When you live in the Pacific Northwest, you develop an odd sixth sense. Perhaps it’s the lack of Vitamin D, which gives us almost superhuman abilities to sense the sunshine coming our way. On one particular day in spring, I was craving warmth and light and desperately wanted the clouds to go away. It seemed that my toes and fingers were perpetually cold and my general attitude was beginning to match the seemingly permanent gray-colored sky. But on this day, I knew even before I walked into the kitchen that something had changed since the last time I had been in there. Things suddenly looked a little bit lighter and brighter. And then it happened.
Glorious rays of sunshine began streaming through the skylights, flooding the room with their glow. With a smile on my face and a spring in my step, I walked around the kitchen and just took it all in. Everything seemed to take on an almost ethereal quality. Even the sink faucets were shining brightly. But then something stopped me in my tracks. What was that in the corner? Was that a giant dust bunny I just saw? And where on earth did those spots and stains on the floor come from? I was certain I had just mopped the other day! How could I have missed them? On second thought, maybe that glorious light streaming in wasn’t such a good idea. The only thing it was doing was highlighting all the places I hadn’t really cleaned. Come back, clouds, I thought, come back!
As I grabbed my broom, I couldn’t help but think about how much the dust in the corners was like the dust in my heart. It had been there all along, lurking in the shadows, but I had convinced myself I had done a proper job of cleaning it up. And yet, all it took was a little bit of sunshine to reveal the truth. I guess that is the difference between picking up and deep cleaning. Way down in the crevices of my heart are places that I have only skimmed over. Sins that have never been confessed. Fears that have never been expressed. Doubts that have never been released. I hide them away, hoping that somehow my picking up will keep me from ever having to do any deep cleaning. I wanted to just stand and soak in the beauty of that moment with the sun streaming in through my windows. Instead, I was made aware of every grimy little corner. And, as so often is the case when we come into the presence of our Savior, the difference between His shine and our grime is crystal clear.
I can confess my dirty corners to my Savior, feel forgiveness washing over me, and hopefully go forward realizing that what I really need to do is some dust management.
On those cloudy days I thought I was doing a proper job of cleaning. But what I’ve come to realize is that there is quite a big difference between cleaning and cleansing. Coming home from the park recently, I handed an antibacterial wipe to my kids and asked them to wash their hands off. My daughter quickly replied, “But, Mommy, I already wiped the dirt off on my pants so my hands are all clean now!” Her innocent assumption that since she couldn’t actually see the dirt anymore, her hands must have been clean is one we make in our own lives. How often do we try to simply wipe off our sin?
The word clean is defined as “the removal of dirt or pollution.” But the word cleanse is defined as “to purify.” Big difference! My daughter’s hands appeared to be clean because she had wiped the dirt off of them (and onto her pants, of course!). And my house appeared to be clean because I had picked up, lightly mopped, and skimmed the surface. But the reality was that neither her hands nor my house had been cleansed. And they certainly weren’t purified!
Second Timothy 2:20–21 says, “In a large house there are articles not only of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay; some are for special purposes and some for common use. Those who cleanse themselves from the latter will be instruments for special purposes, made holy, useful to the Master and prepared to do any good work.” I want to be an instrument. I want to be useful. But I can’t do that unless I’m willing to allow God to do a very thorough and very deep cleaning in my heart. And deep cleaning is a messy process. It usually gets a lot worse before it gets better. As I clean our bathtubs, I notice the dirt and grime is pulled away from the sides but it doesn’t immediately go down the drain. It pools and puddles up on the bottom and frankly horrifies me as I realize I probably should be cleaning it more regularly. But true cleansing, true purifying, is a multi-step process.
Once I’m made aware of the sin in my life, the dust in the corners of my heart, becoming cleansed requires several steps. It’s more than simply wiping off the surface. Like the moment when the sun highlighted those dirty corners in my kitchen, when I grow closer to Christ, my own dirt is highlighted. But I have to be willing to see it, to recognize it for what it is. Then and only then am I able to move on to the next steps in the purifying process. I can confess my dirty corners to my Savior, feel forgiveness washing over me, and hopefully go forward realizing that what I really need to do is some dust management. Because it’s better to take the time to clean each day, even when the dust isn’t as visible, than to let it reach the point where it is so piled up that it swirls around when you walk by.
When I am staying in the Word and seeking a deeper relationship with the Lord, it doesn’t matter what the weather is on any given day. It won’t take sunshine breaking through the clouds to highlight those dirty corners of my heart. They will be revealed along the way, and I will have the opportunity to be purified. And now, you’ll have to excuse me. I spy a dust bunny and need to go get the broom.