Please take that (male bashing) at face value.
I am talking about men who get bashed up by women. Literally. It is happening increasingly, and remains a hush hush topic across the world for several obvious reasons.
A man thrashing a woman (in private or public) does not shock or shame society all that much. It happens. It has always happened. People shrug and say: ‘Tell us something new… something we don’t know.’ Well … here it is: The worm (and the tables) has turned. More and more men are at the receiving end of beatings by women, here in India and abroad. The number of women raising their hands on husbands or lovers is going up, and the only reason nobody is talking about it, is because the men themselves are too ashamed to speak up.
In a fiercely male chauvinistic environment, for any man to admit he is getting a hammering from a woman is like admitting he is a eunuch – for that is what he will be dubbed, even by other members of his family for ‘taking it’ from a female. No such issues for an abused wife. Most times, it is assumed she has asked for it and deserves to be shown her place before she gets completely out of hand. This is more true in extended families where a husband is called a ‘namby pamby’ if he is anything less than aggressive – especially if his wife is spirited and independent. Boyfriends who beat girlfriends in urban societies are secretly viewed as heroes by contemporaries who congratulate them for ‘fixing the bitch’. Girlfriends who stupidly flaunt their bruises and black eyes as badges of honour, are also congratulated for ‘standing by their man’. Brutality is mistaken for passion. Love demands proof – physical proof. And a broken nose or an arm in a sling has been converted into fashion statements by the monumentally foolish victims.
But now that the era of male bashing is officially here, the picture changes a little. My eyes opened when a male viewer who’d watched me on a recent television show in which I had made a reference to female Bollywood stars being at the receiving end of violence, emailed to share his own nightmarish experience with a particularly hostile wife. He wrote about her attacking him during the early years of his marriage, when their children were babies. The next attack came four years later, when the girls were older and could understand what was going on between their warring parents. The woman refused to let up … and he refused to hit back (sensible chap). Instead, he walked out of the marriage … and lost his precious little girls in an ugly custody battle.
Interestingly, this guy is a huge, big teddy bear of a man, not an underweight weakling. He believes strongly that it is wrong to strike anyone, be it another man, woman, child … even an animal. But those assaults have taken their toll. Today, he is a broken, sad man who has little to look forward to, since his wife took away all he had, including his house. Currently, he spends his time waiting for his girls to meet him over the odd weekend, as per the court schedule. He is confident of their love and support, which is a good thing. Without that, I doubt he’d want to live.
There are many men in his position whose stories are worth documenting. Especially in an age when society at large reserves its compassion almost exclusively for women, who, no doubt, have been brutalized by men since time immemorial. If the story is getting reversed, it is still an awful story. Simply because violence itself is awful and achieves nothing in the long run. Women, who mistakenly believe they are getting their own back by beating up men, are hurting themselves far more in the bargain. If this particular burly guy refused to retaliate, it shows his wisdom and maturity. Eventually, he will lead a life devoid of hatred and guilt. And his girls will respect him for it. But what of her? Does anybody really give a damn?
I certainly don’t!