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The next morning at breakfast, Coral hunted through the dining rooms until she found Parnell. “I’d like to see Levi this morning, first thing.” She didn’t let any hint of supplication or weakness into her voice. She was the doctor, and she was making a statement, not asking a question.
“Why?”
“Staff. Supplies. Scheduling.” When he hesitated she said, “I have a half hour before I need to be at the clinic, so this is the best time for me.”
He still looked doubtful, but he said, “Come along, then. I’ll see if he can squeeze you in. Mornings are always busy for him, so no promises.”
She nodded her acknowledgment. She was trying to act like the professional they were treating her like, and busy doctors don’t beg for ten minutes of the mayor’s time or fall all over themselves being grateful for it. She had talked about it again this morning with Benjamin, and he gave her a phrase from his time in AA: “Fake it until you can make it.” She was hanging on to that thought, faking a position of adult, professional power the best she could.
Parnell sent Benjamin off to join Kathy on the perimeter, which is not what she wanted at all. She almost protested, but she realized she could retrieve him in moments, once she made his job at the clinic official.
Benjamin glanced back at her as he left the dining area. They understood each other so well, a glance was as clear to her as five minutes of talk from someone else.
Her back was straight as she marched alongside Parnell to the library. Inside the front door, she pushed back her jacket’s hood and stuck her mask in her pocket. As she trooped up the stairs behind him, she finger-combed her new haircut.
Outside of Levi’s office, she refused a chair and stood, like a woman with more important places to go. If she had a watch, she’d ostentatiously check it.
Underneath the act, she was extremely nervous. When Parnell came out and said, “You have ten minutes,” she had to resist a dozen urges toward nervous gestures and forced herself to walk, calm and straight, into Levi’s office.
“Thank you for seeing me,” she said. Behind her, the door shut.
“You’re settling in?”
“We are,” she said. “I’m here to talk about the clinic. I’d like Benjamin to come and work with me there.”
Levi drew back, clearly surprised at the request. “Why?”
She gave him the reasons she’d invented last night and added, “And then there’s Edith. She has worked without a break, and if I can get him trained, we can start giving her a day or two off every week. I’m sure you’ll agree that she deserves them.”
“No doubt,” he said, leaning back in his chair. He steepled his fingers together and studied her.
Again, she felt the urge to smooth her hair, lick her lips, or look away. She managed to stand still and keep eye contact.
Something flashed over his face, a reflection of a thought, but she couldn’t read him. He leaned forward. “That isn’t necessary.”
“Perhaps not. But it will be useful. It will help me to give the best care I can to the most people in Boise.” She had learned to pronounce it correctly by now: Boy-see, like the natives said.
His glance fell on his desk. “I don’t think that’s the best use of his skill set.” His eyes returned to meet hers.
She could see his interest had drifted away. “Perhaps not. But think of it this way. I’d be happier.”
“Why? From what I understand, you’ve have plenty of alone time together since the disaster. So it can’t be that. You’re not still on your honeymoon, I take it?”
She ignored the question. She wasn’t going to get what she wanted, so she served up a dollop of honesty. “We’ve had some rough times out there. We’ve learned it’s dangerous to let anyone separate us. I can use him at the clinic, and it’d make me happier.”
“Of course your happiness is important to me,” he said. “But I have other issues to think about as well. One is getting your husband trained to do several jobs, so he can contribute here. Another is to get as many teams out on recon as possible, finding more food. I understand he’s an experienced hunter. If there is any game out there to be had, we need him there.”
“He won’t be able to hunt without a rifle.”
“He’ll get one, once he’s out beyond the city limits. Until we know you both better, I’m sure you can understand our hesitancy to have strangers running around the city with firearms.”
It made sense, but wasn’t what she wanted to hear. “I understand your point about that. I would still prefer him to work with me.”
He pulled a clipboard with some handwritten papers on it toward him. It was a dismissal. “Thanks for stopping by. I’ll give it some thought.”
She was certain he would not. His decision was made. “Hey,” she said, irritated by his attitude. “You’re not hearing me.”
He responded without looking up from the clipboard. “You have an assignment.”
“Fine,” she said. “Put me out on guard too. I don’t mind doing a job for you, as long as it’s with him.”
“I’ve seen this sort of thing before,” he said, putting down his clipboard. “You’re traumatized. Perfectly normal, I’m sure. So instead of what you think you need, we’ll give you what you actually need. Get you past those bad experiences. Get you integrated into the community here.”
“What?” Where was he going with this?
“We have a counselor—she’s a social worker—who knows quite a bit about PTSD. I think it’s important to have you talk with her. See if we can get you past this irrational fear of yours. We’re not going to hurt you, and we’re not going to hurt your husband. It’s your overwrought imagination making you think we will.”
A half-dozen responses flitted through her mind. She rejected all of them, along with the image of leaping across the desk and shaking him. That wouldn’t disprove his point about PTSD at all. She stood her ground.
“Enjoy your day at the clinic. I hear good things about you.” He gave her a smile that oozed oil.
She hated him already. And she had no good response to him. He had power. She did not. That disparity was the cost of civilization.
Turning her back without another word, she marched out the door and past Parnell. She hurried down the steps and outside, where a gust of bitter wind slapped her. She stood there and panted, trying to get her anger under control. Or fear. She couldn’t tell which emotion it was.
Great. You screwed that up. Not only did she not get what she wanted, now to appease him, she’d have to see some stupid social worker. It would be laughable, really, the whole situation...except that this morning’s meeting with Levi had made her distrust him, and this situation, all the more.
She and Benjamin would both have to watch their backs.
