5

Later that afternoon, chatting with her mule team in their corral, Kelley groaned as Jason caught up with her. He hadn’t moved a single muscle to go after her when she climbed into Scott’s truck at church, so she reckoned he didn’t care much after all.

As for her, what did she care? Truth was, she cared a lot. Another groan grumbled in her throat. She’d almost let her anger get substituted for a longing for a kiss.

“Hey,” he called, and her heart jumped.

He had that quiet walk—even the animals paid him no never mind, so she hadn’t heard his approach. And, well, Jason’s intangible scent that was somehow pine, clouds, and rainwater combined drifted through the air. Without her wanting it too, her heart jumped into her throat and stayed there, throbbing. Most of her wanted to smack him, but some part of her wanted to hold him close.

Make that, have him hold her close. She’d already realized that, even if she couldn’t accept it, she liked being around him. It had been a long time since a man had wanted to support her. Other than those related to her, of course, who had no choice.

But she had to make it clear. She could be a big girl all by herself despite those starlight sparkles that could flicker whenever she let them. So she didn’t let them, especially for a man who made no bones about moving on.

“Kelley…” He started, but she held up her hand, snug in her perch between the fence rails. For some reason, her bucket, empty now of carrots, caught her interest. It was either that or drown in his magazine looks and endless hazelnut eyes where she’d already seen herself mirrored once or twice.

“I don’t want to hear it, Jason. I know you did what you had to do. And maybe someday I’ll think it was kind of sweet.” She didn’t even know quite what she was criticizing, his cheerleading on her behalf at Bible Study, or his ill-treatment of Bobbi.

“Kel…”

She decided to go with Bobbi. “Jason, Bobbi is a nice woman. We’ve been friends since elementary school. You shouldn’t have broken your date with her.”

“It’s not what you think.” Jason stood very tall, very proud, like he’d done no wrong. “I admit we’ve gone out, but it’s a friends-with-benefits kind of thing.”

“Friends with benefits? You mean…” Heat flushed her cheeks and chest, and she stamped her foot in the dusty yard. “Well, I don’t believe you. Bobbi doesn’t go for casual, meaningless sex.”

A deep purple, like dusk falling on the mountains, darkened Jason’s cheekbones. “Ah, heck. It isn’t what you think at all. Not that kind of benefits. Burger-benefits.”

“Burger benefits?”

“Yep.” His own boots rustled, restless. “If Bobbi and I don’t have plans of a Saturday night, we go out for burgers. Sometimes the Butterbean. Sometimes Mel’s Stand. Once in a while the Cattleman Club in Promise.”

Kelley felt her brow furrow. The first two made sense, but the Cattleman Club was pricey and definitely romantic.

“So how many other times have you had to cancel when something else came up?” Somehow wounded herself, she wanted to dig deeper into whatever might discomfit him.

His face flushed a deeper burgundy even beneath his outrageously gorgeous tan. “Well, never.”

“All right then.” She sighed and forced her gaze to her mules, the four sweethearts who had pulled her chuck wagon for five summers. At least Sunday dinner hadn’t been awkward, not with the entire family wearing their biggest appetites and her brothers almost spoiling for a food fight. She’d paid one hundred percent attention to Ella completely cattywampus of Jason, who nonetheless had jawed and guffawed through five courses with her brothers like he belonged there.

Except he didn’t. And he’d made it perfectly clear. She ground her teeth, wishing for a stiff breeze to cool her face.

Jason took off his Stetson and slapped it against his well-made thigh as he leaned against the fence. The sudden wind that refreshed her ruffled his wheat-gold hair, tossing the too-long edges against his shoulders. “I should have eaten at Vegeterra, I admit, before I flapped my lips about it.” He was trying his aw-shucks mode, and she wasn’t going to fall for it. “But I still can’t think what I said was a bad thing.”

Kelley hopped off the fence and gathered the strength to look him face to face, to hold back the sparkles. To hold back a kick on the shins. To resist grabbing him close against her heart. Ma might have fallen for Pa at first glance and most of her brothers and their wives too, but as for her, she didn’t believe love at first sight was genetic, not at all.

Although Jason pushed upward beyond six-foot-three and then some, she was tallish herself, tall enough at any rate not to back down, especially with him scrunched down a bit in his lean toward her.

“And maybe I’ll see your point some day. But I have something else to say.” She cleared her throat because the stars had caught there again, and looked away to garner courage. Then she forced her gaze to meet his, despite the cost to her lungs and heart. “If I’m being forward, please forgive me. But I’m not so naïve I can’t read your signals. And I confess I’ve put something out there myself.” Heat raged again even in the cooling breeze. “But I’ve got to be cautious. OK?”

Suddenly she could barely breathe as bad memories surfaced.

“Why?”

“I spent four years with a man who hurt me.”

Jason shrugged. “I’m not like that man.”

“Maybe you are. He had no interest in building a life with me. And I can’t deny that’s what I want at the end of my days. A man holding my hand after making memories with a houseful of kids.”

Jason let out some sort of noncommittal sound that infuriated her all the more. “Despite the sparks, those butterfly kisses, well, you’ve said yourself you aren’t that kind of guy. I guess I’m just too tired and too dispirited to want a friend-with-burger-benefits. All right? So let’s just be plain friends. It’ll work out best for both of us that way. Especially on the wagon train.

Taking a deep breath against the pain of her words, Kelley shifted gears quick. “Wanna say hi to my babies?” She was done and gestured to her faithful mules, barely able to hide her grief at the goodbye. It was of her own making, but definitely for the best.

With rumbles of pleasure, two of the four ambled her way, and she couldn’t hold back her smile. “Sorry ladies. I’m out of carrots for now.” She grinned up at Jason. “The mollies are Mitzi and Cocoa, and the johnnies”—she pointed at the males—“are Cayenne and Pepper.” She didn’t explain further. Any geneticist knew mules had a male “jack” donkey father and a mare for a mother.

“Good looking animals,” he said, rubbing a hand over Cocoa’s flank as she preened. “I love mules. Strong, smart. Not the skittishness of horses.”

Kelley’s spirits soared in spite of her discontent with him. “Well, I love hearing that. I don’t like it when mules, or donkeys even, are disrespected and called stubborn. It’s their nature not to do stupid things. A horse will work until it drops, but mules and donkeys don’t. Their so–called stubborn streak is the way of telling humans something isn’t right or is dangerous.” She shook her head and stumbled off her soapbox. Of course Jason would know this too. “Not that I don’t love my Cheyenne. This year, though, the Percherons are going to pull my rig.”

“Why?” He peered down at her, squinty from years in the sun, and no matter her words from before, her blood raced through her veins.

It took a minute to catch her breath, so she petted Cocoa herself. “My brothers started a new venue this summer. Mule packing into the national forest. You know, real mountain man style.” That seemed a Jason-esque thing to do. Maybe he’d rather do that and leave her to her wagon train so she could forget him. Forget she’d invited him. Not have her blood pound whenever he got within fifty yards.

He didn’t speak, so she pushed on, needing the safety of the familiar. “OK, then. Right now, I’m going to check out my rig. Wanna come along?”

He nodded without a word which, for some reason, she reckoned was a rare thing for Jason Easterday. Following the fence, she led him to the wide yard where the wagons parked, two huge Conestogas with modern rubber tires, and her sturdy chuck wagon.

Along with spices, foodstuffs, and well-loved cooking utensils, she pointed out medical supplies. “This bug spray is specially geared for our very own brand of bugs.” She laughed and meant it. Too difficult to keep her heart hard when she was about to embark on another of the ventures she loved so much. Thinking about tomorrow gladdened her from the crown of her straw cowboy hat to the tips of her well-worn boots. “Pike always comes along for any emergency, which fortunately is rare.”

Jason’s brows rose with interest because, of course, Pike was a vet.

“He’s a certified EMT. Here”—she pointed to a tank–”we carry all the fresh water for everybody, too. There’s a stream we follow, but there’s always the danger of giardia. And if I may be gross”—she crinkled her nose—”getting the runs out in the wilderness is just something to avoid. Folks can rinse off in the stream, but that’s it.”

She held out a well-worn notebook entitled The Bible. “And I mean no disrespect to Scripture. But these recipes are practically sacred. Gleaned from much effort and over many years. Some of the Dutch oven ‘receipts’ came down from Old Joe’s wife herself. I’m reckoning somebody named Snowy September just might approve.”

Jason stayed more silent than she was used to, even with their short association. Maybe he felt awkward at mention of his mother. Or because Kelley’d insisted they just be friends. Because after his compliments about the mules, he stood tall and quiet. Then she got it. She had enough brothers to recognize when a male ego had been tweaked.

She rolled her eyes. What did he expect, that she land in his arms like a ripe peach? With a grunt, she shut the side door of the chuck wagon and sought a reasonable goodbye. Jason on horseback would bring her down, that’s for sure. Well, if he was going to be such a big baby, she sure didn’t feel the need to spend the next three days around him.

“The mountain men pack trip seems like something you’d like to try.”

Jason shrugged. “Pike’s mentioned it. But this time around, I can’t think of anything better to do than three days with my new best friend.” The sudden brightness of his eyes warmed her all over and her feet moved restlessly in the gravel. “Because I’m not that guy, Kelley. The one who hurt you.”

With a deep breath, she finally found her voice. It was best to get away from him. “I think I’ll head up to the house and get a nap in. There won’t be any rest for the weary during the trip.”

“Wanna take a trail ride?”

His invitation was so out there, such a reminder of yesterday that she didn’t know what to say. Other than the logical no, of course. She read too much eagerness in his eyes. Man-woman eagerness. Just what about friendship didn’t he get?

Still, it was hard to say no. “I can’t, Jason. I really ought to get back to the house. I want a nap, and Ma will need help.” She hung the empty bucket over her arm. “Some of the tourists will arrive tonight and stay with us. Others get here in the morning by airport shuttles. There’s tons to do, and I need my beauty sleep.”

“No, you don’t.” Jason’s eyelids dropped like they might as he drifted to sleep, then the shadow of his brim hid his expression as he tossed his Stetson back on his head. “And that’s a fact.”

She bent down, petting her pup to hide her flaming face. “Come on, Bryce,” she said in a form of goodbye, holding her breath to see if the Golden stayed with traitor Jason or came along with her. Breathing came easier when Bryce started trotting at her side.

Of course, Jason’s last statement had been a downright backward compliment, so heat flared, increasing exponentially as she walked the quarter mile back to the house. Mostly because she could feel his gaze never leaving her back and warming her on top of the hot afternoon sunshine.

On the way, she swung the bucket harder than ever, like she had when she was little, wishing she was little once again and didn’t have men to think about.

****

Another friend. Well, why not? Jason stomped up the front porch steps. It was a fine start. To be sure, he was the self-proclaimed great wanderer, but something had happened the first time he saw Kelley’s picture on the mantle, some poke in the heart he’d never felt before. And meeting her up close and personal yesterday had only caused his heart to work harder. An hour ago, the trail ride all by himself had brought on a lonesomeness so big it hurt.

Sunday night supper at the big ranch house was a casual deal, open to everybody with leftovers set out for grazing, and he felt right at home like he had for months. But now, he missed Kelley like crazy. Knowing she was within fifty feet instead of an hour’s drive had his skin prickling in a good way. For a second, he thought about offering his help in the kitchen but quickly declined, wondering if her remark about the mountain man pack trips had been a veiled wish that he wouldn’t come along on the wagon train. For some reason, the possibility felt like a blow to the gut.

The Bible verse from church flashed in his head again as he opened the large double doors into the Hearts Crossing ranch house. Last night, sitting with Kelley in confidence, close, personal. Touches and butterfly kisses. Seemed a long time ago. Well, he’d felt the call to follow the verse, and it hadn’t worked. So much for his first attempt at being Godly. He’d gone down in flames. Had all his emotion during the service been just that: something you feel while gorgeous music rang in the air? Something temporary?

Standing at the fireplace that bore the picture of Kelley, Hooper and Pike lifted their chins in greeting as Jason hailed them. He itched to join them, mostly to snare another gander at the portrait, but before he could enter from the hallway, some of the visiting tourists claimed the brothers’ attention. Their mother’s rich authoritative voice ringing out from the dining room sent Jason a sudden urge to text his mother. When was the last time he and Snowy had had any kind of contact? She didn’t do Mother’s Day. Or even the moniker “mom.”

The Martins hung together every day, sometimes all day, all week. Went to church and Bible study, said grace, and had a prayer-list for folks they loved, like the Colemans. For some strange reason, he kind of liked the thoughts. Nonetheless, Snowy was his mom, and the stuff in his life was whatever it was. He hunkered in the long hall over his smart phone.

“Hey, it’s noisy out here. Use my study!” Hooper called, friendly, as he headed into the dining room.

“OK. Thanks.” Jason did the raised-chin salute. Noise only mattered with a phone call…he wasn’t opposed to trying face-to-phone contact but honestly had no idea what time it was in Moldova. Still, some peace and quiet from the din might be all right. He could calm down and steel his nerves against seeing Kelley again, which he wanted to do more than anything and feared it like a plague at the same time.

Entering the study, though, he found it a beehive of activity. Scott Martin hunkered in front of the PC, Hoop’s wife Mallie hunched over the chair she’d pulled up next to him. At her neck, a silver crucifix glinted in the light. He squinted at its beauty, and the morning’s hymn played in his mind again. Maybe…maybe going to church had started something. Something permanent.

Would God help him and Kelley, too? Despite his wanderlust, he just had to convince her to take a chance on a relationship. What he felt, what she felt, was no accident.

She’d already admitted they had something between them. Like a school kid’s, his heart raced at the thought of her.

Giving up wasn’t a term in his playbook. If it was, he’d be in Moldova growing potatoes.

“The menu card should read Thai satay. Not satan,” Mallie said to Scott who burst into laughter, and Jason couldn’t help a chuckle.

Mallie’s big blue eyes turned to him. “Hey, Jason. I’m so excited for you. It’ll be a kick, you going on your first wagon train adventure.”

“I can’t wait. How about you?”

Scott nodded a hello while his fingers danced over the keyboard, his mind clearly on whatever he was doing.

“Not this time. I’m coordinating Rhee Ryland’s wedding. Scott’s updating their website as we speak.” She checked Scott’s update and nodded, saying without looking back at Jason. “I’ll try to hit one of the trains next month. I’ve got two more June weddings.”

Jason smiled but reckoned it had a touch of grimness. What was it with women and weddings? They even needed to hire wedding coordinators. His folks were still together without vows, in spite of his dad getting sidetracked a few times. For a minute, disquiet rumbled in Jason’s gut. What kind of man did that to the woman he loved? Who tried to discover himself in the arms of somebody else? Worse, what kind of woman would take him back?

While he loved his parents, he knew then and there he’d never do such a thing to a woman he loved, and would never want such a woman who thought so little of his behavior she’d welcome his return. Throughout his life, he’d no doubt give in to his wanderlust, but he’d never insult a woman in such a way. Kelley flashed in his mind right then, so an immediate distraction was vital.

“Uh, I met Caffey in Sunset Hills the other day,” was all he could think to say.

Mallie flashed another bright smile before wrapping it up. “She’s going to be a beautiful bride. I think Kelley’s reading a Scripture. Looks great, Scott. I’m going to grab a plate now.”

Ah, Scripture. Maybe Scripture would help him, too. First chance tomorrow, he’d head for the Book Nook in town and purchase a Bible all his own. The plan spurred him on. Why wait? Surely someone here could loan him one in the meantime.

“I’ll be along in a bit,” Scott said. “I’ve got to update the Mountain Cove High School site right now.”

“OK.” Mallie marched off.

Scott addressed Jason then. “You’re going to the All American Fourth of July picnic, right?”

“Dunno. Isn’t it for alumni?” Jason knew Scott was just being polite, and once again felt adrift. He’d been to four high schools, one in Germany, and hadn’t kept in touch with anybody. A few college pals still worked the Colorado range but…he didn’t keep in touch much with them other than round-ups from time to time…

“Yep, but everybody comes from every which way. I know Kelley would like it.” Scott’s voice bore a tone of matchmaking, and Jason had to decide, quick, if help from her brother in the romance department could be in the works.

Butterfly kisses…

Nope. As with most of his independent life, this was all him.

“What would Kelley like?” His nemesis herself walked into the room with a steaming cup of coffee. Even her holding a big fat mug took his breath away, and every inch of his skin heated up.

“Fourth of July picnic.” Scott mumbled. “Jason’s trying to back out because he didn’t go to MCHS.”

Right now was the time she’d give him the gaze that weakened his knees, told him he mattered somehow no matter her words by the pasture. Now she’d let him know how much she’d like him there.

Her smile was as big as it was impersonal. As was the shrug of her slim but strong shoulders beneath a bright pink shirt. Pearl earrings gleamed like dots at the lobes of her ears.

“Well, I totally understand that. Jason isn’t from here and he doesn’t plan to stay long.”

Her smile didn’t change in size, but it dimmed big time as she set down the mug for her brother. After a quick glance at him, she walked out again without another word.