I can’t believe how time flies. I’ve been spending all my free time studying different medical books, especially those written or endorsed by Royce. Of course, I have read his medical books, but since I’m doing this series, I really want to prove to him I know what I’m doing.
We’ve been filming for five weeks. I must admit, I think I’m getting the hang of things. I am more confident on camera, and I’m not afraid to speak up or share my opinion. The producers love any kind of drama that comes up, and they seem to encourage it.
Of course, they are subtle about it, ensuring they catch it all on camera without the interns presuming they have any of it.
I am also pleased with how Royce and I have been connecting. I’ve never felt this way about a man before in my life. It’s not only an old admiration, or the crush I’ve had on him for years. I feel we are connecting on a whole new level. I’m falling in love with him! I can’t help but think he’s falling in love with me too!
The way he looks at me, the way he interacts with me, is different from other interns. There’s a bond between us I’m not imagining. Not to mention, I like to see his son every chance I get. Maddix is a sweet child, and there’s no denying that the boy adores me. I noticed Royce is more relaxed with me talking to his son too.
I can’t help but feel encouraged by it. Perhaps there really is something there.
“Why the hell are you studying again?” Monique asks when she walks into the room. I roll my eyes. Though I wanted the show to bring us back together, it has only proved to put more tension on our relationship. It doesn’t help that only a handful of us remain, and each week we get closer to one of us going home.
“I want to do well,” I reply.
“You already show off more than anyone else. I don’t know why you bother,” she says dryly.
“I don’t show off! I like to do my best.”
“So you can get more of Royce’s attention?” Monique asks. “You know that’s why you’re doing it.”
“No, I’m doing it because I don’t want to get voted off the show!” I snap. I feel defensive when she talks about Royce. I know she’s jealous of my rapport with him. It’s obvious every time she brings it up.
“Sure, and that’s why you spend so much time in his office when we are not shooting,” she replies snidely.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. Now will you please leave me alone? I’m trying to study.”
“You are just in denial,” she replies. “Otherwise why would you get so defensive about it?”
“I’m defensive because it’s not true!” I’m trying not to raise my voice, but it’s difficult. She’s annoying me, and not helping the situation. I still believe she’s only doing this out of jealousy, and I want her to stop. It’s none of her business what I do with my free time.
“What happened to you?” she asks. “What happened to us? You know there was a time when we’d never argue about something like this, but it’s all so different now.”
I sigh. She’s right, but I don’t know how to fix things. “I don’t know. I miss the way we were.”
“You’ve changed a lot over the past couple years,” she observes. “When we got to graduate school, it’s like something changed.”
“You’ve changed quite a bit yourself.” I’m defensive once again. “It’s not just me.”
“Perhaps it’s that we’re getting older. I don’t understand it. There was a time when I thought we’d be best friends forever,” she says with another sigh.
“Well, you can always try being nicer to me. You are the one who turned into a bitch.”
“I’m the bitch? Here I am, trying to fix what we had, and you tell me I’m the bitch?” she snaps. She’s clearly angry now, but I don’t care.
“All you do is spend your time reading and trying to show off. You do anything you can to look better than me!” She shakes her head.
I chuckle. “You hate it when I do better than you; I’m just the girl who was supposed to stay in your shadow my entire life!” I utter. The anger returns and I’m not in the mood to back down.
“You’ve always been jealous of me!” she responds with another laugh. “You’ve been mad that I am prettier than you since kindergarten! I always topped you in everything. And you can’t stand it. So what?! Are you trying to get back at me now? To prove you can do something with your life?”
“Get out!” I yell. “Just get out!”
“You know what? Fuck you!” she shouts back. “This is my room too, bitch. This was a terrible fucking idea and I don’t know why I let you talk me into trying to get on the show in the first place! I went along with it because I wanted to reconnect with you after all this time!”
“You came with plans to beat me—and now, since it’s not working, you’re having a fit!” I argue. “I know you well enough. You can’t stand not being in the spotlight. Well, guess what? I’m not in your shadow anymore, and I’m not going back!”
“I’m leaving! I’m sick of the drama, and I’m sick of watching you flirt with Royce. You’re making a fool of yourself on reality television, and I’m done being a part of it.” Monique walks over and grabs her suitcase from under her bed, plops it on top, clicks it open, and begins shoving her clothes inside.
“So this is it?” I ask, shock in my voice. “You’re walking away from all of this? If you think there’s something going on between me and Royce, and I can tell you right now there is not, that’s not good enough for you? You have to prove a point by leaving?”
“I’m done with this. I didn’t want to be on TV in the first place, and this whole show is rigged. You are the one who’ll win; that’s already been decided. They will keep up with the drama until the end, and then something will go down with you and Royce,” she says without looking at me.
“Nothing will go down, because nothing is going on,” I say, trying to be calm. Part of me is relieved she’s leaving. This way is a lot easier than one of us being voted off and sent home. At the same time, I’m terrified to think of being in LA all alone.
Though I’ve made friends with a few of the other interns, as well as with some of the staff at the hospital, it will not be the same with Monique gone.
“All right, then. Fine. Be that way!” I say when she doesn’t reply. I return my attention to the book in front of me, but there’s no way I can concentrate. Monique is leaving, and there is nothing I can do about it. I’m not begging her to stay, and I will not try to convince her of the truth when she has her mind made up.
I’ll go on to win the title of top surgeon because of my skills, not because of what’s going on with Royce. I don’t need to bribe anyone. I’m good at what I do, and that’s what carries me week after week.
Monique shuts her suitcase and slams the door behind her. I’m alone. It’s true, she is gone, and I’m staying. I sigh, shake my head, and think. Part of me feels guilty, but there’s a bigger part of me that doesn’t care.
After all, it’s like Royce always says, if you can’t stand the pressure, get out.