Chapter 18

 

My screams didn't wake me up later that night, instead it was something touching my cheek and the feeling that someone was watching me. I slowly dragged my eyelids open to find Lucian sitting on my bed with a hand on my cheek as he looked down at me. I still wasn't awake properly and everything felt a bit fuzzy so I asked him.

"Is this a dream?"

He gave me a small smile. "Do you usually dream about me?"

"Sometimes." I admitted. "But they aren't good."

His forehead creased in a frown. "Why is that?"

I probably wouldn't have told him if I had been fully awake, but my mouth seemed to be working without my permission.

"After Eric tortures me, you get a box with a spider in like the one in Australia and you put it on me so it bites me."

His eyes widened and he ran his fingers down my cheek wiping away tears that I didn't realise were falling as he said. "You know I would never do that to you though right?"

I nodded.

"Is that why you freaked out earlier?"

I nodded again.

"Why did you run?" He asked. "You scared the hell out of me, Elizabeth came and told me she saw you in the hallway and you looked upset. When I made it down to the lobby the guards were going crazy, they told me you ran off. I went out looking for you that night and every night since, but I never found you."

"I was hiding out in a basement." I confessed. "There was food and water there and I didn't have any weapons so I stayed inside."

"Why did you come back?" He asked seeming to notice how I had avoided answering about why I ran. Half asleep or not I wasn't about to tell him the truth about that.

"I kept worrying that the soldiers would come back and kill everyone, I couldn't sit there and think about it anymore."

"I wasn't sure if I'd ever see you again." He murmured. "Are you ever going to tell me why you ran?"

I shrugged slightly. "I don't know."

"I missed you Tink." He whispered.

"I missed you too." I murmured lifting my hand up and wrapping it around the hand he had pressed against my face as I pushed my cheek closer.

I still wasn't entirely sure if this was real or not, if it was then I really shouldn't be letting myself feel so comforted by him. If it was just a dream then it wasn't as bad since he wouldn't know about it, but it would still end up getting me hurt. It was certainly a better dream than the ones I had been having lately though so it was ok to just give into it this once right?

I let my eyes close as I clutched onto his hand and then I felt his lips press against my forehead before he started to pull his hand away.

"No, don't go." I mumbled.

I didn't want this dream to end, if it did it meant that the nightmares could come back. If he left then the dream would probably end and I didn't want that to happen. He sighed. "Ok, but you just remember when you wake up that you asked me to stay."

I grunted in response, I had no idea what he was talking about, he wouldn't really be there when I woke up, he would be in his room like he really was now.

He lay down next to me on my bed and I let him remove his hand from my cheek so that he could wrap his arms around me and pull my back against his front. I winced when his arm brushed against my side where I had been stabbed and he immediately repositioned his arm and murmured.

"Sorry."

I didn't bother to reply, but just let myself relax in his arms and shivered as he brushed my hair away from my face and neck before planting a kiss on the side of my neck making me want to kiss him back, but I was so comfortable that I couldn't build up the effort to bother.

We weren't there for long before Lucian's breathing slowed down turning into soft snores. I moved one of my hands to his and grabbed it interlocking my fingers with his before I followed suit and let myself drift off, I just hoped that I wouldn't have anymore dreams that night.

 

I was slow to wake up the next morning, reluctant to leave my sleep that had been nightmare free for the first time in a week. My duvet was wrapped around me in a cocoon of warmth and I snuggled deeper into it not wanting to open my eyes just yet. The sound of breathing not coming from me had my whole body tensing up, why the hell was my duvet breathing?

"Relax Blondie." Lucian grumbled sleepily before squeezing me gently.

Ok, well I guess that meant that I had Lucian wrapped around me, not my duvet and that also meant that last night hadn't actually been a dream since he was here. My first reaction should have been to push him away and get out of bed, but I was just so comfortable that I did as he suggested and relaxed into his arms. I buried my face into his chest and let him hold me close ignoring the part of my mind that was screaming at me to move away.

Lucian moved his head down and whispered against my ear. "Hmm, I expected you to be out of bed screaming at me by now."

"I still haven’t decided against it." I murmured trying to stop my body from reacting to the touch of his lips as he pressed them below my ear in a gentle kiss. I froze when I felt something hard press against my stomach, without looking down I muttered. "Tell me that isn't what I think it is and you keep a gun in your pocket at night."

He gave a deep chuckle that sent shivers down my spine. "I've just woken up and I'm a guy, give me a break."

I snorted. "That is such a lame excuse."

All I got in response was a grunt before he started kissing the side of my neck gently. It was another moment that I should have pulled away from him, but I found myself tilting my head to give him easier access and despite my best efforts to keep quiet a groan escaped my throat. He moved his hand onto my cheek and used it to tilt my head up so that he could press his lips against mine. I kissed him back desperately and wrapped my arms around his neck as he rolled me over onto my back and held himself above me.

It was only seconds later that someone knocked on the door, but we both ignored it and Lucian slid his tongue into my mouth. I ran my hands down his front before moving them under the hem of his t-shirt to slide my fingertips over his stomach and up to his chest. The knocking sounded so far away and unimportant, all I was interested in was Lucian and nothing was about to stop me.

At least that's what I thought until the sound of Elizabeth's voice came through the door and with it was an ice cold bucket of water being poured over me.

"Lucian, are you in there? I need to talk to you."

Lucian stopped kissing me and called back. "I'll be there in a second."

He didn't even look a little ashamed of himself to have been kissing me when his girlfriend was standing right outside. However, I was just angry with myself for giving into him. I should never have told him to stay last night even if I had thought it was a dream, it was stupid. It felt like my heart was breaking, I really had to stop doing this to myself. I had no idea what expression was on my face, but it made Lucian frown at me in confusion.

"What is it?"

I shook my head and lied. "Nothing, but I have to go to the bathroom."

He pecked me on the lips before getting up off of the bed. "Ok, I'll be back in a minute Tink."

I just nodded unable to understand how he could be ok with doing this. He was going to go out of this room and talk to his girlfriend and then just come right back in here probably wanting more kisses. There was no way I could do it though, that was the last time, I couldn't take anymore of it. I didn't agree with cheating and I certainly didn't want to encourage it. Even worse, I was falling for him and it had to stop now before letting him go got harder. I had run away to get away from him, but now I was right back to square one.

I climbed off of the bed wincing at the pressure on my ankle and still sore feet as I glanced around the empty room, I hadn't even heard Lucian leave. Before he could come back in the room I walked into the bathroom and locked the door behind me. If I locked myself in here then I wouldn't be tempted to kiss him and he couldn't wait outside my bathroom door forever. He would have to go off and do some stuff, then I could come out, but I didn’t know what excuse I was going to make for being in here.

I wished that I could have taken a shower, then I could have just taken a really long one and hopefully he would be gone by the time I got out. Lucian knew that I wouldn't be able to take showers with my bandages on though so that wouldn't work. There must be something I could come up with to explain being in the bathroom for a really long time.

I sighed and sat down on the bathroom floor thinking I might as well get comfortable for a long stay. My side was already throbbing as I sat there, being stabbed wasn't as bad as being shot had been, but it still hurt like a bitch.

A knock at the door made me jump before Lucian asked. "You ok in there Blondie?"

Dammit, I still hadn’t thought of a reason for being in here, what the hell was I supposed to say?

"Yeah, I'm fine." I called.

Great, I had just told him I was fine, now what reason did I have for being in here a really long time? I was such an idiot. He didn't reply though so maybe he would just leave me to it. At least I thought he would until ten minutes later he knocked the door again asking if I was ok.

"I'm fine." I snapped angrily, still frustrated with myself for not thinking of any good reason for being in here.

I heard Lucian sigh before asking. "Ok Mckenzie, what did I do now?"

Instead of keeping my mouth shut like any sane person would have done I burst out. "Oh, let me think. First you keep kissing me when you have a girlfriend and then your girlfriend turns up at the door and you don't even care, you just go and talk to her and then come back probably expecting more kisses. I don't know what planet you're on Adams, but cheating is wrong and I don't intend to be a part of it so just go away. You can't just mess with two women, we have feelings you know?"

He chuckled on the other side of the door, which just pissed me off more making me keep talking.

"It's not funny Adams! You can't just kiss women when you feel like it, kisses mean things to people. I'm pretty sure it means something to Elizabeth when you kiss her, but it obviously means nothing to you."

"And you?" He asked.

"What about me?"

"Do the kisses mean anything to you?"

Shit, why did I have to say that, how was I supposed to answer that? I was glad that he couldn't see through the door to see my mouth hanging open before I burst out.

"It doesn't matter about me Adams, I'm not the one you're cheating on."

"That didn't answer the question Mckenzie."

"No." I choked out. "The kisses mean nothing."

The words even sounded fake to my own ears, how could I expect him to believe that? I closed my eyes trying to hold back the tears, I really needed to stop crying around him. The control on my emotions had been strong until I had come here, but when he was around tears just seemed to come whenever they wanted.

"Ok, but for the record, Elizabeth isn't my girlfriend, she never was." Lucian said through the door.

"What?" I asked in shock wiping away tears that refused to stop. "I've seen you together Adams, it's not exactly something you can hide."

"And how many times have you actually seen us really together Tink?" I frowned and tried to think about it, I had seen them hugging and stuff, but the only time I had actually witnessed them together was that time I had caught them in bed. "Once." Lucian answered the question for me. "We slept together once, we were both in the mood so we did it, no feelings were involved. Most of the single people here have one night stands Mckenzie."

He could be telling the truth, I mean why would he lie about that? People had one night stands all the time before the apocalypse so why shouldn't they now?

"But I saw her come out of your room loads of times and she's always hugging you and stuff." I muttered trying to hide the sound of my crying, what the hell was wrong with me? I had to stop it.

"She's in charge of the children, she's always telling me about things they need. They take a lot of looking after and as for the hugging, she's a friend Blondie and I'm a guy, she isn't a tough fighter, the zombies freak her out and she feels safe with someone who can protect her. We have no feelings for one another beyond friendship."

I stayed quiet as the insistent tears continued to roll down my face, I didn't know what to say to that. What was I supposed to say? I felt kind of stupid now for shouting about him cheating and I felt even more stupid for running away that night when Elizabeth walked out of his room and for yelling when he was with Elizabeth when I had to fight the zombies alone. There were so many things I had done that I felt like an idiot for now. My heart was even stupid for getting broken unnecessarily, he had never been with Elizabeth like that. Did that mean that the kisses meant something to him though or was I just another person he wanted as a one night stand?

"Are you going to unlock the door?" He asked.

"In a minute." I choked out.

There was no way I was going to let him see that I had been crying, I would have to wait until these annoying tears decided to stop.

He sighed. "I know you're crying Blondie, just let me in."

Well, so much for that idea. Since he knew I didn't see much point in keeping the door between us so I got to my knees and turned the lock on the door before sitting down again. He opened it just enough for him to slip through the gap before closing it again. Without a word he sat down on the floor next to me and pulled me into his arms.

It felt even better to be in his arms now that I knew that he wasn't with Elizabeth. The feeling of wrongness that I had felt before was absent now that I knew he hadn't been cheating on her. I still didn't know if I meant anything to him, but I didn't any longer feel guilty for having feelings for him. Without hesitation I cuddled up to him and let my completely pointless tears fall silently.

"You don't even know why you're crying, do you Tink?" He murmured against my head.

I snorted and admitted. "No, I never cried until I came here. I blame you Adams."

He chuckled. "Really? Because I distinctly remember never making you cry no matter what I did Mckenzie."

"You don't make me cry." I mumbled. "You just make me feel safe enough to let myself cry."

He kissed the top of my head. "I'll always keep you safe. Well as safe as I can, with how stubborn you are you do make it a little difficult."

I grunted, glad that the tears were no longer falling. "Don't tell me what to do then and I won't have to be stubborn about it."

"It's not like I tell you what to do just for the sake of it Blondie."

"And I don’t ignore you just because I feel like being stubborn." I responded.

He sighed. "Ok, so we both have reasons for what we do. Are you ok now because I should go and take a shower?"

"Oh yeah, that's it just rub in the fact that you can shower and I can't." I mumbled as I reluctantly pulled away from him so he could stand up.

He chuckled as he got to his feet. "I'll be sure to let you know how good the shower was when I'm done."

"Asshole." I grumbled as I stood up next to him.

He smirked. "Don't worry, you only have to stink for a few days."

I glared at him and punched him in the shoulder without thinking.

"Shit!" He yelled grabbing his shoulder. "Thanks Mckenzie, I got shot you know."

"Oh my God." I gasped. "I'm so sorry."

His face changed from a look of pain to one of amusement as I sprouted out apologies and he interrupted me with a laugh before saying. "Just kidding, it's the other one. You should've seen your face though, it was a picture."

"You're such a dickhead!" I yelled hitting him in the chest. "I should punch you in the bad shoulder just for that!"

He kept chuckling and held his hands up in surrender. "I'm leaving now you crazy little fairy. I'll see you later Tinkerbell."

"I'm not Tinkerbell!" I screamed after him as he slipped out of the bathroom and I heard him still chuckling when my bedroom door closed behind him.

I let out a growl of frustration and stamped my foot on the ground. Why did he have to be so annoying? No one could drive me crazy like he could.

Now that he was gone I decided to get dressed so I had a wash using the sink like I had the night before and pulled on some jeans and a top. It didn't take me long to decide to go down to breakfast, I was hungry since I hadn't eaten anything since leaving the basement the previous morning. After pulling on my boots I found that they helped to support my still tender ankle, but they didn't do a lot for my sore feet. I strapped on my weapons and made my way to the elevator before going down to the dining room.

My foot had barely made it through the doorway before something collided with me so hard that I stumbled backwards and winced as my side throbbed. I immediately went on the defence, but luckily I noticed that it was Cora before I pulled my sword out on her.

"Taylor, you left, why did you leave? I can't believe you left us, but I'm glad you came back. Are you ok? I heard you got stabbed, is that true? Are you staying this time, you're not leaving again are you?" She showered me with questions after letting go of me not giving me a chance to answer any of them.

"Cora, stop asking her so many questions or you'll make her leave." Edward said walking up next to her.

She gave him a glare before turning her attention back to me as if expecting answers to everything, I couldn't even remember half of the questions already so I just answered the last one.

"No Sweetie, I'm not leaving again."

"Well, that's good to know." Bethany said strolling over to us. "You might let us know if you plan on it again though." She added with an expression on her face that told me loud and clear that she wasn't happy with me for just leaving.

"Yeah." I mumbled looking away knowing what an idiot I had been for running especially now that I knew the reason I had run wasn't even true. "Sorry."

"I know you went through a lot man, but try talking about it before you run ok?" She said sounding slightly less angry and more understanding.

I gave her a hesitant smile, she thought I had run because of what Eric had done, I didn't see any harm in letting her believe that for now so I just nodded.

She gave me a bright smile and slung an arm around my neck. "Come on girl, let's get some breakfast."

"We're coming!" Cora announced grabbing my hand and Edward walked next to her.

"Where's Peter?" I asked her.

"He had to go on a scout, they need to do more scouting now with all of these extra people. They wanted to stock up on more food." She explained.

"And more clothes." Edward added. "And some other stuff, girls are fussy, there's this one girl that is just bossy to everyone and demands stuff. She is so rude."

"Yeah, she isn't very nice." Cora said.

"I told them to just hit her." Bethany added.

I snorted. "You can't tell them to hit her." Then I asked the twins. "Is she mean to you."

Edward nodded and Cora said. "Yeah, but she's mean to everyone. Even Elizabeth who tries to take care of her even though she isn't even a child, she was just spoiled before the zombies came."

I frowned. "How old is she?"

Bethany snorted. "Eighteen."

I raised my eyebrows. "Eighteen, spoiled and a bitch? Wow, sounds like the head cheerleader from my school." My jaw dropped and I stopped mid step as I looked across the dining room at someone arguing with Elizabeth. She had the same typical popular girl look going on with the exception of slightly worn clothes. Everything was perfect about her, perfect body, perfect face, and even perfect hair despite the whole apocalypse. "Oh hell, that isn't by any chance the girl in question?"

"Yep, that's her!" Cora said.

Bethany smirked. "Don't tell me, it is the head cheerleader?"

I groaned. "It's either her or someone who looks a lot like her."

"Her name's Susie." Edward said.

"And has the same name as her." I added as I watched her stamp her feet and demand more clothes. "And has the same personality."

"Yeah, ok I think that is a little too much in common for it not to be her." Bethany said. "Is she your friend?"

I snorted. "She hates me and took great pleasure in being a bitch to me and she dated Lucian once. Has he seen her yet?"

Bethany shook her head. "Nope, he hasn't been around much for any social time, he was looking for you, but he has heard plenty of complaints about her."

I chuckled. "I can't wait to see his face when he sees her. She like stalked him for years, he finally gave in and went on one date hoping the stalking would stop, it didn't."

Bethany laughed and Cora giggled, but Edward sighed and asked. "Can't we just kick her out with the zombies?"

"Hmm, tempting as that sounds, I don't think we can."

"Oh crap, she's coming over here." Bethany said.

I looked up to see that she was right, I just sighed and waited to see what she had to say to me. She stopped in front of me before crossing her arms and scowling.

"Why did you bring me to this dump? If you were going to rescue us, you should have at least had proper accommodations waiting for us."

I raised my eyebrows at her in disbelief. "This is better than most people have it Susie, so appreciate what you've got."

She glared. "I don't care what most people have, this is pathetic, we have old clothes, rationed food and water and not even enough hot water for a bath."

She was pissing me off already and she had only spoken a couple of sentences. "Well consider yourself lucky that you have changes of clothes and any food or water and you can't have a bath so what? Take a damn shower."

"Yeah, you always were the sort of person who would settle for shit." She muttered. "You never hung out with the right sort of people or anything, it's the apocalypse, you should be getting rid of the people who aren't perfect and giving better care to the people who are more worthy of rebuilding the human race. Instead this place is just full of anyone."

A switch inside me flipped from annoyed to out of control angry in a second and I started yelling. "The only person not worthy of being here is you, you pathetic little bitch! You may think you can just come in here and treat people as if you are better than them, but I've got news for you, you will not mistreat anyone in this place and if I ever see you so much as look at someone the wrong way or even dare to complain about what you have then I swear to you, you will be back in that cell at that camp with the soldiers quicker than you can apologise do you understand me?"

She snorted. "You can’t do anything to me and neither can these useless people."

I grabbed her by the front of the shirt, drew my sword and pressed it against her neck quicker than she knew what was happening. "You fuck with these people, then you fuck with me and you really don't want to fuck with me because believe it or not I will make you pay and you won't like my methods so suck it up and at least attempt to be nice or you may just find yourself stuck in a dark alley surrounded by hungry zombies with no way out."

Her face had paled now and she stuttered out. "Y-y-you wouldn't d-do that."

"Try me." I growled in a threatening voice that couldn't be misunderstood as meaning anything other than I would definitely do that making her eyes go wide. After a few seconds of silence from her and everyone else in the dining room I added. "Now are you going to be nice or am I going to be committing a murder before breakfast?"

She gulped. "I-I'll be nice."

"Good." I said shoving her away from me forcefully and sliding my sword back in it's sheath.

The second she was out of my grip though she just had to add. "You can't do anything to me anyway, I heard Lucian leads this place, he won't let you touch me."

"Hmm, you should know that I have no control over what this one does." Lucian said arriving next to me.

Susie's eyes lit up at the sight of him an she seemed to forget about the conversation we had just had. "Lucian, I'm so glad you’re here."

I snorted as she fluttered her eyelashes at him and flipped her hair. Lucian frowned in annoyance at her and quickly retreated saying. "I have somewhere to be."

Susie followed after him asking to go with him and I chuckled.

"Wow, you're right she is a stalker." Bethany said.

I shook my head in amazement, everyone was talking and eating again by now so I headed over to grab some breakfast, Danielle gave me a smile and told me she was glad to see that I was back as she handed over our food.

"I'm glad to be back." I answered with a grin.

"Do you think she is really going to try and be nice now?" Cora asked me when the four of us were sitting at a table together.

I shrugged. "Hopefully."

The others made small talk as we sat there and ate, I shoved the food down my throat probably quicker than I should have, but I was so hungry that I just didn't care.

"You up for going on a scout Taylor?" Jack asked suddenly appearing next to me.

"No, Lucian said no scouts for her until her stab wound has healed." Bethany answered before I could.

I sighed. "As much as I hate him telling me what to do, I think he's right in this case, I'll let you know when I'm up to it Jack."

"Why ask her man, do you know how pissed he would be with you?" Bethany asked him.

Jack just shrugged. "I figured she could answer for herself."

"And I can." I muttered. "He isn't the boss of me."

I couldn't believe that he had people answering for me like that, I could decide things for myself. It made me want to agree to go on a scout just to piss him off, but the fact that I knew it would be stupid was the only thing keeping me from going against him just for the hell of it.