I was grateful that Alan didn't try the door or phone. He probably watched my husband leave and desperately wanted to knock or call, but he didn't. He must have realized I needed time alone. I'd have smiled and felt all warm inside about that but for the fact I was totally freaked out.
Lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, I went through everything in my mind. Of course Mike would call Terry. His best friend from college lived here, and it was too late to fly out. Maybe Terry wouldn't tell him anything about Alan.
Right. Terry's pride was wounded. He would tell him. Then what? An angry Mike would storm back here in the morning and chew me out. He would sue for custody of the kids claiming adultery by vacation. With my luck, he'd get Susan to represent him. I reached for my cell and dialed next door.
"How did it go?" Alan's voice was alert. He had been waiting.
"He took it pretty hard." My voice sounded raw with emotion. "He's gone to stay the night with Terry."
"Are you serious? I didn't think about that!" Alan sounded as surprised as I had been.
"Neither did I."
"Do you want me to come over?" he asked eagerly.
"No," I lied, "it'd be a mess if he came back in the middle of the night and found us in bed together. But I do think we should head to the park very, very early in the morning."
It was as if I could feel him nodding on the other side of the door. "Ok. What time?"
We made arrangements, and I tried to sleep. In only a few hours we would be gathering the kids and racing out of here before Mike came back. I closed my eyes, but sleep wouldn't come.
Why wasn't I deliriously happy? I told Mike I was leaving him and felt reasonably good about that. I had the man I loved waiting for me a few feet away. My kids were happy. Hell, I was moving to New Mexico.
Maybe, I thought, it's the fact that Mike doesn't know about Alan. I told him the truth as to why I was leaving him, and I had a good reason. But a small voice, deep down inside asked me if I'd still be leaving Mike if Alan hadn't been here? I pushed the question from my mind. Over-thinking this one would be painful. No, Alan is just the bonus for regaining my self-esteem. Right?
I still didn't have any answers when dawn hit. For the first time on the trip, I woke the kids up and raced them through dressing. Alan and I met outside, looking around desperately as we ran the kids to the bus. Oddly enough, I felt like we were on the lam from the authorities.
There was no way Mike could know where we were. Out of all the parks, the odds were he wouldn't pick the right one. And even if he did, each park was vast enough that it would be impossible to run into him. James Bond didn't have this much trouble.
Still, I couldn't shake the feeling that this wasn't over. And worse than that, Alan seemed to be thinking the same thing. The funky diner at the park wasn't very crowded. All four kids munched on their pancakes, giddily happy to be together after their separation yesterday.
Alan couldn't take his eyes off me. While under normal circumstances I'd be thrilled, this time I knew it had nothing to do with lust. Clara laughed next to me, and I realized that the kids hadn't even mentioned their father. I knew they loved him. What was happening here?
The kids were anxious to play in the nearby playground. Alan's fingers brushed against mine a few times, but he didn't take my hand. Was he having second thoughts?
With a loud, unanimous squeal, the kids ran off to play on enormous bugs, as Alan and I settled on a bench. After looking around for the one thousandth time, he took my hand in his.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Alan finally ventured.
"I told him it was over. I didn't mention you. He took it pretty well, and by that I mean he didn't take out a gun and shoot me."
His fingers slid over mine, squeezing them tenderly. "That must have been very hard for you."
I looked at him, perhaps for the first time. "It was, for both of us. At least it's over. You still have to talk to Susan."
Alan leaned back on the bench and sighed. "I know. I've been thinking about that. I can't decide whether to call her or confront her when I get back. Either way, it'll be miserable."
"Alan," I bit my lip, "is there any chance you might back out of this?" Cuz I'd kill you if you changed your mind. Of course, I left that part out.
He frowned at me. "What do you mean?"
"Well, is there any possibility you might not go through with it, or that Susan might talk you out of it?"
He shook his head. "No. I'm done. I don't love her anymore. Maybe it's selfish to feel this way simply because she didn't give me enough attention, but I wasn't asking much from her."
"And because you are in love with me, right?"
"And especially now that I am completely and totally in love with you." Alan pulled my face to his and kissed me, and for a brief moment I thought everything would be alright. I pulled away and nestled against him. My stomach forgot to spin. Maybe we would be okay after all.
"What about Terry?" Alan asked.
I closed my eyes, pressing closer against him. "I don't think he'll say anything. I can't believe he'd risk Mike finding out that he assaulted me."
Alan's heartbeat was slow and steady. A fog of weariness settled in my brain. I hadn't had much sleep and was completely drained emotionally. One by one, the sounds around us began to fade and somewhere along the line, I drifted away.
I knew this was a dream. It had to be. There I was, in the middle of a white circle. Standing around the borders, equidistantly apart, were Mike, Terry, Alan and Susan. No one said anything but they all stared at me, pointing their index fingers in my direction. I turned, facing each of them, but no sound came from my throat. They didn't speak either but their expressions showed that they were clearly angry with me. Even Alan seemed upset.
I tried to move, but couldn't. My feet wouldn't move more than a few inches in any direction. So there we were, each of them accusing me of something…of what? I could guess what Terry, Mike, and Susan were feeling. But Alan? Then the dream got weird. They all changed into purple and red plaid sled dogs, and I was winning the Iditarod…
"Laura?" Alan's voice was very close. "Baby, are you alright?"
I sat up, shaking the sleep off. "Um, yeah. I had a strange dream."
"Everything's going to be great," he said. "I've been thinking of New Mexico, watching you sleep. You're so beautiful."
I gazed into his smiling face and suddenly all the worries I had seemed to melt away. I kissed him, and his lips reassured me that, for the moment, we would be alright.
"Thank you," I responded, "I needed that."
Both of our cell phones went off simultaneously, and we sprang apart. We laughed nervously at our reaction, and checked our screens.
"It's him," I whispered, barely able to take my eyes from the phone.
"It's her," Alan answered, and we looked at each other, then slid apart and answered the phones.
I steeled myself. I wanted to sound 100% resolute, ""Mike, what is it?"
"Laura," his voice was shaky, damn him. "Terry just told me something disturbing. We need to talk."
My casual façade began to crack. "What did he say?"
Alan looked at me, arching one eyebrow while speaking into his phone. "Are you serious? Why?"
I was torn between wondering what Susan was saying to him and what Terry might have said to Mike.
Mike's voice made my decision for me. "I don't want to do this on the phone. Meet me back in the room in one hour."
"I don't understand." Alan was focused solely on his conversation. "Why now?"
"Mike, I need to know what is going on before I tear the kids away from the park." I avoided telling him which one we were at. "We just got here two hours ago."
"Sure, I'm glad you called, honey," Alan continued, oblivious to my existence. The use of the word "honey" on his wife bothered me. I tried to brush it off.
"Laura, I need to talk to you, now." Mike sounded upset. I couldn't tell if he was angry or worried. Did it really matter? There was really only one thing Terry could have told him. And now he knew. That's it. Terry was now officially off the Christmas card list.
"Mike, I refuse to be ordered around unless I know what this is about!" I didn't really think he would tell me, but I was stalling and still trying to listen in on Alan's conversation with Susan.
"Fine. Good-bye." Alan snapped off his phone, turning his attention to me.
"See you in one hour." Mike hung up in my ear.
I smiled weakly at Alan. "He knows. Terry told him."
"I've got even better news," Alan said shakily. "Susan's at the airport. She'll be at the room in one hour."