Chapter Twenty-Three

Parker slammed his locker closed. His shift was over, and not for the first time this past week, he wished the chief would let him put in some overtime. But the man was very particular about their twenty-four on, forty-eight off schedule, and overtime was rarely approved. Sucked because Parker could really use the distraction of work to get his mind off the absolute fuck of a mess he’d made with Tamsen.

“Hell, man.” Ward grunted, leaning against his own closed locker to his right. “What did the locker ever do to you?”

“Leave him alone,” O’Neil said from his other side. “The guy is clearly suffering from being a dumbass.”

Parker glared back and forth between his crewmates. “What does that mean?”

O’Neil shrugged, closing his locker so gently it didn’t make a sound. “It means you missed pub quiz this week, and not because you were on shift. But someone else was also absent from pub quiz. A certain dark-haired artist who has you spinnin’ your wheels lately.”

What? He wasn’t spinning his wheels. He didn’t even know what that meant.

“Since you’ve been grumpy as shit all shift, I imagine both of your absences weren’t from being shacked up together, but due to you both trying to avoid each other. Which means you fucked it up somehow.”

“Hey!” He turned to face O’Neil. “Why do you assume I fucked it up? Why couldn’t Tamsen have been the offending party?”

“I’ll take this one, dude,” Ward said from behind him. “Because as accident-prone as she is, the woman is a sweetheart. You, on the other hand, pretend to be this fun-loving guy without a care in the world, but underneath, you’re a suspicious bastard.”

He whipped around. “Am not.”

Ward chuckled. “Are too.”

“He’s right.” O’Neil came around to stand beside Ward. He did not appreciate the way his supposed friends were ganging up on him. “I’ve worked with you for five years now, and I’ve never seen you get close to anyone, except Tamsen. Not even us.”

He didn’t know what to say to that.

“If you don’t let people in,” O’Neil continued, “you can’t get pissed when they decide to leave.”

O’Neil’s expression darkened. That’s when it hit him. His friends were right. If he even had the right to call them friends. He did keep people at arm’s length. Sure, he joined in on pub quiz and joked around at the station, but beyond that, he kept things very surface level with…everyone. Everyone except Tamsen. He’d let her in, showed her bits of himself he’d never shared with anyone.

And now she was gone. Because of him. Because he couldn’t trust anyone.

Thanks, Dad. Seems you can still fuck up my life without even being in it.

“Just go apologize, dude.” Ward snapped his fingers. “And buy her a present. Women love presents.”

“Ward!” Díaz’s loud voice called from outside the bunkroom. “Did you leave this charred, encrusted nightmare in the sink?”

“Shiiiiiit.” Ward’s head tipped back, his eyes rolling to the ceiling.

Parker chuckled. “Yeah, I think I’ll take my advice on women from someone who’s actually good with them.”

“I’m great with women.” Ward scowled. “Díaz is not a woman. Well, she is, but she’s also a punishment for something I did in a past life, sent here to torture me with her constant disapproval and badgering.”

“Wow, didn’t realize you believe in reincarnation, Ward. How enlightened,” O’Neil said with a small smile.

Ward flipped them both off. “Screw you both.”

Parker moved past his friends to the door, more than ready to head home and crash. Maybe he could sleep off this dark ache in his chest that had been haunting him ever since Tamsen stormed out of his place last week.

“See you guys.”

They shared a look, like they wanted to say more but didn’t. As a fire crew, you got close to the people you worked with, but sharing feelings wasn’t really his strong suit. The people he saved needed him to be strong and sure in the face of any crisis, and sometimes it bled over to his personal life. Healthy? Probably not, but it was how he coped.

Parker pushed out of the room to see Díaz leaning against the wall a few feet down. He nodded to her, and she smiled at him before opening her mouth and shouting.

“I swear, Ward if you don’t get your ass out here and clean that—”

Ward came storming out of the room, passing a glare to Díaz as he hurried toward the kitchen. “I’m coming, jeez, Díaz. Don’t get your bunk gear in a twist.”

“I’m not wearing any bunk gear, but if you don’t start cleaning your messes, I’ll put itching powder in yours.”

She winked at Parker, grinning as she slowly ambled after Ward. Parker shook his head with a laugh. Those two loved to push each other’s buttons. Sure, they fought like cats and dogs, but there was playfulness under it.

It reminded him of Tamsen, how she teased him, placing silly bets, her eagerness to explore in the bedroom, or kitchen, or back of an art gallery. Damn, he missed her. This was supposed to be fun and simple. When had it all gotten so complicated?

When you started to care about her and betrayed her trust.

He ignored the annoying voice and headed out of the firehouse to his car. He’d just locked the doors when his phone chimed with a message. Hope rose as he pulled out the phone, but those hopes were dashed when he saw the sender. His mother. He had no idea why he thought it would be Tamsen. She’d made no attempt to contact him over the past week. Just because he was obsessively thinking about her didn’t mean she was doing the same.

He read the message. His mother wanted him to come over. But spending time with anyone right now was the last thing he wanted to do. He wanted to crawl into bed and stay there. For a week. But this was his mother. She might need him. So he shot off a text saying he’d be right over.

Ten minutes later, he was pulling up to his mother’s house in the Cherry Creek area of Denver. He parked in the driveway at the back of the house and made his way inside, knocking before entering.

“Mother?”

“I’m in the sunroom, darling.”

He followed her voice to the side of the house where the sunroom was located. His mother sat in her favorite chair, reading something on her e-reader. She put the device down as he entered the room, motioning to the chair beside her. A spread of finger sandwiches and fruit was set on the small round table between the two chairs along with a pot of coffee and two cups.

Oh boy. He must be in for it if his mother had her cook whip up conversation food. The last time his mother had a spread like this waiting for him was when she informed him she was engaged. Maybe she called him here to tell him they decided to elope. That would be good. Then he wouldn’t have to suffer through an awkward wedding, spending time in the presence of the woman who made him feel things he didn’t want to feel.

“This looks lovely, Mother.” He bent down to kiss her cheek before taking his spot in the chair next to her. “What’s the occasion?” AKA the bomb she was about to drop.

His mother took her time pouring him a cup of coffee and handing it over before answering. “I hear you and Tamsen have had a lovers’ quarrel.”

He paused with the cup halfway to his mouth, grateful he hadn’t taken a sip yet or he would have spewed it all over the sandwiches. Then what would he shove in his mouth to avoid his mother’s interrogation?

“I’m sorry?” There were so many things to dissect in what she just said, he didn’t know where to start.

“You and Tamsen.” Her head tilted to the side slightly. “I’ve been informed there was some sort of falling out?”

“By who?”

“Thomas. He discussed with me the other day how despondent and upset Tamsen was when she brought him dinner. Poor girl wouldn’t tell him a thing, but she clammed right up at the mention of your name. So we assume it was a lovers’ spat.”

Tamsen hadn’t told her dad about the investigation. Of course not. She said she wouldn’t, and Parker knew he could trust her. The man who didn’t trust anyone knew, without a doubt in his body, he could trust the one woman he’d hurt the most. How was that for irony?

As grateful as he was that she kept quiet, he hated that she was hurting. Hated that it was because of him. Hated this whole mess he’d gotten them into. Still, if she hadn’t said anything about them to her father, then how did his mother…

“Just because Tamsen and I had a…” He paused, trying to find the right wording for the implosion of their relationship. “Disagreement doesn’t mean we are…we were…we’re not…”

“Oh darling, please.” She waved a hand in the air, saving him from having to utter the word lover to his mother. “You get all moony-eyed any time her name is mentioned, you couldn’t keep your eyes off her at the engagement party, and a little birdie at your station said you two have been spending an awful lot of private time together.”

Who the hell at the station was talking to his mother and why?

“A mother knows when her son is in love.”

Parker stiffened in his seat, rearing back as if he’d been hit. “I’m not in…”

His mother waited with a patient expression. The word bounced around in his brain. Love. He didn’t love Tamsen…did he? She made him laugh, feel happy, cared for. She challenged him, had him opening up and sharing things he never imagined he would. He felt safe around her, safe to be exactly who he was. He didn’t feel the need to be the strong protector; he could let out his emotions, trust she wouldn’t use them against him.

He hurt without her.

Was this aching, driving need in his chest love?

“Shit.”

“There it is.” His mother sat back with a smile. “And don’t swear, darling.”

He nodded, his brain still trying to catch up to the fact that he loved Tamsen. Head over heels, hopelessly in love with Tamsen Hayes. “I screwed up, Mother.”

“Most men do, darling, but what did you do specifically?”

He took a deep breath, not looking forward to the disappointment about to come his way, and launched into his explanation. How he hired a PI to dig into Thomas’s background, spending time with Tamsen while keeping his investigation a secret—leaving out exactly how they spent their time together, some things a son should never share with his mother.

When he got to the end of his explanation, he glanced up at his mother. Her lips were pinched, eyebrows raised and, yup, sure enough there was the disappointment in her eyes, blaring back at him. She placed her coffee cup on the table, shifting in her seat so she faced him. Her hands rested on her crossed knees. They were about to have quite the talk; he was sure of it.

“Parker, I think it’s time you and I had a talk.”

See.

“I’m going to get back to you hiding something of grave importance from the woman you love, but right now I want to discuss my relationship with Thomas.”

Could they not? He really didn’t want to. But when he opened his mouth, she held up a hand.

“No, darling. This is the time when you listen. I know relationships are hard. You have to put a lot of faith and trust in someone. You have to be vulnerable. And I realize that’s never come easy to you. But I love Thomas. I trust him.”

“I know, Mother. But you loved Dad and look what he did. You trusted people before and…” He didn’t want to insult his mother. He just wanted her to see. “I was only looking out for you. Trying to protect you.”

She shook her head with a soft smile and rose from her seat. “Hold on for one moment.”

His mother left the room and came back with a dark folder in her hand. She stopped in front of him, holding it out. Parker hesitated before grabbing the folder.

“What’s this?”

“Open it and see.”

She retook her seat as he opened the file and started to read.

“A prenup?” He looked up in surprise. It outlined complete protection for his mother. In the event of separation for any reason, Thomas wouldn’t get a dime.

“Yes.” She gave a slight shake of her head. “And it was all Thomas’s idea. I said we didn’t need one. I don’t believe in going into a marriage already planning for its demise, no matter what statistics say. I believe that love should be jumped into with one’s entire being, but Thomas didn’t want any doubt as to why he was marrying me. He loves me for me. He doesn’t care about my money.”

She reached forward, grasping his hand in hers. “Your father and I…our marriage was something we thought we should do. We both came from prominent families, moved in the same circles, got along well enough. It wasn’t always terrible with your father, but we didn’t support each other, we didn’t trust each other, and without trust, there can be no love. I trust Thomas, and he trusts me. I don’t regret the mistakes in my past. Life can’t exist without pain or we’d never grow.”

Then he must be growing a ton, because he’d never been in this much pain in his life. Not when he gave up his music. Not even when his dad left.

“The bad parts of our life only stay with us if we let them. It’s time to let go of all that pain and mistrust, darling. And stop sticking your nose in my business. I love you very much, but I am your mother. I know more about the world than you might think.”

He was coming to realize that. He was also realizing he’d overstepped his bounds. Tamsen had been right; he should have just asked her about her dad, worked to get to know Thomas more closely. He could have handled this whole situation a lot better if he’d acted with trust instead of fear and suspicion.

He needed to make this right. He needed to apologize. But most importantly, he needed to find some way to show Tamsen he trusted her. That he loved her.

He just hoped it wasn’t too late.