Two hours later, realizing there was little more she could usefully do that night, Dani arrived at the hospital which, despite it being gone seven p.m., was swarming both inside and out; cars in the car park, and patients, visitors, doctors and nurses filling the waiting areas and corridors. Organised chaos was a kind way to describe it, utter confusion another. Not that Dani begrudged any of the staff here. They were, on the whole, incredible people, yet the institution they worked for was forever constrained by growing demand set against dwindling resources, making the lives of the professionals there near impossible.
With Christmas a little over three weeks away, the overworked staff had somehow found the time to put up decorations and twisted plastic Christmas trees. It didn’t look much, but Dani knew it would mean the world to the patients who’d be stuck here through the festive season. She herself had spent two Christmases on a ward not dissimilar to this one, back when she was first recovering from her TBI; a recovery that would never fully be over, even if she had long since left behind those dark days in hospital.
By now all of the regular staff on the rehab ward recognised Dani, and even though she’d only been here the previous evening, it took her several minutes of hellos and chit-chat before she finally came to Jason’s room.
When she stepped inside, the familiar smell – what was that hospital smell? – and sound of the room filled her head and sent her mind spinning with almost entirely miserable memories.
She noticed the staff hadn’t yet been in here with their glittering decorations. Was that because there was still hope that Jason could be back home before then?
Dani was disappointed to see that Jason was asleep in the bed, and she tiptoed over to him. She took the seat next to the bed and put her hand onto his, hoping her gentle touch would rouse him. Jason had been in this hospital, albeit not in this room, or this ward, since the summer. Since Damian Curtis had turned up at their house and tried to tear Jason apart with an axe and knife. Although he was now heavily scarred, Jason’s surface wounds had healed while he was still in a coma. The most serious of his injuries were internal; in particular, the damage to his brain from cracking his skull on the floor, and the knife wound to the back which had wreaked havoc with his nervous system.
When he’d first woken from his coma nearly six weeks ago, he had been paralysed from the neck down. That had come as more of a shock and trauma to him than it had to Dani, who’d already been prepared for the painful fact. The days since then had been gruelling for everyone, but Jason in particular as he mustered every ounce of resolve to try to get his body and his brain working again.
He’d made massive progress too. He could now speak more or less normally, and his mind was improving daily. The doctors expected him to make a full mental recovery, and he was unlikely to be blighted by the same issues that Dani still suffered from as a result of her own head trauma, which had irreparably damaged her frontal lobes – the part of the brain that controls emotion and personality. As for the rest of Jason’s body… he could now use his arms and hands almost freely, including eating on his own, although his stamina was non-existent and his dexterity remained shot, causing him to seriously struggle with seemingly simple tasks such as writing his own name. Much of his time these last couple of weeks had been spent trying to get himself on his feet again. A task which largely ended in frustration and tears.
But Dani was sure he’d pull through. Hell, she had, from her own ordeal at the hands of her brother, and she had no doubt Jason was a stronger person than she was. The worst of it, certainly from the outside in, was the pain he was still in. Jason’s nervous system remained in pieces and his body, his limbs and his head, were riddled with pain every second of every day due to misfiring nerve responses. The only way for him to gain relief was through drugs, which meant he spent much of his time asleep.
Dani squeezed his hand a little harder and this time he responded, his hand twitching before his body shuffled. Eventually his eyelids fluttered open. Dani didn’t say anything as she waited for him to come around.
It took him a couple of minutes before he sat up in the bed. He winced in pain as he did so and squeezed his eyes shut for a few seconds.
‘What time is it?’ he said.
‘Just gone seven.’
‘You’ve finished work?’
‘Kind of.’
More than likely she’d be straight onto the computer when she arrived home. She briefly explained about her day. Strangely she focused on the couple of hours she’d spent at court that morning, rather than the new case. Why was that?
Probably it was because she was terrified about the implications of the link to Ben.
Jason took it all in. Didn’t say a word. Not that she needed him to. She just needed to rant. She hoped his silence was due to the fact that he understood that, and not because he didn’t have the heart or the strength to tell her she was wrong.
‘It’s not too late,’ he said, after a few moments of silence.
‘To get Ben?’
‘To get whoever. It’s never too late.’
‘Anyway,’ Dani said, waving away that ambiguous remark. ‘Tell me about your day. How many steps did you manage earlier?’
Jason started talking, though Dani knew she was only half listening.
Steps. Not real steps. Not yet. Most of his body weight was taken by his arms on the parallel bars, but still it was a start, and a horrifically difficult process she herself had once gone through.
She often wondered whether it helped or hindered the position she and Jason now found themselves in that she too had come back from the brink of death; had had to relearn so many basic activities like eating, talking, walking, just as Jason now was. Or did her experience somehow compound the problems, and add a layer of resentment to it all, particularly given how she’d been a terrible patient herself. Not necessarily all her fault, as the damage to her brain, and by extension her personality, was beyond her control, even if she and others didn’t always get that. Jason had at least been spared that affliction.
She couldn’t count the number of arguments she’d had with him back when she was recovering. The number of times she’d flipped at him, at others, for no real reason. She’d screamed for Jason to leave her alone. She’d pushed everyone away, him included, partly because of some sort of shame, but mostly because that was just the way her brain had rewired itself. She was angry, impatient now, and struggled with empathy far more than before.
Jason had been so much more upbeat, basically his old self. But was a part of that because he was simply determined not to follow Dani’s dark path? Was it all a front?
Either way, Dani felt downright miserable about the whole thing whenever she thought about it.
‘Dani, are you even listening?’
Jason’s face was screwed up in concern now. Or was it just the pain?
‘I’m sorry,’ she said. ‘It’s just been a really tough day.’
‘Yeah,’ he said.
He looked at her as though to say, ‘I get it.’
Perhaps he did, but it didn’t really make her feel much better.
‘I’m really tired,’ he said. ‘And I can sense you’ve plenty on your mind. If you need to go…’
She squeezed his hand and he squeezed back as firmly as he could.
‘I love you,’ she said as she leaned forward and kissed him on the lips. ‘I’ll be back tomorrow.’
‘I love you too,’ he said.
She got up and headed for the door.