s mind.
All for what? Even if he had succeeded, what then? After such an experience, would he simply hand the book over to whomever had hired him? Just take the money and forget about it?
No. He would never be able to do that. Unless they were paying an enormous sum. Which, considering the value of a book like that, they just might.
Since Darin would not be delivering the book, the buyers would most likely be sending others to steal it. The more she thought about it, the more she understood why Darin chose to go through her. Gram was too old to play at a date, and all three of the Old Gang had been defending their turf for so long that they would have recognized Darin for what he was right away. Which meant that the others who might come looking for the books would also attempt to get it through Roni.
I’m never going to be to able date again, she thought with a chuckle. But the humor faded fast. Not only would she forever have to doubt the motivations of those she came into contact with, but she could never warn them either. After all, she would not know who was an authentic person and who was a liar attempting to steal a book until that person took action. After that point, it would be too late — as it was too late to save Darin.
She hated the thought that crept beneath the surface, the thought that she knew she had been circling for too long, the thought she feared giving voice to — but the time had arrived. Staring at all her untouched food, she said, “I can’t be a part of this.”
Usually, when she voiced a decision that troubled her, she felt better. Not this time. Because voicing it did not put it into action nor did it make the next step any easier. She had to tell Gram.
The lengthy drive back to Olburg mounted the dread for her. She envisioned the arguments Gram would make, the anger and fierce words Gram might throw at her, and she prepared her counter-arguments. But in the end, she knew how it would stand — she had agreed to join the group, and only a day or so later, she was backing out. It didn’t help that Gram, Elliot, and Sully were approaching the ends of their lives. At least, that was what Gram would say. The fact that they had at least a decade each to go meant nothing to them — especially considering the dangerous lifestyle they lived.
Back and forth the debate raged in Roni’s head until she blared rock music to drown out her thoughts. It worked for a short time. Nothing, however, could stop the inevitable. Roni reached the bookstore.
The front door was locked. Gram had mentioned that she would not open the store for the day — Elliot and Sully needed rest. Roni used her key to get in, locked the door behind her, and rode the elevator to the top floor. She knocked on Gram’s door.
“Come in,” Gram called from her kitchen.
Roni entered the comfortable apartment. Decorated with the right balance of furniture, rugs, books, and paintings to create a cozy, lived-in feel, the rooms never bordered on cluttered or dirty. In the kitchen, Roni found Gram sitting at a small, round table eating her lunch — a tuna sandwich with a dill pickle on the side.
Gram’s welcoming smile faded when she saw Roni. “What’s wrong?”
Standing in the doorway, Roni picked at her nails, keeping her eyes down, and figured barreling through would be her best option. “No easy way to say any of this, but after looking into that book and seeing what it did to Darin and then I thought about the years ahead, well —”
“It’s not usually like this. If it was, we never would have lived this long.”
“Still, I don’t think this is right for me.”
“I see.” Gram returned to her sandwich.
“I want to help you, but I don’t see how I can go through what you all do. Especially because you have powers. I’m just a regular person.”
“Sure. We’ll find somebody else to take your place.” She gazed out the window near the kitchen table.
Roni’s fingers clenched. “Don’t be like that.”
“What now?” Gram said, still remaining calm. “You said you don’t want to be in this, and I said that was fine. What’s the matter? You want out, you got out.”
“Don’t you even care? Or am I just another employee?”
“I learned long ago that I can’t force you to do the right thing. I never could.”
“And there it is,” Roni said like a lawyer who caught a witness in a lie. “You think what I’m doing is wrong. You always think I make the wrong choice.”
“No, Roni. You are the one who thinks you make the wrong choice. But then you do it anyway. The fact is that I told you to walk away from all of this before you learned too much. Now that you know, you regret getting involved. Well, I’m sorry that reality isn’t filled with all the easy-living dreams you wanted, but that’s reality no matter what universe you’re in. Running away from your commitments won’t change that. I would have thought you’d have figured that out by now.”
“Are you saying that I run from commitment?”
Gram set her sandwich down and wiped her mouth with a napkin. “You clearly want to have a fight, so I’ll ask you to leave. I’d like to eat in peace. Also, please leave your key to the store by the register.”
Roni’s face dropped. “You’re kicking me out? Firing me?”
“You were never hired, so I can’t really fire you.”
“But I’m no longer welcome here — is that it?”
Gram leaned back in her chair. As she played with the beads on her necklace, her stern face grew dark. “We shared with you our greatest secrets, and we did so because you made a commitment to us. These secrets take precedence over all else in our lives — even family. I love you, Roni. I truly do. I don’t regret all the years spent raising you after your mother died. I don’t want you thinking that. But if you are not part of this group, then you cannot be in this building ever again. The secrets we hold here are too important, too powerful, for us to risk another Darin situation.”
Roni wanted to scream. But she wanted to break down crying, too. Before her body or mind could decide which reaction to have, her cellphone rang. Out of habit, she glanced at the screen — Jane Lander.
Roni accepted the call. “Jane?”
“You have to come back here right now. You just have to. I don’t know what to do. What’s going on with him? I need your help.”
“Calm down. What’s happened?”
“It’s Darin. He’s gone.”