ERIN SAW HER ex-husband at the exact moment he saw her, at the very instant she emerged from Customs into the International Terminal at Sydney Airport. Their eyes met across the crowded sea of expectant faces, and she felt a jolt so savage she almost stumbled.
Luke Manning looked exactly as she remembered—a man who could never blend into a crowd. Wide-shouldered, long-legged and lean, with dark hair, prominent cheekbones and a mouth that could be brooding or good humoured by turns, Luke retained an air of inner confidence and calm that always set him apart.
But today there was something more. Despite the crowds that jostled him as they waved and called to loved ones, he gave an impression of remoteness, like the vast and lonely Australian Outback he loved.
Even at this distance his grey eyes could freeze her.
Erin drew a sharp breath. For a fleeting moment there had been a spark of excitement in Luke’s eyes, but then, just as suddenly, the light vanished to be replaced with chilling blankness. In the past she’d never seen such coldness in his face, but its appearance now was hardly surprising. What else could she expect? Five years ago she’d walked away from their marriage. She hadn’t seen him since.
Now she felt a flash of panic. Seeing Luke again was even harder than she’d feared.
She’d been schooling herself to feel nothing. Nothing. But all it had taken was that single icy glance from those too-familiar grey eyes and the wounds that were supposed to have healed were ripped open again.
Once again she felt the awful pain. This was what she’d dreaded, why she almost hadn’t come.
A small, impatient hand tugged at hers. ‘You said my dad would be here.’ Joey sounded anxious. ‘Can’t you see him yet?’
‘Yes, sweetheart, he’s here.’
Erin gave Joey’s hand a squeeze, more to reassure herself than her son. She tried to ignore the trembling in her stomach, the unwanted surge of anxiety shooting high, filling her throat.
Around them, the lines of fellow passengers were breaking up as weary travellers were enveloped by welcoming arms. Mere metres away, Luke Manning stood still, waiting.
Erin’s heart thudded. She had to remember that this meeting was not about her. Or Luke. They weren’t here to rake up the past. Neither of them wanted that. Their marriage was a closed book, finished for ever. They were meeting because of their son. This was for Joey, for his future.
She heard a sharp exclamation and felt Joey’s hand slip from hers. He’d seen his father.
Even though Luke wasn’t astride a stock horse or wearing an Akubra hat, he looked so like the photograph on Joey’s nightstand that his son couldn’t fail to recognise him.
‘Hey, Dad!’ Joey shrieked, and began to rush forward, but after three or four steps he stopped, overcome by shyness.
Erin, pushing the loaded luggage cart, tried to catch up with the boy, but she too was gripped by a vexing hesitation. It was like a bad dream where she couldn’t seem to move. She’d come so far, all the way from Manhattan, but these last few steps seemed impossible.
Perhaps she should have accepted her sister’s offer to accompany Joey in her place.
How terrible this was. The three of them were like a stilllife tableau—Erin in her trendy New-York black trouser suit, suitably crease-resistant for travelling—Luke, an Outback man in the city, in pale moleskin trousers, a long-sleeved, blue cotton shirt and carefully polished elastic-sided riding boots—and little freckle-nosed, red-headed Joey, staring up at his father as he clutched his favourite possessions in a New York Yankees backpack.
They stood there, stiffly silent and awkward in the midst of the busy, bustling airport.
And then they seemed to come to life at once. Luke’s hands came out of his pockets and his mouth quirked into a quarter-smile. With his eyes fixed on Joey, he stepped forward. Erin forced their luggage cart to move once more. Joey hitched his backpack over one shoulder and grinned.
‘Hi, Dad.’ His face was glowing as he looked up at Luke.
‘Hello, Joey.’ Stooping low, Luke offered his right hand and Erin held her breath as she watched the man and the boy greet each other. She felt a leaping sensation in her chest as she saw the deep emotion in Luke’s eyes, the shining pride in Joey’s.
This was such a big moment for Joey—the culmination of months of longing and desperate impatience that had begun last autumn when he’d started school—when he’d suddenly become obsessed by a need to know everything about his father.
Now, as Erin watched, Luke’s eyes seemed to devour the boy. What was he thinking? Was he remembering Joey’s birth and how proud he’d been of his new baby son—how smitten they’d both been?
Was Luke looking for a physical resemblance to himself?
Superficially, Joey looked more like Erin’s family, the Reillys. Both she and Joey had inherited dark red hair from her Irish father and their smallish noses were a Reilly feature too. But already it was clear that Joey was going to be tall like Luke and his high cheekbones were an unmistakable Manning legacy.
And the boy’s eyes were smoky indigo, a true mixture of Erin’s bright blue and Luke’s deep grey.
She wondered if she should break the silence, but it was Joey who rescued the moment.
Shooting Luke a self-conscious grin, her son said, ‘Good day, mate,’ in his best attempt at an Australian accent.
Luke’s face broke into a helpless crooked smile. ‘G’day, little mate.’ His voice sounded choked as his big brown hand ruffled Joey’s buzz cut. Then he tapped the logo on Joey’s backpack. ‘How are the Yankees? Have they had a good season?’
Joey nodded shyly and then Luke looked in Erin’s direction, his eyes bright yet wary.
Smile. She had to look cool and okay about this. Detached. Smile, dammit.
But her lips refused to curve and she was forced to tighten her cheek muscles until her mouth pulled outwards and upwards into a very mechanical grimacing smile.
Luke, on the other hand, didn’t even bother to look pleased to see her. ‘Hello, Erin.’ His gaze was cold again and he spoke through tight lips.
‘Hi, Luke.’ She lifted her right hand, but then let it fall back onto the handle of the baggage cart. Best not to attempt to shake hands—it would be too embarrassing if Luke ignored her.
His jaw clenched, then relaxed. ‘How was the flight?’
She shrugged. ‘Very long.’
He nodded grimly.
Erin switched her attention to Joey, who was standing between them, and she stroked his cheek with her knuckles. ‘This little tiger managed to sleep for eight hours, so he’s ready and raring to go.’
‘That’s great.’
Joey’s eyes shone as he stared up at Luke. ‘Your cattle ranch is humungous, isn’t it, Dad?’
‘It’s big.
‘As big as the whole of Texas?’
‘Don’t be silly, Joey.’ Erin’s voice sounded too tense but it couldn’t be helped. ‘You know it’s not that big.’
‘Well, it’s bigger than Manhattan.’ Joey giggled with the cheerful confidence of a kindergarten kid, not yet required to come to grips with geography.
‘Quite a lot bigger than Manhattan,’ Luke agreed. He turned to Erin. ‘Let me push that cart for you.’
‘It’s okay. I’m managing.’
Overriding her foolishness, he stepped forward and his hand closed around her wrist. Oh, help. What was the matter with her? Did he notice how she almost jumped out of her skin?
For a breathless stretch of time he looked down at her small white hand, trapped by his, so large and brown. The contrast wasn’t merely one of gender and size. The difference between Erin’s sophisticated New York manicure and Luke’s work-toughened, calloused palm signalled everything that had been wrong about their union.
‘You’ve had a long flight and you’re tired,’ was all he said as he wrested the cart from her. ‘Let’s go. I’ll take you to the hotel.’
Without another word, he turned abruptly and pushed the cart before him as he marched towards the escalators that led to the car park.
Joey hurried to keep up with Luke and after a small, somewhat weary sigh Erin followed.
‘I wish we could go straight to your ranch, Dad,’ Joey said as the escalator carried them to the floor below.
‘You know that’s not the plan.’ Erin’s tone held a tense warning. ‘I told you Warrapinya is way up north near the top of Australia.’ For Luke’s benefit she added, ‘I’ve explained to him that he’ll be spending a day in Sydney first.’
She’d insisted on this. Heaven knew she wasn’t looking forward to spending time with Luke, but she needed to discuss ground rules with him before he took off into the Outback. And she needed to observe how Luke interacted with Joey. No way was she going to hand her little boy over for two months in Luke Manning’s care unless she was sure they would get along well.
‘Can we fly all the way to your ranch?’ Joey asked Luke.
‘We certainly can.’
They reached the next floor and Luke hurried forward again. Joey was almost running to keep pace with his long stride. ‘Do you really fly your own plane?’ The boy’s voice was squeaky with excitement.
‘Sure do. I’ve just upgraded to a twin engine.’
‘Oh, wow! That’s so neat.’ Joey’s face was a picture of adoration.
Following behind them, Erin gnawed at her lip. It rankled that Luke had acquired a small plane and his pilot’s licence after their marriage broke up. There’d been no planes available when she’d lived on Warrapinya and had desperately needed one.
But it was useless to dwell on what might have been. The marriage between the bride from Manhattan and the boss of Warrapinya had been doomed from the outset and it was only sensible to leave it where it lay. Discarded. Dead and buried.
As they headed out through automatic sliding glass doors and into the parking area Joey’s piping voice and his endless questions added to her tension.
‘Do you drive a pick-up, Dad?’
‘They call pick-up trucks utes in Australia,’ she snapped.
‘Utes?’ Joey pulled a face. ‘That sounds weird.’
Luke grinned at him. ‘We have lots of weird things down here.’
‘Yeah.’ Joey skipped excitedly. ‘Do you have lots of weird animals on your ranch, Dad?’
‘Plenty of roos. And crocs.’
‘Crocs?’ The boy came to an abrupt halt and his face paled visibly. ‘Do you hunt crocodiles?’
Luke looked back over his shoulder and his grey eyes actually twinkled. ‘Not before breakfast.’
‘Joey’s been watching that Australian television show about the crocodile hunter,’ Erin explained.
She didn’t add that he’d had several nightmares involving crocodiles and deadly snakes. Instead she slipped a comforting arm around her son. ‘You’re not too keen on crocodiles, are you, baby?’
Luke came to a stop and he frowned as he watched her fingers rubbing at Joey’s shoulder. For some reason she felt suddenly self-conscious under his scrutiny and her hand grew still. Then she lifted it away and clenched it at her side.
‘I hope you haven’t made him into a sissy,’ Luke said quietly.
‘Of course I haven’t.’ Erin glared at him. ‘That was uncalled for.’
Over Joey’s head, their eyes fought a silent battle. And then there was a barely perceptible nod of Luke’s head before he switched his attention back to the boy. ‘Don’t worry, mate. We’ll keep well away from crocodiles while you’re staying with me.’
They’d stopped near a long silver-grey sedan and, to Erin’s surprise, Luke extracted a key from his pocket and pressed its central locking device.
She’d never seen Luke drive a city car before. Of course, he would have hired the car for the brief time he was in Sydney, but it was silly how little, unimportant things suddenly seemed to take on improbable significance. A sleek, sporty sedan didn’t fit her image of Luke. Her memories of him involved uncomfortable, old and battered dust-covered utes, or sturdy four-wheel drives with clearance so high she’d almost needed a ladder to climb into them.
‘Mom put stars and stripes stickers on our luggage so we could find it,’ Joey commented proudly as Luke began to stow their suitcases into the car’s trunk.
Luke straightened and let his gaze slide sideways to where Erin stood. ‘That’s a good idea,’ he said, looking at her. ‘Your mom’s a very organised lady.’
Something bright—perhaps it was a trick of the light—seemed to flicker in his eyes and Erin felt a sudden need to plough nervous fingers through her hair.
Luke watched her action, his expression faintly worried. He was frowning as he closed the boot, and the frown held as he walked to open the front passenger door and motioned to Erin to take a seat.
Oh, help. The tension between them was suffocating, and it was only going to get worse if she had to sit there beside him.
‘Can I sit in the front with you, Dad?’
For a beat or two Luke didn’t seem to hear Joey, but then, with deliberate effort, he turned to the boy.
‘Can I?’ Joey persisted.
‘You know children should always ride in the back,’ Erin reminded him quickly.
‘Your mother’s right,’ said Luke.
Joey pouted.
‘I’ll sit in the back with you, honey.’ She didn’t look at Luke so she missed his reaction to this. She took Joey’s hand. She loved the touch of his still baby-soft skin and now she wanted to feel it again, to absorb the comfort of his small, warm hand clasping hers. Needing her.
More than ever she needed her son to need her now.
She and Joey had never been separated for more than a day or two, and that had only been when she’d been forced to take a short business trip. On those few occasions she’d left him with her mother, whose apartment was only two blocks away.
The thought of parting with her little boy for two long months was bad enough, but the reality of turning him over to the father he idolised was scary.
Going to Warrapinya would be a thrilling adventure for Joey. The Outback was astonishing, like nothing the boy had ever seen. Just the name Warrapinya stirred Erin, bringing a rush of memories of a unique and dramatic landscape—and good and bad reactions to match—at times a lift to her heart and at others a shudder down her spine.
She’d experienced the best and the worst of times there.
Joey, however, wouldn’t see the problems. He’d love Luke’s ranch. And he’d love Luke, who could be very charming and entertaining when he set his mind to it. She knew that only too well.
But…what if…what if Joey had such a great time with his dad that he didn’t want to come back to her?
Oh, damn. She’d made a vow that she wouldn’t give in to negative thoughts, and already she was letting her insecurities get the better of her. She had to stomp on them. Quickly.
Joey loved her. Erin knew that. She must never doubt it for a moment. They had a wonderful relationship full of love and easygoing warmth and companionship and fun.
Luke, she realised, was watching her again, but this time he’d schooled his features so there was no unsettling flicker and no chilling contempt. His gaze was devoid of emotion as he opened the car’s back door for them.
‘I’ve booked you into a hotel in Woolloomooloo, near the harbour,’ he said as he closed the door, and then he slipped into the driver’s seat and started the car.
It was late afternoon and the peak-hour rush had begun. Heavy, dull winter skies loomed. At home it was summer but down here in Sydney the people on the pavements were bundled inside coats and scarves and hurrying, as if eager to reach home and warmth. The threat of rain hovered, and in this dull light the city, famous for its bright and pretty harbour, looked unwelcoming.
But nothing could cloud Joey’s happiness. From the back seat he leaned forward, straining against his seat belt so he could watch Luke.
Erin closed her eyes and let her head sink back against the luxuriously soft dove-grey leather upholstery. She felt exhausted, exhausted by the whole process of getting here, by the tension of it all, and the long flight followed by the tedious process of collecting their baggage, of making their way through Security, through Immigration and Customs.
Then the ordeal of seeing Luke again.
Oh, God. Without warning her mind flashed back to the last time she’d seen Luke, the day she’d left Warrapinya with Joey screaming in her arms.
It had been horrendous, the very worst thing she’d ever experienced. She’d relived it in her dreams a hundred times and each time she woke to find herself shaking and in tears. Even now she was falling apart just remembering.
She’d stood on the homestead veranda at the top of the front stairs, with her bags packed and tears streaming down her face, waiting for Nails, the Aboriginal odd-job man, who was going to drive her to the nearest airport at Cloncurry.
But, before Nails had arrived, Luke had appeared out of nowhere, charging up on a galloping horse and bearing an enormous bouquet of Outback flowers—golden wattle, red grevillea and purple wildflowers.
‘What’s going on?’ he’d roared when he saw her suitcases.
Over Joey’s cries she’d called back, ‘I can’t take any more of this place. I’m leaving you, Luke. Joey’s sick and you’ve been gone for days and I’ve had enough.’
Luke had leapt from his horse. ‘What’s the matter with Joey?’
‘I don’t know. He just cries all the time and he won’t feed.’
‘I’ll come with you. We’ll take him to the doctor.’
‘No, you don’t understand. It’s too late for you to try to help me now. It’s over, Luke. I’ve had as much as I can take of this place. I’m going home and I’m taking Joey.’
At the time it hadn’t felt like selfishness. She’d been on her own so much and she’d been so distraught about Joey. She’d been a nervous first-time mother and her baby had cried all the time, but the Flying Doctors hadn’t considered her situation an emergency and her husband never seemed to be around. She’d felt she had no one to turn to.
Luke had been stunned. Unable to speak, he’d shoved the flowers at her. ‘But I picked these for you.’
A tremendous heartbroken howl broke from her then as she swiped at his bouquet, making the colourful flowers spill from his hand and tumble down the steps. She’d been hysterical, she realised now, looking back.
‘It’s too late for flowers. There’s no point.’
‘But you can’t leave.’ The horror in Luke’s eyes had almost made her weaken. ‘I don’t understand.’
‘Of course you don’t understand. That’s because you’re never here. All I needed was a little support from you, Luke, but you just make a joke whenever I tell you how worried I am. And you’ve abandoned me here for weeks at a time. You’re always off caring for your cattle. You’ve been gone all week, pulling cows out of bogs. Well, I’m bogged down here, but I’m getting myself out. I’m getting proper care for Joey and I’m not coming back.’
Nails drove up in the ute at that moment. Clutching Joey tightly, Erin fled down the steps and jumped into the front seat and locked the door.
There was been a terrible moment when Nails leaned out of the driver’s window. ‘You want to drive the missus into town, Boss?’
‘No!’ Erin cried. ‘I don’t want him, Nails. Come on, let’s go.’
But Luke wasn’t going to let her go without a fight. ‘Hand over the keys, Nails. I’m taking my son to the doctor.’
Erin actually thought Luke might wrench the door open. ‘You’re too late!’ she cried. ‘Even if you follow me, you can’t make me come back. I won’t stay here.’
Luke glared at her, his eyes almost black with rage and despair. Jerking her head to the front, she stared ahead of her at the dusty track. ‘Start the ute, Nails.’
And then Luke gave in suddenly. He threw her bags into the back of the vehicle and they landed with a heavy thump-thump. Completely bewildered, Nails shrugged, then depressed the accelerator and they left.
She would never forget the harrowing sound of Luke’s angry voice shouting after them…
‘Mommy, what’s the matter?’
Joey was leaning forward, staring at her, and she realised that tears were streaming down her face. She forced a smile. ‘It’s nothing, Joey. I’m okay.’
‘Don’t you like Dad’s car?’
‘Yes, yes, it’s fine. Your dad’s a very good driver. I’m just a little tired.’ She dug in her pocket for a tissue and wiped her eyes.
If only she could fast-forward the next twenty-four hours. She wanted to get this meeting and all that it involved behind her, and then she would be free to go off on her own holiday down under, and she would have nothing more to do with Luke Manning till August.