I am sorry that some of you are angry with me for putting Jan into assisted living. I should have anticipated that, and I didn't. I forgot that I have lived with this for years, and you are just now coming face to face with this baffling, unpredictable illness. This is a deceptive, wily disease that is attacking someone articulate and charming and beautiful.
I happily took care of Jan myself, and in time that didn't work. I got friends involved to make sure she was okay when I traveled, and in time that didn't work. I hired a live-in caregiver, flew her halfway around the world and even rented her an apartment for when we were in Beijing because the flat there is too small, and in time that didn't work.
If you need to be angry with me, I accept that. I have and will continue to make my decisions based solely on what I believe is best for Jan. And I also know that much of your anger with me is truly about what Jan is going through, about her confusion and anxiety, about how this seems so bloody unfair.
We are now at a moment when we can make Jan comfortable, content and mentally stimulated in her new home, and she gets to spend time with all of us. And these things could actually help her get better.
This is a very delicate time in the transition. We have a chance— and NO guarantees here despite our good intentions—to get this right. Jan is amazing. She is by nature upbeat, happy, vivacious. And we are a dream team, believe me. Think how, together, we span all the parts of her life. She is so blessed to have people like you, and she has you because of who she is and how wonderful and fun and adventurous she is.
We can still have that Jan but ONLY if we, together, make this delicate transition work in the weeks ahead. Or we can, singly or as a group, blow it for her. And the result of that is too sad to contemplate.
~Best … Barry