Lothar quirked an eyebrow in surprise. William had been one of the Empress’s most dedicated supporters. That he would ever have said anything quite so disloyal was hard to believe.
‘You think I’m lying, don’t you?’ Lady Juliana’s lips curved tauntingly.
‘Yes. Your father was loyal to the Empress. He chose to meet Stephen on the battlefield rather than surrender. Why would he have done so if he’d thought her cause was hopeless?’
‘Because he believed in her claim. He would have been loyal to the end, just like you.’ A hint of bitterness crept into her voice. ‘But he still thought she’d never be Queen.’
‘Because?’
‘Because she tried it and failed. When Stephen was captured at Lincoln everyone thought she’d won, that the war was over, but the Barons never accepted her.’
‘There were plenty who supported her cause.’
‘Her cause, yes, just as long as she didn’t tell them what to do. When she behaved like a man—a king—they rebelled. The city of London rose against her. Then when the Earl of Gloucester was captured and she had to exchange Stephen for his release, we were right back to where we started.’
Lothar set his jaw uncomfortably. There was enough truth in what she’d said to make him wonder if the words really had come from William.
‘What about you then, my lady?’ He turned the challenge around. ‘Do you think a woman can’t rule?’
‘No!’ She sounded shocked. ‘I’d never say such a thing! Of course a woman can rule.’
‘Then doesn’t that put us on the same side?’
She pursed her lips as if she were choosing her words with care. ‘In principle, yes, I believe in Matilda’s claim, but in practice I have to support Stephen. I want peace more than I want to prove a point.’
‘The Empress can bring peace, too.’
‘Can she? My father didn’t say that she couldn’t rule, just that she wouldn’t be allowed to. Most men aren’t ready to accept a woman giving orders.’
‘There are a few exceptions among us.’ He paused meaningfully. ‘Your soldiers, for example.’
She made a dismissive gesture. ‘They’re just used to me. No one here thinks of me as a woman.’
‘Then they must be blind. Perhaps you underestimate your charms, my lady.’
Her lips parted slightly, a pink blush spreading over her cheeks as if she were genuinely shocked by his words. A memory stirred at the back of his consciousness. She’d blushed like that when she’d first invited him inside the castle, yet the image in his mind now was different, as if it had taken place in darker surroundings, somewhere like this very hall...
He shifted in his chair as his groin tightened uncomfortably. Hell’s teeth, but the dreams had been vivid. He could almost taste her lips again.
‘Forgive me...’ he fought to regain focus ‘...but if your father really believed that a woman wouldn’t be permitted to rule, why did he raise his daughter to follow him as chatelaine? He clearly trusted you to command.’
Her gaze flickered. ‘Maybe because he didn’t have any sons.’
‘He could have found a suitable son-in-law.’
‘He would never have done that!’ She tossed her head as if the very suggestion offended her. ‘He trained me for the same reason that he kept on supporting the Empress, because he knew things would never change if no one stood up for what was right. He had a higher opinion of women than most men do, though people said he was foolish. First in marrying for love, then raising his daughter to act like a boy, but he wanted me to be free to choose my own path.’ She pulled her shoulders back. ‘In any case, I doubt he would have been able to find a husband for someone like me.’
Lothar looked her up and down speculatively. It hadn’t occurred to him to think of her as boyish before, though he supposed most men wouldn’t want a bride who was quite so independent. Not to mention one who seemed oblivious to the idea that she could actually enhance her appearance by changing her gown occasionally. Not that she needed to enhance anything. Those flashing jade eyes were enticing enough on their own. On second thoughts, perhaps it was better that she didn’t change her gown after all... His breeches were straining enough as it was.
‘What do you think?’ She rounded on him.
‘What do I think?’ That he’d like to see her without any gown at all! ‘I think he was a cleverer man than I am.’
She gave a bitter-sounding laugh. ‘I think that maybe everyone else was right. I did let him down in the end. I surrendered the castle to his enemy, Stephen. Maybe he shouldn’t have left me in charge.’ Her face crumpled suddenly. ‘And now I’m not fit for anything else.’
He felt a tightening sensation in his chest, struck by the uncharacteristic urge to say or do something comforting, to wrap his arms around her and whisper words of reassurance. For all her defiance, it seemed that deep down she was more vulnerable than he’d realised, doubting her own ability to be chatelaine after all. He even half-raised a hand before he stopped himself.
‘I told you, my lady, there’s no shame in surrender. You had no choice at the time, but considering your oath of allegiance...’ He forced the words out reluctantly. ‘Perhaps you ought to go to Stephen.’
‘What?’ She looked as horrified as if he’d just struck her.
‘You gave him your allegiance and lost your castle because of it. He’ll take care of you.’
‘You mean leave Haword?’
‘Of course.’ Surely she knew that? ‘The Empress will want to appoint a new lord.’
‘But this is my home!’
‘It was your home,’ he said the words as gently as he could, ‘but you can’t remain here indefinitely. You ought to leave as soon as you’re ready. Your men, too, unless they’re willing to serve Sir Guian.’
‘What am I supposed to do at Stephen’s Court?’
‘Doubtless he’ll arrange a marriage for you.’
Green eyes flashed like emerald studs. ‘I’ve just told you I’m not the kind of woman men want to marry.’
‘Stephen should still reward you for your loyalty.’
‘And that’s what you call a reward—marriage? Obeying a man for the rest of my life? A prison would be more honest.’
‘I believe that many women find happiness in marriage.’
‘Like the Empress?’
He frowned at the sarcasm. Clearly rumours about Matilda’s tempestuous relationship with Geoffrey of Anjou were more widespread than he’d realised.
‘She did with Emperor Heinrich, her first husband.’
‘What about you?’ She looked at him askance. ‘Are you married?’
‘No.’
‘Have you ever been?’
‘No.’
‘Then what do you know about it? You say that you serve a woman, but would you allow your wife to have a mind of her own?’
‘I’ve no intention of finding out. I’ve no desire to get married.’
‘But you think it’s a good idea for me?’
He took a swig of ale in frustration. Damn it all, it wasn’t as if he wanted her to get married! The very idea evoked all kinds of images he didn’t want to dwell on, but he was trying to help! She was only too stubborn to see it.
‘It would be a means of protection.’
‘I don’t need protecting!’ She raised her voice, almost shouting at him. ‘You’re just like every other man. You think it’s all right for you to be free, but not for a woman!’
‘I didn’t say it was right. It’s just the way of the world.’
‘A man’s world!’
‘A woman can still have power in marriage.’
‘Says the man who doesn’t want to be shackled!’
He swallowed the last of his ale before answering. ‘I have my own reasons for not wanting to marry.’
‘Such as?’
‘They’re private.’
‘They’re excuses!’
‘Perhaps it’s because I don’t want to spend my evenings arguing with a harpy!’
She shot out of her chair at once. ‘Then allow me to relieve you of my company. As for the rest, there’s no need to concern yourself about my future. I’ll leave when I’m ready.’
He fixed her with a hard stare. ‘I thought that my remaining an extra night would give you time to prepare your departure. I can’t delay any longer.’
‘So that was why you...?’ A look of surprise flitted across her features before she cut herself off mid-sentence. ‘None the less, I intend to stay a while longer.’
‘With Sir Guian?’
‘Yes.’
‘And his soldiers?’
‘I can take care of myself.’
He clenched his jaw, trying to restrain his temper. ‘Very well. I’ll speak with him before I leave.’
‘There’s no need.’
He sighed. Was there anything she wasn’t going to argue with him about this evening?
‘Would you prefer that I didn’t?’
‘I’d prefer that no one gets hurt.’
‘Then I promise only to talk.’
She regarded him dubiously for a moment before the arrival of two new soldiers at the stairwell seemed to distract her again.
‘There’s nothing to worry about.’ Lothar frowned, perplexed by the sudden look of anxiety on her face. What was it about the stairwell that bothered her so much? She seemed to get jumpy every time anyone went near it. ‘They’re just relieving the guards. No one will disturb you upstairs, you have my word.’
‘Thank you.’ She avoided his gaze as she picked up the remains of her second trencher. Despite her earlier protestations, she’d hardly touched any of it.
‘Still hungry?’ He lifted an eyebrow.
‘I might be later. Will I see you again before you leave in the morning?’
He threw a quick glance in the direction of Sir Guian. It seemed highly unlikely that the Baron would be in a fit state to talk about anything before noon. Beating some sense into him would be far easier, but now that he’d promised...
‘Yes. We’ll break our fast here.’
‘Then I’ll see you in the morning. Goodnight, Sergeant.’
‘Goodnight, my lady.’
He tapped his fingers on the table-top as she hastened away, unable to shake the feeling that he was missing something. Despite their conversation, she seemed more of a mystery than ever. Why hadn’t she slept? She’d said that it was because she’d been keeping watch on her men, but that didn’t make any sense. She must have realised they weren’t in any danger quickly enough, so why hadn’t she taken the opportunity to rest? Something was definitely worrying her, too, even more than the threat of Sir Guian. She seemed more anxious about the stairwell than she did about him, as if she were afraid of anyone else going upstairs. As if she were hiding something...
He remembered the sound of moaning he’d heard earlier, the one that she’d dismissed as one of her guards having a bad dream. In all the commotion he’d forgotten about it, but now he felt a tendril of suspicion. Not what, but whom was she hiding?
He waited another minute and then pushed his chair back, lighting a candle in one of the braziers before making his way towards the far corner of the hall, nodding at his guards as he followed her up the curve of the stairwell.
The tower seemed deserted as he made his way silently past her chamber door and turned the handle of the one opposite. He’d half-expected it to be locked, but it opened without any resistance, swinging wide to reveal a large made-up bed, two sturdy-looking coffers, and a small desk in one corner. Other than that, the room was completely empty.
He stood stock-still in the doorway, feeling as though he’d just invaded something private. This was clearly her father’s old chamber, kept the way it had been when he’d last ridden out to battle, though it retained a strangely lived-in feeling. Even so, it seemed highly unlikely that Lady Juliana would let one of her guards sleep there. He must have been mistaken in what he’d heard earlier. Either that or the sound had come from elsewhere...
‘Do you want to sleep here?’
Her voice at his shoulder almost made him drop his candle in surprise.
‘No, my lady.’
He turned around slowly. How had she known he was there? He hadn’t creaked so much as a floorboard—though neither had she, for that matter—and yet there she was watching him, still fully dressed, though she’d removed her headdress at least, revealing two loosely tied braids falling over each breast.
‘This was your father’s chamber?’ He grimaced as she nodded. ‘Then I’m sorry for disturbing it.’
‘Were you looking for something?’
She sounded wary and he paused, trying to gauge her reaction. She looked as suspicious as he felt, her green eyes glowing like a cat’s in the candlelight, fixed on him with an intent feline gleam. What would she do if he confronted her with his suspicions directly? Would she bolt or unsheathe her claws? Either way, he doubted that she’d tell him anything.
‘I was looking for clues.’ He settled on a different excuse. ‘Something to remind me about what happened last night. I don’t like mysteries.’
‘Last night?’ Her voice jumped up a few octaves. ‘I told you, we talked. There’s nothing else to remember.’
He raised both eyebrows, struck by the sudden, powerful conviction that she was lying. The look of panic in her eyes was as good an admission of guilt as if she’d said it aloud. Which meant... He was struck dumb for a moment, struggling to adapt to the unlikely realisation that his dreams hadn’t been dreams after all.
‘It’s late.’ She brought her voice back under control, though her expression remained guarded, as if she were afraid of what he might be thinking.
He didn’t answer, his memory flooding with remembered sensations. The smooth plumpness of her lips, the exhilarating feeling of her body moulded against his, everything he’d thought he’d imagined made real. He could hardly believe it. He’d known that she’d lured him into the castle under false pretences, but he’d never expected her to go so far as to actually kiss him, let alone to throw herself into his arms with such wild abandon. Had it all been a pretence? Her first kisses perhaps, though the way her body had responded when he’d pulled her against him had certainly felt real. Either that or she was the best actress he’d ever seen. Judging by the heat burning her cheeks now, she definitely wasn’t that.
‘Lothar?’
He looked past her before he could stop himself, into her chamber and the bed he’d slept in the previous night—heard her breathing hitch in response. His own breathing sounded uneven, too, as if the air between them had suddenly become thicker and heavier, picking up every stray sound and movement. He felt as if all his senses were on the alert, as if he were aware of every hair on her head, every small tremor in her hands as she clutched them together in front of her. Most of all, he was aware of the fact that she wasn’t moving away. He didn’t think he’d ever been so aroused in his life, fighting the urge to pull her into his arms and see how she’d respond to his kisses a second time. They were alone in a tower with no one to disturb them, no one to even know they were alone together. The only people sober enough to have noticed him enter the stairwell were his guards and they knew better than to say anything. If he drew her into his arms again now, who was there to object?
He forced the temptation away. No matter how powerful the attraction he felt for her, she was an innocent. He definitely hadn’t been mistaken about that. A woman on her own without a father or guardian to protect her. If he kissed her, then he’d be taking advantage of that vulnerability. Never mind the fact that he was leaving in the morning. If he kissed her now, it would only make his departure more difficult and it was becoming hard enough already. Whatever strange power she seemed to hold over him, he had a feeling that touching her would only strengthen, not break, it.
Besides, even if she wasn’t moving away, the look on her face spoke volumes. No matter what had happened between them, she clearly didn’t want him to remember any of it. Was she ashamed? Embarrassed? Whatever the reason, if she didn’t want him to remember then she obviously didn’t want it to happen again.
He closed the door to her father’s chamber and made a formal courtier’s bow, heading for the stairwell before he could do anything he might regret.
‘Goodnight, Lady Juliana.’ Somehow he forced his feet to keep moving. ‘Sleep well.’