LUKE STOOD AT the far end of the long hospital corridor, his hands weighted deep in his pockets.
Staring through a tall narrow window into the black night, he let his mind replay again and again his feelings of terror when he’d heard a cry for help and had rushed to the horse yard to find Raven prancing nervously and Joey lying unconscious in the dirt.
Could there be a worse moment for a father? Gut-wrenching didn’t go halfway to describing how he’d felt as he’d scooped Joey’s tiny limp body into his arms. He’d been filled with the darkest dread. Absolutely terrified. Appalled.
Luke couldn’t remember how he’d got Joey to the plane. The frantic call he’d put through to the hospital and the takeoff from Warrapinya were a blur. All he could remember was the agonising impact of his love for his boy exploding through him like a grenade. Joey was such a smart, cute, loving little kid. He was his son. Oh, God, how could he have let this happen to his own son?
His anger had surfaced later. Much later. It stirred him again now. This accident should not have happened. It wouldn’t have happened if Joey hadn’t disobeyed him. But a father couldn’t be expected to watch his boy every second. He should have been able to trust Joey to do as he was told.
Maybe the kid lacked discipline. Perhaps Erin had been too soft with him.
At the thought of Erin Luke’s gut dropped. Hell, she’d be a mess when she heard about this. She’d be so mad at him. She might never forgive him.
Just the same, he should try to ring her again. Grimacing at the thought, he reached into his pocket for his mobile phone and in the same instant he glanced to the far end of the corridor just as the lift doors opened and someone emerged.
Erin saw Luke as soon as she stepped out of the elevator. She saw the hunch of his shoulders.
Oh, God. Joey…
Luke looked so desolate her heart clattered like a metal pan dropped by a careless nurse.
Then Luke turned and saw her and he stiffened, his shoulders shooting back in surprise. Or maybe anger. It was too bad if he was mad at her intrusion. She’d had to come.
He began to hurry down the shiny linoleum towards her and her heart pounded. Soon she would know the worst. He would tell her what had happened to her baby.
The grimness of his expression made her break into a run. ‘Where’s Joey?’ she cried and then her legs gave way and she stumbled.
Luke caught her, gripped her by the elbows and steadied her.
Terrified, she lifted her gaze to meet his and she forced herself to repeat her dreadful question. ‘Where’s Joey? How—how is he?’
Luke’s face was pale beneath his tan, his eyes storm-dark. She pressed a hand against the awful crashing in her chest.
‘Joey’s okay,’ Luke said. ‘He’s here in this ward. He’s asleep.’
‘But he’s really okay?’
‘Yes. He’s going to be fine.’
‘Oh.’
She’d been so tense, so prepared to hear bad news that her knees gave way completely. She sagged into Luke, her head falling on to his shoulder, her heart beating frantically against his upper arm.
She was forced to cling to him, shaking, tearful, exhausted, her fingers curling, grasping at the fabric of his sweater. Without the support of his arms she would have slid to the floor.
‘Are you sure?’ she whispered. It seemed too good to be true and she was terrified that she’d misheard him.
‘Yes, Erin. Joey’s fine. He regained consciousness on the flight in, but the doctors gave him a CT scan just to make certain there’s no serious injury. They’re confident he’s fine—just a little concussed—so he has to stay here for twenty-four hours, but that’s simply a precaution.’
‘Thank God. I’ve been so worried.’
Joey’s okay. Joey isn’t going to die. He isn’t maimed. He’s fine.
She let her mind replay those beautiful words, repeating them over and over, until their true meaning sank in and the fearful terror began to loosen its icy hold. Finally she felt a lift in her heart, the first warm ripple of relief.
Only then did she take in other details. Good grief. She was in Luke’s arms. She was plastered against him. Luke’s lips were brushing her forehead. His hand was gently cradling her head against his bulky shoulder. She could feel his heartbeats and the warmth of his hand as he stroked her hair.
She was even aware of his smell—a mixture of sunlit pastures and dusty man. It was achingly familiar. And everything about the fit of their bodies felt familiar too, so wonderfully right. Reassuring. His fingers were so gentle as he stroked the hair at her nape.
But what was Luke thinking? What was he feeling? Did he really want to hold her, or was he doing it out of a sense of duty? Or guilt?
Perhaps he was simply calming her the way he might calm a frightened animal.
Or perhaps he was remembering all the times he’d held her in the past….
From behind them came the rumble of a trolley being pushed down the corridor. Sanity returned. Erin lifted her head from Luke’s shoulder.
She gave him a little nudge with her elbow and he let her go quickly, swinging his arms open and then down to his sides while she made a business of rescuing her pashmina from the floor, but when she wrapped it around her once more she still felt cold and she would have liked the comfort of Luke’s arms.
But there were limits to how much a divorced couple could share. The sob-fest was over. Luke had seen her at her worst, at her most vulnerable and helpless, but it was time to be strong again, to stand on her own two feet.
And it was time to remember that she was actually angry with this man.
‘Why didn’t you call me to tell me about Joey?’ She snapped this question even more sharply than she’d meant to.
Luke’s sudden smile surprised her. ‘That’s more like it,’ he said. ‘I knew you’d have to lash out at me sooner or later.’
Erin gasped. Is that what Luke expected? Was she so predictable? But then she remembered that she had every right to be angry with this man.
‘Don’t sidestep, Luke. Surely I deserved a phone call?’
He released a weary sigh. ‘It was an emergency, Erin. Joey was my first priority. The only phone calls I had time for were to the hospital.’
‘But after that? You must have known how worried I’d be?’
‘I tried to ring you when the main drama was over. Actually, I’ve been trying to call you for the past couple of hours.’
Her shoulders lifted in a defensive little shrug. ‘I’ve been on the plane. I couldn’t use my cellphone.’
She chewed at her lower lip in a vexed kind of way and was disturbed to see Luke watching her. He was watching her mouth, to be exact, watching it intensely and in a way that sent her insides into meltdown.
‘Anyway,’ she said even more snappily. ‘How did this accident happen? How could Joey fall from a horse? I thought you were supposed to be supervising his every moment while he was on the thing. You promised me he’d wear a helmet.’
Instead of answering her, Luke placed a firm hand at her elbow and steered her closer to the window. Erin almost jerked her arm away from him. But then she felt foolish when she realised he was guiding her out of the way of a nurse wheeling a trolley of medicines. Heavens, she was as tense as a trip-wire.
‘I wasn’t there when it happened, because Joey disobeyed me,’ Luke said. ‘He was mad at me because I wouldn’t let him try barrel racing with the other boys.’
‘Barrel racing? I can’t believe any responsible parent would let little boys do anything so dangerous.’
‘It’s not dangerous for Outback kids. For them, riding a horse and trying a few rodeo stunts is no more of a risk than riding a bike or a skateboard and throwing a few wheelies for a city kid.’
‘Not for this city kid. You don’t know the first thing about Joey, Luke. At home, if he wants to ride his bike, I personally go with him and supervise him in the park.’
‘He must enjoy that,’ Luke said with a cynical roll of his eyes.
Erin ground her teeth. Had this journey to Australia been a mistake? Had she been mad to turn her little boy loose in the wilds of the Outback? She should have asked Luke to come to New York. Or they should have met on neutral ground—in California or even Hawaii—or—
She stopped in mid-thought. ‘Did you say Joey disobeyed you?’
Luke nodded.
‘How? What happened?’
‘Jenny’s boys were kept busy indoors today, catching up on schoolwork they missed. I was doing paperwork in my office and Joey was supposed to be playing a video game in the lounge room, but the little devil snuck out. He took Raven down to the paddock behind the stables and tried to practise barrel racing—bareback—on his own.’
‘Bareback?’ Erin gaped at him. ‘Good grief, Luke, how on earth could a little boy Joey’s size get up on to a bareback horse?’
‘He climbed a fence and jumped on—because he didn’t know how to saddle her.’ Erin was sure she caught a flash of pride in Luke’s eyes. ‘He must have figured it was his only option.’
She was stunned. ‘I can’t believe that Joey would even think that he could ride bareback.’ She couldn’t imagine her little boy trying anything so reckless, so daring. The poor kid must have been desperate to be like the other boys.
She closed her eyes. Joey was out of his depth in the Outback—just as she had been.
Some of the station hands at Warrapinya had called her ‘the boss’s Manhattan mistake.’ She’d overheard them. It had hurt terribly at the time, but she knew they were right. She hadn’t been cut out for the life there.
And neither was Joey.
Poor Joey. He hadn’t asked to be born into this mess.
She took a deep breath and turned to Luke again, and she saw for the first time how tired and strained he looked. ‘I guess you must have had a terrible shock too,’ she admitted.
He nodded slowly and swallowed. Without looking at her, he said, ‘The boy means the world to me, Erin.’
Then he flicked a wary gaze her way and she caught a glimpse of deep emotion in his eyes—a mixture of sorrow and love and longing—and her heart seemed to swell so hugely in her chest she couldn’t speak.
She wanted to tell Luke that she understood his pain. She cared. She almost wanted to tell him how much she’d missed him, how many times in the past five years she’d regretted leaving him.
But how foolish was that? She had no idea if he’d welcome such news.
They stood uncomfortably, not looking at each other and not talking.
Finally Luke said, ‘Would you like to see Joey now?’
‘He’s probably still asleep.’
‘That’s okay.’
They walked together down the corridor till Luke stopped outside a door that was slightly ajar. Erin glimpsed a night-light on the wall and the corner of a hospital bed, neat with stiff white sheets, perfectly tucked. Even though she knew Joey was okay, she felt a pang of anxiety. Her poor baby was all alone in a strange big hospital.
As if he sensed how she felt, Luke sent her a faint smile and a reassuring wink that did ridiculous things to her heart, and then he pushed the door open.
Joey looked so small in the middle of the white bed and there was an ugly graze and a bump on his forehead. Erin tiptoed forward and his eyes opened slowly and he smiled just a little groggily.
‘Mommy,’ he said softly. His eyes seemed to study her and then he frowned. ‘What are you doing here?’
‘I came straight from Sydney when I heard about your fall,’ she said, leaning over to kiss his cheek. ‘How are you, baby? Do I get a hug?’
‘Sure.’ Sleepily, he lifted his arms to her. ‘You smell nice,’ he said as she hugged him. ‘Doesn’t Mommy smell nice, Dad?’
Behind her Luke cleared his throat. ‘Very,’ he murmured so quietly Erin almost missed it.
Joey’s eyes became worried. ‘I’m sorry, Mommy. I forgot my skid lid.’
‘Your what?’
‘His skull cap,’ said Luke.
‘Oh, yes.’ Tenderly, Erin touched the side of Joey’s head near the bump. ‘You’ve learned the hard way why those helmets are important, haven’t you?’
Joey nodded and then winced as if the movement hurt his head.
‘I’ve just popped in to say goodnight,’ Erin told him. ‘You look as if you need a nice long sleep.’
‘Are you going to stay here with me?’
Before Erin could respond, Luke moved closer to the bed. ‘We’ll wait with you now until you go to sleep and then we’ll see you again first thing in the morning.’ He spoke gently, but with an unmistakable air of fatherly authority that took Erin by surprise.
The three of them chatted a little about the hospital and whether Joey’s head hurt, whether the nurses were nice and what he’d had for dinner. Fifteen minutes later, Joey was asleep again.
Outside his room, Erin turned to Luke. ‘I’d like to speak to a nurse. I thought Joey seemed too lethargic, didn’t you?’
‘I spoke to the sister in charge earlier and she said concussion often makes the patient sleepy, even a little confused. I wouldn’t worry, Erin. He’s in expert hands and he should be much better tomorrow. Come on, let’s go. Have you had dinner?’
Erin dismissed dinner with a wave of her hand. ‘Before we head off, we should talk about what’s going to happen tomorrow, when Joey gets out of hospital.’
Luke frowned. ‘I don’t catch your drift.’
‘Is there somewhere nearby where I can take him?’
‘I’ll take him home.’
‘No. Joey can’t go back to Warrapinya, Luke.’
‘Why the hell not?’
‘Ssh.’ She cast a hasty glance back through the doorway to Joey’s darkened room and lowered her voice to just above a whisper. ‘He won’t be well enough to go back out there.’
‘He’s only had a bump on the head. He’s going to be fine in a day or two.’
‘But once he gets back there, he’ll be tearing around with those wild little boys again and he’ll want to go horse-riding.’
‘I’ll make sure he takes it easy till he’s completely recovered.’
Erin felt her jaw clench. Anger stirred. Luke didn’t understand how unprepared Joey was for the Outback. And he couldn’t imagine how hard it was for her to let her little boy go off into the wilderness again. It had been hard enough the first time, but now, after a potentially fatal accident— ‘You don’t understand what he means to me,’ she said.
‘Maybe you don’t understand what he means to me.’
Blue eyes and grey glared at each other.
Then Erin dropped her gaze and sighed. Actually, she did understand how Luke felt. But he was asking too much of her.
‘I’m his mother,’ she said. ‘Joey will need me.’
He would need her now the way he’d needed her so many times—when he had the chicken pox, or when he woke in the night from a bad dream, or when he was scared that aliens might abduct him.
Luke’s brows drew low over narrowed eyes. ‘You can’t cut off my time with Joey like that. I won’t stand for it. The deal was two months.’
‘The deal was you’d take good care of him.’
‘That’s below the belt, Erin, and you know it.’
She closed her eyes to avoid the menace in Luke’s. Well, yes, perhaps she had overreacted. Again.
And she also knew that Joey adored Luke. If she tried to stop him from going back with his father, how would the boy react?
Luke began to march with angry strides down the corridor to the lift and Erin hurried to keep up. Was she being churlish because deep down she was afraid? Was she jealous because she knew that Luke could give Joey the comfort and love that had been her exclusive role till now?
It wasn’t pleasant to realise that she was handling this badly. She’d been hoping she would learn something from these two months of separation, that she would grow stronger emotionally, even that she would emerge from this ordeal a better person.
‘I’m sorry,’ she said, as they came to a halt in front of the elevator. ‘You’re right, Luke,’ she added bravely. ‘I’m probably overreacting. I’ll have to trust you to take good care of Joey. If the doctor gives him the all-clear he should go back with you.’
‘Thanks,’ he said gruffly. ‘That means a lot.’
On the ground floor they crossed the hospital foyer and approached a wall of floor-to-ceiling glass doors. Beyond the glass the car park loomed and for the first time since she’d grabbed a taxi in Sydney and dashed to Mascot airport, Erin thought about what would happen next. She’d flown north in a blind panic with no more than overnight clothes and a toothbrush, and now it was time to get practical.
‘This is the way to the cab rank,’ Luke said, indicating a door to their left.
‘Have you organised your accommodation?’
‘Sure.’ He smiled. ‘Last year I bought an apartment here in Townsville.’
‘You bought a condo, here on the coast?’
‘That’s right. It’s handy for trips into the city.’
‘I’ll bet it is.’ It was hard to hide her shock. Once again Erin was conscious of how much more comfortable Luke’s life was now.
There’d been no plane for emergencies and no regular trips to town when they had been married. She’d spent her days stuck out in the middle of the wilderness, lonely and scared, while Luke had been off mustering cattle or mending fences or doing a thousand other things that had kept him away from the homestead.
‘I have a spare bed,’ Luke said. ‘You’re welcome to it.’
‘I—I don’t think that’s wise,’ she stammered, surprised that he would offer her hospitality.
Luke stopped walking and there was a hint of mild amusement lurking in his eyes, almost as if he were challenging her. ‘Why the hell isn’t it wise?’
‘Because…of our situation.’
His hands settled on his hips and his mouth curled into a faintly contemptuous sneer. ‘You’re scared of me.’
Yes, she was scared—scared of the effect he had on her—of the way her body had gone into meltdown when he’d held her. Scared of his body’s answering response.
She remembered Angie’s question about sparks. Oh, yes, there were sparks all right. Electrifying, dangerous sparks.
But what she had to remember was that this trip to Australia wasn’t about her falling in lust again with Luke. Giving in to physical hunger would be the worst kind of mistake. It couldn’t lead to anything but more confusion and unhappiness for everyone concerned, especially for Joey.
‘Of course I’m not scared of you,’ she said carefully. ‘It’s just that I—I don’t want to impose on you. A bed for the night is a very kind offer, but there’s no need. I can find a room somewhere.’
‘It would be less of an imposition if you could get rid of that bee in your bonnet and be sensible, Erin. Why not stay at my place? The spare room’s there to be used. Have you realised how late it is? Do you really want the hassle of trying to track down a motel room at this time of night?’
He was right, of course, but his taunting reasonableness annoyed her. Why wasn’t he as uptight as she was about the two of them spending a night together in his apartment, under his roof, behind a locked door and within the privacy of his four walls?
But, given his coolness, her nervous objections appeared childish. Her hands fluttered away from her sides, palms up, signalling her surrender. ‘Okay, thank you, Luke. A bed at your place would be very…convenient.’
A taxi took them across Ross River and into the city and they sat carefully apart on the back seat. Erin couldn’t believe how nervous she felt. Her skin seemed to hum all over with heightened awareness of Luke’s proximity.
What was the matter with her? He was her ex, the one man in the world she’d tried to live with and couldn’t. And yet here she was with the kind of tummy-twisting anticipation she hadn’t felt since her high school prom night.
She looked out at the street lights and the traffic and the lights shining from suburban houses—high set timber homes mostly, surrounded by tree-filled gardens—and she found herself remembering a time when they were married when Luke had promised to bring her here to Townsville.
‘I want to take you and the little fellow and we’ll have a holiday in Townsville,’ he’d said. ‘You’ll love it. We can rent a cottage on Magnetic Island or an apartment in the city and we’ll hire a babysitter and go out. There’s a Shakespeare play on.’
She’d been incredibly excited. The promise of that little trip to town had kept her buoyed for days, but then at the last minute they couldn’t go. There’d been a problem on a neighbouring property and Luke had claimed that he couldn’t abandon these people. They were good neighbours and the Manning family owed them a big favour.
Erin had been devastated. Surely Luke owed her a favour too?
And then the wet season had arrived early and they had been cut off from the coast by flooded creeks. Without a plane they’d been stranded.
They hadn’t had their holiday. By the time the wet season had been over it had been time to check fences and to shift the cattle again.
The taxi pulled up at a tall apartment block right in the heart of the city. Erin noticed a trendy-looking sushi bar on the ground floor and a hairdresser and a beauty spa right across the street. Luke’s apartment was on the top floor and it was spacious and very modern and new, with stunning views across the southern suburban lights to the silky waters of the bay.
She looked around her in amazement. She was pleased for Luke that he was enjoying such luxuries, but she couldn’t help feeling a little angry too. She felt as if she’d been cheated somehow.
So much had happened in the past five years. She’d struggled alone to make a success of her business and to care for Joey, while Luke had gone from strength to strength. He’d acquired a manager who’d brought his young family to live at Warrapinya, and he had an aeroplane and this apartment.
The spare room Luke showed her to was very trendy and comfortable and, she was relieved to see, separated from the master bedroom by a spacious open-plan living area.
‘I’m going to order some take-away,’ Luke said. ‘Do you still like Thai? They have a great Thai restaurant just down the street.’
‘Thai sounds great.’
He looked down at his clothes. He’d probably dropped everything when Joey’s accident occurred and he was still wearing his working gear—dusty jeans and riding boots and a rough denim work-shirt beneath a faded and holey navy cotton sweater.
By contrast, Erin was dressed for dinner in a cream silk shirt and caramel silk trousers.
‘I’m going to get out of these and take a shower,’ Luke said. ‘If you want one, your bathroom’s that way. You should find a bathrobe in there.’ Eyeing her tiny overnight bag, he flashed a slightly self-conscious boyish grin. ‘I can’t offer you much in the way of clothes, except the bathrobe or one of my shirts.’
‘The robe will be fine,’ she said tightly, but she wasn’t going to get changed into it yet. She would keep all her clothes on, thank you.
While Luke showered she went through to the bathroom and washed her face, cleaned her teeth and tidied her hair. There was a big mirror above the vanity table and she studied her reflection. Her clothes had seemed so right for a dinner party at Candia’s home in Potts Point, Sydney, but now she was with Luke they felt totally wrong. It was as if she was trying too hard.
She looked at the strands of freshwater pearls on fine gold chains about her neck. Her earrings were little balls she’d made from twisted gold wire and seed pearls. She loved her jewellery, but now it seemed unnecessary and she slipped off the chains and removed the baubles from her ears.
Kicking off her Prada pumps, she wandered back into the living room, thought about coffee and continued on to the kitchen.
‘That coffee smells great,’ Luke said when he emerged, freshly showered and changed into clean jeans and a spotless white T-shirt that hugged his physique with breathtaking snugness. ‘I’m glad you’ve made yourself at home.’
His eyes held hers for a moment longer than was necessary. ‘You’ve taken off those dangly things.’
‘So?’
‘It’s a pity. I liked them.’
Heat flared in her cheeks and she quickly switched her attention to the coffee-maker. It was time to put an end to this nonsense, to dampen the undeniable sizzle.
‘Would you like some of this coffee?’ she asked.
‘I think I’ll grab a beer.’ He opened the fridge and freed a can from a six-pack. ‘Make yourself at home.’ He cocked his head towards the living room. ‘Dinner should be here in about fifteen minutes.’
The sofas in the living room were deep and comfortable, and Erin curled into one corner and tucked her legs beneath her, determined to be casual and relaxed.
‘Don’t look so worried, Erin.’
So much for looking casual and relaxed. She smiled ruefully. ‘You have to admit it’s kind of weird, Luke, being together like this after such a long time.’
‘Yeah.’ He took a swig of beer, lowered it and stared at the floor for so long he had time to count all the stripes on the black and sienna rug.
Erin looked at her hands folded neatly in her lap. Each nail was perfectly shaped and immaculately painted. She found herself thinking of the unpainted, no-nonsense hands of the women in the Outback—hands that could handle heavy gear shifts as they steered a truck across a dry creek gully—hands that baked bread, delivered breech calves and helped their husbands to build stockyards.
Luke’s voice broke into her thoughts. ‘I guess this is a chance for us to talk.’
She reached for her mug and took a deep sip of coffee. ‘Well, yes, I guess it is. Why don’t you tell me more about how you and Joey are getting along?’
‘We’re hitting it off just fine. He’s a terrific little bloke. I must admit I didn’t expect to get on so well so quickly.’
‘I told you in Sydney, you’re his hero.’
‘Yes.’ He sent her a perplexed smile and scratched his head. ‘I just don’t understand how it happened. How can I be the kid’s hero when I haven’t been around? He couldn’t have known the first thing about me.’
‘That’s the point, Luke,’ Erin said gently. ‘I’m afraid an absent father leaves rather a big hole in a little boy’s life and he fills it the best way he can.’
Luke’s face darkened as he shifted uncomfortably. His eyes flashed with concern.
Erin took a deep breath. She could never think about Luke and Joey together without also feeling guilty for separating them. But the fault hadn’t all been hers. Luke had remained obstinately remote and silent. He hadn’t tried to see Joey.
Perhaps it was time to come clean, to explain to Luke exactly why she’d brought his son to Australia.
‘Joey really needed to meet you, Luke. He was a boy on the edge.’
‘Edge of what?’
‘Disaster.’