I don't want no grandkids, boy. Least not right now. Don't mean nothin', you bangin' around, just clean up after yourself. Cable guy was here last week, and the poor bastard just about needed a chisel to pry your bed off the wall. What'a'ya doin' stuffin' rubbas back there? Get rid of them things. This ain't no Easter egg hunt.
It's that one with the big hooters, ain't it? Well, glad you're bein' safe. That's important. Ain't like when I was your age. Now you catch something and that's all she wrote.
You talk to your brother 'bout all this, right? He knows. 'Less you want Mom to do it, which I doubt you do, boy. What else is there to say? It is what it is. Like I said, don't mean nothin', you havin' fun. Don't have to be worryin' 'bout pickin' out drapes or shit like that.
It was a different time back then, boy. People got married right outta high school and if you didn't have kids by the time you were twenty-three, twenty-four, older folks started lookin' at you like somethin's up.
Like with Mom. She and Haggemeyer were engaged. I was with Maddy. But by the time I got back from Vietnam, somethin' changed, you know? Lost that lovin' feelin'. All the dough I was sendin' back from Saigon, Maddy was spendin' it. Bought herself a new 'Vette. I was in love with her jugs—there was no romance there—but still, what a burn. And I guess Hag, I don't know, I never got that whole story, but Hag started screwin' things up with Mom.
Didn't bother me none. They broke up, but we all still hung out. If it bothered Mom, she never said anything.
The night I asked her out—I go over to Grandma and Grandpa's house and knock on the door and Mom answers. Musta been nervous, you know, cuz I'm on the porch doin' the friggin' Ethiopian Shim-Sham.
No, wise guy, I didn't ask her to share a "so-dee-pop." I didn't get a chance cuz Grandma was listenin' the whole time from her bedroom, and once she heard where the conversation was headed, she yelled, "Well, it's about time!"
So, how'd we get here, boy? That's right. I was tellin' you to be safe.