Everything felt dark and cold and close. Paralyzing. I couldn't move, couldn't get a good breath, couldn't open my eyes or focus. It felt like swimming up through lake water, so deep I couldn't see the light at the surface and just had to hope it was the right way. I heard Benedict in snippets, and wanted to cry as I heard the defeat and despair in his voice.
It went on forever, until I gave up hope of ever seeing him again, of ever holding him again, of hearing his laugh. And then — something changed. A familiar smell, husky and strong like the forest, reminded me of Kaiser's gym. Warmth spread across my forehead and then my cheeks and lips and eyes, seeping into me. More heat gathered down my throat and across my chest, until I felt my heart stir. Beat again. Thump with strength. And again, stronger. Faster. Better.
My mouth wouldn't work or I would have kissed Benedict back. I knew it was him even without the benefit of sight, I could taste him and knew he was still there. I tried to lift my arms, to pull him close as he begged me to come back, and I wanted to feel the searing heat of tears escape my eyes again when he held me close and told me how much he needed me.
But when he held my hand, I felt it. The warmth eased from where his fingers tangled with mine and up my arm, soaring into my chest until my lungs opened and I drew in the first deep breath of clean air. And promptly grimaced. He smelled terrible.
My eyes drifted open some time later after I drifted half-in the dark water, and I found darkness around me still. Night. A lamp cast soft shadows across the room, though, and when I focused, I could make out various shapes in the room. A few lived-in chairs, a table near the door, medical equipment, and the hospital bed where I lay. But the most important shape turned out to be right next to me — Benedict, sound asleep in a chair with his head pillowed on the mattress next to my hip. Snoring softly, his expression twitching in his dreams, he made my throat close and tears well up in my eyes.
The dreadful fear of the confrontation with Val, the hopelessness as I saw my face in the mirror — all of it drifted away to know that he stayed with me. And it must have been a while, because he had a full beard and smelled like a locker-room. But he was mine. I concentrated and managed to lift my hand, rest it on the back of his head, ease my fingers into his hair. Just wanting to feel him, to touch him.
I enjoyed the silence and the closeness, the sense that I was the only person in the world who saw him so vulnerable. He stirred, though, and my heart leapt to see his face. He blinked, then captured my hand in his.
"Hi," I managed to croak, my voice rusty from disuse and God only knows what. Screaming, maybe. The scary mojo paralyzing my vocal cords. I pushed away the thought.
"Hi," he said, sounding dazed. Benedict pressed my palm to his cheek, staring at me as if he'd never seen me before. "Is this is a dream?"
"I hope not," I whispered. The possibility that I would wake and be once more in that deep water shook me to my core, and I struggled to breathe.
"If it is," he said, grip tightening on my hand and knee. "We'll make the most of it. I thought I lost you, Eloise. I thought I would never find you again. I've never been so afraid of anything in my life."
"I missed you." I studied his face, intent on learning very line and scar and dimple in case I never got to see him again. "I could hear you but I missed you so much I couldn't breathe. Don't ever leave me again."
"Never." He caught my face, rising from the chair to kiss me. His lips burned against mine and ignited more warmth, spreading through the rest of me until I breathed easier still. It couldn't be a dream, it had to be real. He had to be real to make my blood race like that.
Benedict sat back but continued touching me anywhere he could find, running his thumb over my cheek again and again in a soothing gesture I leaned into. Loved. Would have purred if I could have. And for a first time, a hint of a smile touched his face.
I took a deep breath, unable to take my eyes off him. "What happened?"
"Lorraine wanted to take over after Val, so she tried to get rid of Lacey. We found Lacey — she's banged up and still healing, but she'll live. BloodMoon claims the kill with Lorraine, and SilverLine claims another hyena kill, someone who attacked them from the shadows. You got Heba, and Carter got Val." He eased closer, bumping into the mattress as if he wanted to move right through it to be closer to me. "Lacey took over the hyena family. The jackals served the hyenas with a blood debt for Cal's death, but waived it because the perpetrators were already killed. Harrison wanted to thank you for what you did to find out who was behind all of it. They're grateful."
My lips trembled as I struggled for control through the awful memories of the fight, being attacked by Lorraine, watching Benedict shout at me to come back... He made a pained sound and stood, drawing me into an embrace and rubbing my back as he made hush noises. "It's okay, Eloise. It's okay. I'm here."
The tears came harder and I shook with the effort of keeping back the ugly cry. It was bad enough my hair was gross and I smelled and he smelled, but the snot and blotchy face of an ugly cry was just too much. He made that grumbly lion noise and then was in bed with me, holding me tightly to his chest as he kissed all over my face.
He talked faster as I tried to breathe, and he paused only to kiss me more. "You're free of them, Eloise. They won't bother you anymore. It's all over. And it's a good thing, what happened. Val had a lot of dirt on everyone and was scamming pretty much every shifter group in the city. When we all came together to help you and find Lacey, the depth of her deceit was revealed."
I sniffled and blinked up at him. "Really?"
"Yes, really." He almost blinded me with his smile. "The pride and the packs and the bears and jackals and maybe even the hyenas are getting together, along with the loners, to form a council. An informal alliance. They want a way to deconflict when things like this come up. So instead of the jackals having to confront Val alone, the council will discuss matters and come to a consensus. An attack against one is an attack against all."
I pressed my face against his chest, despite a cheeseburger-scented crusty patch on his shirt, and draped my arm over his side so I could feel his heart beating. "That's a good thing."
"A very good thing," he murmured, kissing the top of my head. "It's an amazing thing. And I'm so glad you're here for me to tell you about it. Baby, you did so well. You were so brave and strong and powerful. You stood up to her and you didn't flinch."
Fatigue rolled over me but from his body heat and the steady thump-thump-thump of his heart, the deep rise and fall of his breathing, and not from deep water. I nuzzled closer to him, sighing. "Tell me more."
"About the council?"
"About anything." My arms tightened around him and I wiggled closer. "I need to hear your voice. In case I wake up and this is a dream, I want to remember the way you sound."
His voice held a roughness to it as he went on, stroking my hair as he held me closer and moved his leg over mine. "Well, Kaiser and the bears are a big part of it, but they're starting a gym for mixed martial arts and shifters. That could be a complete disaster, if only ..."
He went on and I drifted, warm and content and safe. Safe.