Chapter 3

GIVE UP YOUR LIMITING BELIEFS

It’s not the events of our lives that shape us, but our beliefs as to what those events mean.

—TONY ROBBINS

MY STORY

Even though I have always feared my father, and even though whenever he was at home I would try my best to run and hide away from him, deep down inside I had always hoped that one day he was going to change. I had always hoped that maybe one day he was going to come home and start treating me and my family with the love, kindness and compassion we all deserved. But he never did.

My father died before any of these things could happen. He died and left me thinking that there was something seriously wrong with me and that the reason why he couldn’t love me wasn’t because he was incapable of love, but because of this something that was wrong with me. He couldn’t love me because I wasn’t a lovable person.

And I carried this dreadful and toxic belief with me for years and years, thinking that I was to blame for everything that had happened in the past and thinking that if my own father couldn’t love me, nobody ever would.

I physically almost couldn’t open my mouth to talk to anyone about all the pain and sadness that I had been accumulating in my heart for a long time. I didn’t have the courage to share my thoughts, struggles and inner turmoil with anyone. And so I carried the heavy burden with me, believing that I was all alone and that nobody was ever going to love me, that nobody was ever going to understand me or care about me.

• • •

Years of conditioning made me acquire very limiting beliefs, and one of them was that I was not worthy of being cared for. This belief was so firmly part of my mindset that one day I was surprised by an incident in school.

“What’s happening to you?” I heard my History teacher say to me one day, when I was mentally checked out. I snapped back to reality, looked around me and saw the eyes of classmates gazing back at me as I sat at my desk.

“Your grades are very low.

Do you realize that if you continue like this you risk failing the class?

You risk repeating the entire year!

If you don’t study you’re going to have to repeat fifth grade.

Is that what you want?”

It took me a while to reply . . . I was too confused by the fact that she was showing any interest at all in me and my school situation. She cared, and it stunned me, because up until that point I had believed nobody cared.

“No. I don’t want that,” I said to her even though I didn’t really mean it.

“I don’t want to repeat the year.”

LESSONS IN LETTING GO

The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease forever to be able to do it.

—J. M. BARRIE, PETER PAN

Living in an environment where there always seemed to be an abundance of painful and traumatic experiences but a lack of happy and loving ones, I developed from a very young age all kinds of limiting beliefs about life being hard, about me not being good enough, smart enough, worthy enough or beautiful enough.

When my father died, thinking that I was all alone and feeling overwhelmed by everything that had happened to me up until that moment, I didn’t really seem to care about anything or anyone anymore. Probably because I believed that nobody cared about me either. But I was wrong.

I had to go through many challenges, and I had to inflict a lot of pain on those around me and myself, before I finally understood that people were treating me the way I was expecting to be treated, that life was giving me that which I was feeling worthy of receiving. So I had to learn to cleanse my mind. I had to change the way I was thinking and I had to let go of many of my old and toxic beliefs so that I could make room in my life for new, healthy, positive and empowering beliefs.

Beliefs become self-fulfilling prophecies.

Beliefs become self-fulfilling prophecies. They shape our reality, they make us who we are. And if we really want to create a better life for ourselves and for those we love, we have to make sure that the beliefs we hold on to are serving us well and that they aren’t sabotaging our happiness, health and well-being.

• • •

We create our lives with our thoughts. We shape our lives based on the beliefs we have. And if our beliefs are limiting and negative, so will our lives be. Life doesn’t discriminate. Life gives you the things, people and experiences you feel worthy and deserving of receiving. Life treats you the way you expect to be treated, the way you believe you deserve to be treated. And as long as you perceive and believe that you are unworthy and undeserving of the many wonderful and precious gifts life has to offer you, life will prove you right.

Rosanna, a young woman who wrote to me recently, told me how she was always “reminded” by her mother of the fact that all men are cheaters and liars and that no matter how honest, transparent, loving and respectful you are toward them, they will still lie to you. With this limiting belief deeply engraved in her mind, Rosanna unknowingly started attracting in her life exactly this type of man. She went from relationship to relationship, each one ending for the same reason: she was cheated on.

After a while, she began to question whether the men’s behavior had anything to do with her own personal beliefs and expectations. With this question constantly weighing on her, she decided to play a trick on her mind.

Whenever she would catch herself thinking that all men are cheaters and liars, she would immediately shift her focus to new thoughts: “Men are loyal, trustworthy, loving and respectful.” She kept repeating this to herself day after day and month after month, and eventually she began to see proof of this new belief all around her. And that is how she met her husband—a wonderful, loyal and loving man who is not only treating her as if she’s the most beautiful and wonderful woman in the world, but also reinforcing the belief that men can be trusted, and that she truly has the power to change her mind and her life.

• • •

It can be so easy to fall into the trap of believing that you and your past are one and that if you were treated unfairly then you will be treated unfairly now and in the future.

It can be so easy to believe that your self-worth comes from your net worth and that happiness comes from having big, shiny and expensive things, lots of them.

It can be so easy to fall into the trap of believing that who you are is not good enough, smart enough or deserving enough.

It can be so easy to believe that if you have rich parents it can only mean that you are smart and worthy of respect, love and admiration, and that everyone around you is going to love and approve of you.

It can be so easy to believe that being vulnerable, talking about your thoughts and feelings and allowing yourself to be fully seen by those around you, is an act of weakness, something to be ashamed about.

It can be so easy to let others define you, to raise and lower yourself to the level of their expectations.

But even though all of these things might be easy to do, it doesn’t mean that we should continue to do them.

The beliefs of the past don’t have to be the same as the beliefs of the present. And they surely don’t have to be the same beliefs we will have in the future.

Change the quality of your beliefs and the quality of your life will change too.

THE PATH TO “GIVING UP”

1. Thoughts Have Creative Power

Watch your thoughts for they become words. Watch your words for they become actions. Watch your actions for they become habits. Watch your habits for they become your character. And watch your character for it becomes your destiny. What we think, we become. My father always said that . . . and I think I am fine.

—MARGARET THATCHER

Your thoughts have the power to lift you up or tear you down; to boost your self-esteem and improve your self-image and confidence, or lower your confidence, damage your self-image and ruin your whole life. That’s how powerful your thoughts are. And if you want to improve the quality of your life, if you want to let go of your many limiting beliefs and create healthier, more positive and empowering ones, all you have to do is improve the quality of the thoughts you think and the words you speak.

If there are limits in your mind, there will be limits in your life; if there is poverty thinking in your mind, there will be poverty in your life; if there is fear in your mind, fear will also be present in your life. For something to exist in the material world, it has to exist in consciousness first.

The life you are now living is a result of your thinking. Everything was created with your thoughts. And just as everything was created with your thoughts, everything can also be changed by your thoughts.

If you don’t like something about yourself, about your life, or if you think there are things that you can’t do because you were told that they were impossible for you to achieve, all you have to do is correct the thoughts you think and the words you speak. By doing so, you will create new and healthier beliefs, beliefs that will later on give you the strength, courage and confidence to start doing the things you once thought impossible. Beliefs that will make you realize that Muhammad Ali was right: “Impossible is just a big word thrown around by small men who find it easier to live in the world they’ve been given than to explore the power they have to change it. Impossible is not a fact. It’s an opinion. Impossible is not a declaration. It’s a dare. Impossible is potential. Impossible is temporary. Impossible is nothing.”

Impossible is nothing. What you think of yourself is everything. Change your thoughts and you change your beliefs. Change your beliefs and you change your whole life.

2. Choose One Thought Over Another

A belief is only a thought that you keep thinking. So as you keep thinking this thought, you keep vibrationally attracting relative to that thought. So you confirm your own beliefs again and again and again and again and again. That’s why someone who believes in cancer can confirm that belief, or someone who believes in robbery can confirm that belief. So everything is a sort of confirmation of belief.

—ESTHER HICKS

Don’t let your mind trick you into thinking that just because you couldn’t do something in the past, you will never be able to do that something in the present or in the future. Always remember that there are no limits to who you can be, to what you can do and to the life you can live, except those limits you yourself impose on yourself.

No matter how deeply engraved in your mind your limiting beliefs may be, and no matter how long you have been holding on to them, becoming aware of the fact that your many limiting beliefs were once only thoughts that you kept thinking can make this whole process of letting go a lot easier.

Life is a lot like a game. Once you learn the rules of the game, life seems to get a lot easier and you start to have a lot of fun. And the most important rule of the game is to pay close attention to the thoughts that run through your mind and to make sure that you feed your mind with healthy, empowering and positive thoughts. Healthy thoughts, healthy mind, healthy life.

Just as you’ve learned to cling to all kinds of limiting beliefs about why you can’t do, be and have many of the things you say you want to do, be and have, in the same way you can learn to let go of those beliefs and create healthier, more positive ones, beliefs that will help you craft your life in a way you never thought was possible.

By changing the thoughts that run through your mind, one by one choosing positive thoughts over negative ones, in time you will end up giving up your old and limiting beliefs.

All you have to do is pay close attention to your thoughts and slowly replace the negative ones with positive ones. Replace “I can’t” with “I can,” “impossible” with “I’m possible,” “I’m unworthy” with “I’m worthy,” and so on.

Start small. Change one thought at a time, one limiting belief at a time. And as you get better and better at doing this, you will see how many of the things you once thought were impossible will soon enough become possible. And how many of the things, people and experiences you once saw as being out of reach will very soon start manifesting in your life.

As a single footstep will not make a path on the earth, so a single thought will not make a pathway in the mind. To make a deep physical path, we walk again and again. To make a deep mental path, we must think over and over the kind of thoughts we wish to dominate our lives.

—HENRY DAVID THOREAU

3. There’s a Genius in All of Us

All children are born geniuses; 9,999 out of every 10,000 are swiftly, inadvertently degeniusized by grownups.

—BUCKMINSTER FULLER

Years ago, an incredible study was made at Harvard University, called Project Zero, in which Howard Gardner, together with his colleagues, found that every child is born a genius, across multiple intelligences, but that by the age of twenty, the percentage of geniuses within a population has been whittled down to 10 percent . . . and over the age of twenty, only 2 percent retain their genius ability.

What this study did was prove that intelligence is not an inherited trait, nor is it something that only special people possess, but rather there is genius in each and every one of us.

This is something you should never doubt. Something you should never forget. And even though at times your mind will try to convince you that there’s nothing unique and special about you, you should never doubt that there truly is. You should never doubt that there is something in you that is unique, powerful and of great value, that there is a beautiful reason for your existence and a great purpose for your life, because there is.

We are all born gifted; we are all born geniuses. There is something unique, valuable and very precious in each and every one of us. We all possess unique gifts and talents that are meant to be our gifts to the world. And by putting our fears, excuses and limitations behind us, by making a commitment to ourselves to do the necessary work toward remembering who we truly are and toward re-becoming the wonderful and precious beings we were born to be, we will be able to tap into these inner gifts and talents, reigniting our inner fire, rekindling our inner flame and claiming back our genius and our personal power. And in time we will be able to realize that who we are matters, and that the work we hold in our hearts is of great value and of great importance.

4. Who You Are Matters

If a man is called to be a street sweeper, he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music or Shakespeare wrote poetry. He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause to say, “Here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well.”

—MARTIN LUTHER KING JR.

There’s no such thing as intelligent and less intelligent people. There’s no such thing as worthy and unworthy people. There’s no such thing as valuable and less valuable people. There’s no such thing as people who can make the impossible possible and people who can’t. There’s no such thing as special and less special people. These are nothing but mind-created barriers and limitations—limitations that are meant to keep us stuck in a very dark, lonely and unhappy place.

There’s something unique and precious about each and every one of us. We are all valuable human beings; we are all intelligent and capable of achieving many beautiful and wonderful things. We each have a very important role to play in this world, and who we are matters.

Who you are matters. What you know matters. Your unique gifts and talents matter. Your presence and your work matter, and whether you believe it or not, the world needs you.

We all have our own piece to contribute to this big puzzle called life. And if we choose to cling to all kinds of fears, excuses and limitations, if we continue to settle for way less than we are worth, living a mediocre life and always thinking that who we are is not enough, then this puzzle will never be complete. And we will never know what true happiness is really all about.

The world needs you to be you.

The world needs you to be you, to do your part and to play your role as beautifully as possible. So put all your limitations aside. Cleanse your inner vision and start thinking in terms of “I’m possible” instead of “impossible.” Start thinking in terms of “I’m worthy” instead of “I’m unworthy.” Stop settling for way less than you are worth and allow the real you to shine. Unleash your inner power, your inner beauty and genius, and allow the world to see the real you.

Cleanse yourself. Remove all the layers of mud that have been covering you for all this time—this mud representing all the limitations, all the bad programming and all the negative past conditioning, and start living life from a place of love, truth, authenticity and inner power, no longer from a place of fear and limitation.

5. Imagine Your Way to a Better Life

You possess what the rest of Nature does not possess—Imagination—the instrument by which you create your world. Your imagination is the instrument, the means, whereby your redemption from slavery, sickness, and poverty is effected. If you refuse to assume the responsibility of the incarnation of a new and higher concept of yourself, then you reject the means, the only means, whereby your redemption—that is, the attainment of your ideal—can be effected.

—NEVILLE GODDARD

Ask yourself:

“If there were no limits to what I can do, be and have, how would my life look?”

How would your life look if there were no limits to who you could be, to what you could create? How would it feel to have the life you say you want to live?

Play this game for a little while.

Forget about what is. Forget about your dreadful and cruel reality, your fears, worries and problems, and allow yourself to do this mental exercise for a little while. Allow yourself to feel in your body all the feelings that would come from having transcended your limitations and from having your dreams come true. Feel within you the feelings that would come from having all those wonderful things happen to you and allow those feelings to become part of who you are.

See in your mind’s eye the life you would love to live, the person you want to become and the relationships you want to have. See yourself being surrounded by beauty, love, wealth and abundance, and allow yourself to be in that space, to know what it would be like to live a life without limits.

Albert Einstein once said that “imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited to all we now know and understand, while imagination embraces the entire world, and all there ever will be to know and understand.” And the truth of the matter is that imagination is your most precious and valuable gift, the instrument by which you create your world. And the more you learn to use this valuable gift, the better your life will get and the happier you will become.

Let your imagination run wild. Don’t censor yourself. Don’t place any limits on yourself and on what you want to be, do and have. And know that, as William Arthur Ward said, “if you can imagine it, you can achieve it. If you can dream it, you can become it.”

Understand that you weren’t born to suffer, and you surely weren’t born to live an unhappy and meaningless life. You were born to thrive, to let your own light shine and to become the best you can be.

You were born to thrive.

• • •

Live your life in a sublime spirit of confidence and determination; disregard appearances, conditions, in fact all evidence of your senses that deny the fulfillment of your desire. Rest in the assumption that you are already what you want to be, for in that determined assumption you and your Infinite Being are merged in creative unity, and with your Infinite Being all things are possible.

—NEVILLE GODDARD

Claim yourself to be the thing desired. Change your perception of yourself, your state of consciousness, and claim yourself to be that which you want to be, do and have. Because by doing so you will start to attract into your life the right thoughts, people and circumstances, and eventually all the things that you once saw in your mind’s eye will be materializing in the external world.

If you want things to be moving in a new direction, if you want to make some changes for the better in your life, if you want to see your world change, you need to work on becoming that which you want to experience in the physical world.

Give up your limitations. Put aside all your thoughts about how you are supposedly flawed, unworthy or undeserving of anything good, and soon enough you’ll discover that you too have something very special and very valuable to offer to those around you and to yourself. You too are special.