The list of friends, family, doctors, and nurses who helped me, my sister, and my father through the events narrated in these pages is so vast it would require another book just to fit all of the names. Due to space, I must limit myself to acknowledging those who directly helped with the writing of this book. To the others, who generously embraced me and my family in times of crisis, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I’m indebted to Dr. Anne Moore, Dr. Robert Porges, Dr. Daniel Roses, and Dr. Franco Muggia for taking the time to answer questions about my mother’s medical history. Also to Andrea Downey, my mother’s oncological nurse, for sharing her poignant memories of my mother.
Profuse thanks to the lovely Dr. Miyhe Choi and her partner, Dr. Nolan Karp, for having drinks with me one evening and expounding on the subject of breast reconstruction. How can I ever thank the incomparable Dr. Julia Smith? One winter afternoon I spent four hours in her office grilling her on book-related topics, and still I had more questions. She insisted I come home with her, where she whipped up a gourmet dinner, cracked open a bottle of wine, and talked with me until one in the morning. Her knowledge and passion are rivaled only by her boundless generosity.
I owe an immeasurable debt to Dr. Steven Katz, who signed up to be the book’s medical expert and adviser. Over endless cups of coffee, Dr. Katz explained all aspects of the BRCA gene to me in layman’s terms. His patience was Herculean. The gifted Dr. Katz was on call for me around the clock, frequently e-mailing answers to my frantic questions in the middle of the night. Knowing that Dr. Katz was there to oversee the medical aspect of the book gave me tremendous peace of mind.
I could not have written this book without substantial help and support from Liza Roberts, Calista Flockhart, Erika Dilday, Scott, James, and Max Burkholder, Rosemary Hochschild, Jonathan Glatzer, Meredith Elson, Michele Juskowitz, Mark Epstein, Edith Gould, Molly McCarthy, Rob Mandel, Cynthia Morris, David Lubliner, Elise Henderson, Roberta Saft, Liza Wherry, Linda Larkin, Zandy Hartig, Fran, Leon, Michael, and Stacey Queller, John Norris, Joyce Wadler, Rick Kaplan, Kathleen McDonnell, Elsa Reich, the Gossip Girl writing staff and assistants, Alan, Michelle, and Tess Heilpern, and Matthew Kirshner.
Special thanks to Ron Schwary who gave me my first job and break as a writer. He gave many, many people their breaks in Hollywood. They don’t make them like Ron.
I’m deeply grateful to Jennifer Westfeldt for her insightful, devoted help on the proposal, and to Rebecca Kirshner, whose prodigious talent was always available to me if I needed it. Also to Gordon Greenberg, who did everything from assembling the desk I used to bringing over emergency provisions whenever I was too lost in writing to go to the store.
David Zabel, the mentor. He read the first sixty pages of the book and gave me notes before I dared show a word of it to any other person, just as he’s been the first to read everything I’ve written from the start of my career. David is an extraordinary teacher and an even better friend. Words cannot express the depth of my gratitude.
I would not have made it through the writing of this book without Jonathan Marc Sherman, Kay Dilday, and Gillian Zoe Segal. Jonathan and Kay swept in as crisis managers whenever I got bogged down in a paragraph. One or the other would read the problem section with incisive eyes and offer a simple solution. I wrote the book at night during the fall and winter months of 2006 and 2007. Jonathan and Kay each kept me company via Internet or phone during writing breaks in the lonely hours when the rest of the world was asleep. Gillian handled all photography crises—touching up photos on a moment’s notice for the S&G catalog or for publicity. She took over the morning shift of keeping me company on breaks when the sun had come up and I was still typing.
Cara Buono shared the burden of talking to me on the phone every few hours to keep my spirits up through the months of writing. Cara Buono and Kelly Wolf were the first people to read the manuscript from beginning to end. Their genuine, effusive responses soothed my fears, and made me feel that this was actually a book. Cara also took the author photo for the book jacket. I hate cameras. I am lit up with happiness in the photo because my eyes are reflecting my beautiful friend.
No one was more instrumental to my writing process than Jillian Bach. About halfway through the draft, Jillian offered to read each chapter as I wrote it and give me feedback before I turned it in to my editor. Jillian doggedly waited up at night for new installments and gave me the most thorough, frank, and thoughtful notes. She was my barometer of whether I had remained on-track or veered off into loopiness and self-indulgence. Jillian’s devotion was incredible, and her honest responses gave me such comfort. I will be forever grateful.
Mark Kriegel, thank you. For buoying me during the process of pitching the book. For sending me to Julie Grau. Most important, for bringing me back to life.
I am profoundly indebted to the women who allowed me to chronicle their BRCA experiences. My deepest thanks to Alexandra Shiva, Donna Estreicher and family, and Suzy Hurley and family. In all humility, I thank Anna LoBianco’s sisters for sharing such intimate, painful, powerful moments from Anna’s life. I also thank Ali Marsh for sharing her private memories of Anna. I’m honored to portray Anna’s magnificent soul in this book.
Many thanks to my superb William Morris agents: Andy Mc-Nichol, who sold the book with vigor, and Suzanne Gluck, whose support has been steadfast. Special thanks to the magnificent Cara Stein, who crossed departments to take the book on as a passion project. Cara is smart and formidable and warm all at once. I am so very grateful to have her in my corner.
Boundless gratitude to my manager, Jeff Wise. Our history is old-school: he took a chance on me when I had no professional experience, had faith in me when no one else did. Jeff passionately stood by me through all the personal turbulence that has interrupted my career. His unconditional support has been amazing. His friendship invaluable. Jess has been my lighthouse through many dark storms.
I am so very proud to be among Spiegel & Grau’s first books. Spiegel & Grau is not only an elegant, first-rate imprint, it’s an exceptionally warm, nurturing group. I’m profoundly grateful to Cindy Spiegel, Alison Rich, Kirk Reed, and Gretchen Koss. Above all, I’m grateful to my editor, the smashing Julie Grau. Julie is a force—a rare combination of tough-minded intelligence and humanity. Her passion for the book made the project feel special from the start. Her emotional support carried me through to the end. As a first-time author, I could not have felt more embraced or valued.
I am grateful to my brother-in-law for his abundant generosity. My mother loved him like a son, and I love him like a brother.
To my brave, brilliant, beautiful sister, Danielle Queller. Your tremendous support of the book means the world to me. Your unconditional support in all ways is a pillar in my life. I love you and don’t know what I would do without you.
Lastly, to my father, Fred Queller. My lifetime champion and supporter. The most generous father in the world. I’m so happy to have the opportunity to thank you in print for believing in me always.