I admit; I’m exhausted, and don’t know how much longer I do this. I’m spending all my time studying or volunteering at the hospital, trying to obtain as much knowledge as possible. Working as a volunteer at the hospital is more pleasurable than filming the series.
So much less drama! And I am actually helping people. It’s becoming increasingly clear that Royce is avoiding me. He wasn’t happy when I asked to stay and work after the filming, but he didn’t stop me.
I look for a chance to talk to him, but he’s occupied with other issues. I will not see him in his office anymore. In fact, he seems to finish things up in his office while the producers interview us, making sure he’s able to leave as soon as possible.
I’ve been trying not to overdo but it’s difficult for me to contemplate. I’m angry with Royce. I feel used in a way. Did he just want to fuck me, or was there something between us? Only a few days ago I was confident there was more to it than lust, but with the way he’s been acting, I’m not so sure.
I want to speak with him, but he’s not letting me.
Another part of me wishes I could talk to someone else about it. I wish I could call Monique and get her opinion, but she’d freak out. She already accused me of having something going on with Royce, and if she finds out he and I got funky, she is likely never talk to me again.
But I need advice.
“All right, things are winding down with the show. A few of you remain competing for the title of top surgeon. It’s time to do actual simulations,” John announces when we line up in our usual places for the introduction.
“What does that mean?” Mercedes asks. I dislike the girl, but I’ve been careful to hide it. I know John can sense the competitive pressure between us, and he’s doing what he can to promote it. Nevertheless, I’m fighting it as much as possible. I don’t want to make the situation worse.
“It means you have to pay attention and bring your A game. No one is safe from elimination, although you and Kayla have points on your side. I want to remind you both that those can be lost if you screw up in here,” John explains with a grin. I don’t understand his scoring system, but I don’t question it any longer.
He knows what he’s doing, and I need to roll with the punches.
“All right. We’ll open the show with an explanation of what you are doing, so we can cut to the chase with the filming,” he confers. We receive a series of instructions for the activity, and I relax. I can do this without any trouble, but how well can Mercedes handle it?
“Kayla, I’m starting you with the monitoring machine. You will monitor the pseudo vitals and keep the dummy alive. After Mercedes, you will switch places. We’ll give James a chance afterward.” John pulls up the monitor and my heart leaps into my throat. Out of the blue, I don’t care about winning this round. This is the chance I’ve been waiting for.
Even volunteering with the hospital, I haven’t been allowed to use their computers. The files contain too much private medical data to access them. But it’s not the medical files I’m interested in.
I set up the computer to observe the simulated vitals of the dummy, keeping my back to the cameras; the screen is blocked from view. Of course, John is more interested in getting the looks on our faces than what we are actually doing. He enjoys it when we are nervous or about to cry from the trauma.
The nerves on my face have nothing to do with the exercise. I need to be vigilant but I’m also confident. As soon as he gives the signal to start shooting, I exit the monitor screen and head directly to the main database of the hospital.
Thanks to the training I received in college, I know how to temporarily sign in with a code I was given to be on the show in the first place. The session expires in a few minutes. That is more than enough time to find out the information I’m looking for.
I glance at the monitor, ensuring everything looks like it should. I return to the data base, searching for Royce. I find him immediately. Here, I can learn everything the hospital knows about him—including his home address. I have nothing to write it down! Thankfully, after a few seconds, I memorize it well enough.
The monitor starts beeping. I quickly exit the screen. The simulated vitals tell me there is too much blood loss. “He’s losing a lot of blood; let’s make sure the pressure stays constant on that artery, or we’ll lose him.”
Mercedes gives me a look. I know we dislike each other, but we need to work together on this. The tension in the room is so strong it could be cut with a knife, but I stay calm. I have to get through this. Once I get through the afternoon, I’ll head over to Royce’s. I don’t care if he will not talk to me at the hospital; I will not let him run forever.
One way or another, I will talk to him.
***
My heart races in my chest as I step out of the cab. The house isn’t what I anticipated, but it’s the right address. I always thought he lived in a mansion with a perfectly manicured yard and perhaps some fountains along the way.
Unexpectedly, the dwelling looks quite normal. Toys are scattered about in the yard; signs that a child lives there. Between the holes in the grass and the treehouse in the oak, I’m sure little Maddix spends a lot of time outside.
I walk up to the door, thinking of what I’ll say. No doubt, he might feel stalked with me showing up on his doorstep, but I don’t think he’ll outright turn me away. He’s better than that. I couldn’t have imagined the feelings that are between us. It’s a bond I’ve never felt before in my life.
It has to mean something.
I ring the doorbell and take a step back, breathing deeply. I need to calm myself if I’m going to get through this. The last thing I want to do is start ranting, or worse, start weeping. I’m so caught up in my thoughts, the opening door startles me, but I recover quickly.
To my astonishment, it’s not Royce, but another girl who looks close to my age. I wrack my brain for who it might be when I remember he has a nanny for Maddix.
“Hello? Can I help you?” she asks.
I smile warmly. “Yes, didn’t Royce tell you? I’ll be taking over this evening with Maddix,” I hope she buys the story, and relax when she looks confused.
“He didn’t mention that, no,” she says. “I do have an appointment I am running late for. He probably forgot to mention it.”
“No doubt. He’s such a busy guy. With all that’s going on at his work, he only remembered to ask me to watch Maddix, and didn’t tell you,” I say with a laugh. She seems to relax further. At that moment, Maddix appears at her side.
“Kayla!” he says, the enthusiasm in his voice. “You’re here!”
At this point, the sitter is convinced this story is true, and she invites me inside. “Do you know your way around?”
“More or less,” I lie again. “Royce will be here soon. I’ll just watch my buddy Maddix in the meantime.”
“Great, thank you so much!” she says, heading for the door. “I really appreciate it!”
“The pleasure is all mine!” I call after her. As soon as the door closes, I shake my head. “That was way too easy. I need to bring it up to Royce.”
“So what would you like to do?” I ask, turning to Maddix.
“Let’s play a game!” he says as he runs to the living room. “I want to play Sorry!”
“Okay, I love that game,” I comment as I follow him. I’m still nervous, but feel much better now that I’m inside the house. I’m not sure how Royce will react when he finds me here instead of the nanny but there is a part of me that doesn’t care.
No running from me this time; I’m finally getting the answers I’ve been waiting for. I should be prepared for whatever his feelings are but I’m determined to handle it like an adult.
I am an adult, after all, and I’ll prove it to him.