They sit together on the bench, and then they sit in his car with the heat on, and Sam tells him about her life, but not in order, not the way it happened. She does not tell Justin about Topsfield or about Kevin with L.O.V.E. tattooed on his hand. She doesn’t tell him how her dad would mist her in the greenhouse or how they walked along the beach or how he never wanted ribbons. None of that. She says how angry she was and unforgiving when her dad returned.
Her voice is steady; she is not crying at all, until she says, “Now I’ve lost my chance.” Then she starts crying hard. She is almost out of breath. “And I can’t tell him anything.”
The sun has set. Justin is brushing tears from her face. “What would you say?”
“That I’m more like you than I thought. That when I was younger, you were trying and trying all the time—but I didn’t see it. Sorry.” She takes a breath. “And I do want to get away. I always want to and I don’t want to be like he was, but I always am now. I’m always thinking of something else. I don’t know what to do. I’m trying to be an accountant, but.”
“But what?”
“I just think.” He looks into her eyes, but she is shy to say it. He takes her hand and she holds on. “Maybe I do want to transfer and major in geology.”
He sits back half laughing.
“Why is that funny?” she demands.
“Because I thought you were talking about us. I thought you were going to say you want to be an accountant, but you miss me.”
“I do.”
“Now that I mention it!”
“No, I miss you.”
“How much?”
So much, she thinks, that I tried not to remember you. So much, I didn’t want to see you. “The problem is I can’t do everything at once.”
“But I would help.”
“How?”
Slowly, he kisses her. His nose brushes hers. His lips touch hers. Then he draws back. “I would ignore you.”
“Oh great.”
“You would go away to Amherst and I’d stay here with Ann and we’d never see each other.”
“If I get in.”
He pounces. “You applied already.” She doesn’t want to answer, but he says, “Admit it.”
“Yeah, I did.”