Chapter 12

 

When I awoke, the clock on the mantle showed it was just after two in the morning. I closed my eyes again, but sleep eluded me. I eased my arm from beneath Gem’s head and left her curled on the armchair snuggled under the blanket. Jo greeted me happily in the kitchen. I grabbed a roll and tossed him a bite, then made my way outside. The puppy gamboled around my feet, then took off across the lawn turned gray by starlight.

My heart slowed at the sight of a form lying on the grass; a breeze told me it was Jaze.

“Couldn’t sleep?” he asked quietly. His eyes were on the moon that showed just above the aspens at the edge of our property. The stars glittered down from above, basking the grass and trees in a silvery light that reflected in his gaze.

I shook my head and eased gingerly down on the grass near him. “What are you doing out here?”

Jaze glanced at me. “The moonlight centers my thoughts. Today was a bit,” he paused, then concluded, “Trying.”

I nodded with the realization that I felt calmer. My thoughts were less scattered and the aches from our fight were fading under the moon’s gentle blush. “What is it about the moon?” I asked.

A hint of a smile touched Jaze’s face. “I’m not sure, but any werewolf I’ve talk to has felt the same connection. For me, the moon is a constant in a world that’s always changing.”

I stared at the night sky, studying the moon and the craters that hollowed its face. A familiar shudder ran down my spine; I suppressed the urge to phase. “I used to be afraid of the moon.”

Jaze kept his eyes on the black velvet sky, but understanding showed in his expression. He let out a slow breath. His presence was comforting in a way I hadn’t experienced before. I didn’t know if it was because he was an Alpha, or because he had helped me drive the wild werewolves from Thistle, but I felt sure of myself around him, like I knew exactly where I stood. I trusted him.

“What was it about the moon that made you afraid?” he asked quietly.

I frowned and studied the three stars just below the bright orb. They winked lazily as if they held a secret. “When I realized that I changed, phased, whenever the moon was full, I used to dread it. I couldn’t hide from its power, no matter what I did, and I couldn’t fight it.” I spoke quieter, “I guess I feared that anything could have so much control over me.”

“The moon isn’t so much in control as it is a guide.” Jaze spoke the words softly, his tone one of somebody who had never voiced what he told me. He tipped his head to look at me. “What if our phasing is inevitable, but the moon is brightest during our phase to guide our way when it happens so that we aren’t completely lost.”

My breath caught in my throat. The look in his eyes said that he knew exactly what it felt like to be lost and alone, to feel completely apart from the rest of the world.

“It’s nice out here,” he said quietly. “I haven’t spent much time in the country, but I can definitely feel the appeal of it.”

I smiled. “It’s pretty peaceful as long as you don’t mind the occasional hospital fire or wild werewolf pack.”

A shadow crossed Jaze’s eyes. “Their presence was all my fault, Dray.”

Confused, I asked, “How is that possible? You’re just one werewolf.”

Surprise touched his gaze. “You’re not in awe of having the great Jaze Carso lying on the grass next to you?” The self-deprecation in his voice made the words ironic instead of boastful.

I fought back a smile. “Until the Hawthornes showed up, I’d never heard of you, but I’m just a simple farm boy.”

Jaze watched me with a hint of his own smile. “Somehow I don’t think there’s anything simple about you.”

I let out a breath. “All I want to do is fit in.”

He nodded. “Understandable. It was pretty easy appearing normal until other werewolves showed up, right?”

I hesitated, then shook my head. “It wasn’t easy at all.” I closed my eyes and shut out the world. “All I want to do is play football, stop lying to my friends, and stop failing tests I can pass.” The admission surprised me and I glanced at him.

He kept his eyes on the sky. “You fail tests to appear normal?” He fought back a smile, but I could see it in his eyes.

I sighed. “I used to be a straight A student. Homework was easy and I never had to study; then they wanted me take tests to see if I should graduate early.”

“So you failed them,” Jaze guessed.

“I passed them with low enough marks that I wouldn’t make the program. Failing completely would have clued them in that I was marking wrong answers on purpose,” I admitted.

A half-smile touched Jaze’s lips. “Showing yet again that you’re smarter than the system.”

I chuckled. “I guess so.” We fell silent. The moonlight stretched through the aspens. I swore there was almost an audible hum of life as the grass and bushes were bathed in the captivating light. “What did you mean by it’s all your fault?” I asked.

Jaze didn’t look at me. I thought for a moment he wouldn’t answer, but he blew out a breath and said, “The fact that there aren’t more werewolves, especially other Alphas.”

It was my turn to be surprised. “Why would that be your fault?”

Something dark and haunted swept through his dark brown eyes. “My uncle killed my father.”

A chill ran down my spine at the look on his face. For a second I saw a child struck by a tragedy so vicious and violent it was still raw in his memories.

He rubbed his eyes with one hand, but no tears showed in them, only unwilling acceptance. “He murdered my father in the midst of his efforts to wipe out all Alphas so he could take over.” He glanced at me. “My uncle wasn’t an Alpha, and always begrudged my father’s position in the pack. Somehow he got it in his mind that if he killed the Alphas, the other werewolves would have to listen to him.”

My encounters with Jaze and the other Alphas had given me a great respect for their commanding presence. What little I knew of werewolf hierarchy made me realize that our instincts forced us to obey leadership, something I was still struggling with. “It would work,” I realized. An icy dagger ran through my stomach at the realization.

Jaze nodded. “It almost did.” Sorrow reflected the moonlight in his eyes; he rubbed them with one hand. Jaze wasn’t the type to show weakness. He hid any pain he felt from the blows he had received fighting Terence, and everything about him exuded confident and strength, a leader I would follow. To see him so broken and humble caught at my heart.

“Hundreds of werewolf families went through the same things I did because it took me so long to stop him.” His voice choked off, then he said as if he couldn’t hold it back, “My mother and I came home to find my father beheaded and quartered. Blood was everywhere. My mother fainted, so I carried her to the car. I gathered up what I could find of him.” He fell silent, then he continued, his voice thick with emotion, “I couldn’t find his head. I searched our home, but they had taken it.” A tear slid slowly down the side of his face and was lost among the grass.

He let out a loud breath. “I lit our house on fire and burned his body inside. When we drove away, I could see the flames in the rearview mirror. I watched my entire life burn.”

I didn’t know what to say. His eyes were closed, and something about him filled me with deep sorrow. I realized that I could smell his heartache. It was the first time I knew that emotions had a scent.

I shook my head. “I don’t know what I would have done. Even though I was adopted, I feel like my parents are mine to protect.”

“I know,” he whispered.

I rubbed my aching chest. “My biggest fear is that me being a werewolf will somehow affect them. I don’t want them hurt.” The thought of my parents going through what Gem’s had burned through my limbs. The guilt I felt about what had happened with the wild werewolf pack lessened.

“I won’t let them get hurt,” Jaze said, his voice stronger.

I stared at him. He didn’t look at me, but the raw honesty in his voice couldn’t be argued against. It if was up to him, my parents would be safe.

I swallowed. “What your uncle did was not your fault.”

Jaze turned to look at me. “I should have known.”

I shook my head. “You’re a high school student. I know I’m not thinking about protecting my parents from merciless killers.” My voice dropped. “At least, I wasn’t.”

Jaze fell silent. He turned his head to watch the fingers of moon shadows that stretched across the grass toward us. “I’ve dedicated my life to repairing the damage my uncle did. He killed so many Alphas and hurt so many families. These wild werewolves are one pack of hundreds that we’ve found, not to mention werewolf fighting rings like the one Jet came from, torture facilities intent on creating more manageable werewolves, which is how Kaynan came to be a werewolf, and armed Hunters who were intent on wiping us from the face of the earth before we created an alliance.” He studied the stars as if seeing something else there. “Sometimes it gets overwhelming.”

I couldn’t imagine everything he held on his shoulders. Suddenly my problems seemed petty and small. I saw school, football, and my friends in a different light. Life in Thistle wasn’t bad. In fact, it was close to perfect now that Gem was here and I wasn’t alone.

A howl sounded in the distance. An urge to answer the call ran through my veins. “I didn’t know there were wolves out here,” I said. Other howls rose to mingle with the first, creating a haunting melody that carried over the farmland.

Jaze listened to the voices, then said quietly, “Those aren’t wolves; they’re werewolves.” His forehead creased and his eyes became damp. “They’re mourning the loss of the girl from their pack, Trella.”

The sorrow in the voices tore at my heart. I had never before understood the way the tones of a howl could convey feelings, but the heartache and loss that colored the night sky wrapped my thoughts in a whisper of their agony.

“I failed them,” Jaze said.

I glanced at him and saw that his eyes were closed. “It’s not your fault.”

He took a breath and let it out slowly. “I should have handled it differently.”

“You didn’t know they had a gun. Jet could be dead just as easily as the girl.”

Jaze rubbed his eyes. “I know.” He looked at me. “I’ve never had that happen. We’ve lost werewolves and Hunters freeing other werewolves from horrible situations, but there’s never been such a needless waste of life.” His voice tightened. “She was Terence’s mate. I couldn’t imagine losing Nikki.”

The thought of losing Gem circled my heart in a fist and made it hard to breathe. I didn’t know how deeply I had fallen for her until I thought about losing her. I asked the obvious to chase away the pain of my own thoughts. “You miss her?”

Jaze sat up, his eyes on the dark horizon where the howls faded away. “More than words can express. I’m only half of myself when I’m without her; I feel so incomplete when she’s not at my side.” He glanced at me. “I’ve seen the way you and Gem look at each other. I think you understand.”

I sat up as well and nodded. “Now that she’s in my life, I can’t imagine being without her.” I thought of Terence and sharp regret filled me. “There’s nothing we can do to help him, is there?”

Jaze shook his head. “I just hope he doesn’t do anything rash. I don’t want any more of his pack to get hurt.”

“You said there were a lot more packs like theirs since the Alphas got killed?”

He nodded. “Most of them do fairly well, but some are dangerous like Terence’s pack. It takes a lot of work to keep everyone safe.”

“I’d like to help,” I said quietly. The words surprised me.

Jaze sat back and looked at me, really studied me as if contemplating where I could fit in. A smile hinted around his mouth and his gaze was less harsh as though our conversation had eased some of the tension he carried. “We have a place for you.”

I didn’t know whether to feel relieved or worried at the thought of leaving my home.

Jaze’s next words took that away. “Do what you need to here. You have a good life,” he glanced toward the house pointedly, “Loving parents, a wonderful girl, and great opportunities.” He met my eyes again, “But if things don’t work out in Thistle, we have a place for you.”

I suddenly felt lighter, like I had been carrying a weight I didn’t notice until it was gone. I held out my hand and Jaze shook it. “Thanks, man,” I said.

“Thank you,” he said sincerely. The depths to his tone carried far more than the words. Somehow our conversation had helped him. If anything I said eased his burdens at all, I was glad to have helped.

The screen door opened behind us. Kaynan, Vance, and Jet came out. “Thought we’d find you out here,” Kaynan said. “You have a thing for grass.”

Jaze laughed. “That sounds a lot worse than it is.”

Vance stretched out on the lawn next to us. “Can’t say you have it wrong. There’s something relaxing about it.” His eyebrows rose. “Of course, nothing beats the red rocks and warm sand of Two.”

Kaynan snorted and lay down as well. “You’re crazy,” he said. “Give me grass and trees above dirt any day.”

“It’s not just dirt,” the big werewolf argued. “It’s sand so fine it feels like powder and smells like cinnamon.”

“Oh, cinnamon,” Kaynan teased. “Someone’s been out in the desert too long.”

Both werewolves laughed. I settled back on the grass and heard Jaze do the same. “Come on, Jet,” Jaze said. “Even you could use a little relaxation once in a while.”

Kaynan shook his head. “You know Jet can’t relax. He doesn’t have a chill bone in his body.”

I kept silent. I couldn’t imagine teasing the silent, dark-eyed werewolf who held himself as though ready for an attack at any moment.

“I bet you could do it if you put your mind to it,” Vance said, trying and failing to keep the humor from his voice. “You might actually enjoy it.”

I heard a slight breath from Jet before he sat down a few feet away.

“Whoa,” Kaynan said. “The great warrior sits. Now I’ve seen it all.”

“Lay off him,” Jaze answered with a chuckle. “As I recall, his vigilance saved your hide a time or two.”

“Or twenty,” Jet muttered under his breath.

Everyone burst out laughing.

A comfortable silence fell over the group. The grass was cool and released a scent of green growth and the memory of the noonday sun. Gray brushed the distant edge of the horizon. I felt content lying on the lawn with four other werewolves, our pasts so different, yet with the same goal of living happy, peaceful lives with our loved ones.

“My dad used to take us camping,” Kaynan said. Everyone was silent at the red-eyed werewolf’s admission. He let out a breath. “We used to look up at the stars like this. Colleen and Dad were into astrology. They knew all the constellations and everything.” He took a deep breath. “But before we were werewolves, the grass smelled like just grass, and the breeze was nothing more than a bit of wind, not a messenger carrying scents of the barnyard, livestock, the aspens, the little brook near the edge of the trees, and all of you.” He rose up on one elbow. “Baths couldn’t hurt, you know.”

Jaze chuckled, then said in a serious, quiet voice, “Which way is better.”

Kaynan regarded him thoughtfully. “The werewolf or the human?” At Jaze’s nod, his gaze drifted to the aspens. “If I could go back to that night and start over before the accident, I probably would have.” He took in a breath, then let it out slowly, “But now, no. It’s harder for sure, but I love Grace. I couldn’t imagine life without her, and I know Colleen is happy with Rafe.” A smile touched his lips. “And you guys aren’t so bad, either.”

He picked a handful of grass and tossed it in the air. The blades caught in the breeze and turned in the fading starlight before they fell. The fresh scent of growth and rain, strength and sunshine touched my nose.

“What about you, Vance?” Jaze asked. “Would you give up what happened at Lobotraz and stay at Two?”

The big werewolf snorted. “I’d probably be stuck there forever if my mother had her way,” he said with a chuckle. He pursed his lips and stared at the few stars that still flickered in the waning canopy. “It was the hardest experience of my life,” he said in a low voice, his gaze distant. “I almost didn’t make it, and I never want any werewolf to go through what I did.” He ran a hand unconsciously over the black whip scars on one arm. “But I learned a lot about myself there, and I made it back to Nora.” He glanced at me. “Your girl pulled me through, Dray. You need to take care of her.”

I nodded, touched by the emotion that thickened his voice. “I will,” I said.

He studied me for a few seconds in silence, his gaze hard and calculating. I looked away self-consciously, unable to meet the direct stare of an Alpha. It was a strange feeling knowing that he could best me in strength if he chose. Before I could get too worried, though, he reached over with a beefy hand and slapped me on the shoulder with a laugh. “I know you will. I’m just giving you a hard time.”

“As if he hasn’t been through enough in the past few days,” Jaze said with a chuckle.

I settled back on the grass and felt the last touch of moonlight as the sun chased its silent force from the sky. My aches from the fights surfaced slowly, reminding me of what the moonlight had kept at bay.

“The moon kept me alive,” Jet spoke quietly. Shock resonated from the group; they were obviously unaccustomed to such an admission from their silent, deadly member. He didn’t look at anyone. His dark gaze was inward, searching something none of us could see. “The moon was the only hope I had, the only gentle thing in my world.” He fell silent for a moment, then said, “For most of my life, the moon was my only family, my only friend, the only thing that cared whether I lived or died.” His voice carried a depth of pain the likes of which I had never heard before. He pushed his hair back from his eyes and concluded, “I never knew friendship like this could exist. Thank you.”

Everyone was looking at him, but he kept his gaze on the moon that stood small and alone in the lightening sky. I realized his thank you had been directed at the moon, not at the werewolves around me. A knot tightened in my throat. Jaze sat up and put a hand on Jet’s shoulder. Jet met his eyes. Jaze smiled and Jet gave a short nod in reply. Jaze settled back on the grass. A few seconds later, Jet did as well.

The peace that surrounded us lay thick and comforting, like a blanket that held out the cares each werewolf carried. I felt like I had been given unspoken acceptance into their world, a world where werewolves rescued those who were hurt or in danger, and where families fought to stay together and protect each other against the dangers of a world in which most of the inhabitants were unaware of their secret. They were a group of friends brought together by trials and pain that had hardened and shaped them into the heroes of their race. I felt honored to be with them.

I sat up and counted them aloud. “One, two, three, four, five. Yep, it would work.”

“What would?” Jaze asked curiously.

I grinned. “I think you should all quit the rescuing werewolves thing and we could do something that’s actually important, like start a basketball team.”

Kaynan snorted. “Could you see Vance in a uniform?”

Vance gave a loud laugh. “It wouldn’t be hard to find a mascot.”

“We’d make one heck of a basketball team,” Jaze mused in a serious tone. We stared at him and he cracked a smile. “It wouldn’t hurt to keep our options open.”

Everyone laughed. Even Jet chuckled at the thought of five werewolves taking on the world through basketball.

“Where’d you find this guy, Jaze?” Vance asked.

“Milking cows on the farm,” Jaze replied; everyone laughed again.

“Keep an eye on him,” Kaynan said with a chuckle. “Something about him makes big tough werewolves spill their guts like sissies.”

“I thought you were a sissy,” Vance replied.

Kaynan punched him in the shoulder.

A scent touched my nose and I smiled. “Smells like Mom’s making her famous flapjacks.” At the others’ looks, I laughed. “I guess you’d call them pancakes.” I rose to my feet and held out a hand to Jaze.

He smiled and took it. “I can’t turn down pancakes.”

“Sounds good to me,” Vance said, joining us.

Kaynan rose and stretched. “Where’s Jet?” he asked, looking around.

Jet was gone. He had disappeared without a sound.

“We’d better get to the kitchen or Jet’ll eat all the pancakes without us,” Jaze said with a laugh.

Jo met us at the door and followed us into the kitchen. I laughed at the sight of Jet already leaning in the doorway as Mom dished up the first batch of flapjacks. He shot me a weird look and I attempted to turn the laugh into a cough, but failed miserably. Jaze chuckled beside me.

“Fresh flapjacks,” Mom said, smiling when she saw us.

We sat at the table and I opened a jar of Mom’s raspberry preserves to spread on my flapjacks. I felt a tingle on the back of my neck and looked up to find Jet watching me from across the table. “Want some jam?”

“On pancakes?” he asked the question reluctantly as though he would prefer not to speak at all.

Instincts warned me to leave him alone, but I ignored them. “They’re better this way. You spread them with jam, then top them off with maple syrup.” At his guarded look, I smiled. “Trust me.”

Jaze watched our exchange with great interest. Jet glanced at him and he shrugged. “I’d trust the farm boy,” he said.

Jet put down the syrup he had been about to pour over five flapjacks and reluctantly accepted the preserves I held out.

“Do you want a knife?” I asked, holding out my butter knife to him.

Something close to a smile showed in his eyes. “What good’s a butter knife?” he asked.

Jaze burst out laughing at some sort of private joke they had. Jet accepted the butter knife and spread jam on top of his pancakes, then he proceeded to dump about half of the syrup container on top. Even Mom watched as he shoveled a bite into his mouth. His eyes lit up and he nodded at me. “It’s good,” he said in surprise.

I laughed along with Jaze. “Mom canned them herself. Raspberry preserves go with everything.”

He quickly ate what was left on his plate. Vance and Kaynan finished close behind. Mom was carrying over the six flapjacks from the next batch and Jet held up his plate.

“Save some for us!” Vance exclaimed.

“Eat your cinnamon dirt,” Jet replied.

Vance laughed so hard he choked on a piece of pancake.

Mom laughed and distributed the pancakes the best she could, then went back to cook more.

“At this rate, we’ll get one out of every batch if we’re lucky,” Jaze said to me with a grin. Jet was focused on spreading more preserves over his pancakes and pretended not to hear.

The scent of strawberry and vanilla made my heart race. I turned to see Gem standing in the doorway. Everyone looked up. “Good morning,” she said with a shy smile at our sudden attention.

“I saved you a seat,” I said, patting the one next to me. I lifted the platter on top to reveal three warm flapjacks. “And I managed to hide a few pancakes from Jet.”

He stared at me and I laughed at the disbelief on his face. “I have a few tricks up my sleeve,” I said.

His eyes narrowed slightly, but there was the barest hint of a smile on his face. “I’m keeping an eye on you, farm boy.”

Jaze laughed so hard he dropped his fork and it clattered to the floor. He picked it up and wiped it off with his napkin. “I think Thistle’s been good for this group,” he said.

Gem took the seat next to me. “I’m glad to see everyone is in such good spirits,” she said with her pixie smile.

I nodded. “How are your parents?”

“Better,” she said. She and Mom exchanged a smile. “Much better, thanks to you and your family.”

“We’re happy to help,” I replied.

“And you are welcome to stay as long as you’d like,” Mom said. “I’ve called a few ladies and we’ll be working to right the damage to your house.”

Tears glittered in Gem’s eyes. “You don’t have to do that.”

Mom patted her arm. “Nonsense, honey. We neighbors have to take care of each other,” she said with a wink.

Gem looked at me and I nodded. “It’s the country life,” I said.

She leaned against me and I breathed in the scent of her freshly washed hair.

I heard Dad’s footsteps in the mudroom and smiled when he came into the kitchen. “What’s for breakfast?” he asked.

“Apparently not enough,” Mom replied. We all started laughing.