The wrong person means her dad was wild. It means he was not dependable. He was bad news when he was young and even now, he’s not so great. He makes you think that you can tell him anything, but he doesn’t tell you what’s happening to him.
All that summer he seems fine. On Labor Day he takes Sam out for sundaes to celebrate the start of school—and then she sees him in September and October at the Garden Center.
They talk about English class and reading Greek myths.
“The main thing is don’t compete with gods,” says Mitchell. “Don’t steal their thunder.” He is setting up the Halloween display with all the pumpkins and the gourds and he says, “I’ll see you Saturday.”
He is coming to watch Sam compete at Boulders. He has a ride and everything. Kevin is going to drive him but when Sam gets there, she doesn’t see either of them. And when she calls, her dad doesn’t answer.
“Dad,” she tells his voicemail. “Where are you? Are you on your way? Dad?” She keeps talking, hoping he’ll pick up, but it’s time to pin her number to her shirt.
Courtney says, “Don’t worry. He will be here.” But she says that in her determined voice. “He’s just late.”
Jen shouts, “Love you, Sam!” She has a whole cheering section. Her mom and Noah and Jen and Steve and their little girls, Madi and Alex, and now Corey, looking tall and out of place—but not Adam, because Courtney broke up with him. And not Mitchell, because who knows?
The gym is packed with all the age groups and the different levels. The little kids have the silliest team names. For example, the ABCs, the Lemurs, the Rockers. Sam is wearing her green team shirt. The gym is all voices and shoes and bodies thumping on the mats, announcers and officials barking, parents clapping.
Declan is standing off to the side and he looks at her just once. It’s a hard look. Not Go out there and have fun. Not Winning doesn’t matter in the end, but I know what you can do.
She sits in her chair waiting and remembers the silver-gray leaves, and the dripping water. With Mitchell no news is definitely bad. She squeezes her eyes shut and tries to clear her mind, but she is not focused. She’s just numb.
When it’s her turn, she takes one sweeping glance at the bouldering wall and she climbs up, and it’s strange. Her feet support her, and her hands don’t slip. She can see the next hold and the next. Her body knows its length and force, where to reach and where to pause, where to lunge, and where to take a breath. She does not falter. She does not freeze up, second-guessing. There is nothing about this wall that scares her. She is climbing well because she doesn’t care.
In the distance, she can hear her family cheering. Far away she hears her name. It doesn’t help or hurt her. Even Declan seems distant, hoarse with shouting.
When it’s over, she wins first place in bouldering and fourth in lead. Corey says she’s awesome, and, luckily, he doesn’t try to kiss her. Sam’s mom cries. Jen says she can’t believe it. Everybody says they can’t believe it—except for Declan. He believes it, and at the same time, he isn’t like himself at all. Not cool, not fierce, but goofy, happy, younger than anybody. He says she is at a new level now. She’s got her head together. He says that because he doesn’t know. He has no idea what is happening. Her dad is gone. Her heart is cold.
“I’m going to his house,” Sam tells her mom that night as she takes out the kitchen garbage.
“You can’t,” says Courtney, because Mitchell’s house does not take visitors.
“I’m going anyway.” Sam stands there in the doorway of the apartment with the white trash bag in her hand.
Her mom says, “No, Sam.”
“What do you mean, no?”
Her mom says, “I called them, and he’s not there.”
“Well, where did he go, then?” Sam demands, because her dad knew about her competition. He knew exactly when it was going to be and Kevin was driving him and everything. You don’t make all those plans and vanish.
“He’s sick. That’s the way you have to look at it.”
“He’s not sick. He’s an asshole.”
“Watch your language.”
“Why? You don’t watch yours.”
“Hey, I’m trying to help!”
“Tell the truth, then,” Sam shouts. “Stop lying all the time.”
“I’m not lying,” Courtney says, and she is crying.
“I’m sorry.” Sam is scared.
“I’m sorry too,” says Courtney. “I don’t want to say this, and I don’t want to believe this, but some things can’t be fixed.” Her voice is so quiet and so sad, she doesn’t even sound like herself. She sounds like she is talking about her whole life. She’s talking about Sam’s dad, and Jack, and Adam too. Adam is with someone else. That’s why Courtney broke up with him. It turns out he was with this other person all along—but it doesn’t matter. Courtney is over it. There are a lot of things she hated about him—like he is a Neanderthal and he has guns.
Sam clears the table, and her mom washes the dishes, and with the dish towel, Courtney dries her eyes.
“I’m going to find him,” Sam says.
“And then what?” her mom asks.