This is it.
This is it.
I move quickly through the apartment and call out, “I’m coming,” in what I hope is a calm, confident voice. I’m definitely not calm or confident. That means faking it is my only option.
I take a deep breath and open the door, not prepared for a wave of air to be pulled from my lungs.
Graham Maxwell is gorgeous. That’s the first thought that comes to mind. He’s tall and dark haired with the kind of face that belongs in the movies. Blue eyes that look me up and down with a kind of heated curiosity. The sight of him makes my heart race and my palms sweaty.
“Oh!” I blurt out, because…oh my God. It’s him—the man from the elevator. I’m reminded of that night all over again. And then the pain that happened afterward. “We’ve met before. Or…I saw you in an elevator before.”
He flashes me a smile that’s all charm. He is a million times more confident than I am when he offers me his hand to shake. “Graham Maxwell.”
I take it, immediately overwhelmed by how solid and strong it feels. His touch is hot and I have to pull my hand away sooner than I’d like. I slip my hand out of his, concentrating hard on keeping my breathing steady. “Maddie.”
“Maddie,” he murmurs my name, like he’s testing it out. The way he says it is nearly sinful.
That buzz between us is still there. I can feel it, just like I felt it for those thirty seconds in the elevator six months ago.
“Please. Come in. Can I offer you anything to drink?” I swallow thickly, attempting to calm myself down. I keep telling myself it’ll be okay even if this doesn’t work out, but I know it’s a lie. I need him to help me, or the downward spiral of my life is going to get even worse.
“I think we’d better cut to the chase.” His voice makes it hard to think. “On the phone, you said you had an…urgent problem to discuss.”
My face gets hot. I knew what I was asking for when I made that phone call. Actually having him in my apartment is overwhelming. “Let’s sit down. Is that okay?”
He hesitates; his hands find their way into his suit pockets. I watch his Adam’s apple as he swallows, and I admire the way the cords in his neck tighten. Every inch of him could be cut from marble. “Lead the way.”
I take him to the living room and tuck myself into a loveseat. Mr. Maxwell takes the armchair across from me. His scent fills the room—the same hint of expensive cologne as before. I remember it.
“The emergency,” he prompts.
I square my shoulders. “Right. Yes. First, I wanted to apologize for the inconvenience. I know you’re very busy.”
“It’s nothing. Tell me what’s wrong.”
My face gets even hotter. “I’d like to speak to you about the rent.”
“The rent for this apartment?”
“I’m sure, in a place like this…” Why didn’t I plan this speech out before I called him? “I know you’re probably not the one people come to about problems like this, but it’s the weekend. I was up all night.” Anxiousness sweeps a heat over my entire body. I can barely breathe knowing the weight of this conversation.
He studies me. “What’s the problem with the rent?”
“I can’t pay it.” I’m quick to correct myself. “I can’t pay all of it.” Deep breaths, Maddie. “This is my home, it’s the only thing I have right now, and I can’t quite cover the rent for this month.”
“Your husband can’t cover it?” he asks, and it’s like a knife to the chest.
I twist my hands together out of habit, and his eyes drop to my fingers then snap back to my face.
“He wasn’t my husband, actually,” I tell him. “He was my fiancé, but he’s not anymore. We’re over. He left.”
“Without leaving enough money to cover the rent?” He lets out a disbelieving laugh. “The kind of people who live in this building have second homes in Europe.”
“He was that kind of person. He was going to be, anyway, but I’m not.” Okay. Here it comes. “I hope you know that this isn’t a long-term problem. I have a plan to fix it, I just need more time because I wasn’t prepared for this. If I go to him, I’m sure he’ll simply end the lease, and there’s nothing around here that I can afford and that’s available. I’ve been off the market for a couple of years, so it’s taking me longer than I thought to find a job that can pay enough. I’ve gone through my savings, and I’ve sold most everything I could.”
“Off the market?”
“Out of the job market. My ex thought it would be better for his career if I focused on philanthropy instead of building my own career, so that’s what I did. And I don’t regret it. I helped a lot of people, but I’m at a loss at the moment. I paid everything but the five hundred and everyone said that I needed to talk to you.”
His blue eyes are absolutely captivating. “What’s the exact situation with the rent, Maddie? You can’t afford any of it?”
“No, I can afford most of it. I’m five hundred dollars short. And I’ll give you anything you want to cover it.”
I’m shocked at the words that have just come out of my mouth, but I mean it. I’m solving this problem. I don’t care what it takes. I’ve sold almost all my jewelry in the past months to make it work. I can’t even afford to break this lease now. I don’t know what else to do.
“Anything,” I insist. My heart races.
Graham Maxwell looks at me across my living room, his eyes going dark. “We can come to an arrangement.”
Relief hits me like a gust of fresh air. “Oh, thank you. Thank you so much. What kind of arrangement?”
“I have an idea,” he says as his eyes drop to my breasts, and I have to admit, I want it. If that’s what he wants, I wanted it anyway. Before I can stop myself, I agree to what he’s suggesting.
“If you want me, you can have me however you’d like.”
He pauses, almost as if he’s stopped breathing and embarrassment lights my cheeks aflame. But that look in his eyes lights a different part of me ablaze.
“What exactly is it that you have in mind?”
“I think…I’m not sure. I haven’t…”
A moment passes and then he asks, “A quick fuck then?”
I gasp in spite of myself. I’ve been nervous about what he might say, but I never expected him to say it like this.
Although, if I’m being truthful, I love the tension between us. I love the way it felt to meet his eyes in the elevator. And if this is what it takes, if I get to experience a fantasy I had…I’m more than willing.
“You really want me?” I whisper the question and wonder if I’m merely daydreaming.
“From the moment I saw you in that elevator.”
“Oh my God.”
“You wanted me, too,” he guesses as he spreads his legs a bit wider, and my gaze drops to the bulge in his pants. I’m instantly hot.
I bring my hands up to cover my face, then comb my fingers through my hair and look back up at him. “Yes,” I admit. “I did.”
“Then take your clothes off, and you can stop worrying about the rent.”
My heart races. “I…” I did say anything.
“You don’t have much time,” he adds. He looks hungry now. Almost desperate. “No doubt you’ve spent all weekend trying to collect the money with no success. So let’s do this instead.” I stare wide-eyed back at him, knowing this is my only chance to back out and if I do… well I don’t know what I’ll do. “I’ve wanted you for months, Madelyn. I’ll make it good for you. I’ll make sure you enjoy yourself.”
I close my eyes. My heart beats and beats a steady thud.
Then I open them and get to my feet.
My shirt is the first thing to go. Then the bodysuit I’m wearing underneath.
“Stop,” he says.
I freeze. Graham Maxwell gets up from his seat and comes around the table to me, his eyes raking over every inch of my skin covered only by my bra and panty set. His breath turns heavier as he unbuttons his shirt.
Then his hands are on my waist, gentle but firm.
“Fucking gorgeous,” he murmurs.
“You’re gorgeous yourself,” I say, feeling drunk on how close he is with his palms on my waist. His touch is electrifying and it’s in this moment I know I’m going to remember this forever.
“Birth control?” he asks, and I nod. “Have you been tested since—”
“Yes. You?” He nods. “Good.”
He lets out a groan and peels off my panties and bra in quick movements. Then his mouth is on the side of my neck, and I—
I can’t think about anything but how good his lips feel.
I tilt my head back to give him better access, and he takes full advantage, leaving opened mouthed kisses that force me to moan from the instant pleasure.
And then—it’s like he reaches some breaking point. Mr. Maxwell maneuvers me over to the arm of the sofa, the pad of his thumb brushing over one of my nipples. I let out a soft sound. It feels so damn good to be touched. To be wanted. I wish I could live in this moment. After the hell of what I’ve been through, I need this.
With firm guidance, he turns me around and bends me over, forcing a gasp from me.
“Fuck. Your thighs are perfect.” His voice is low and rough. He slides a hand between my legs and nudges them apart, then finds my wet slit with his fingertips. When he finds my clit, I can’t help the moan that comes out of my mouth.
Graham curses again, his fingers working faster on my clit. I hear the sounds of his zipper and of fabric moving, and then he’s working me harder while the tip of his cock nudges against my opening.
“Yes,” I tell him. “Fuck me. Please fuck me.”
It’s filthy to beg a man this way, but Graham likes it. He makes another primal sound from deep in his chest and pushes himself inside me.
His cock fills me and pushes me to the brink of pain, and it forces another gasp out of me. He’s so fucking big. He stops, buried inside of me, and lets me adjust. It takes a moment, while I hold my breath, for the sting of being stretched to be eased by the pleasure. I spread my thighs a little wider and rock back against him, lost in the feeling of being completely filled by a man for the first time in months.
Graham doesn’t hesitate. The second I move against him, he fucks into me hard, then harder. Between his fingers and his body, I’m drowning in pleasure.
“Oh,” I gasp. “Oh, oh—”
“Come on my cock,” he orders in a breathy tone at the shell of my ear. “That’s what I want for the rent.”
That statement alone nearly makes me come undone. I think about how I’m a little whore for him. How the perverse act is a fantasy come to life.
I let out another moan and come undone. My fingernails scrape against the couch cushions as I try to brace myself.
“That’s a good girl,” he praises me as he rides through my orgasm.
With one broad hand on my lower back, he comes inside of me. I can feel every bit of his heat pulsing inside me. Everywhere. Holy shit. My eyes widen as I’m brought back down from the highest of highs.
His thrusts slow, but it’s a long minute before he pulls out and helps me up.
As he offers me his hand when my legs take a moment to stabilize, I can hardly believe it’s done. He kept his word. It was a quick fuck. A damn good quick fuck that left me wanting more.
“That was,” I start to tell him and have to catch my breath as he hands me my shirt. “That was really good.”
My eyes meet his and I catch his smirk. “You were incredible,” he tells me, and I have to look away as I dress myself. A mix of emotions swarms over me.
“Do you need anything?” he asks, and I only shake my head.
He puts himself back together, faster than I could have imagined. His eyes burn over my body, and I wonder for an instant what he’s hiding behind them. “Don’t worry about the five hundred dollars. We’re even.”
Graham Maxwell sees himself out of my apartment but not before turning and telling me that if I need anything at all not to hesitate to ask.
Technically, it’s his apartment. He’s the man who owns this building and has the power to kick me out if I don’t pay rent, and he’s also the man I’ve just had sex with to cover the shortfall.
Oh my God. I’ve just had sex with the owner of the building to pay the rent.
Did I…like that?
Did I love it?
I still feel buzzed from the way he fucked me, his strokes deep and possessive. It’s been a long time since I was with a man who took me like that. He took me like he owned me and fucked the shit out of me. That’s exactly what Graham did. I don’t think it ever happened that way with Kevin, or any of my other exes for that matter.
My heart races. Graham isn’t even in the room anymore, and I’m still feeling the effects.
I sweep up the clothes from the living room floor and walk on shaky legs to the bathroom where I toss them into the hamper. I turn on the shower without thinking, wait for the water to get hot, and climb in.
“I just paid the rent with sex,” I say out loud, just to test it out.
My whole body feels like it’s blushing, but I don’t feel ashamed.
Should I feel ashamed?
No, right? I didn’t do anything wrong. Two consenting adults. A business arrangement sort of…for rent.
“Oh, God, I loved it,” I admit to the empty shower.
They’re really two separate things. I needed to come up with five hundred dollars for this month’s rent, and I needed to get over Kevin. I’ve spent months in a panic, trying to find a job and failing, waking up all night freaking out about the future.
I wondered if I could have done something else to make us work. But it wasn’t me in the end. It was him. He found someone else, cheated for months, and left once I found out. He wanted to have his cake and eat it too. I’m still not over the heartache entirely, mostly because it proves just how naive I am.
It’s hard to feel hung up on past mistakes after the way Graham touched me though.
Mr. Maxwell?
I don’t know what to call him, but that’s okay. This won’t happen again. I’ll find a job and fix my life, and I won’t have to have sex with anyone to pay the rent ever again. I was acting out a fantasy. One that paid well. But I will never do that again.
Even if I did like it.
Even if I did come hard while he was inside me. I came on his cock like he told me to. I’ve never been talked to like that. Not once. And I loved it.
That didn’t happen with Kevin. I never came that hard. I’m more ashamed of the fact that I used to wait until he fell asleep and get myself off under the covers so I didn’t hurt his feelings. How did I ever accept that as my normal life when something so much better was out there?
I take a deep breath of hot steam, pushing the wet hair from my face, and let it out.
He seemed stable and kind. That’s why I was with Kevin. He was so nice…so nice that I didn’t see through the lies and the cheating. I’ve been through bad breakups before, and I thought my relationship with him was the next step in my life. I thought I was leaving behind all those unpredictable men and finally growing up.
I’m not going to blame myself for that.
I’m not going to downplay the memories of Graham, either.
I shake my head under the hot water, unable to stop imagining what just happened. That felt good. It felt amazing. Maybe it shouldn’t have. Maybe I should have demanded that he buy me dinner and roses before we had sex. Kevin did all those things for me. He bought bouquets of roses and took me out to dinner and asked me to marry him…and he left.
But I didn’t want those things in the moment. I wanted a quickie with the guy from the elevator with fuck-me eyes.
I’m not going to get hung up on either Kevin or Graham. That’s not what I’m going to do.
I focus back on the shower. I’m not in any hurry to get the scent of his cologne off my skin. I mostly came here as a matter of habit, but I regret it a little as I’m soaping up my skin. I can still feel the places he touched me. He wasn’t rough. He was firm, though. Like he already knew me. Like I already belonged to him.
Except this was never about belonging to anybody. It was just to pay the rent.
I keep convincing myself of that as I get out of the shower and get dressed. I feel like I’ve just woken up from a deep, refreshing sleep, and my mind is clear for the first time since my ex left.
Is that what happens when you’re with a person who understands you? Because it felt like Graham understood me.
I might not know much about the man, but I understood what he needed from me in that moment. Needed. That was right there in his eyes. I pause, the towel wrapped around me, in front of the mirror that’s edged with steam. Hopeless romantics get their hearts broken. Suzette told me that just last week over red wine and another hard cry.
I need to stop these thoughts. I need to focus on the task at hand.
I shut down all thoughts as I get ready and get back to emails and resumés intent on finding a job and writing Graham off as a one-time divulgence.
That’s the plan, anyway, until my phone buzzes on the kitchen counter. I hear the soft hum from my walk-in closet and dash out through the apartment in bare feet. It’s too big a place for one person with two bedrooms, two bathrooms, an office, and a breakfast nook. But I’ve done the math on getting a new place on short notice. I was five hundred dollars short on this rent. I don’t have enough to cover a deposit on another place, either, unless I have roommate.
I reach the phone and snatch it up from the countertop without looking at the screen.
“Hello?”
“Maddie, it’s me.”
“Kenzie! How are you?” My heart speeds up again at the sound of my cousin’s voice. I love Kenzie to death, but her life is even more precarious than mine was before I met Kevin. “Everything okay?”
“Not really,” she says with a sigh. “I need help.”
“Oh, Kenzie,” I can’t hide the strain in my voice. My stomach sinks. I want to be in a position to help my cousin any time she calls, but I’m not. I used to be, and I will be again, but right now? I can’t even help myself.
I’m hoping all she needs is to talk things over.
“I didn’t want to have to call you,” she continues. “But I don’t have any other choice.”
“What’s due?” I ask, pacing out of the kitchen and back to the big picture windows in the living room.
“My student loans.”
My cousin never made it to graduation. She had a hard time the first two years of college. It wasn’t easy for her to settle on a major. She went through three student advisers, and all suggested she get a different degree. Now she’s part way through two separate majors and three minors and hasn’t taken classes in a year. The student loan companies won’t let her off the hook. She’s young and in severe debt.
“When?” I ask automatically.
“The fifteenth.”
“Then you still have two weeks to work it out, right?”
“I’m not going to get there.” I can hear the panic in her voice, though she tries to hide it. “I’m behind on other bills, too. Had to cover those with my savings so the electricity didn’t get turned off.”
I hate the sound of that. I don’t want my cousin—my family—to be in a position where she can’t afford basic necessities. She already works two jobs. Waitressing doesn’t always make ends meet. Today is a perfect example of that.
“Kenzie.” I try to sound as calm and reasonable as I can. “Are you sure you don’t want to—”
“Don’t say I should move in with you, Maddie. I don’t have the cash for that, either. It’s just too far.”
This is the worst part about Kevin leaving. Looking back, it’s obvious that I wasn’t happy with him. He wasn’t going to be in love with me no matter how hard I tried. That’s a tough lesson to keep learning from men, and I’m determined not to have to learn it again.
But at least when we were together, money was no object. I could send Kenzie what she needed to get by and hope that it would be enough to get her where she needed to go.
Ugh. I wish I’d ignored him about quitting my job. My grandmother was right when she told me to keep a separate savings account and build it up as much as I could. If I’d followed her advice, I wouldn’t need help covering the rent.
Then again, Graham Maxwell never would have come to my apartment. My thighs tighten and I have to close my eyes and shut down the memory.
“Kenz, I really, really want to be the person you can count on,” I begin.
She huffs a sigh, and I know it’s out of disappointment and desperation. I know that exact feeling because that’s how I felt when I woke up this morning. It’s probably a pipe dream to think that I’ll ever live a worry-free life.
“I just can’t cover this month. I’m sorry. I barely made the rent.”
“I don’t get it.” Traffic goes by in the background, making her voice sound even shakier than it is. My heart hurts for her. I know what it’s like to be on your own with your life constantly on the brink. “What went so wrong with Kevin?”
“He cheated on me. You know that’s what happened.”
“Couldn’t you have—”
“Couldn’t I have done what?” This day has been a rollercoaster, and now I’m heading up another high hill, frustrated as all get out. I’m guilty of blaming myself for Kevin leaving but hearing it from another person reminds me that it’s bullshit. “Convinced him not to cheat? Been better somehow? I did everything he asked me to do.”
“I know, I know,” she says, softening. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to accuse you of anything, I just—”
“It’s fine. It’ll be okay,” I tell Kenzie. “All of this will work out. We just have to—”
“Keep trying?” My cousin lets out a bitter laugh. “I knew you’d say that. I gotta go. I’m almost at work.”
“Okay, but—”
She hangs up before I can finish my sentence and the guilt weighs heavy in my chest.
“I’ll always be here for you,” I shout at the phone. “That’s what I was going to say. I’ll be here for you, I just don’t have the money you need.” Tears sting the corner of my eyes and my throat goes dry.
I whirl away from the window, frustrated beyond belief, and as I do, the phone flies out of my hand.
It tumbles through the air in slow motion and hits the window much harder than I thought it would.
It hits the window so hard that it cracks. All the blood drains from my face and my hands go cold.
“No!” I shout, and rush to the window. The phone’s landed on the floor with only a minor scuff on the case, but the window has a crack in it.
A crack. In the giant picture window. Shit.
Shit, shit, shit.
How the hell am I going to pay for this?