Chapter Ten

Real courage is when you know you’re licked before you begin but you see it through to the end no matter what.―Harper Lee

Oakland, California 2006

“Hey, Messy.” The big kid they called Stoney gestured toward a mud puddle. “You and your smelly brother’s drinking fountain is over there.” Damon usually stuck close to his twin during recess, but Jesse had wandered off to the drinking fountains.

“What a surprise,” Stoney’s friend jeered, “Messy’s wearing the ratty orange shirt again. The one he blows his nose on.”

Damon began hustling toward the fountains where a crowd was gathering. He and Jesse had heard the taunts of “Dirty Damon” and “Messy Jesse” before, but they had become more common lately, and he could tell his brother was ready to snap. As Damon approached, he heard calls of “fight” and saw the jostling circle of kids that always surrounded a playground scuffle.

Damon shoved his way through the crowd to find Jesse on top of the bigger boy, raining fists on him in a wild fury. Damon pulled him off, bear hugging him from behind as Jesse continued to flail in the air frantically, desperate to inflict more pain. Damon held him there as the crowd gradually dispersed, leaning against the wall of the school, feeling his brother’s heart pound through his shirt.

“I ain’t never seen you like this, Jess. You okay?” he asked cautiously after he had finally released his hold.

Jesse’s red and tear-streaked face turned toward his brother, but he didn’t answer. Damon stood there, stunned as the recess bell rang, his brother’s face singed into his memory.

He knew Jesse’s every look. They were his own identical facial expressions, after all, so he had recognized every smirk, eye-roll, and variation on a smile, no matter how subtle or fleeting. But this was different. Although Damon had never seen it before, the look was unmistakable. He could even feel the expression himself, twitching somewhere just beneath his own face.

As he watched him walk away, he wondered about the source of his twin’s pure and perfect rage.