I had one pillow fluffed atop the other, and the reading lamp that I’d purchased at a secondhand shop on Market Street was angled just right. I had on a new nightgown, which was a treat I gave myself after the bandage on my shoulder was removed. The scar on my shoulder was still tender at times, but my new nightie had a full top that covered it up. I was in my favorite reading position, and I was ready to dive into a group of advance reading copies of books lying on the covers next to me.
All of the books were soon to be published, and I’d promised the sales rep that I’d write a comment for some of them. I planned to leave them for Alexi when she got back. At the moment, she was staying with Sylvia while they worked on her mother’s bail motion. I wasn’t sure when exactly she’d return, but that might depend on how the hearing went. Since Alexi had a pretty broad interpretation of young adult fiction, I wasn’t going to object if she delved into something that publishers might think was beyond her age level. After what she’d been through, she could read anything she wanted.
There was a light tap on my bedroom door, and I told him to come in. It had to be Davey, because he was the only other person in the apartment.
“I saw your light. I thought you wouldn’t mind if I stuck my head in for a minute.”
He stood there, looking a bit unsteady. I told him to sit down.
“You can throw that stuff off the chair or just sit down on the end of the bed, if you like.”
“If you don’t mind, I’ll just ease myself down here.” He sat down at the foot of the bed, and I moved my feet over to accommodate him.
The pajamas were his own, but the robe was one that I picked up at a shop on Gough Street when I realized he was about to be released from the cardiac care unit and had no other place to go. He still wasn’t able to button the pajamas, because the bandage underneath was so big that the cloth wouldn’t stretch. That’s what happens when you have open-heart surgery—you get a bandage that stretches from the top of your sternum all the way down to your stomach.
“Are you feeling okay? I know you’ve been eating better.”
He nodded. “I’m getting better. I’m pretty sure of that.”
“Good.”
He sat there for a second with a thoughtful look on his face. “I hear you’ve been looking for a new guitar for Alexi.”
“Yeah. My old one has a bullet hole where the fret board used to attach to the sound box.”
He nodded as I explained what happened.
“Well, you don’t have to buy her a new one. There’s a wonderful old guitar sitting in my closet in Indianapolis. It’s a classic model. I’d like Alexi to have it.”
“That’s very nice of you.”
Davey shrugged. “I can’t let it sit there forever. It’s not doing anyone any good where it is.”
He stared down at his feet. “It was Jimmy’s guitar. His sister gave it to me.” He looked over for a brief moment. “I told you about Jimmy, didn’t I?”
“A little bit. I’d like to hear more, when you’re up to it.”
He nodded his head a little, but he was back to staring down at his feet. I wasn’t sure where the conversation was going.
“I never really thanked you for being there with me when I was going into surgery.”
“You don’t have to thank me. One of my unwritten rules of life is that no one should ever go into a hospital without having someone there to look out for things.”
“I know you were going through a lot.” He looked up as he said it.
“Everyone was going through a lot at the time. But at least you were in the same hospital as Alexi. It wasn’t much extra trouble for me to go up a few floors to see you.”
He tried to laugh a little. “It’s just something I won’t ever forget.”
He sat there for a second, gathering his thoughts. He was back to staring down at the floor.
“I was pretty scared. It made all the difference in the world that you held my hand when I was being wheeled into surgery.”
He gave a little smile, but it wasn’t directed at me—he was still looking at the floor. “You have very reassuring fingers.”
I smiled at him, but he wasn’t yet watching.
“Did you have any trouble getting in there with me?”
“No. I told them I was your wife.”
“You did?” That got him to turn around and look up. “It might have been more believable if you had said you were my daughter.”
I shrugged. “No one checked. I guess I must have looked the part.”
Since I had his attention, I had one more thing to tell him. “Speaking of daughters, I had a nice conversation with Mandy.”
“You talked to my daughter? How did you even know about her?”
“I was posing as your wife, remember? The nurse handed me your wallet and everything else. I looked through your address book for names and numbers that I might have to contact, and I found her listing. Since you were having open-heart surgery, I thought she ought to know about it. So I called her.”
He shook his head in disbelief. “I haven’t talked with Mandy in about eight years.”
“She said it was more like ten.” I gave him a smile to keep his attention. “But she’s planning to call you tomorrow.”
He was still skeptical. “Why after all this time does she want to talk to me?”
“Maybe it’s because I told her how heroic you were in trying to rescue Alexi and how you’ve been through a lot of things and come through them pretty well.”
I had to give him my biggest smile after that.
“You’re going to be a grandfather, did you know that? Mandy’s having a little boy—due in about two weeks.”
“I heard about that.”
“I got the feeling she would like to talk to you about it.”
He smiled for a moment, but it faded. There was still something bothering him, but I didn’t know what it was.
“Did she tell you why she picked tomorrow to call me?”
“No.”
“It’s because it’s my birthday. I’m going to be seventy.”
I took a quick look at the clock. “It will be midnight in about twenty minutes. We’ll have to celebrate.”
He shook his head. “I don’t need to celebrate. I just need to get through it.”
“What do you mean?”
He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “My life has been so empty in recent years that I vowed that I wouldn’t let it drag out past my seventieth birthday.”
He was looking me straight in the eye now.
“The gun I always carried around? It wasn’t really for protection. It was for me. I always knew that I would turn it on myself—maybe sooner than today, but today for sure.”
I reached over to grab his hand. Our fingers intertwined for a few moments.
“I guess it’s a good thing that your pistol is locked up in an evidence locker somewhere down at the Hall of Justice.”
“I guess so.”
But I realized that wasn’t enough.
“What I really meant to say is that even if that pistol were sitting right here in front of us, we’d be strong enough to beat it. I think we would look right down the barrel and say, ‘That’s over. We’re moving forward.’”
Davey squeezed my hand a little tighter.
“Thank you.” There was a tear in his eye.
He made a move to get up. “I’ve bothered you enough for one night. It’s time to get back to bed.”
“Why don’t you just stay right where you are? Just turn around a little and lean back. I’ll throw one of the covers over you.”
“Are you sure it’s okay?”
“I’m sure. Here, let me get the books out of the way.”
He stretched out, trying to get comfortable, as I reached over to turn out the light.
“Is that you down there?”
“Yeah, am I too close to you?”
“No, it’s fine.”
“Well then, try to get some rest.”
“Okay. Good night.”
I squeezed his hand a little. “Good night.”