Chapter 27

“We sold the house,” Gary announced during his weekly meeting with Darcy.

From where she perched on the couch, she gazed around at the stainless steel pots and pans hanging over the stove to the children’s coloring books on the family room coffee table to the empty patio and harvested vineyards outside. An ache all out of proportion gripped her. Gary no longer owned this fantasy house. She wanted to ask about the new owner, but a fearful tightness squeezed her throat.

Gary sat beside her on the couch. “We sold it right before the Thanksgiving weekend for the full asking price. The kids and I have to move out before Christmas.”

“Congratulations!” Pain knotted her chest. She forced a smile. Their weekly visits would no longer take place in the comfort of the kitchen with the aroma of bacon, eggs, and coffee swirling in the warm air.

“Thanks.” He clasped his hands and gazed into her eyes. “I remembered something you said about how creating new memories with the kids in a new home would be easier. I hope that’s true.”

Darcy studied him closely. His eyes were no longer red-rimmed and puffy from crying. His round face glowed with a healthy color. “You look happier.”

“I am happier.” Gary smiled. “I met someone.”

“You did?” She widened her gaze.

He shifted against the cushions. “My ex had the kids for Thanksgiving weekend, so I helped out at the soup kitchen. I volunteered with a single mom who has been divorced for six years. We struck up a conversation that’s still going.” He plucked his phone from his breast pocket to glance at an incoming text message. As he tapped a response, a smile creased his face. Afterward, he slipped the phone back into his pocket. “She’s incredible.” Peacefulness emanated from his body. “I know it’s too soon, but I wouldn’t be surprised if I’m in love.”

Love. How could he say that word about a woman he had met only a few days ago? “I’m happy for you.” When she thought about Gary no longer suffering from depression, calm settled over her. For a second, she thought about warning him about how the experts advised against dating anyone the first couple of years after a divorce, but she chose to remain quiet. Why ruin his happiness? Let him enjoy the bliss of new love for however long the feeling might last. She bit her lower lip and thought of Victor loving her. Another swell of emotion rose within her chest. Oh, how she wished she had the courage to tell him she loved him, too.

****

On Friday night, Darcy arrived early for her Books and Booze Club. She ordered a bottle of champagne and offered a toast to start off the night. “I’m not getting married.”

Anita drew together her eyebrows and lowered her glass of champagne. “Why is that breakup a reason to celebrate?”

When she heard Anita’s words, she tensed her lower back. Why celebrate the end of anything? Because endings marked milestones as much as beginnings, she always told people. She often battled objections from others when she planned Freedom Parties. Some restaurants refused to serve a cake decorated with “Happy Divorce” although they had no problems serving one decorated with “Happy Anniversary.” The discrimination she faced could be disheartening, but Darcy refused to let it stop her tonight. She needed closure from the amorous feelings she squelched whenever she heard Victor’s name or recalled a moment they had spent together. She lifted higher her glass of champagne. “I’m celebrating my decision to not get married again. Here’s a toast to freedom!”

Eric shook his head, gazing at his untouched glass on the table. “You’ll regret your decision someday. I performed thousands of weddings for couples during my thirty years as an Elvis impersonator, and not one of them returned to say they regretted getting married unless, of course, they said their vows drunk.”

“Well, Victor switched from beer to tequila.” Barry waved to the empty wine glasses on the table. “So, Darcy made the right decision to let him go.”

Lucas drained his glass before crossing his arms on the table. “I could tell he didn’t want to be here. He’s not a very artistic person. I’m sure we started boring him to death.”

Smiling, Anita lifted her glass. “Here, here, a toast to the poor bastard who Darcy abandoned.” She gulped the champagne and refilled her glass. “Please tell me you didn’t erase his number from your phone. I’d like to call him and offer my condolences.”

A stab of jealousy pierced her, and she narrowed her gaze. “No, I’m not subjecting him to any more humiliation.” She swallowed the last mouthful of champagne and ordered her signature martini.

“I’m sure he’ll be trolling around the Internet by Christmas.” Barry chuckled.

“Or sooner.” Lucas refilled his glass of champagne. “A guy like that needs company in order to feel secure.”

“I could help him.” Anita waved across the table. “Just give me his phone number.”

Charlotte lifted her paperback and cleared her throat. “When will we discuss this week’s book instead of Darcy’s love life?”

Barry cocked an eyebrow high and flipped through the pages of A Christmas Carol. “We could frame our discussion around Darcy’s ghost of marriage past and the ghost of broken engagement present and the ghost of singlehood future.”

Lucas snickered.

Eric cupped his head with both hands.

Anita mumbled something about how she could save Victor.

Charlotte wrapped an arm around Darcy’s shoulders. “You shouldn’t have allowed your fiancé to tag along a couple of weeks ago. I think going forward all guest members need to be screened for suitability and longevity.”

Darcy shrugged away from Charlotte and glowered at the book club members gathered around the table. “I can’t undo what’s already been done.”

“I agree with you.” Barry shook his head. “No guests in the future.”

“Who decides what’s suitable?” Eric glanced around the table. “Because sometimes I think everyone here is unsuitable for me.”

“We need to have an interview process and a vote.” Charlotte raised a hand.

“I vote for no voting.” Lucas waved his hands back and forth across his body. “It wastes what little time we already have.”

A bristle of annoyance snaked across her shoulders. Darcy pushed back her chair and stood. “I’m sorry I broached the subject, but my daughter blames me for all the drama since I initiated the breakup on Thanksgiving in front of everyone, including her fiancé who’s not sure whether or not he loves her anymore. Sometimes, I wonder how I got into this mess in the first place.”

Barry stared at the opened book. “The ghost of marriage past is supposed to show Darcy where she failed in her first marriage.”

“I know.” Lucas raised his hand. “You didn’t follow your artistic sensibilities the first time around and instead chose a logical man who would make reasonable choices with you.”

Darcy winced. Yes, Nathan was logical enough to conduct experiments in the garage, but he never reasoned through any of their decisions together.

“That’s incorrect.” Anita swayed in her seat. “She married for love the first time around, and the selfish bastard broke her heart.”

As Darcy remembered finding Tanya in Nathan’s arms one day after work, a stab of pain pierced her chest.

“I disagree.” Charlotte lifted her chin. “Darcy’s a tough woman with a career and a vision. She married because she got pregnant and wanted to raise the child with the father. If she had not given into tradition, she would have made a marvelous single parent with a fabulous daughter.”

The bottom fell from her stomach, and Darcy thought of Noreen, alone and pregnant with parents advocating for an abortion. She waved her hand, silencing everyone. “You’re all right, and you’re all wrong.” She glanced around the table. “I married for love, that’s true, but I didn’t realize my continual love could not prevent my husband’s love for someone else. I married an idealistic man who fulfilled my romantic visions, but he had no practical bone in his body and never earned much money throughout his life. Being pregnant influenced my decision to marry, but I don’t think I would have made a better parent if I had remained single, since I ended up working full-time to support the family I divorced. Plus, my relationship with my daughter to this day is almost non-existent.”

Everyone around the table clapped.

Exhausted, Darcy slumped into her seat.

“Act Two,” Barry said, “the ghost of broken engagement present.”

Charlotte raised her glass. “Darcy broke up with her fiancé because she’s a self-righteous feminist.”

Darcy widened her eyes. I broke up with him because I’m afraid of love, she thought.

“No, she didn’t.” Eric shook his head. “He broke up with her because she’s not romantic.”

She grimaced. Maybe she didn’t indulge every one of Victor’s fantasies, but she played along, didn’t she?

Anita waved the empty bottle of champagne. “They were sexually incompatible.”

Heat rushed to her face. Darcy bowed her head. She didn’t want to admit she couldn’t handle the fact Victor loved her. Everyone at the table stared, waiting for her to speak. “I don’t even know what a self-righteous feminist is, so how can I be one? My fiancé broke up with me because I refused to marry him.” She turned toward Anita. “We never had a chance to discover whether or not we were sexually compatible.”

Anita bristled. “Well, dear, that tidbit explains everything. You’re frigid.”

Narrowing her gaze, Darcy leaned closer. “I’m not frigid. I’m careful. Getting intimate too soon always ruins romantic relationships.”

Charlotte nudged forward. “Why didn’t you want to marry him?”

Tears clotted her throat. She gulped a mouthful of water, trying to ease the pain churning in her stomach. “Because I made a promise to myself I would remain single.”

“Even if you found someone to love?” Eric opened his arms.

I never expected to find someone to love, she thought.

“People with unrealistic expectations never find love satisfying.” Lucas gazed off into the distance.

Darcy twisted the napkin in her lap. “I never told Victor how I felt even when he asked.”

“Why not?” Charlotte widened her eyes.

“Because,” Darcy stared at the napkin in her lap, “because I didn’t want to marry him.”

“What’s so bad about getting married?” Eric wrinkled his forehead.

Darcy glanced up, sitting straight and strong. “The divorce.”

“Not everyone divorces.” Barry set aside his book and leaned back against the chair.

“Everyone here is not married.” Darcy swept her gaze around the table and counted five single people. “So, I don’t understand how any of you can pass judgment.”

“I married my soul mate.” Pouting, Eric twisted the napkin. “She died in an auto accident three years after we were married. I left town and became an Elvis impersonator for weddings. I wanted to see the beginning all over again because of the happiness. But if I think about my choice too hard, I know the real reason I worked in Vegas for so long is because I didn’t want to face the end.” He paused, holding back a sob. “I hurt too much losing the one person I thought I would be with forever. Each morning, I woke up wondering how I could be alive when my beautiful bride had been taken from me.” He blew his nose into the napkin.

That’s how I feel, Darcy thought. Shattered inside.

Charlotte sipped from her glass of wine. “My parents had a love like that. They were together for thirty-three years before my dad died. I never witnessed them fight. They were always affectionate with each other.”

Even when we fought, we always made up, Darcy thought, remembering Victor’s kisses.

“Love is harder the longer you’re together.” Lucas fiddled with his fork. “My last girlfriend only lasted a few months, but the one before lasted five years. We lived through a lot of stuff together—her mother’s cancer, my father’s heart attack, adopting a puppy, applying for graduate school, getting laid off of work, and losing our rental. We fought over our differences, but we pulled through each time until we couldn’t do it any longer.”

“What happened?” Charlotte widened her eyes and leaned against the table.

“She found someone else.” Lucas dropped the fork, which clattered against a glass of water. “Someone more financially stable.”

Darcy flinched. Victor was financially stable. Why did she reject his love? Absorbing the tales of love and loss, she sipped her martini. “Victor and I got along well, even though we are opposites. His impulsive, romantic, imaginative nature contrasted with my organized, practical, realistic nature. But, somehow, we came across as very compatible.”

“Maybe you were.” Charlotte reached over and patted her hand.

Anita laughed. “You would have known either way if you had tried out the sex.”

Barry waved for everyone’s attention. “Now, for Act Three, and the grand finale of the night, we encounter the ghost of singlehood future.”

The server delivered their orders of hot and spicy chicken wings, creamy spinach dip and crispy chips, fried mozzarella sticks, chicken quesadillas, and a pitcher of beer.

“Not to take away from our discussion…” Barry poured a mug with beer. “But dinner and drinks are on me tonight because I passed the bar exam. I’ll be a practicing attorney at the beginning of the year.”

“Congratulations!” Everyone lifted their beer mug for a toast.

“Now, back to the ghost of singlehood future.” Barry waved his mug toward Darcy.

Lucas chewed a slice of cheesy quesadilla and wiped his salsa-stained mouth with a napkin. “I think Darcy regretfully dies in a studio apartment, and her body is found after she doesn’t pay her monthly rent because no one calls to check up on her.”

Coldness tensed her shoulders when she heard Lucas’ prediction. Although she didn’t necessarily want to get married, she didn’t want to be alone either.

“That’s sad.” Charlotte gnawed on a saucy chicken wing. “She does have a daughter.”

“Who she doesn’t speak with on a regular basis.” Lucas raised a finger toward the ceiling.

“That situation can change.” Charlotte shifted in her seat. “Right, Darcy?”

Darcy sighed with disappointment. “Historically, Joyce won’t check in with me unless she wants something.”

“Bingo!” Eric raised his hands. “History is everything. Since you have a history of failed relationships, you’ll be doomed to die miserable and alone. Even Elvis will leave the building first.”

Darcy clutched her churning stomach. Just because she didn’t believe in romantic relationships didn’t mean she couldn’t be surrounded by loving people. Like her former roommates, Sam and Linda, and her current roommates, Chuck and Betty. Even though, she knew, roommates suggested temporary living conditions, and not long-term commitments.

“I know.” Anita waved her empty glass. “She moves into a retirement community and becomes slutty like me! I’ve had sex with almost every guy in the complex.”

Eric hunched his shoulders and blushed.

Lucas raised his mug of beer and grinned. “Et tu, Brute?”

Anita gazed up at the ceiling. “Oh, please, I wouldn’t touch that man if he was the last one living.”

“Isn’t that comment a little harsh?” Charlotte slapped Anita’s wrist. “He’s sitting right here. Can’t you be polite?”

Barry gazed at the empty champagne bottle. “She’s had too much to drink.”

“Someone always has too much to drink.” Lucas laughed. “That’s why it’s called a Books and Booze Club.”

Exhausted from the conversation, Darcy motioned for everyone to be quiet. “I want to end this discussion now.” She stood and surveyed the group. “Yes, I live with roommates, and I’m single. If I die, then my dead body won’t be rotting in an apartment for a few weeks until the landlord collects the rent. Yes, I don’t get along with my daughter, so I don’t expect her to be notified first. No, I will not become slutty and have sex with everyone in my retirement community. Sex doesn’t interest me as much as it interests most people.”

“You’re a frigid feminist,” Anita scrunched her face and hissed. “No wonder Victor broke up with you.”

“I broke up with him on Thanksgiving.” Darcy didn’t feel the need to confess to the entire scam of pretending to be engaged in the first place. She wanted out of this discussion, so she could find out the next book to read and whether or not they would take a hiatus until after the New Year.

“Well, I wouldn’t have broken up with him without trying out the sex first.” Anita peered beneath her reading glasses.

Rushing blood flamed Darcy’s cheeks. She sat and buried her head in her arms. She always wondered how Victor would feel naked against her body. Now, she would never know.

Charlotte snickered. “Oh, really, Anita, you think after what Darcy said she cares about sex?”

“I would.” Anita touched her chest. “Sex is everything. It’s the meaning of life.”

Lucas laughed.

Eric finished his beer. “I agree with Anita, except I think sex with love is the meaning of life. You’ve got to have the love part. Sex with just anyone is just sex.”

Barry studied his paperback copy of The Christmas Carol. “How did we get from the ghosts of relationships to sex?”

“Every book we ever read involves sex from Anita’s point of view,” Lucas said. “Even when we read Lord of the Flies, she sexualized the pig brutality scene.”

Darcy glanced up at the food-laden table. She hadn’t touched anything other than the one glass of champagne and half of her extra dry martini. Grabbing a smoky barbecued chicken wing, she changed her mind about leaving early. No one waited for her at home. At least here, she could stay in the company of friends, eat a full meal, and continue talking until the last person in their group left. Then she’d be alone.