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Chris
Seeing Matt sitting up there with his eyes cast down at the rink was pure, unbridled torture. Not only was he depressingly handsome with his neat, ironed shirt and his well-shone brogues, but he was obviously trying to catch Chris’s eye at every opportunity. It simply wasn’t something he could allow right now.
God forbid any of his teammates should see something pass between them. He really wasn’t ready for that.
All the same, he knew he had something coming to him when he started to exit the pitch. Matt was already making his way over, unavoidable – and though Darren offered to block his view so Chris could leave, he knew that wasn’t really an option. He had to stick this out, and simply hope that nothing would be revealed in the high-density area of the stadium, where they would probably be overheard.
“Hey,” said Matt. His voice was a little tense. Maybe he was just hungover? The best case scenario would of course be that he had forgotten entirely, but that didn’t seem likely. Chris could definitely see that there was something in his eyes. Something accusatory and sad – and Chris wasn’t sure which was worse. Either way, Matt said nothing for now except, “Good practice?”
“Sure,” said Chris, finding it hard to meet his eyes. “Not bad. Uh... are we scheduled a time right now?”
“During your workout, yeah,” said Matt, checking his watch. “Shall I wait for you there, or would you rather I disappeared for the day and ceased to be a big gay problem?”
Chris looked over his shoulder, afraid that someone had heard. As it turned out, there was nobody nearby, but he still couldn’t help the tense feelings in his shoulders. It was worse than if he’d spent two hours with the weights. “Look, can you keep it down?”
“Relax,” said Matt. “Nobody’s here.”
“Well – they could be,” said Chris. “And that’s the last thing I need.”
“Yeah,” said Matt, slipping his notebook back into his bag. “I figured as much yesterday. Why don’t I leave you to your workout today? You can come and find me when you feel you’re able to stomach my company again.”
“Wait.” Chris sighed, sweeping a hand over his face. He knew Matt was right, and that he was being hot and cold – being unreasonable. That was partly what made it so bad. He knew the effect it had on Matt, but he couldn’t help acting this way anyway. “Look, I’m sorry. There’s... there’s just a lot for me.”
He sighed, looking back at the ice. He was so much better at hockey than he was at people, it turned out.
“Alright,” he continued. “Why don’t we just... skip training today? You can come back to the apartment. We’ll do the interview there. At least then we won’t have my team chaperoning us.”
Matt nodded. Clearly, he was still displeased; his jaw was tight, and he kept fiddling with the strap of his shoulder bag. Chris felt bad about that. He knew this was the second time he’d flip-flopped in just 24 hours – but at the same time, this whole thing was completely new to him. He’d never had any kind of attraction towards a man before, let alone anything... well. Fluttery.
Man, that word made him feel pathetic.
As they drove to Chris’s place, though, even just sitting in the car beside Matt had his head reeling. He found he couldn’t speak, as immobilized by his own conflicting thoughts as he was by concentrating on the road. Whenever he did risk a glance sideways, he didn’t see a particularly happy man sitting beside him.
Sometimes, he thought he saw disappointment flicker in along with the anger. Either way, he regretted whatever part he’d played in creating that feeling.
When they were finally alone in his apartment, he was just about ready to launch into his apology – but as it turned out, he wasn’t going to get a chance to give it.
“Honestly,” said Matt, “I’m not sure what to do right now. Would you prefer me to pass on the project, and hand you over to another writer? Because if I have to go through this cycle again even one more time, after knowing how good we are, then...” He raised his hands, despairing. “No, Chris. I can’t do it. I told you last night that I’ve never connected with someone this quickly. I meant it. I can’t mess around with that.”
“Hey, easy.”
“No!”
Matt slapped away the placating hand that Chris tried to lay on his shoulder, his eyes wild with – hurt, was that? Chris was surprised to see it there, as strong and as bright as his confidence and playfulness had been the night before. It was horrible to know that he’d hurt Matt so fundamentally, and so quickly.
He guessed he’d feel the same, if the boot were on the other foot. If it were Matt that was suddenly rejecting him, after a kiss like that.
“I know you’re new to liking men,” Matt insisted. “Do you think I’m not aware of that? Or that I’m not aware of what kind of environment you work in? I know it’s hard, but I’m not one of them, Chris. I’m on your side. You don’t need to hold me at arm’s length, too.”
His breathing was heavy. Chris wanted to step in and try to hold him again, but he didn’t dare; instead, he let his eyes fix on the steady rise and fall of Matt’s chest. The fact that this argument had gotten so intense so quickly was only a testament to how powerful and instantaneous their connection had been.
Chris had been with a couple of girls for serious relationships, and he had meant all of them. He wasn’t about to stop liking girls just because he’d met a man he wanted. But he’d be lying if he said that he’d ever felt this way about a woman. Especially not after just a couple of short days.
“Matt, I’m sorry,” he said, holding out one hand, open-palmed. Believe me. “I just... I had to get out this morning. There was a lot in my head, and I had to work out to clear it. Then when I got to practice, I was just... around all of them, you know? And Darren was asking how things were, and I felt like he could almost see into my head. So it got worse and worse, and then I couldn’t even look at you in the stands in case he saw the way we look at each other – I mean... shit...”
He trailed off. When he refocused, he could see Matt’s eyes fixed on him, and some wavering. He was calmer now, at least.
Chris took a step closer. This time, Matt didn’t shrink away.
“I’m just tired of being gross to you. Like suddenly you see me the way they all do. I can’t stand that.”
It broke Chris’s heart to hear him say that. “Matt, of course you’re not gross to me...” If there had been any doubt in his mind that he had feelings for Matt, they dissipated immediately. He couldn’t care about him this much without badly wanting him, and acknowledging the feelings only made them stronger. He closed the gap between them, wrapping his arms tight around Matt’s slender waist. Matt’s head buried into his muscular shoulder, and for a few moments they just stood in each other’s space, drinking in the sensation of togetherness.
Of course, before long, it wasn’t enough.
“Can I make it up to you...?” Chris asked.
They pulled away, Chris still holding Matt at arm’s length. He almost expected to see tears in Matt’s eyes, with emotion so strong and overwhelming – but maybe he should have guessed again. Matt was fiery and strong. He had to be to survive in this career, and those traits hadn’t abandoned him now. Though the emotion was clear on his face, he was still a solid figure.
Still a man. And that was very, very appealing.
“Why don’t I make it up to you first?” Matt suggested, voice a little shaky. “Since you’re new.”
Chris didn’t need to know much about gay people to understand what that meant. He licked his lips, mind already darting to the mental image, and stepped closer to Matt again. “I mean...” He cleared his throat, but his voice was still gravelly when he spoke up again. “If that’s – if you want to, I...”
“Honestly?” said Matt. There was a wicked glint in his eye now, and a quirk in the corner of his lips. He was still wary, but relaxing into the moment. This, at least, seemed to be familiar ground. “I’ve been thinking about it since the first day I met you, so... yeah. I think it’s safe to say I want to. But...”
He glanced down, lifting one of Chris’s hands up between them and planting a kiss on the back of it.
“You have to promise,” Matt continued. “You don’t have to come out. I don’t expect that of you, but... no more flip-flopping with me, okay? Just... if we’re going to do this, you have to be certain. Of me.”
Chris nodded. Yesterday, he would have been unsure. Today, the thought he’d almost lost Matt had frightened him enough to prove that there was nothing to be unsure about. Not really. “Yeah,” he said, eyes fixed on Matt’s. “I promise.”
“And not just because you want me to blow you?”
Chris had to laugh, stepping in to close the gap between them and catching Matt’s smirking lips in a broad, soft kiss. His sense of humor was one of the most appealing things about him – but then, Chris guessed he had a lot of appealing things about Matt that still remained to be seen and explored.
He had an exciting few months ahead of him.
Matt’s lips were warm and soft, and his hands confident as they smoothed over Chris’s broad shoulders – then down, enticing, to the small of his back. If Matt was confident, though, then Chris was brash; he didn’t wait to move his hands from Matt’s back to scoop down over his ass, cupping him closer and kneading him, eager for more. If he was going to be with a man, then let him be. He wasn’t afraid of the physicality. He had a lot to learn, and a lot of gaps in his knowledge – but hell, he was willing to learn.
With Matt’s lips pressing eagerly up into his, Chris led the way back to the couch where they’d first kissed. He could scarcely believe the other first time he was about to experience, and yet here Matt was climbing into his lap, hands rubbing eagerly over Chris’s shoulders. He was so slight and slender that he fitted perfectly straddling Chris’s legs.
“You definitely want this?” Matt murmured, kissing down Chris’s neck. “You’re not going to change your mind once I’m done?”
“I want it alright,” Chris told him, hand teasing through the brunette’s once-tidy hair. “I want you.”
Clearly, this had been the right thing to say. Matt groaned, nipping at his earlobe and reaching down to unfasten his jeans. Chris continued to knead at his ass, desperate for any sexual contact with him that he could manage. Even though they’d only known each other for a couple of days, it felt like he’d been building up to this forever.
Maybe he actually had felt something for men before, and it had been creating this intense pressure all along. Maybe that explained it – or maybe Matt was just special.
“Condom...?”
Chris groaned, scrubbing at his forehead. “Ah... I don’t know. Think I used my last one the other day, but... I’m clean. Get tested often. The last thing the Rangers needs is a chlamydia outbreak...”
“You’re sure?”
Matt’s eyes were serious, but Chris could answer this honestly. “Definitely.”
“Well. Me too, if...?”
“God, yes,” said Chris, a wave of relief washing over him. If they had to stop right now for lack of a condom, he thought he might lose his mind – but thankfully, Chris’s hands were right back to his jeans, and then slipping inside them. The pressure of his hand against Chris’s cock, even through his underwear, was almost overwhelming. He groaned desperately, leaning into Matt and pulling him closer.
“You change your mind, you tell me.”
“Don’t hold your breath,” he grunted into Matt’s ear, enjoying the laugh that he got in return. He kissed a line over the parts of Matt’s neck that he could reach, sighing as Matt took his hand out of his jeans.
“Stand up,” said Matt. “Take these off.”
Powerless to do anything but exactly what he was told, Chris followed Matt’s orders. His eyes remained fixed on the man who’d just been riding his lap, flickering down briefly to the noticeable tent in his pants. Would he feel the pressure of that when Matt sat back down? But as it turned out, Matt wasn’t sitting down in his lap any more. As soon as Chris had shucked off his pants, Matt had sunk to his knees, leaning to kiss a strip down his thigh.
“Shit,” Chris breathed, unable to look away. “Matt...”
“One word and I’ll stop.”
“Don’t you dare.”
He reached down, tangling a hand into that handsome mop of hair, and groaned quietly as Chris’s lips reached the leg of his boxers. He was already hard beneath the soft fabric, straining it – and by the looks of things, Matt couldn’t look away. His eyes were rooted on the shape in Chris’s boxers, tongue flicking out over his lips like he just couldn’t wait. It was like nothing Chris had ever seen before.
And then he reached in to pull Chris out of his boxers, and the skin-to-skin contact was almost more than he could take.
“Shit,” Chris breathed again, eyes already half-lidded as he watched Matt drink in the sight of his thick, hard cock. He had never been the type to feel self-conscious and that didn’t change now, especially not with the thirsty, desperate look he saw on Matt’s face. He was clearly desperate to start, giving Chris a few quick, hot strokes.
“Want you,” he told Chris again. Then, after a beat, he leaned in and took him.
Of course Chris had been given head before, but never quite like this. He guessed it was true what people said. Nobody could pleasure a woman like a woman could – and nobody, apparently, could pleasure a man like a man could. Matt’s tongue was slick, dexterous and skillful; it shuddered underneath Chris’s cock as Matt bobbed up and down along him, taking more of him into his mouth than Chris would ever have thought possible. One hand still twisted at the base, well-practiced and clever – but no doubt about it, that hot sweet mouth was the main event. When he pulled back to lick a stripe over the head of Chris’s cock, drunk as an alcoholic on the taste of Chris’s body, he thought he might lose his mind.
“You’re so fucking hot,” he breathed, reaching to stroke the hair back away from Matt’s face. “Shit.”
“Yeah,” said Matt, his words a light, soft vibration against Chris’s cock. “I thought you might like it.”
“Fuck...”
Matt grinned, leaning forward to take him back into his mouth. After the short break, the heat was even more overwhelming – but apparently, it was about to get better.
“You want to move?” he murmured, pressing a kiss to Chris’s thigh. “Not hard, but... I can take it.”
“Fuck,” Chris repeated. He felt like all he could say were extremities and curses right now; it took a moment to gather himself to speak a proper sentence. “I mean... shit, are you sure...?”
Matt swallowed him back down again by way of an answer, eyes locked on Chris’s as he waited. Even just the sight could have driven Chris over the edge if he really tried – but he couldn’t bear to finish right now. He wanted to ride into Matt’s mouth and get lost in the sensation, and he could barely believe he was allowed to do that.
When he finally shifted forward and began to move, thrusting gently into the perfect warmth of Matt’s waiting mouth, he couldn’t help but give a shuddering moan. It was almost too much, and yet he couldn’t get enough. Though he tried to contain himself, it wasn’t long before he was thrusting into Matt’s mouth in earnest, eyes fixed down on the journalist to make sure that he was okay – that he still had control.
The piercing brown of his eyes, directly up at Chris’s, was almost as erotic as the physical sensation. It was the look Matt gave him that eventually tipped him over the edge, in fact – eyes shuddering shut and grip on his hair tightening. Matt had the good sense to pull back a little to take the load, swallowing neatly like some kind of pro as Chris regained his breath and his composure. His head was tipped back against the couch, quite lost.
“Holy shit,” he managed, wrapping one lazy arm around Matt as he climbed back up into Chris’s lap. “You are... you’re something. I’ll say that.”
“You’re welcome,” said Matt, pecking a kiss on the corner of his mouth. “Now get your breath back, will you? I thought you were supposed to be an athlete.”
Chris gave a tired laugh, nuzzling into the crook of Matt’s neck. His skin and his hair were so soft, and he smelled incredible. What did he wear – Tom Ford? He’d have to ask. Until then, he just drank in the experience of being this close to him, not watched by anybody and not expected anywhere.
It was as close to a perfect moment as he thought he’d ever get. The feeling continued until he had to let Matt go to a meeting late in the evening, squeezing Matt’s hand tight in both of Chris’s before he left. Perhaps if he hadn’t been so blissfully happy, he might have noticed a pair of particularly watchful eyes on him – but then, he wouldn’t have traded that happiness away for anything. Not even the awareness of his surroundings.
