I kidnapped Lauren Branch.
As I kneel in the gravel, my fingers wrap around the tattoo on my forearm. I squeeze, like I might be able to extract the past, like some viper’s poison. At the same time, my teeth grind together. I push back the feelings, the pain and the disgust, and I lock onto the plan. The steps I’ve laid out. They are all that matter now. Once begun, the game can’t be stopped.
I’m a monster. I remind myself of that simple fact. I have abducted a young woman this morning. She went to the gym, starting her day as she always did. And I threw her into the trunk of her own car. Now she’s inside this abandoned cabin, her arms and legs taped together. Her mouth taped shut. On the floor, just feet away from that abomination. She’s someone’s daughter. And I did that.
With a hand on the rim of the Jetta’s open trunk, I pull myself up from the ground, absently brushing small stones off my knee. My eye catches her gym bag. I grab it before turning away from the cabin. Slowly, I walk out to the edge of the water. The gravel at the bank crunches under my feet. As I look out over the rising sun reflecting off the silver surface of the pond, I don’t realize I am scratching my arm again. When I look down, I see blood on my skin. Not my blood. Someone else’s.
Frantic, I brush at it. Willing it to disappear. And it does. Just like that, and I realize it was all in my head. Everything is in my head. And I need to control it. So I stand there, looking out over the large pond as my fingers claw at the legs of my jeans to keep them away from the tattoo.
“Make sure the tape is secure,” I say to myself. “Lock the door. Get into the Jetta, and take Limestone to McKennans Church to 48 to Kirkwood. Ninety-five northbound back to the city.”
My forearm burns. But the muscles in my arms loosen and I let my hands dangle at my sides as the list continues. I need to focus on the plan. Only the plan. It keeps me centered. Moves me forward, instead of letting me look back at what I’ve done.
I need to ditch her car. But first, I have to go back into the cabin. I need to make sure that she’s secure before I leave. So once I’ve gotten through the last few steps, I walk up the decking and back inside. I find the idea revolting. I have no desire to see her cowering in a corner. To watch as her eyes avert in fear, maybe submission. I do it anyway, pushing open the door and stepping back inside.
Lauren is in the corner where I left her. She is still bound. Still crumpled on the dirty floor. After a quick glance at the tarp, and the bulge underneath it, I see her eyes. She doesn’t look away. Instead, she stares right back at me. Defiance, maybe. Or something different. I can’t be sure.
Uneasy, I take a step closer to her. Her expression questions me. I hear her voice in my head. Why would you do this to me? Why me? I imagine going to her. Taking the tape off. Would she plead with me? Beg for her life? Would I like that?
Instead, I stay where I am. I watch her with a flat, hard expression on my face.
“I’m going to take your car back to the city,” I say. “Then I am coming back here. Don’t do anything stupid.”
I watch her for a second. Then I glance back at the tarp. I don’t mean to, but it calls to me. Or what is under it does. It’s not time for that, though. So I place her bag carefully on the ground by the door. As I turn to leave her, I hear her phone. I spin back and snatch the bag up. Digging through it, I find it. When I look at the screen, I see a text message from some girl I don’t know. I had half expected it to be my brother. He’d do something like that. Text her from his phone, right under his wife’s nose.
I laugh and shake my head, but my knuckles turn white as I squeeze the phone. It’s smarter to take it with me. It’s better if they find me, not her. So I slip it into a pocket, thinking of my brother. And Patsy. For the first time, I want to hurt Lauren. I want to embarrass her. Make her feel weak and powerless. Like the entire world is staring at her and laughing. I want to dig into her skull and drive her as crazy as I feel.
“Don’t do anything stupid,” I repeat instead.
And leave her behind, alone and bound in duct tape.