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I dash to my room and close the door behind me. My bags are on the floor, but I ignore them. Slater’s T-shirt, that I wore earlier, is on the chair. I grab it and pull it on, then climb into bed. I drag the covers over my head, wrap my arms around my body and squeeze my eyes shut, trying to block out what just happened.
Tears leak out of my closed eyelids, although I’m not even sure why I’m crying. I’m angry. Angry with myself for allowing my body to be manipulated by him so easily. It felt wrong, like I’m a child that he was reprimanding, and I’m mad with myself for liking it and wanting it. Why am I so drawn to him?
I think about Jordan from uni. I’ve been dreaming about him for so long. He’s smart, intelligent and well read, but he pales in every way in comparison to Slater.
I bite my lip, forcing my breathing to slow, trying to rationalise things in my mind. How did he know that I called Papa? Did he hear me? Did he check the phone? I should have guessed he would find out, but how could I not call him? My own father. He’ll be worried. Everything he’s done is for my safety and I don’t want to hurt him. I know how much he suffered when Mama was killed. Like I suffered.
I open my eyes and stare into the darkness, feeling an urge to go home. I was always planning to run away from my home but now everything is mixed up in my mind I just want to be in my own room, my own bed. But even my own room isn’t safe any more. And I can’t go back there, not now. The only person I can trust to protect me is Slater and that makes me feel hopeless. I don’t want to be dependant on him but I don’t think I can leave this city on my own now, my confidence has taken a hit after the attack. But I can’t stay here either. How long before Slater gets sick of babysitting me and wants me gone?
I don’t know how long I slept, but something wakes me. I sit bolt upright in bed, my heart pounding so loudly in my ears I hear nothing else. I’m dripping with sweat, my eyes straining against the darkness. The air feels hot and thick, and I struggle to draw it into my lungs. Someone’s going to kill me. I know it. I stare at the darkness, searching for movement, the glimmer of a gun, the twitch of a limb. Panic threatens to take control of me; I force myself to breathe. There’s no one here. It’s just my imagination.
I lie down again and close my eyes. I see a gun held close against my face, I hear my mother’s voice telling me to run and I sit up again, gasping for air, pressure in my chest. It’s like the walls are closing in. I can’t do this. I have to go to him. I get silently out of bed and tiptoe out of the room. The apartment is dark. Slater’s door is ajar. My eyes have adjusted to the gloom and I see his sleeping body outlined in the shadows, his back to me. His shoulders rise and fall as he breathes. I push open the door, watching him. Then, remembering the night before when I startled him in his sleep, I call to him.
‘Slater?’
It’s a whisper, barely audible, but he hears it. I see his body tense, ready for action.
‘Slater, it’s just me, Dale.’
‘What?’
His voice is deep with sleep, but I can tell he’s wide awake now.
‘Slater, I’m scared, I don’t want to be alone.’
He rolls on to his back, making room for me.
‘Come here.’
Quickly, I hurry around the bed and climb in beside him. He turns on his side, his back to me. I move as close as I can without touching him, my body outlining his. I lie still, listening to his breathing. Then I edge even closer to him. I’m so scared right now and being close to him is the only thing that feels safe. He rolls onto his back and lifts his arm, putting it around my shoulders, pulling me into his body. I sigh with relief and press up against him, moulding myself to him, gripping him for dear life. He’s warm and solid and safe. As long as I cling to him nothing bad can happen to me. I feel weak having to rely on him like this, but in the darkness of the night all my strength has gone, leaving me nothing but afraid and in need.
‘Get this off.’
He tugs at the T-shirt I’m wearing. I let go of him long enough to take the top over my head before wrapping my arms around him again, pressing my naked body against him.
He lifts my hair away from my back so he can hold his fingers against my skin, and I hang on to him. I’m so close I’m almost on top of him but I don’t care. Now I can close my eyes and breathe easily, my face against his chest, the heavy thud of his heartbeat soothing me to sleep.