HOW INSANE WAS this?
She was going back to Warrapinya, to the one place in the world she’d sworn she would never revisit.
The first time she’d seen these sun-baked plains she’d been an ecstatic new bride, bursting with hope and romantic dreams. She’d burned from head to toe every time she’d looked at her gorgeous husband, had gone weak at the knees whenever they had touched.
Well, if she was honest, she hadn’t really changed in that respect. The big difference was that back then they’d touched at every opportunity.
Whereas now…
Now, sitting in Luke’s small plane, heading west, Erin’s eyes misted suddenly and her throat felt as if she’d swallowed a small mountain.
How naïve she’d been when she’d married Luke. She’d had such a romanticised idea of what it would be like to live in the Australian Outback. Such a dewy-eyed picture—a cosy farmhouse kitchen filled with shelves of colourful homemade preserves, sprigged eiderdowns on beds in lavender-scented rooms, fresh, pure country air filling her lungs as she hung linen on an outdoor clothes-line.
Those things were possible at Warrapinya, but somehow they hadn’t seemed quite so alluring once she’d been there, confronted with loneliness and the feeling of not belonging.
No one in the Outback was very interested in costume jewellery—so even her career choice had seemed frivolous and out of place.
She’d tried extra hard to prove to everyone that she could cope. She would be as capable as any Outback woman. She’d always been very well organised, so she’d been sure she’d soon get the hang of managing the homestead and being a cattleman’s wife.
Problem was, in the Outback there was so much she couldn’t organise. Life there was so dependent on nature. The vagaries of the weather and the land and the cattle ruled everything.
And the distances were so vast. Erin had never got used to that.
After Joey was born she’d been a nervous new mother. She’d wanted to be able to run to a drugstore every time her baby had a sniffle. At home in New York there was a drugstore on every block.
She had been terribly homesick. She had missed her mother and Angie so much.
And Joey had been a difficult baby—he never just ate and slept. And he’d cried so much. He’d had no routine. Erin had always been tired and on edge.
She had hoped when she married Luke that his easygoing attitude would rub off on her but it hadn’t. When Luke had shrugged away her concerns about Joey or made a joke of them, she’d just got tenser. It had been so disappointing that Luke hadn’t understood what a big deal those worries had been for her.
She’d become neurotic. She realised that now. Maybe there’d been some post-natal depression involved too. She’d had a million books on baby health and she’d begun to think that Joey had symptoms for just about everything. It had been just awful to be eternally worried about her baby. She’d needed other women to chat to. She’d needed reassurance. Reassurance she could trust—from other women who’d had babies.
She’d befriended Gracie, an Aboriginal woman who lived on the property and was married to Nails. But Gracie had never been blessed with children, so there were limits to how much she could help.
Luke had kept trying to jolly her out of her worries. He’d still thought just about everything could be fixed with a cuddle. But she’d been past jollying.
She had been playing tragedy to his comedy.
And then Luke had seemed to spend more and more time away from the homestead and Erin had begun to think that he preferred working with his cattle to being at home with her.
Eventually it had all got too much for her. She hadn’t been able to cope with the isolation and the fears about Joey as well as the loss of Luke’s love.
In the end she’d decided she had no choice. It would be better for all of them—for herself, for Luke and for Joey—if she left.
‘It won’t be long before we’re landing,’ Luke called over his shoulder. ‘If you keep your eyes peeled to the right you’ll see the trees along the creek and then the homestead.’
Swiping at her eyes, she looked out and was surprised that, in spite of her gloomy memories, she felt quite nostalgic when she saw the wandering blue-green line of huge shady paperbark trees that marked the creek. Next she saw windmills set on tall metal scaffolds and then the faded red tin roof of the low, sprawling homestead, surrounded by paddocks of dull yellow grass dotted with cattle.
Ten minutes later, Luke was deftly landing his twin engined Aero Commander.
There was a cheer squad waiting at the edge of the airstrip. Three little blond-headed, cheeky-faced boys in jeans, checked shirts and cowboy hats were leaping and waving and five Golden Labrador puppies bounced at their feet.
When Joey emerged from the plane a great deal of shouting and peals of laughter burst from the Manning cousins. Almost immediately Joey scooped up one of the puppies and squealed with delight as it licked his face, bump on the forehead and all.
‘The doctors took pictures of inside my head,’ he told the boys, full of self-importance.
‘Did they find a brain?’ the eldest cousin joked and all the boys, including Joey, fell about laughing.
‘Now, come on, hurry, Mommy,’ cried Joey. ‘I’ve got so much to show you. Wait till you see Cassie. She’s the puppies’ mother and she lets a kitten drink her milk along with her own babies.’
‘Oh, my, I can hardly wait,’ Erin said.
‘Hold your horses, Joey,’ Luke called as the boys began to charge off.
The little herd of eager boys and puppies stopped and turned.
‘You can’t rush off madly the minute you hit this place,’ Luke said. ‘You’ve only just got out of hospital. Don’t forget, you’ve had a nasty accident and you gave us all a fright. Your mother and I both had to give up other things we wanted to do just to make sure you were okay, and so far you’ve got off scot-free. By rights, you should have been in trouble for disobeying orders.’
Chastened, Joey nodded solemnly and the other boys stood by him, looking suitably subdued.
‘No running,’ said Luke. ‘You’ve got to take things quietly.’
Erin couldn’t help admiring Luke’s cool command. He had a definite talent for fatherhood. There were times when she was too soft with Joey and she could have done with some of that back-up.
But if Luke had been cool and in charge with Joey, he was tense as he walked beside her across the stretch of lawn to the homestead. Or perhaps it was she who was suddenly tense as they approached the house. Or was it both of them?
They reached the base of the front steps and her insides twisted as she pictured once again the awful memory of the day she left. She saw again the flowers from Luke’s bouquet strewn across these timber steps like fallen bodies on a battlefield: fluffy stems of golden wattle, long tubular petals of crimson grevillea, a tangle of dainty purple wildflowers…
Pressing her hand against the sudden ache in her chest, she glanced up and saw a flash of wild emotion in Luke’s face.
She wanted to say something, not an apology exactly, but an acknowledgement of the pain she’d caused him, the pain they’d both suffered. But the right words wouldn’t come.
And then a woman with corn-coloured hair and a beaming smile came running along the veranda, wiping floury hands on an apron. ‘Hello, there,’ she called and without any dimming of her smile she held out her hands. ‘You must be Erin. I’m Jenny Manning and I’ve been dying to meet you.’
To Erin’s surprise, Jenny hugged her and kissed her, as if they were cousins too.
‘Oh, no, I’ve put flour on you,’ Jenny said, noticing a white smudge on Erin’s smart navy shirt.
‘It doesn’t matter.’
‘Keith’s still out at the mustering camp,’ Jenny told Luke, and Erin assumed she was referring to her husband, who managed Warrapinya these days. No doubt Jenny was a perfect Outback woman who coped exceptionally well with her husband’s frequent absences.
‘Can you show Erin to her room?’ Jenny asked Luke. It’s made up and ready. I’ll take care of the boys.’
With a stern-faced dip of his head, Luke indicated that Erin should come with him down the veranda, but then he strode ahead of her with her small overnight bag and Joey’s duffel bag flung over one shoulder and she was forced to follow. Like an obedient dog, she thought, watching his stiff back.
Everything at Warrapinya was familiar and yet different. The sweep of timber-planked verandas with French doors opening on to them were just as she remembered, but the house had been given a coat of white paint and looked fresh and clean. It had always been a cool and comfortable home in a careless kind of way, but now big tubs of ferns had been set along the verandas making it extra shady and inviting.
And there was a wonderfully boy-friendly construction in one corner—a cubby style tent made from old sheets, quilts, a couple of broom handles and clothes pegs.
Wherever she looked memories lurked, ready to ambush her. So many memories. Bliss and pain. Especially when Luke stopped outside a familiar door and she caught a glimpse of a double bed covered with a quilt in a patchwork of pink, white and blue.
‘No.’ Her voice was a shaky whisper. ‘I can’t have this room.’
It had been their room. She’d bought that quilt for their bed before she left America. At the time she’d joked that she couldn’t live in a house on a prairie without an American quilt.
She and Luke had shared that bed. Oh, heaven, how they’d shared it.
‘This is where I told Jenny to put you. She’s got it all ready for you,’ Luke said gruffly. ‘Most of your things are still in the wardrobe.’
‘But isn’t this your room?’
A bitter smile twisted his mouth. ‘You don’t think I kept using it after you left, do you?’
Erin struggled to breathe. ‘I—I—don’t know what I thought. But I’d prefer another room if that’s possible.’
He set her bag beside the bed.
‘There’s nothing wrong with this one.’
How could he be so insensitive? ‘So this is a form of discipline, is it? You won’t sleep here, but you expect me to. Why? Because I’m the guilty party?’
A bitter light glittered in his eyes. ‘I shifted to another room for purely practical reasons, Erin. A double bed is useful for guests. My parents, for example. They use this room when they come out here. I didn’t expect you to have so many hang-ups about where you sleep.’
‘Hang-ups?’ Suddenly she wanted to hit him. ‘Give me a break, Luke. I’m just trying to be—’
She broke off, remembering the fuss she’d made about Luke’s spare room in Townsville.
‘Let’s drop it, shall we?’ she said, sounding hopelessly defeated. ‘I only enquired if there was another option. This room will be fine.’
Luke was already halfway out the door. ‘Do you think you’ll be able to find your way about the place if I leave you now to stow Joey’s things away?’
‘Yes, of course. Where does Joey sleep?’
‘On the closed-in veranda with the other boys.’
‘He’d love that.’
She could imagine Joey’s excitement when he’d discovered he would be sharing that long, dormitory-style bedroom with three other boys. It would be like having a sleep-over party every night. How different from their compact apartment in New York and the urban life he shared with her—just the two of them.
Joey would love everything about this place—boys, horses, puppies…his dad…and, because it was winter, he didn’t even have the heat to contend with.
The fear that had gnawed at her since she began this venture resurfaced with a vengeance. Would Joey ever want to come home again? Wouldn’t he be lonely with only her for company?
And then she thought…if she and Luke had stayed together, Joey would almost certainly have a brother or sister by now.
But what a useless, unhelpful thought that was.
Luke charged through the house like a storm trooper.
He was a fool. A first-class fool. He’d been crazy to invite Erin here.
But he hadn’t been able to resist the temptation. His burning attraction for her had never died. She was still The One. He wanted her more than any woman he’d ever known.
After he’d kissed her in Sydney, after he’d held her at the hospital, all he could think of was how much he needed to keep her in his arms. In his life.
What a hypocrite he was. All the while he was telling Erin off for making a fuss about the bed, he’d been thinking of nothing but grabbing her. He’d wanted to dive into that bed with her and not surface for a week.
These next two days would be hell. He would go mad to see her here, in the home where he’d thought they’d been happy.
Two days. A rueful little laugh broke from Luke. These two days would be fitting punishment for his foolishness.
The bedroom Luke and Erin had shared was on a corner of the house with windows looking out over paddocks on one side and back to the small cluster of station workers’ cottages on the other.
Leaning her elbows on one of the sills, Erin looked out at one of the cottages and saw her old friend Gracie, framed by a window, setting a kettle on the stove.
When she’d lived at Warrapinya she’d been very fond of the shy Aboriginal woman despite the wide gap in their ages and the even wider gap between their cultures.
Many times, when Joey had been restless, the two women had taken turns to pace the veranda with him and then, after they’d got him to sleep, they’d often had a cuppa and a chat.
Impulsively, Erin waved to her old friend now.
Gracie saw her and her face split into a beaming grin as she waved back. Suddenly she ducked and appeared again holding something out to Erin. It looked like a coffee pot. Gracie leaned out of her window. ‘Can you come over for a visit?’ she called.
Why not? Erin decided. No one would miss her if she paid her old friend a very quick visit.
‘Lord love us, Missus Erin!’ Gracie’s smile was huge as she greeted Erin at her door. ‘It’s so good to see you. Come in. Come on in.’
Gracie’s hair was completely grey now and she looked much older than Erin remembered.
‘Sit down,’ she said, her dark eyes shining with delight. ‘I was hoping I might see you. I even brewed some coffee.’ Gracie pointed to the American coffee pot Erin had left behind. ‘Every now and then I make coffee for Nails and me—just like you showed me.’
‘Wonderful. I’d love a cup of coffee.’
Gracie poured coffee into mugs with great care. ‘You know, Nails and I talk about you a lot. We remember how kind you were to us.’
‘As I remember, it was the other way round.’
Gracie grinned. ‘That Joey of yours is growing fast. He’s a fine boy. Going to be as big as the Boss one day.’
‘Do you think so?’
‘I can tell by the size of his feet.’
‘Like a puppy?’
The two women laughed together.
‘Tell me what you’ve been doing,’ said Erin.
They were starting their second cup of coffee when the thud of a boot on the kitchen step startled them. It was followed by a large masculine shape filling the doorway.
Luke.
The sense of peace Erin had felt in Gracie’s kitchen disintegrated.
‘Excuse me for barging in, Gracie,’ Luke said and then he frowned sharply as he switched his attention to Erin. ‘Everyone’s been looking for you.’ He sounded more than a little angry and there was an unsettling wildness in his eyes. ‘You didn’t turn up for afternoon tea and we’ve been combing the homestead. Joey’s in a panic. He thinks you’ve left us.’
‘Oh, goodness.’ Erin leapt to her feet. ‘I’m so sorry. I didn’t realise you were expecting me for afternoon tea. Gracie and I got talking and we lost track of time.’
Luke took a deep breath as if he was deliberately trying to calm down, and Erin was more than a little shocked to realise that he and Joey had both been so worried by her disappearance.
‘Gracie, can I use your phone?’ he said. ‘I’ll let Jenny know. She can put Joey’s mind at rest.’
‘Sure, Boss.’
Luke lifted the receiver and snapped a short message. ‘I’ve found her, Jen. She’s at Gracie’s. Tell Joey we’re coming.’
‘Poor Joey,’ murmured Erin. Was his panic a foretaste of how he would be when she had to leave? She took Gracie’s hands. ‘Thanks for the coffee. I’m so glad we were able to catch up. It’s been just lovely to talk to you again.’
‘Before you go, I’ve got something for you.’ Gracie crossed to the dresser and picked up a flat parcel wrapped in bright red tissue paper. ‘Something special.’
‘A present for me?’ Erin’s eyes widened in surprise.
‘When we knew you were coming back I started making it for you. It’s got your name on it.’
Mystified, Erin unwrapped the gift and, to her astonishment, discovered a hand towel, snowy white with green crocheted edging and her name carefully embroidered in one corner.
‘You did all this last night?’
Gracie giggled. ‘No, Missus. Started it a month back, doing it at night. It took me a week.’
A month ago? Erin frowned and sent a questioning glance Luke’s way, but he was staring at the gift with the same kind of surprise she felt. How could Gracie have known she was coming to Warrapinya?
‘What’s the matter?’ Now Gracie looked worried too. ‘Did I spell your name wrong?’
‘No, no,’ Erin reassured her. ‘It’s perfect. It’s a lovely gift. Thank you so much, Gracie. I’m just amazed that you started it a month ago. We only decided yesterday that I would come back with Joey for a couple of days.’
Poor Gracie suddenly looked uneasy. ‘It’s the old people, Missus. Old Sandy and Uncle Ben. They know the lore and they can see secret things. Sandy dreamed you would come back.’ She grinned shyly. ‘And here you are. Drinking coffee with me—instead of tea.’
‘And the coffee was lovely.’ Erin gave Gracie’s wrinkled brown cheek a kiss. ‘I’ll try to see you again before I leave.’
‘Afternoon, Gracie.’ Luke gave a brief dip of his head and then turned abruptly.
Erin walked with him back to the main homestead, her mind buzzing. What did the old Aborigines mean? Did they believe that forces beyond her control were at work? That this return to Warrapinya was destiny? The idea both excited and alarmed her.
‘Don’t try to read too much into what Gracie told you.’
She looked up to find a spark of amusement in Luke’s cool eyes.
‘You have to admit it’s uncanny, Luke. How could those old men know? Why would they dream about me?’
He grinned slowly. ‘Sandy collects the mail and he knew that you’d written to me. Maybe the rest was wishful thinking.’
Wishful thinking. Were there people on Warrapinya who wanted her to come back? It was a strangely stirring thought. An impossible thought. She couldn’t live here. Taking a deep breath, she said quickly, ‘I’m sorry Joey got a fright.’
‘Mommy!’ Joey’s voice called loudly from the veranda. And then he came running down the steps and zipping across the grass towards Erin. He hurled his arms around her waist, clinging tight. ‘I thought you’d gone already.’
‘No way.’ Wrapping her arms around him, she hugged him to her. ‘I was talking to Gracie. You know I’ll be here for two days.’
Erin glanced towards Luke. She’d sensed a deeply brooding tension in him that had been brewing ever since they landed. She supposed he was regretting his invitation.
To her surprise, Luke offered to accompany her and Joey when they wandered down to the stables to inspect the famous Raven. But he didn’t contribute to their conversation and kept at a distance, so she decided that he’d come merely to keep an eye on his son. Any awkwardness was covered by Joey, who bounced happily between the two of them, filling the gaps of uncomfortable silence with helpful chatter.
After the stables, they walked to the bull paddock, because Joey had to show Erin Warrapinya’s massive prize Brahman bull and then they went, via the chicken run and the vegetable patch, down to the creek.
Erin remembered the creek and the way it had been reduced to a mere trickle in the dry season only to regularly flood its banks in the wet. Today there was a moderate flow, a legacy from the previous summer’s rain, Luke told her.
Shaded by gum trees and paperbarks, the water looked clear and pretty as it ran over smooth round stones. The banks were covered in soft green grass and at the water’s edge there were clumps of longer dark green reedy grass and broad flat rocks.
‘Let’s take a spell, Joey.’ Luke pointed to rocks that were perfect for sitting.
There was a moment of hesitation when Joey realized his parents were going to sit on separate rocks but, to Erin’s relief, the boy came and sat with her, nestling close with his head pressed against her breast.
The only sounds were the gentle ripple of the water and the bell-like calls and warbles of birds in the trees overhead. It would have been relaxing if she hadn’t been so tensely aware of Luke and the way he sat with his wide shoulders against a tree trunk and his hands resting loosely over bent knees, his cool gaze on her.
‘He’s nodded off,’ he said after some time, and she looked down to see that Joey had fallen asleep, nestled against her.
She settled his head lower on to her lap and stroked his soft hair, pleased to see that the bump on his forehead was already much smaller. And she observed with a kind of detached interest her bare pink and white fingernails. Before they’d left Townsville she’d dashed to the beauty parlour opposite Luke’s apartment to have her nail varnish removed and her nails filed shorter so that her hands wouldn’t scream City Woman.
She looked back at Luke. ‘I’m pleased you wouldn’t let Joey get back on that pony just yet,’ she said.
He almost smiled. ‘Actually, I’m rather pleased he wanted to. There are plenty of kids who would balk at getting back on a horse after coming a cropper.’
‘Joey’s a gutsy kid,’ she replied, letting her motherly pride show. ‘And I guess he’s stubborn too.’ Cautiously, she added, ‘Like you.’
Luke’s eyes widened just a little. ‘Maybe he’s stubborn like you,’ he said and he smiled slowly—a little sadly at first—but then more warmly so that his smile creased his handsome face and lit up his eyes in an intensely charming way that did terrible things to her insides.
A breathless awareness of all that they’d lost hovered between them in the still afternoon air. The feeling filled Erin’s throat so that she had trouble breathing. She was remembering another afternoon when she and Luke had made love down here on the quiet creek bank. She remembered the incredible pleasure of Luke’s strong hands bringing her body to fiery life, remembered the heat of their longing, the breathless passion as they came together.
And she knew with certainty that he was remembering it too.
She felt so hot and confused that she found it safer to look down at Joey again.
Eventually she said, ‘Joey’s had a big day, but if he sleeps too long now we’ll never get him to sleep tonight.’
Luke stood. ‘I guess we’d better wake him.’
‘Hey, Joey.’ Erin shook the boy gently. ‘It’s time to go back.’
Luke stepped on to their rock. Super-conscious of him, Erin stared at his brown leather riding boots and his blue jeans that seemed to go on for ever. And then his strongly muscled brown arms reached down and she felt the electric shock of his hands brushing her thighs as he scooped Joey from her lap.
‘Come on, little mate. I’ll give you a ride on my shoulders.’
Joey smiled sleepily as Luke lifted him high and Erin scrambled to her feet, her heartbeats hammering madly.
The sun was sinking fast as they walked back to the homestead, and Joey wasn’t inclined to talk much. Luke pointed out a group of wallabies grazing near a clump of wattle and he identified birds for Joey—a black falcon gliding in circles high overhead, a flock of pink and grey galahs skimming close above the treetops and a family of star finches busy in the grass.
But while Luke was at ease and happy with Joey, he reverted to being formal and polite with Erin, and she wondered if she’d imagined the wonderful way he’d smiled at her down at the creek.
After dinner that evening the boys commandeered Luke for a bedtime story and Jenny and Erin sorted out the kitchen.
‘The boys just adore Luke’s stories,’ Jenny said as she stacked the dishwasher while Erin attacked a baking dish with a scouring pad. ‘It’s a wonder they don’t have nightmares, though.’
‘Why?’ asked Erin. ‘Are the stories scary?’
‘Yes, but that’s what the boys want.’ Jenny laughed. ‘The scarier the better. You know the sort of thing—daring, edge-of-the-seat escapes from wild animals or bloodthirsty pirates.’
Erin smiled. ‘Luke always had an interest in writing fiction, but he never seemed to have time for it. At least, not when I knew him.’ She paused in her scrubbing, remembering the day she’d met Luke in New York when he’d been on his way to meet an agent. She’d often wondered what had happened to his dreams of writing.
Jenny’s eyebrows arched high with surprise. ‘Hasn’t Luke told you that he’s been writing again?’
‘No—no, I don’t think he’s mentioned it at all.’
Jenny frowned thoughtfully as she closed the dishwasher door and then she stepped closer to the sink where Erin was working. Folding her arms across her chest, she leaned a hip against a cupboard door. ‘I know this is absolutely none of my business, Erin, but there’s no chance you two might give things another go, is there?’
Heat flooded Erin’s face. ‘No chance at all. Why would you bother to ask?’
Jenny looked embarrassed and shrugged. ‘I don’t know. Wishful thinking, I guess.’
Erin worked hard at a black spot on the metal pan. ‘Joey’s having a wonderful time here. I’m dreading when he has to say goodbye to Luke at the end of this holiday.’
‘It’ll be harder for Luke. He’ll be losing both of you again.’ Jenny leaned closer. ‘You’ll rub your fingers to the bone before you get rid of that spot. It’s been there for years.’
Erin stopped scrubbing and forced a half-choked laugh. ‘This black spot’s probably been there since I burnt the roast. Actually, I did that fairly regularly when I was first married.’
She shouldn’t have said that. Suddenly the floodgates opened and she was swamped by another rush of memories. Pictures of herself in this kitchen.
As she rinsed the pan and set it on the drainer she remembered the way Luke would come up behind her when she was working at this sink, the way he’d wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed the back of her neck. She remembered the cheeky suggestions he’d whisper to her and the way she’d flash hot and cold with excitement, and the way she used to lean back into him, relishing the reassurance of his arms about her and the protective shield of his body.
And yet somehow, some-crazy-crazy-how, here in this room, in this house at Warrapinya, she’d let that perfect love and perfect marriage self-destruct.
Drying her hands quickly, she tried to pull her thoughts away from that, but suddenly, without warning, her lower lip began to tremble violently.
‘Oh, honey.’ Jenny threw an arm about her shoulders and hugged her.
Tears slipped down Erin’s face. ‘I didn’t think it would be so hard to be here with Luke again,’ she whispered.
‘I know, I know,’ Jenny said soothingly.
Her sympathy was too much. Before Erin knew what was happening, she was weeping on Jenny’s shoulder, weeping for the memories of her marriage, and for the way Luke had looked at her today.
But heavens, she mustn’t carry on like this. Jenny was Luke’s cousin—she didn’t want to be sobbed over. Screwing her face tight, Erin struggled to stem the tears. She forced her head up, sniffed loudly and took a deep breath.
‘Good grief,’ she said in a shaky whisper. ‘I don’t know where that came from.’
‘I do,’ said Jenny. ‘This reunion has knocked both you and Luke for six.’
‘We shouldn’t have waited so long,’ Erin said, and sighed. ‘Everything was so strained when the divorce went through. I took off. Luke wouldn’t talk. I guess it’s been hard for either of us to get over it, because there’s never been any—any sense of closure.’
‘Dare I suggest that’s because neither of you really wanted your relationship to end?’
‘Oh, no,’ said Erin quickly and then, with her hands pressed to her temples, she shook her head. ‘I don’t know any more. I feel so confused.’
Stepping back a little, Jenny eyed Erin thoughtfully. ‘I’m no counsellor, but I’m sure you should try to have a really good talk with Luke before you leave.’
‘What about?’
‘That’s where I can’t help you, because I simply don’t know what you need to talk about, but I know Keith and I would have been divorced years ago if we didn’t get whatever bugged us out in the open.’
‘It’s too late for Luke and me to save our marriage,’ Erin said. ‘Joey’s my main concern now.’
‘Well, talk with Luke even if it’s only for Joey’s sake. After all, it’s usually the children who end up paying for the problems their parents don’t want to talk about.’
‘Yes,’ said Erin softly. ‘I’m afraid that’s very true.’
Jenny glanced at the clock on the wall above the stove. ‘That bedtime story will be finished. I’d better go and say goodnight to the boys.’
‘Me, too. I promised Joey I’d tuck him in.’
Jenny smiled gently. ‘You might want to wash your face first.’
‘Oh, yes.’
As Jenny bustled off, Erin hurried to the bathroom, wet her face-cloth with cold water and pressed it to her eyes in a vain attempt to reduce the bright pink evidence of tears. Satisfied that it was reasonably effective, she went on to the boys’ sleep-out.
Luke was just leaving and he gave her a curt nod. ‘Joey’s waiting for you.’
Miffed by Luke’s tone, which hinted at mild reproach, she breezed past him and bestowed her warmest smile on her son as she sat on the edge of his bed.
‘How was your story tonight?’
‘Awesome,’ he said. ‘We had to escape from a tiger shark by swimming through an underground tunnel and then we had supper with mermaids.’
‘Oh, my gosh, that does sound exciting.’ She gave him a kiss and a cuddle. ‘Now sleep tight.’
Her emotions were still running high as she stood looking at the row of beds with their blue blankets and blue and white striped sheets and pillowcases. The four little boys were all clean and sleepy and safely tucked in and she felt very mushy and motherly, as if she could kiss them all. But she knew small boys had a low tolerance for kisses from women who were not their mother.
‘Goodnight,’ she said and, as the chorus of goodnights faded, she switched off the light and left the room.
The light in the passage outside had been turned out and she didn’t know where the switch was. Blinded momentarily, she had no choice but to find her way by stretching her hand and feeling along the timber panelled wall. Two thirds of the way down the hall her fingers touched a belt buckle. Denim. A man’s jeans.
She jumped, snatching her hand away. ‘God, Luke, what are you doing here in the dark?’
‘Just making sure the boys settle down okay.’
‘Don’t you think I’m capable of settling them?’
‘Of course you’re capable,’ he said gently. ‘You’re a fabulous mother.’
Adjusted to the darkness now, Erin could see his face—the heartbreakingly familiar planes and angles, the unsettling light in his eyes, and—oh, help—the shadows and curves of his lips.
‘You’ve always been very good at saying goodnight,’ he said and his voice was a lazy, silky rumble. She saw the same look in his eyes that she’d seen down at the creek and a dangerous heat stirred low inside her.
She should keep walking.
But she didn’t.
‘Erin,’ Luke breathed in a husky whisper.
They stood touching close, trembling in the darkness and she couldn’t drag her eyes from him. He was staring at her. He was looking at her mouth and his intention was unmistakable. He wanted to kiss her. He was going to kiss her.
Aching need rose through her, blanking out sensible thoughts. She wanted Luke’s kiss and her lips parted in breathless readiness.
She couldn’t worry any more about whether this made sense. She didn’t want to think whether it was right or wrong. She just wanted it to happen.
She wanted Luke to kiss her.
Luke wanted to kiss her.
Slowly, slowly, he was leaning closer.
And she was melting towards him.
He drew her into his embrace and his lips brushed her mouth in a tentative tease that sent flames licking deep. Ah, yes. She was parched earth desperate for rain.
And then Luke settled his open mouth on hers and she sank helplessly into him—into his warm, soft, slow kiss.
Five years. Five long years of separation and loneliness. So long she’d waited. Too long.
‘Erin,’ he whispered again, making her name sound beautiful, mysterious and special.
I’m here, Luke. I’m here.
She lifted her hands to his shoulders and they kissed deeply, tenderly, savouring each other, letting layer upon layer of memory unfold, so that this kiss felt like a part of every kiss they’d ever shared. Sweet. Hungry. Poignant. Fierce.
Their need and urgency mounted. Erin’s hands slipped around Luke’s neck and next moment Luke was crushing her mouth, moving his lips over hers with an aching desperation that sent her blood pounding.
His hands slid over her, claiming her, moulding her shoulders, slipping down her sides to the curve of her hips, cupping her bottom, pulling her tightly against him, wringing a soft moan from her.
He trailed kisses over her cheeks, her chin, her eyelids and then he returned hungrily to her mouth.
She matched him kiss for breathless kiss. Everything about Luke felt so right. He had been right for her from the very first moment she’d seen him in Times Square when he’d laid claim to her heart and she’d felt he was her destiny. She’d known then that his arms were created to hold her. His lips were designed for hers. How on earth had she lost him?
How on earth…
Oh, God.
Oh, dear God.
She had lost Luke.
She’d left him. They were divorced.
And she should never have come back.
Icy fingers of reality wrapped around her throat, choking her. What was she doing? What was Luke doing? How could they forget that this wasn’t right? This was a mistake. Madness. She struggled away from him.
‘Erin, come here.’ His hands reached for her waist.
She ducked away. ‘No,’ she cried in a frantic whisper.
He reached for her again.
‘What do you think you’re doing?’ she demanded.
‘You know exactly what I’m doing.’ He kept his voice low but it vibrated with impatience.
‘But we mustn’t.’ She knew she was overreacting, but she was scared, so scared of falling mindlessly into another huge mistake.
‘Why mustn’t we?’
‘Because—’ Breathless and shaking, Erin stared at him. She didn’t have an answer so she grabbed the first excuse that came into her head. ‘Because you’re simply trying to prove Joey wrong—that I don’t have a kissing phobia.’
He swore softly. ‘And what if I am?’
She cast a frantic glance down the darkened hallway. Were the boys asleep? She and Luke were whispering, but she would hate Joey to hear them. ‘You invited me here for two days, Luke. I came here for Joey’s sake, and you—’
‘I kissed you.’
‘You took advantage of me.’
‘And you loved it, Bright Eyes.’
A dismayed gasp broke from her. Spinning on her heel, she hurried away from him. He didn’t try to follow and once she reached the end of the hall she didn’t dare to look back.
She almost ran to her bedroom. And it was only there that she remembered. Instead of thoughtlessly letting Luke kiss her she should have been trying to talk to him. She’d messed up a perfect opportunity to have a mature and meaningful conversation.
Now she only had one day left.