Chapter Eight

The drive to the cemetery was a long one. Darwin kept thinking to himself how fast Steve would be spinning in his grave if he learned that Teddy Holmes had been granted immortality. Was it the greatest betrayal that he could have done; or would Steve understand the reasoning? Darwin wasn’t even sure he understood. His gut told him he had done the right thing even if it was for the wrong reasons.

It was a race to the headstone. Darwin sprinted through the paths and markers, not wanting to keep Steve waiting. The last thing he would want is for Steve to leave and move on. Darwin wasn’t ready for that yet. Steve would be there, upset…but he would be waiting for Darwin. He was certain of it.

The headstone for Steve Cardwen was off on its own, set away from the other dead. It was private and allowed Darwin to speak candidly without the ears of other deceased picking up too much of the conversation. He slowed his sprint as he came into view of the marker. Steve was there, just as Darwin knew he would be. Relief swept through his murky soul but now it was Darwin’s time to explain himself.

Darwin fell to his knees before the rock, his hands to his head now, shaking. “Don’t be pissed. Please don’t be pissed, Steve,” Darwin beseeched. “You have to understand; he’s like you and me. He knows what he did was wrong and he only did it because he had the same fears that you and I did. Can we really condemn him for that? He just had the ability to hide it. If we could have done that don’t you think we would have—even if it had come at the expense of someone else? Don’t you remember how desperate we were, to just be accepted and—normal? He was a coward, he freely admits that, but I think he can be used in a positive way now. I truly think he’s changed.”

Darwin paused, calming down and seemed to listen.

“Yeah, okay. I have my own selfish reason too. Yes, I want to keep him around because of the connection to you. I know it sounds strange but knowing he was tormented inside, just like we were, gives me some satisfaction. I enjoy hearing him talk about you and me, and his perspective on things. What he did, and how he felt. Knowing he attempted suicide and that he gave up his real love to be normal. He was us; we should have been friends, but this damn town, this fucking world made it impossible. Instead we became enemies, and it should never have been that way. He helped me to forgive…I don’t think I’ve ever been able to forgive anyone. If he can reach me, maybe he can reach you, too. Can you see it in your heart to at least try to give him a chance?” Darwin begged and waited.

“Won’t you at least say something?” Darwin asked to break the silence.

A voice came from behind Darwin, “Okay, do you normally talk to dead people?”

Darwin turned to be greeted by a woman, young in appearance but dressed to sophistication. Her long, brown hair was well kept and was accented by her long eye lashes. She wore a bright red lipstick that contrasted against her pale skin, but in all she was beautiful.

“Do I know you?” Darwin asked, knowing the stranger was not a resident of New Haven.

“No, but you’re talking to my brother, so I guess we’re about to get to know each other,” The woman replied breaking Darwin’s attention completely.

“Steve didn’t have a sister,” he stated, refuting the newcomer.

“Yeah, he did. My parents were Theodore and Sally Cardwen. Steve was my brother, though I never really knew him. I’m Mary Smithton, formally Mary Cardwen.” She extended her hand to Darwin who reluctantly shook it.

“Steve never mentioned you.”

“I doubt he would have remembered me. I sure remembered him, though. He had the most amazing eyes for a baby; they were deep blue when I knew him. Such a smile and a cute laugh too. I got pregnant pretty young. My parents sent me away to hide the shame of a teen pregnancy out of wedlock. I was never sure if it was because I was pregnant or because I wasn’t married. Hell I wasn’t even sure who the father was. After that, they sent me away to a Mormon inspired compound for single mothers; I had to break out. I ran away and started a new life. I met a man a few years later, got married and started a whole new life. I never looked back.”

Darwin asked, “you never spoke to your family in all that time?”

“I tried once, my mother answered the phone. She asked me not to call ever again and hung up on me which was more or less what I expected. I always intended to contact Steve when he was old enough, to let him know someone in the family loved him. I hope he had a better time in that house than I did, do you know?”

“Probably worse from what I know,” Darwin replied solemnly. “His dad beat him a lot. It wasn’t good.”

Mary sat on a nearby headstone. “How did Steve die?”

“He took his own life.” Darwin hesitated and choked, not wanting to recount the story in vivid detail. “Steve got himself into trouble. I guess his parents pushed him too far. He killed them, and then he took out his frustrations on the temple and burnt a lot of people to death. He hanged himself in the shower room at the high school…there’s more but I think you get the idea.”

Mary opened her mouth in incredulity and it hung there for a few seconds before the words would form naturally. “He killed my mom and dad? Way to go Stevie!” she replied quietly with a light tear on her cheek.

“How did you find out?” Darwin asked.

“I actually didn’t know. I came to town hoping to find him. A young girl at the coffee shop—Cindy I think her name was—she told me about Steve. Then I came here to see his grave. I’m sorry that I missed him…I wish I had come sooner-I’ll regret that forever.” Mary began to break down as she pulled a tissue from her hand bag and blew her nose.

Darwin replied trying to lighten the mood, “At least you have a family to go home to; I think that would give Steve some comfort. He’s got a sister and he’s an uncle. How awesome is that?”

“My husband and daughter died a few years ago in a car wreck.” Mary dropped this information onto Darwin with no cushion.

“I am so sorry; forgive me,” he replied, trying to re-establish a trust.

Mary cracked a small smile and shook her head, “It’s okay, a few minutes ago you didn’t know I existed…how could you know about my situation?” Mary reassured, pausing a moment, “So, were you Steve’s best friend?”

“Yes,” Darwin replied without divulging the depth of the feelings. “I miss him very much. I come here sometimes to vent when things aren’t going so well. I’d like to think that Steve hear me and that he responds in his own way.”

“I’m sure he does. You know I never caught your name…” Mary cast her sparkling eyes on Darwin that for a moment, made him remember Steve.

“Darwin Foster,” he replied with a small wave of warmth traveling through his stomach.

The two spoke for hours and quickly found an interest in each other. Mary intrigued Darwin and talking to her reminded him of Steve. At times, Darwin couldn’t tell the difference between Mary and Steve; if his eyes were closed it could have easily been Steve. Mary was familiar and it brought Darwin much needed comfort.