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Chris
After last night, Chris had been hard-pressed to imagine spending time alone with Matt without wanting to fuck him senseless. It felt like they wouldn’t be able to relax together without screwing for at least a couple of months. Right now, however, all of that was out of the window. Collapsed together in a pile on the couch and hemmed in by the softest blanket they could find in Chris’s self-confessed austere, modern pit of a home, neither of them was particularly keen to move again.
No – not even for sex.
Matt’s body was warm and comfortable against his, and with Toddlers and Tiaras on the TV in front of them, Chris figured it would take a mountain to move them. In fact, he could fully imagine them falling asleep here tonight, too bothered by the concept of moving to bed to actually attempt it.
“I think I might just die here,” he admitted into Matt’s hair, eyes unfocused on the screen. “I’m so wiped out.”
“You’re not allowed,” Matt told him. “We haven’t had enough time together yet.”
“How long?”
Matt wrinkled his nose, summoning up a playful answer. “At least two years.”
“Fine, then,” Chris said, clearing his throat to correct himself. “I think I might just die here in two years’ time. That’s how wiped out I am, with deference to your future plans.”
“Appreciated,” said Matt, suppressing a yawn. “That’s a lot of dedication, though. Are you sure you’re ready to commit for the next two years?”
“I’m ready to commit to this couch,” he said. “If you’re on the couch too, then I guess my decision has bee made for me.”
“We might have to move sometimes,” Matt pointed out playfully. “You know. To eat. To piss. That kind of thing.”
“Debatable.”
“Not really.”
Matt turned in to nestle against his arm, so close that Chris could feel the shape of Matt’s smile forming against his arm. They had stripped off just enough of their clothes to be comfortable, and his shirt had fallen victim to that cull; in other words, Matt’s lips were pressed directly against his skin in some kind of permanent, passive kiss.
“You know I really like you,” Chris said, after a couple of beats. “I mean... all joking aside. You do know that, right?”
“For the next two years?”
“Sure,” said Chris, feeling emboldened by the fact that he didn’t have to directly meet Matt’s eyes right now. “Longer, even.”
The silence went on for just long enough to start making Chris nervous. Had he said too much? Had he pushed it too far?
“I’m glad about that,” said Matt. “I mean... nobody can predict the future. I usually don’t like it when people make these kinds of promises so soon, but... it feels that way. It really, really does.”
Chris smiled, closing his eyes for a moment and drowning out the sound of the TV. Instead, he focused on the sound of Matt’s breathing beside him – on the slow rise and fall of his chest that Chris could feel by proximity.
“I don’t think I’ve ever felt so protective of another human being as I did today,” Chris admitted. “When I saw he’d hurt you. When I thought he might do it again.”
“Hero complex, huh?”
“Maybe,” Chris said, nuzzling into Matt’s hair and smiling even though he recognized the tease. “I guess so. But... I don’t know. Not that I haven’t cared about the other people I’ve dated. Obviously I did. I just... I felt so... carried away.” He shook his head, rejecting the phrasing; it wasn’t strong enough. A beat later, he tried again. “I felt like I didn’t have control of myself. I thought if he hit you again I might lose my mind.”
“I’d say the same to you,” said Matt, “but you’re so big I barely have to worry about you.” He accompanied it with a light squeeze of Chris’s bicep, craning his neck up to give Chris a light smile when he briefly opened his eyes. “It surprises me every time you manage to be gentle like this.”
“Yeah?” said Chris. “Do I seem like a monster to you?”
“Not a monster,” Matt said. “Just... so strong.” Matt’s fingertips traced over the shape of Chris’s muscles, pausing as he flexed and relaxed. “Not that strong people can’t normally be gentle, of course. I don’t know. I just... like it. I like how tender you are right now.”
There was a beat of silence, then Matt continued.
“I mean. I like it when you’re not tender, too.”
Chris grinned, leaning his head back against the couch. “Is that right?”
“Sure is.”
Those fingertips traced sensual circles for a couple of seconds, prodding at a side of Chris that was too tired to flare up entirely – but then they went back to drawing their ordinary shapes again, neatly shifting between sex and sensitivity.
“I think I like pretty much every part of you, actually.”
Chris’s body felt like it was lighting up at that compliment, every cell in his body practically glowing at the thought that Matt Tucker valued it. He believed it, too. Matt was too honest and too careful with his words to use any that he didn’t mean. If he said every part, then he meant it.
That was a powerful feeling.
A heartbeat later, he realized that there was a significant silence hanging in the air – and jolted back into action.
“Oh – shit. Sorry. Yeah, I mean... me too. You. Every part of you.”
Matt snorted, reaching up to card his fingers through Chris’s hair. Chris closed his eyes again, submitting to the warmth of that kind of touch. Sometimes, a touch like that could be more intimate than sex.
“You’re cute, Knoll,” he said, still ruffling his hair softly. “You’re not the brightest, but you’re definitely cute.”
“Shut up; I’m tired,” Chris protested playfully, shifting down in the couch a little so that Matt could reach his hair more easily. “And for the record, I have talents other than academic prowess.”
“Feel free to list them.”
“Pretty good at making breakfast,” said Chris. “I’m alright at Candy Crush. Good with my hands.”
“Mm-hm,” said Matt, pretending to take note. “Go on.”
“People tell me I’m decent at hockey,” said Chris. “So I guess there’s that.”
Matt sat up a little, pressing his hands against Chris to gain the leverage he needed. He was so much smaller than Chris was; the size difference was really prominent like this, with their bodies pressed up close together. He could snap Matt in half, if the mood ever struck him. He knew it was part of his job to make sure that never happened – not him, or anybody else.
In any case, Matt wrinkled his nose as he looked at Chris, and then settled back down to snuggle. “Eh. I don’t know. You don’t look like you’d be very good at hockey. I’m not sure if I buy it.”
“Maybe I’ll let you see me play sometime.”
“Yeah, we’ll see. If I’m interested at the time.”
Chris leaned down to kiss the top of his head. “I like to think you will be. Interested in me, I mean. For a while.”
“That’s what I just said,” said Matt, playfully pretending to be grumpy. “You might find I don’t like you for very long at all if you don’t listen to me.”
“Noted.”
As they settled together, however, with Matt’s hands still caressing gently through Chris’s hair and the air was soft and calm between them, it was clear even without words that this tease had no legs whatsoever. Neither of them had ever connected with another person like this – not as teenagers with their hearts overtaking their heads, nor as adults as they came into a better understanding of what they needed in a partner.
Not for the first time today, Chris felt lucky that he had stumbled into loving Matt. He knew he was only a heartbeat away from being angry and frustrated with himself, slinging ugly insults at people he once considered friends. He had felt some of that frustration early on in this process. He was just extremely fortunate that it had been brief, and never intense enough to overwhelm him.
He rested his head on Matt’s shoulder, paying attention to the soft sigh of his breath – the gentle, slow quiver of heartbeat a few inches away from where Chris’s head had come to rest.
“Strange day,” said Matt, after a while. “I’m glad it’s over, but... I’m glad it happened, in a way, if it means we can be here like this right now.” He paused, then added - “Does that make sense?”
“It does,” Chris assured him, even if he knew a couple of weeks ago he’d have thought they were both out of their minds. What kind of madness was it to want to endure a day like this, just to get to this lazy spot on the couch together? Couldn’t they have done that anyway? But that was the special kind of madness that love brought along with it, he supposed. Despite himself, he kind of liked it.
That was fortunate, really. It was clear from the way events had aligned themselves that their future yawned ahead of them, tangled together irrevocably.
Of course it made sense.
“Yeah?”
“Yes. It really, really does.”
