2. Meeting the Handsome Stranger

My husband and I met in a backpackers hostel at Coolangatta in March 1987. I was a primary school teacher from Switzerland and my three-month trip to Australia was almost over. With one week to go I had decided to spend the last few days in Byron Bay.

‘I know somebody that can give you a lift,’ said one of the other backpackers, but I wasn’t interested. The idea of travelling in a car with a stranger didn’t sound appealing. ‘Come on, meet him at least,’ said the guy and pushed me towards Gavin, who was sitting on the sofa watching TV.

As soon as I saw him I realized that I had met him before in the billiards room. There was something mysterious about his appearance, he somehow reminded me of’Barbie’s Ken’. Attracted by his good looks and intrigued by the air of distance that he exuded, I decided to drop my initial fear and ask him for a lift to Byron Bay. He seemed neither happy nor sad about it, just nodded and said it was fine, without taking his eyes off the TV screen. Confused by his indifference I sat next to him and tried to start a conversation, but he didn’t seem interested. He was watching a movie and didn’t want to be disturbed, giving me the impression that he’d rather be left alone. I decided to be quiet until the show was finished, hoping that he would be a little more approachable afterwards. My suspicion proved to be right. Once the TV was off we finally talked and got to know each other.

The next day we drove to Byron Bay where we booked into a hostel and spent the days lazing on the beach. I enjoyed my time with Gavin. He was kind, good-looking and different. Before I knew it I had fallen in love with him. It was silly because I only had a few days left before I had to go back to Switzerland but, as the French mathematician and philosopher Blaise Pascal once said, ‘The heart has its reasons which the mind cannot comprehend.’

My English was not good enough to realize that Gavin wasn’t an expert at deep conversations. If we ever misunderstood each other I put it down to the fact that I was Swiss and he was Australian. He was extremely kind to me and I enjoyed his intense admiration. It was as if nothing else existed -I was the centre of his world, or, in other words, his special interest.

Many years later, when our marriage had become a battlefield, I tried to remember those first few days, but I could barely recall them. It was as if Gavin had been a different person back then. He was never angry, never critical and always kind. I loved the attention he gave me and was impressed with the clear-cut goals he had. He wanted to have four children, be a successful accountant and own his own home. I remember laughing, it sounded like such a sensible plan for a man of his age. When I asked him about enjoying life a bit more before starting a family, he looked surprised. What did I mean by that? There was no better enjoyment than following a logical plan to its conclusion.

At the end of the week I went back to Switzerland to continue my life as a teacher in a little village near Bern. I missed my handsome stranger with the unusual eyes but as soon as I was back I started to get some of the most wonderful love letters. They were very emotional and loving and arrived as frequently as three times a week.

Finally Gavin came to visit me and we travelled together through Europe. It was great. We played tennis, swam in the ocean and went out for beautiful meals at night. In the last week he asked me to marry him. To be honest, neither of us had much of an idea what a marriage required. We just knew that we couldn’t keep dating over such a great distance.

Gavin decided to stay in Switzerland until the end of the year. He enjoyed being the visitor from down under. There was absolutely no pressure on him. I worked full time in a job that I loved and he could just sit at home and listen to music and wait for me to come home. If we were invited somewhere for dinner and he said something that was inappropriate, everybody forgave him, he was Australian after all. My school children loved his jokes and his high energy levels and everybody who met him found him entertaining and funny.

People with AS often play a character. Gavin was happy in the role of the ‘funny man from down under’.

In those early months, I was able to enjoy the positive aspects that can be part of AS: the intense admiration; the good looks; the sensible outlook on life; the wonderful letter writing; the good humour and the high energy levels.