Scarlet crested the thousand wave, a sea of blood. Metal smell of blood everywhere, heavy in my head. Agony clutched me until I fell limp, a boned fish wrung dry of blood, of water. Wrung dry of life. Then agony returned to torture me again. And again. I screamed at her, "I have nothing left to give you, you have wrung me dry." But she only returned again, twisted my body, a rag in her mighty fist.
"Shh, shh," whispered Nalene, said something in her gibberish. A cool cloth touched my forehead.
I reached up, gripped her hand. Her pale eye looked deep into mine, so deep she stole a little of the color where Aesir had marked me a child of the south, her pale eye reflecting my dark eye.
"U-u du weh-ell, Ghitana," she said in Aesirs tongue, so slowly I could not help understanding. She knew a few word of Aesirs tongue, I knew a few word of the barbarian tongue. Only a very few though. I resisted learning the barbarian tongue, lest I learn to understand it, to understand the demon word meant Aesir had truly damned me. Yet Nalene made effort to speak my tongue to comfort me. She was a good woman. I squeezed her hand before the agony picked me up, twisted me again.
Then came a pang with such strong grip, such tight grasp, it wrung the last of the blood from my vein, the last scream from my mouth. I collapsed on hot, sweat-soaked, scarlet-stained sheet, too drained to breathe. My eye closed on the world, on Aesirs light, all went dark for awhile. I died.
But no. Could the dead hear? For through the night behind my eyelid, through the roar of the wind in my empty ear, cut a thin wail. A babys cry. The demon spawn lived.
"Ghitana! Ghitana!" Nalenes voice gripped me, shook me back to life.
I drew breath, my rib aching, found the strength to open both eye. Nalene pressed a squirming, wailing bundle against my unwilling arm. "Fiin gurr-ell. Prit-tee," she said, her large mouth curled up in wide grin.
Damp black hair, shiny skin the amber of honey. And a lovely color, the loveliest color ever seen, the pure pink gold of the desert rose. She stopped her crying, blinked up at me, rosy glow of her new color warm and soft against my skin, eye black like mine. We gazed at each other, no secret between us. How could there be? She had lived inside me for so long.
"No pale eye. Not demon baby," I murmured hoarsely, hugged her close. Her color flared, rosy flame, content to be next to mine. For the first time since the sea stole my father, I could hold another, have another touch me with utter trust, no fear.
"Finally." The door banged open. Her Majesty strode into the cabin, her shadow stalking her across the wall in Aesirs long afternoon light, she tossed a hard glance my way. "Really, Ghitana, my hearing. Toughen up. And count yourself fortunate. I had to give birth with fifty courtier present--twice no less--and didnt make a peep." She sat down before the mirror, called to Undene.
I shut my eye, I had no wish to see the mirror demon, for her to see my daughter . . . "Kelene" the name suddenly dropped from my tongue, my eye opened so I could look upon her without pause. "I will call you Kelene, for my father Kelval and for Nalene, who helped bring you under Aesirs gaze." I glanced around. No Nalene. Perhaps she had taken away the stained linen, the mess, before Peregrines eye fell upon it.
"No use to name her." Her Majesty turned slightly, her eye cocked sidelong at me. "Peregrine will never let you keep a daughter. He said he would only let a son live."
A rock scraped the inside of my throat. "What? No, no . . ." I held Kelene so tightly she began to cry again. Could even he be so cruel? His own daughter . . . no, not his daughter. My daughter. His seed might have started her body growing in my belly. But any smelly stud camel trader could have done the same. His seed could never have given her a soul, for he had no soul to give, he had no color, no soul. She had her color of love, of desert rose petal, the color of her soul, her soul came from me. She was mine. Never his.
In answer echoed heavy boot step in the hall, clomp, clomp . . . with each clomp, I cringed, my heart squeezed to bursting under the sound of his heel, the promise of more agony to wring me. Kelenes wail sharpened to a scream when his huge shadow darkened the door.
He filled the doorway, his hand braced on the side, his pale eye glinted, a demon blade to slash, maim the soft petal of my babys tender new soul. "Nalene tells me it is a girl," he said. "Give it here, Ghitana. I will stop its bawling."
I shook my head, he cursed. He lunged toward the bunk, his huge hand outstretched, his monster finger bruised me before he even touched me, just the mirage of him reaching for Kelene battered me. His brutal grip would close over her tiny head, delicate bird eggshell, crack it open. I surrounded her with my arm, my hand, my body. He would have to break me first, before he could get to her.
"Honestly, Peregrine," Her Majesty said. "You did sire the child, after all."
He paused, his finger an inch from my quivering arm. "How dare you interfere?" he snarled at her. "We have no use for a filthy brat on this ship, especially a girl. You want to hear it screeching every hour? You want to soil your pampered queens hand changing its stinking rag?"
She shrugged, glanced back at her vanity table, tapped her mirror. The demon Undene appeared, her white eye rolling, roving like two ivory marble in her wrinkled face, her scary dark violet color flashing, lightning in the night sky. I shuddered, Peregrines smile slashed a red crescent in his beard at the sight of my fear. He could sometime glimpse Undene in the mirror. But only Her Majesty, I could hear her, speak with her.
Her Majesty half-turned, gave Peregrine her sidelong look. "Your crew, superstitious SerVerinese that they are, will think it bad luck to toss a healthy baby overboard."
"Bad luck?" Peregrine laughed. "Bad luck? You think I believe in bad luck?"
"That holy woman Azure on the Sud Island would pay much coin for such a trinket. A live newborn for her rite. The crew might believe a holy womans sacrifice of their captains daughter would bring good fortune back to the fleet . . ."
Peregrine scoffed. "That false witch Azure. Her ritual is no better than some holy mans muttering."
"Of course you are too practical to believe in such nonsense, a tale to frighten a child. But your crew, Peregrine, a superstitious crew might mutiny unless you do something to quell their unrest, especially after losing that ship last week to Tetwars cannon."
"That is quite enough of your mouth for one day, Your Majesty." His sneer soured the air, the shackle of his hand closed around my elbow, ready to wrench Kelene from me. Her color deepened to a fiery orange, a flame on the verge of being doused, her face twisted, a mirror of my agony. I began to sob, huge, hollow sob, my burning eye dry.
"Damn you, Ghitana, let it go, or I will throw you overboard too. That will stop you both from bawling." His arm circled my back, his other arm under my knee, I shrank from his touch, tried to roll myself away from him. But I was too weak from childbed. His scent thickened the air, I choked when he plucked me up like a feather. I unwrapped one arm from around Kelene, beat at his huge chest with my fist. But he only laughed, swung us around, ready to leave the cabin, toss us into the sea. I heard the witch Undene babbling away to Her Majesty in the devil tongue.
"Peregrine, for Aesirs sake, wait," Her Majesty started, then launched into a long, lilting rise, fall of the barbarian speech, I caught the name Undene, Safire, the word feenix. Feenix? I had heard Undene say it many time before, paired with Safire. Perhaps feenix was the barbarian word for firebird?
Miracle. Peregrine did not ignore Her Majesty. Or curse her, he listened to her, holding me aloft against his chest. Kelene, I hung in the balance. His heart a steady thump, scary thump like his boot step, in my ear. Then he turned slightly toward Her Majesty, her voice, I knew he would let us live.
He dropped me, Kelene back on the bunk, dusted his hand together. Perhaps he felt unclean now, after touching us, the remnant of birth water, blood. "It better work the way you say it will, Your Majesty. Or all three of you will go overboard," was his single utterance before he left the cabin with a slam of the door.
I clutched Kelene to my breast, her tiny mouth latched on to my nipple, her terror forgotten while she had her first meal. I barely noticed her suckling, my gaze on Her Majesty, Her Majestys on mine.
"You saved our life, but how?" I demanded.
"Ingrate," Her Majesty hissed. "How is not the question you should ask, but why."
"Yes, why," cackled Undene. "My child, Jazmene did not save your life. I did. She merely relayed my message to the brute Peregrine."
Her Majesty's color glittered. "I wouldnt have done even that, if I had known Ghitana would be such an ingrate."
"I am grateful, Your Majesty." I bowed my head, my lip against Kelenes dainty ear, her soft skin tasted of salt, like the sea wind. "So grateful you will never know. But I must know how you saved us. How else can I repay you?" My attempt at sly wile to find out what bargain she had struck with the devil Peregrine, it had something to do with Kelene. And the firebird, a powerful demon whose song slew man with fire. I would never give my baby to such a wild beast.
"You want to know how you can repay me? You will use your talent to find the exact place, exact time to set our trap for the firebird."
So she had made some bargain concerning Kelene, the firebird. "I will help you find her," I said. Though I am not sure how.
"We must capture her, or Peregrine will kill us all." Her Majesty shook her head. "It is not unknown for a man to kill his baby, but I have never heard of a man who would kill his baby for messing a rag he wont even have to change. He is mad, even worse than I thought."
I shrugged, cuddling Kelene. "He hates mess. Why he never beats me, cuts me, only threatens it. He does not like his loot marked up. Or dirty."
"Clever child," Undene said from the mirror. "Have you taught her to read and write Aesirs tongue yet, Jazmene?"
"A little. It helps pass the time on this wretched ship."
"You should teach her Corcin too . . ."
"I will not learn your demon tongue," I spat. "To do so would damn me forever."
Undene took no insult. "Spirited for a slave girl, isnt she?" Her cackle died in a sharp wheeze, she tipped her head to the side, listening.
"What is it?" Her Majesty asked.
"A drop of Ursulas Bane only lasts so long. Safire and Merius already suspect my napping with my eye open. Naughty bird trying to breach the wall of my mind again. Farewell for now." Before I could thank her for her help, she vanished. Then I looked down at Kelene. Her eye closed, her mouth lazy now she had a full belly, her eyelash lay thick, dark against her cheek, her color furled close to her body, her breath slowing to a flutter with sleep. She trusted me enough to sleep in my arm, even on the pirate ship where her evil sire had just tried to kill us, she was mine to protect. I looked at Her Majesty, the mirror with slit eye. What bargain had the two demon woman made with Peregrine? They had saved me, saved my baby. But for what fate?
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
For as long as I bled after Kelenes birth, Peregrine did not touch me. All woman blood, moon bleeding, birth bleeding, made me unclean to him, I was grateful at first. Then I worried, much as I hated his touch, he could not tire of me. Or he would throw Kelene, me over the rail, no matter what Her Majesty had told him about the firebird. My fear deepened when he brought another girl on board, she was no slave. But came boldly, of her own free will. Her walk lissome as a proud cheetah. She had clinking bangle around her ankle, wrist. And a lewd spark in her lovely large eye, her color the bright scarlet of one who hungers always for the earth, never for Aesirs sky.
Her Majesty laughed after she saw her. "She wont last a week, Ghitana, you wait and see. She is too eager for him. Too crude. And she is no witch. Though he doesnt know it, Peregrine seems to have an eye for picking witch. First Safire, now you. Your presence gives him a quality he lacks, and he longs to imprison it, keep it forever, even though he will never know what it is."
Her Majesty was right. Within three day, Peregrine passed the girl on to his crew, after they finished with her, she slid under the wave with hardly a murmur, her bright color soon fading to darkness in the depth. My unshed tear burned at the sight, another soul trampled, ruined under his boot heel.
Then his hand trapped mine upon the rail, I flinched, clutching Kelene closer with my free arm. Thank Aesir she still slept. The sea spray, rocking of the ship soothed her, her other mother.
"Go below deck. Nalene will have a bath ready for you. She says the," his mouth twisted in disgust, "bleeding is done." His whale oil scent briefly dulled the sharp brine of the air, perhaps to mask the taint of my new motherhood from his delicate nostril. "She will watch the brat for you."
The bath must have washed all impurity away, for Peregrine kept me a long while in his cabin. I bit my arm so hard once I drew blood, still I sobbed. It always hurt when he took me, but now it burned deep inside, yet sore from pushing Kelene into the world. My weeping, struggle excited him so much he grunted, groaned throughout, then dug his tooth into my shoulder blade to stifle a yell at the end. He sank beside me on the bunk. I could feel sticky heat tickle the inside of my thigh, his seed, my blood, akin to the first time he had taken me. His brute lust had torn my flesh just when I had started to heal from birth. My woman bleeding revolted him, except when his cruelty caused it, then it excited him. I heard the board creak under his weight. But I could not even raise my head, roll away, now the torture was over. I would snatch what little rest I could find before he went at me again.
Something tingled against the top of my head, his finger in my hair, so light I barely felt him, the tingle danced under my skin before I remembered it was from him. I stiffened then, the slight pleasure hurting me more than all the pain before.
"Turn over, Ghitana. Now, damn you," he added when I did not obey him at once.
Wincing, I slowly turned to face him. His pale eye gleamed, a dagger edge running over my skin. His hand followed his eye, his finger trailing over my hip, my breast, my neck before coming to rest under my chin. His eye bored into mine, took mine as he had taken my body against my will.
"I am glad I didnt throw you overboard now. You have something most other wench do not. That Caleza," he spat the scarlet cheetah girls name, "was cheap. She would give herself to any man with enough coin. You are different. You hold yourself apart. You hold yourself high, too high for any man to reach with coin. In that way, you remind of someone I used to know, though you are not like her otherwise."
"Safire?" The name dropped from my tongue before I could stop it. His eye darkened at the sound, he pinched my nipple so hard milk dribbled out, the sight made him grimace. He heaved himself up, not looking at me when he pulled on his trouse, his shirt, his boot. Thank Aesir he had finally tired of his sport, I needed to feed Kelene. I slowly climbed off the bunk, testing every movement, all my sinew ached. I faltered over to the washstand, fumbled for a damp cloth to wipe the stickiness from my thigh. Then he grabbed me from behind, his hand shackling my arm. I cried out at the abrupt terror of him. Was he not through with me?
"Think you can wash me off?" His lip fondled my ear, his dagger tip cold against my neck, his scent clogging my throat. When I shook my head, my eye squeezed shut, he chuckled. "I own you, Ghitana. I will always own you, no matter how much you wash or pray." Not always, not when I find a way to kill you, you will not own me then. "You know why I let the brat live?" I shook my head again, hoping perhaps he would let something slip about the bargain between him, Her Majesty about Kelene. "I let her live because you will do anything for her. Before she came, I owned your body. Now she is here, at my mercy, I own your spirit."
He let go of me, left thinking he had won. But he had not. With shaking hand, I put on my shift, gown, leaving the lacing loose for when I would suckle Kelene. Then I stood in the middle of the cabin, slowly turned, my eye traveling over the rumpled bunk, the washstand, the sea chest, the chart rack, pausing on Aesirs beam slanting across the tabletop. How terrible Aesir witnessed Peregrine violate me. How terrible Aesir did nothing to stop it.
I started turning again, closed my eye. The night of Adeids murder, the firebird feather Peregrine had claimed was false, Her Majesty did not believe him, I did not believe him. The thrum of the feathers color across the cabin had been no dyed ostrich plume, it had been magic. I fixed a mirage of its purple, gold shimmer in my mind, then stopped turning, opened my eye. My gaze fell on the chart rack, the very bottom scroll.
I plucked it from the rack, looking around. Peregrine had not returned to creep up behind me, so I unrolled the chart upon the table. For once, the map itself drew me not, for a flash of bright color, so bright it seared my eye, fluttered alive, buoyed on the ripple of the parchment snapping open. A charred spicy sweetness wafted up to me. I held the feather aloft, I wanted to shout in glee, for my skill had found it. Her Majesty would never believe where he had hidden it, how easy it had been for me to find.
I dared gaze upon it for a furtive moment. Under Aesirs light, each strand shined with the sharp gleam of golden wire, the hard glitter of amethyst, yet was silken soft to the touch. Could the firebird really be the demon I thought her? Her feathers beauty lifted my spirit, the same spirit Peregrine said he owned. Lying demon. He had no more claim to my spirit than Aesir did, now Aesir had forsaken me. I looked upon the feather once more before sliding its ticklish warmth under the collar of my gown. Her Majesty believed I could use it to find the firebird. I dreaded finding the firebird, I still feared Her Majesty, Peregrine meant to give Kelene to her. But perhaps the firebird would not be cruel, wild, perhaps she would help, rather than hurt.