Me – Sunday, January 1 1950
I’ve got to open the window. I can’t stand the fetid odor of the corpse anymore. The fireworks have ended. I ‘celebrated’ New Year’s Eve alone: Kurt had to go to work. But he will come and see me today New Year’s day, and there’s also Walter to take into account. The dismembered corpse must go now. The last few days I’ve just lain in bed paralyzed, staring at the ceiling. When I don’t take M or Pervitin I always fall into a deep depression.
I have to act now. I have to take her to the Eastern sector! I follow the voice inside me, I take the first rucksack and walk to the S-Bahn. It’s 4:30 in the morning and there still are many people out and about. Some are still celebrating in the train car and pass around bottles of bubbly. I make myself as small as possible in my corner. What if one of them hits on the idea that I have something to drink in my back pack and asks me… No. I’m in luck. I get off at Alexanderplatz. Just a few steps north and, immediately, I enter a landscape of ruins. The street sign says Memhardstrasse, I walk to Prenzlauer Allee. I go inside a bombed out house and empty my back pack. When the Eastern police find the body parts, they will look for the perpetrator in the Eastern sector. They are at complete loggerheads with the Western police. In the East, the whole thing will fizzle out, they’re so ineffective. And when in the West they find that Merten is missing, nothing will happen. Mr. Beigang of course knows that she brought me the typewriter, but that won’t mean anything. “Yes, she did,” I’ll say. “And I gave her the deposit, I put it in her hand. Where she went after that she didn’t say, that’s beyond my knowledge.” And no one will suspect me because A NURSE WOULD NEVER COMMIT MURDER!
I take the train three times. Just once, I meet a woman I know with her husband. But they don’t bother me after I say a very short hello.
In the afternoon Walter comes by and he wants to take both his rucksacks back, but I have only had time to clean one.
“What’s wrong with the other one?” Walter asks, lifting it from the floor. “It’s all bloody.”
“I carried rabbit skins in it: I still have to clean it.”
He believes me and says he’ll come pick it up some time next week. I really have something that makes men eat out of my hand.
That’s ME and nobody can beat ME. I’d like to meet the man who tries!