Before she even opened her eyes, Olivia knew from the coil pressing firmly against her lower back that she was in the study, but she had no recollection of how she’d gotten here. She’d started out here last night, then went to Jonathan, and then...the fight, and the truth, and then...nothing.
As his words tumbled around in her head, she cringed. She felt dirty, exposed. She knew she’d been out of control, but she thought she’d done a better job of concealing it. She’d been so consumed by her inability to get a grip on herself—on her life—that she hadn’t seen how her actions affected anyone around her. Even after she lost her job, she hadn’t seen it.
But she did now.
And it still didn’t excuse what he’d done.
They tiptoed around each other for the next few days, avoiding each other as much as possible. Although there was plenty to say, neither one spoke. Over the next week, Olivia tried hard to prove Jonathan wrong by leaving the laundry undone or unfolded. She tried to let the dust settle and the floors go unswept and unvacuumed. She tried to go without makeup and she tried wearing a pair of Jonathan’s baggy sweatpants and an oversized t-shirt—like the hobo at the doctor’s office.
But she failed miserably.
She needed help.
On the tenth day after their fight, the tenth day after the implantation, Olivia had a blood test to determine if she was pregnant. For the next thirty-six hours, she hovered over the phone and willed it to ring. Finally it did, and she snatched it from the cradle before the second ring.
“Hello?” she said with practiced calm.
“Olivia, hey, it’s Tina Brooks.”
Her heart sank. As much as she loved her dear friend and former coworker, the last thing she wanted was to chat about anything related to her former job or her screwed-up personal life. “Oh, hi, Tina,” she said. “What’s up?”
“How would you like to go to Paris?” Tina asked.
Olivia’s eyebrows shot up. “Paris? Tina, what the heck are you talking about?”
“The office in Paris is looking for an associate creative director. It’s not quite the position you held here, but it’s in Paris-Freaking-France,” Tina bellowed.
Paris. Freaking. France. She could leave all her troubles behind and start over. New city—heck, new country—new job, new everything. And then she remembered the call she’d been waiting for. If it delivered the news she hoped for, there was no way she would leave. It would be like a sign that she and Jonathan were meant to work things out.
“Does Johnny know about this?” Olivia asked.
“He recommended you.”
“Even after what happened?”
“He knows you’ve been under a great deal of stress since, well you know, what with your mother and everything else. He was able to keep the clients happy and the higher-ups don’t know about what happened. This would be good for you, Liv. A nice change of pace.”
It sounded amazing, but the timing was all wrong. “Tina, you know I can’t just up and leave Jonathan. And I might actually be pregnant. I’m sure they wouldn’t appreciate me taking maternity leave only months after relocating me all the way from the States.”
But if I’m not pregnant...
“Just tell me you’ll think about it,” Tina said. “I can help find something for Jonathan as well.”
Olivia drew a deep breath, laced with possibilities, and pushed it out. “Alright, I’ll think about it.”
As soon as she hung up the phone, it rang again. Now preoccupied by the job offer in Paris, Olivia nearly forgot about the news she’d been waiting for.
“Hello, Mrs. Hunter?” the caller said. “This is Dr. Burke’s office calling. I have the results of your pregnancy test.”
It was nearly midnight before she heard Jonathan’s footsteps down the hallway. She waited until he had finished showering—he always showered before bed—before shuffling down the hallway to her old bedroom.
She balled her hand into a fist, reached up to knock and then pulled it back. Her heart flapped like the wings of a baby sparrow. She reached up again, but before she could knock, the door pulled open.
“Oh, hi—” they said in unison.
“I was just coming to see you,” he said.
“And here I am,” Olivia said.
Jonathan stepped back, held the door open and Olivia stepped in.
“I’m so sorry about the other night,” he said before she had a chance to speak. “It wasn’t your fault that I...what I did was not your fault and I’m sorry if I made you feel that way. I know how hard things have been for you since…since Bethie, and I—”
“I’m not pregnant,” Olivia said.
The air rushed from his lungs like a punctured tire and he drew her to him.
Her arms went around him, and they both wept. His body shook with despair and Olivia clung to him. Waves of grief washed through her as she came to understand that her last chance at happiness had passed her by. She would not go through this again. Could not go through this again. And as she felt Jonathan’s chest heave against hers, she knew the realization had struck him too.
Jonathan drew back and cupped her face in his hands. Moisture-lined lashes rimmed green eyes filled with a look she hadn’t seen in a long time. A look that always made her heart skip a beat, and still did. His eyes burned into hers and her body filled with a current of passion that she had denied herself for far too long. Desperation devoured her.
She leaned into him and his lips came down upon hers, crushing her with desire. They tore at each other’s clothes and Jonathan carried her to their bed; he laid her down gently and covered her body with his own. Their lovemaking was passionate, all consuming, like it had been in the early days when they’d first begun to explore each other. And, like then, they made love again and again until they collapsed in exhaustion.
Olivia could feel his breath on her cheek before she opened her eyes. When she opened them, Jonathan leaned over her, dressed in a dark blue pinstripe suit, smiling. Her eyes darted around the room as the recollection of the night before dawned. She met Jonathan’s probing stare and smiled nervously. She felt shy, embarrassed, unsure of what to say.
“That was some night last night.” He leaned down and kissed her.
Olivia pulled the comforter over her bare breasts and averted her gaze. “Yeah, about last night. I don’t…I’m not sure…I don’t want you to think—”
“That one night of incredible sex solves all our problems?” he said.
She nodded and reached for his hand. “Uh huh. I mean, I’ve been thinking about what you said the other night, about how I’ve been so...controlling.”
“I never should’ve said that…”
“But it’s true. You were right. I’ve been out of control. I’ve been trying lately, I really have, but I can’t seem to stop cleaning, or organizing, or obsessing about getting pregnant, although that one seems to be off the list now. I worry about where you are and who you’re with, and if you’ll still want me even though I can’t have a baby.” She took a deep breath and sighed. She lifted her eyes to meet his gaze. “I want to trust you again, I really do, but even after last night I wonder if you’re going to see her, whoever her is, today.”
He gently squeezed her hands. “Sweetheart, having a child has been your dream your entire life. Just because we can’t conceive doesn’t mean we can’t have a child. There are other means. We can find a surrogate, or we could adopt.”
Olivia’s bottom lip quivered and she nodded.
“And for the record, that her you are referring to was an attorney from Los Angeles. I’d never seen her before and I haven’t seen her since. I promise you, Olivia, it will never happen again. I swear on my life, and if you give me a second chance, I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you.”
“I think we should go to counseling.” She searched his eyes for a flicker of hope.
He let out a long sigh and nodded. “I think that’s a good idea.”
Olivia’s eyes rounded in surprise. She expected more of a fight. “Just like that?”
“Yes, just like that. In fact, my boss and his wife are seeing someone. I’ll ask for a reference. Now, you’d better hurry, you’re going to be late for work,” he said.
She raised an eyebrow and smiled sheepishly. She pulled a piece of lint off the comforter and flicked it to the floor. “Yeah, about that. I’ve got something to tell you.”
“By ‘something’ do you mean the fact that you lost your job weeks ago and never bothered to tell me?”
Olivia grabbed a pillow and swung it at him. “How long have you known?”
“Since the day after it happened,” he said. “I tried to call you and they transferred me to Tina. Tough break. I’m sorry, sweetheart. Are you going to look for something else?”
The job offer in Paris danced around her brain but she kept silent. She wasn’t pregnant, and things weren’t exactly perfect with Jonathan, but for the first time since it all began, she felt a glimmer of hope. “I thought about getting a job as a housekeeper,” she said and they both doubled over in fits of laughter.