Six hours later, I still didn't share his confidence. We moved from stretching to meditation to running to meditation to sparring and back again in a constant cycle, stopping only for a light lunch. Carter even made green tea. A few times, I thought I got close to sensing the leopard, to feeling and understanding her presence, but it was like catching smoke in my hands. She drifted away before I really knew she was there.
My frustration grew with each close call, and even Carter's calm reassurances that I would get it didn't help. The intense concentration and sitting still took more out of me than the constant sparring with Atticus, so by the time dinner rolled around, I could barely keep my eyes open. Carter said something about family dinner and sent me off to shower.
The cold water kept me awake long enough to get clean, but when I sat down to put on my pants, I fell asleep and woke up to find Eloise standing over me with her eyebrows raised. I yawned, glad a towel still covered most of me. "Am I late?"
"Yeah, it's time for breakfast."
I bolted upright. "What?"
"Kidding." She turned and pulled a shirt out of the dresser for me, tossing it at me as she searched for shoes. "It's still dinner. You've got a couple minutes but Carter said you were worn out."
Putting my hair in a bun gave me an excuse to look away so she wouldn't see my scowl. I'd never liked practical jokers. Eloise and Benedict were definitely birds of a feather in that regard. She stood back until I finished dressing, then held up her phone. "I'm supposed to ask if you mind Atticus eating with us."
"Why would I mind?"
Her eyebrow arched. "Logan thinks Atticus gets you all riled up, and that's what keeps you from figuring out the shifting stuff."
I frowned as I thought about it and pulled on a sweater. Could that be it? I'd felt more in control during the exercises with Carter than in all the time spent fighting Atticus. But when I woke up from a shift with Atticus lying next to me, I felt whole. I shook my head. "I don't mind if he's there."
"Roger dodger." She clicked away at the screen as she started walking.
I followed, even though I wanted to crawl into bed, and we walked in silence until reaching the smallish dining room that seated ten people. Eloise winked as she pointed me to the spot between Carter and Edgar, who pulled out my chair, and took her own spot next to Benedict. The lawyer argued quietly with Atticus, who looked like death warmed up, but still put his arm around Eloise to draw her close. Logan, at the head of the table, nodded to me. "Sophia. Glad you could join us."
I very much doubted it. But I nodded back and concentrated on the plate in front of me. "Thanks. Happy to be here."
Edgar snorted and passed the bread. "So convincing, girl. How did things go with Carter?"
"He's very calm," I said. "I thought I sensed the leopard but... nothing."
"We're close." Carter remained unruffled, smiling at me in encouragement. "I think Sophia's been holding onto control for so long she blocked the leopard out. We just have to relax that control a bit and everything should fall into place."
"Holding onto control? Sounds familiar." Edgar glanced at Atticus, then shook his head and passed a bowl of potatoes down the table. "If you guys figure it out, share the lessons learned. It could be useful elsewhere in the family."
"When we figure it out," Carter corrected. "Not if."
The conversation turned to some drama at Natalia's restaurant, and an argument between Benedict and Eloise made it clear she hadn't been doing quite as many community service hours as he thought, and attention drifted away from me. I ate until I could barely draw breath, but leaned back in my chair to enjoy the family dinner. Logan observed all without comment as he drank his wine and attended to Natalia's glass as well, but periodically I would look up in time to catch him studying me. Atticus sat silently at the other end of the table, one arm guarding his plate as he shoveled food into his mouth. He didn't look up.
But the conversation flowed easily and showed the warmth between them — a real family, even with its oddities. Jealousy flared up but I tamped it down. The good times were enviable, sure, but the obligations and responsibilities carried a heavy weight. I was better off on my own. Being unencumbered with those types of relationships meant I could move faster, farther. I stirred the food on my plate and watched the sauce soak into a chunk of bread.
His plate clean and a twinkle in his eye, Benedict leaned his chair back on its rear legs and eyed his younger brother. "So, Carter — how's the matchmaking going?"
Carter immediately flushed and a chorus of 'ooohs' and laughter rose from the entire table. Carter held up his hands to fend off the teasing, but he smiled through the embarrassment. "I signed up, like Logan told me to, and did the interview yesterday."
"Any matches?" Eloise waggled her eyebrows suggestively as she leaned on the table. "A trampy tiger, maybe?"
"A jealous jackal?" Benedict grinned, and even Logan cracked a smile.
Poor Carter. I tried to hide a smile behind my wine glass, but must have failed because Carter shook his head. "I'm totally outnumbered."
"A busty bear," Edgar said.
Natalia patted his back as she headed for the kitchen, saying "Leave the poor guy alone," over her shoulder.
Carter sighed. "Clearly I'll never tell any of you if I end up going on a date. Why don't you pick on Edgar for once? He should go sign up. I'm sure the matchmaker would love him."
Edgar shook his head with a grin. "Don't try to redirect, brother."
"No, I'm serious." Carter leaned forward, attention on Logan. "The matchmaker is a cougar — literally and figuratively. She's single, owns her own business, knows a lot of important people in the city."
"Sounds like a solid match," Eloise said, and batted her eyes at Edgar. "An older woman might be able to jerk a knot in your tail, Eddie."
Benedict snorted and brushed one of her dark braids out of his face. "I like the idea of Edgar as a kept man. It suits him. I'll help him plan the wedding after she proposes."
Edgar's expression soured. "Everyone's a comedian tonight."
Natalia whirled back in, carrying a cake, and brandished a giant cake server at the entire table. "If Edgar wants to shack up with an older woman, let him. It'll be nice to have some maturity around here."
The security chief passed her a stack of dessert plates from the sideboard. "Benedict was just asking how he could help you plan the wedding, Nat. He's got some free time on his hands and is interested in party planning."
"No, no that's not at all what —" Benedict started, waving his hands.
Logan snorted as he took a giant wedge of cake and dug in, the fork doll-size in his hand. "That's what I heard. Didn't you need help with the flower arrangements? I'm sure the aesthetics will appeal to Benedict."
More raucous teasing ensued as Natalia seemed determined to foist the flower arrangements off on Benedict, whose protests grew louder but fell on deaf ears entirely. I laughed but didn't dare join in, still feeling a little on the outside even though Eloise tried to include me. As the word 'bridezilla' got tossed into the conversation, I slid back from the table to avoid the shrapnel.
Atticus rose from the table, folding his napkin next to his plate. He said, "Sophia's falling asleep. I'll walk her back to her room."
Logan's eyebrow arched — a very specific question in a single gesture — and heat suffused my cheeks. Natalia didn't even look away from Benedict, her eyes narrowed as she spoke to Atticus. "That's a wonderful idea, Attie. I wouldn't want Sophia to get the wrong idea about me when I teach your brother a lesson about calling women anything that ends in 'zilla.'"
"It was a compliment," Benedict said, but he was laughing too hard to even get the rest of his explanation out.
I got up, grateful for the opportunity to go to bed, and nodded as Carter reminded me when to meet him at the gym the next morning. I waited until Atticus and I were in the hall and a good distance from the dining room before looking at him. "You look like hell, by the way."
"Thanks." He smiled with half his mouth, and reached for my hand. Our fingers linked together easily. Butterflies fluttered in my stomach and I had to concentrate to understand as he went on. "Edgar's got me sparring with the entire security team. So pretty much thirty dudes whaling on me all day long."
"Poor baby," I said, and leaned my shoulder in to jostle his.
Atticus snorted but took the opportunity to loop his arm around my waist and pull me close to his side. We fit together perfectly. I leaned against him, eyes half-closed already. He sighed and kissed the top of my head. "How was your day with Carter?"
"Different." I yawned and slid my hand into the back pocket of his jeans, his ass firm and warm through the fabric. "I think I like kicking your ass more than I like doing zen yoga with Carter."
"Good," he said, pulling me closer. "But you didn't kick my ass, sweetheart. I let you win."
I laughed and tilted my face up to study him, poking his ribs until he jumped. "Uh huh. Sure. You can say that all you want in front of the boys, baby, but you and I know the truth."
His nose brushed mine as he studied me, then kissed the corner of my mouth. I braced my hands on his shoulders as he nibbled behind my ear. His husky words sent me up on my toes so I could link my arms around his neck. "There are a couple of things we both know, baby. Isn't that right?"
I smiled but wobbled, my legs on fire from all the yoga and stretching and forms with Carter. Atticus wrapped his arms around me and hugged me tight, a purr rumbling in his chest as he nuzzled in my hair. Warmth surrounded me and the purr vibrated through me until it relaxed every muscle in my body.
Atticus sighed. "This is your room, babe."
"Okay." I forced my eyes open and looked at the door, then closed my eyes again and rested my head on his chest, listening to the steady thump-thump-thump of his heart. "Can I sleep with you tonight?"
He took a breath but I patted his cheek to interrupt him. "No sex. Just sleep."
"Sure." Atticus picked me up and cradled me to his chest, carrying me to the next door down the hall. He maneuvered the door open without putting me down, despite that I laughed at him, and took me all the way to his bedroom. Atticus propped me on my feet and pointed me to the en suite bathroom. "There's an extra toothbrush for you. I'll find you some pjs."
"You got me a toothbrush?" I leaned on the doorframe more than I planned, watching him shuffle around the cozy room. It suited him — sturdy and masculine and solid. Warm. A big bed with a heavy wooden frame, almost a four poster, and a wrought iron light fixture like a chandelier over the middle of the room. Dim light from a lamp on a bedside table cast shadows but made the room close and warm and safe.
"Sure." Atticus dug through a drawer in the dresser, then glanced at me with a neutral expression. "I planned for you to stay a while."
I smiled, even though it made me a little sad, and retreated to brush my teeth. When I returned, he handed me a well-worn t-shirt, soft with use and washes, and went to the bathroom for his own nighttime ritual. I folded my clothes and pulled on his t-shirt, holding it up to my nose to smell. Atticus returned to the bedroom and started flipping off the few lights before he herded me to the bed and pulled back the covers.
The smooth cotton felt cool against my hands as I slid into the sheets. Atticus followed close behind, so he could take the side of the bed closest to the door, and he fussed with the pillows before settling into a comfortable spoon. He patted my bare hip, palm rough against my skin, and held me close as he pulled the sheets up over us.
I snuggled into the pillows and him and the gloriously soft sheets. Atticus's feet tangled with mine, the hair on his legs ticklish as I wiggled and squirmed to get comfortable. I couldn't keep my eyes open. He nosed the back of my neck and kissed my shoulder, then grumbled, "If you want to sleep, Soph, you've gotta stop moving like that."
I huffed a laugh, an almost feline sound, and his purr grew louder. His arm pillowed my head, so I could kiss his bicep without stretching, and I yawned. "Good night, Atticus."
"Good night, Sophia." His arms tightened around me briefly, then he exhaled and relaxed.
It seemed like only a moment before he slept, his breathing deep and even and with a hint of a snore, and I stared into the darkness as the impending deadline loomed large in my mind. He'd planned for me to stay a while. His breath warmed my skin where the neck of the t-shirt gapped, and I closed my eyes. I still had two more days. I could still stay a while.
The gentle rumble of his purr surrounded me, carried me away to sleep. As I drifted off, in the hazy half-sleep, something inside me eased. I felt her, for the first time — the leopard. She finally felt safe enough to peep her head out of the darkest recesses of my mind. I yawned and murmured, "You make me want to be better, too," and both the leopard and Atticus purred.