40

The Indian Trail Motorcoach terminal was near the Studebaker Restaurant. After the rain had stopped, I tried to stay warm by pedaling fast and working up a sweat. Theo hadn’t been happy when he couldn’t convince me not to look for the woman, but at least he’d agreed to keep quiet.

At the terminal’s ticket booth, I learned that the overnight bus to Chicago was leaving that evening at seven o’clock. Ma would be at work, and I would have enough time to go home, change my clothes, and get some money. By the time she realized I was gone, I would be already in Chicago.

On my way back to the apartment, the sun burned through the cloud cover, and a few big puffy clouds sailed high against a deep blue sky. In the sudden sunlight, everything was sparkling, and I felt better now that I had a plan.

I’d just turned onto Easterday Avenue when I saw a dead animal by the side of the road. At first I thought it was a raccoon, but as I came closer, it turned out to be a dog — a small black-and-white terrier, his head resting on the asphalt in a small puddle of blood.

I got off the bike and took my gloves and trowel out of my bag. There were too many houses along the street, so I wouldn’t be able to bury the dog right here. When I bent down to pick it up, I saw that it wore a collar with a tin name tag. Engraved on it was the name Cory and an address.

My heart sank. Now I would have to bring him to his owner and deliver the terrible news. I imagined myself knocking on the door, holding Cory in my arms. A woman would answer the door, and when she saw him, she would let out a small yelp of pain.

I started shivering. I didn’t know if it was from having gotten cold and wet on the bike earlier or if it was the prospect of telling Cory’s family their dog had died. They probably had a child. I thought of the kid crying and how his mother would dry his tears while the dad went down to the basement to look for a box to bury Cory in. All three of them would be sad together. They’d have a quiet dinner, interrupted by the child’s outbursts of crying. They would talk about what a good life Cory had had and how they would love him forever. I imagined the dad digging a hole in the backyard. Once they put Cory in the box, they’d all bury him together.

If I wanted to be at the bus station on time, I’d have to bring Cory to his family right away. But I couldn’t stop shivering. I looked up and down the road, hoping someone would come out of a house and help me. I suddenly felt weak and had to sit down on the curb.

A few minutes later, a car approached slowly. I didn’t look up until the motor stopped right next to me, and the door opened. It was Ma.

“Wren!” she cried. “Are you all right? Did you have an accident?” She pulled me up. “You’re bleeding! There’s blood on your jacket.”

“It’s not my blood,” I said. “It’s from the dead dog. I found him by the side of the road.” I pointed to Cory. “He has a tag. I think his owners live right around the corner.”

“Oh, baby,” Ma said. “I’m so glad I found you.”

“I was going to Chicago,” I said. “I wanted to talk to that woman. I don’t believe what you said about her. I don’t want to think of Dad having done something like that. I just don’t want to.” Suddenly there wasn’t enough space inside my chest, and I could only take small breaths. “And now… now I have to tell these people that their dog died. But I can’t do it. I can’t. It’s too sad.”

“You don’t have to go to Chicago,” Ma said, holding my shoulders. “And I’ll go with you to meet Cory’s owner.”

I took enough air to ask the question I needed to ask. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner that you were so mad at Dad because he had a girlfriend?”

“I’m so sorry,” Ma said, and I could tell she was holding back tears. “It hurt me so much that he’d do that. That he’d leave me for another woman. I couldn’t even believe they were sending each other real letters on fancy stationary. That’s what we did when we first met. He was such a romantic.” Her voice quivered, but she continued. “It was like I was on fire with pain and anger and rage and more pain. I tried to get away from it all by taking us on the road. You were already so hurt. I didn’t want to destroy your memories of him too.”

“But…”

“I know it was wrong,” she said. “In the end, I hurt you more, and we didn’t talk at all. And, after a while, I didn’t know how to tell you anymore.”

“What about those other men?” I asked.

Ma shook her head. “I feel so stupid now. I wanted to know what it felt like. What it was like for him to be with somebody else. But it didn’t work. I only hurt myself — and you — more. Oh, Wren, I’ve made so many mistakes. I hope you can forgive me.”

I was startled for a moment. No one had ever asked me for forgiveness. I looked up at her. “Of course I’ll forgive you. But it’s still so hard to believe that Dad did this. I don’t know how to… how to…”

“I know,” Ma said. “It means we have to forgive him for what he did and mourn him. I don’t know how to do that by myself either. But maybe we can do it together.”

I fell into her arms, and Ma held me tight as I buried myself in her jacket. I could feel her lips on my hair. We stayed like that for a while, and I felt good and warm.

When I looked up at her, Ma gently pushed a strand of hair from my forehead. “Come on, baby. We’ll bring Cory home.”