I knew that people were talking about me and Nick long before we slept together. For some reason, it didn't bother me. Our colleagues had never met either of our spouses, so their gossip was just a haze of innuendo. While I didn't like being accused of something I didn't have the fun of actually doing, I ignored them. If Nick knew what was being said, he kept it to himself.
So, every afternoon we met in the empty cafeteria for our "break." These breaks became longer and longer as we both became more reluctant to leave. Our lunches lasted up to three hours. Even though we never discussed it, I think we both knew that this was more than a friendship.
So, why did I do it? I don't know. Maybe because Mike had cheated on me. Maybe I'm genetically predisposed to adultery. Perhaps I just have no willpower when I'm attracted to someone. I could be polyamoric—capable of falling in love with more than one person at a time. There really was no point in analyzing it, because being with Nick made me feel so good. And I didn't want to know the answer.
At any rate, we never even touched until that night in the back of his car. Isn't that strange? Something held me back. And yet, on days when he wasn't there, I was miserable. But each night I returned home to my husband and kids as if nothing was going on. I never felt guilty. And that is important, but I don't know why. Actually, Mike and I had better sex on the days I saw Nick, possibly because he got me all keyed up inside.
Something made this affair with Alan significant…different than the affair with Nick. I was able to walk away from that situation. I was able to put our families first. Now it seemed that I would do anything to break them up.