––––––––
With James gone, Serenity found it impossible to settle. She paced her small apartment, periodically peeping out of the windows. Her ears strained for any sound that might signal Jackson’s return. The thought of him so close made her sick with fear.
Poor Mr. Berry. Her soul welled with grief for the man who’d taken a chance on her and had always been there to help. What kind of torture had Jackson put him through before killing him? Though James had given her none of the details, she knew Jackson well enough to realize he wouldn’t have murdered Mr. Berry without first having some fun. Her heart went out to her boss’s family. How they must be grieving. They didn’t deserve any of this—none of them did.
She prepared Elizabeth a sandwich but couldn’t bring herself to eat. Hunger made her nausea worse, acid churning in her stomach, but the only thing she managed to chew were her cuticles. Though she went through the motions of being a parent, in truth she was barely present. Her body might have been in the room but she was disconnected, as though watching herself through a smoke screen.
Elizabeth ate sitting in front of the television. The little girl didn’t understand the reason for this unprecedented access to the television, but she was going to make the most of it. Serenity didn’t have the heart or the energy to tell her to switch the box off.
Jackson might attack them at any moment. What was stopping him? Serenity didn’t think a few locked doors and windows would keep him out if he wanted to get to them. No, he hadn’t killed her yet because he had other plans. When Jackson had been human, he’d always waited to make her pay after she’d done something to upset him. He enjoyed the buildup; watching her tip-toe around him, flinching at every movement, constantly questioning where the next blow would come from. Jackson had beaten and tortured her for such small things: being late, burning the dinner, asking the wrong question. She didn’t want to think about what sort of punishment he had in mind considering her misdemeanor. After all, she’d done more than burn dinner this time.
She had murdered him.
Serenity glanced over to find Elizabeth asleep on the couch. Serenity pulled the throw off the back of the couch and covered her daughter. Elizabeth looked so peaceful. The little girl didn’t even stir.
Serenity wondered when she would hear from James; she hoped he wouldn’t be long. He’d probably fight with Amy about sending her away to Sacramento, but in the end Amy would listen. James was a Police Sergeant after all; she’d have to believe him if he told her their family was being threatened, and Amy would never put Noah in danger.
In the meantime she needed to be prepared. Elizabeth would need all of her things packed and be ready to go.
Serenity didn’t own much in the way of suitcases. She hadn’t taken a vacation since Jackson and got rid of anything she’d shared with her husband—including their luggage. She only owned a small canvas case but it would do for the minute. Elizabeth’s clothes were small and didn’t take up much room, though Serenity wanted to make sure Elizabeth had everything else she was used to at home.
She found the small case squashed beneath a pile of linen at the top of her bedroom closet. She pulled it down, having to use one hand to hold the linen in place, trying not to pull everything down on top of her. Pushing the closet door shut behind her, she took the bag to Elizabeth’s room.
Serenity pulled open Elizabeth’s drawers and selected a few different outfits and a couple of nightgowns. She picked up Elizabeth’s pillow and the fleece blanket lying across the bottom of her bed. She hugged the pillow to her chest and lowered her head, inhaling her daughter’s smell. With a shuddery sigh, she stuffed them into the bag on top of the clothes. She packed her daughter’s favorite teddy and a couple of books Elizabeth liked to have read to her at bedtime.
Serenity’s throat constricted and she paused, a Winnie-the-Pooh book held in one hand. Someone else reading Elizabeth her bedtime story felt so wrong.
The gravity of her actions swept over her.
Serenity sat down heavily on the narrow single bed. Her hands rested on top of her daughter’s belongings, pressing them into her lap as though Elizabeth’s things might join them.
Her eyes filled with tears. Was she really about to send her only child away? She wasn’t going to be there to sing her to sleep that evening. What if Elizabeth woke in the night, scared and wondering where her mommy was?
Even worse, what if Jackson found out about Elizabeth and followed them to Sacramento?
She couldn’t stand to think of Elizabeth terrified and hurt with Mommy not there to protect her. It hurt her in a way she couldn’t even fathom.
How had her life turned upside down in such a short space of time? A part of her still couldn’t believe all of this was happening? How could Jackson be back? How could he have become something even more terrifying than he was in life?
In her fear for her daughter’s life, she’d barely given thought to Sebastian. The vampire had also returned and Serenity didn’t think Jackson to be the sole reason. She thought she’d come to terms with what Sebastian was, but seeing him again brought back so many feelings.
Sebastian... Not human, yet the father of her child.
It shouldn’t be possible but she couldn’t change reality.
What would he do when he found out about Elizabeth? Would he be angry? Would he deny she was his?
Her emotions torn, she didn’t know what to think. She couldn’t get away from the anger; anger for him bringing Madeline into her life and resentment for him leaving. But if she’d never met Sebastian, she would probably still be living, terrified and miserable with Jackson, and Elizabeth would never have been born. She’d always lived with fear, but the fear she had for herself paled compared to the absolute, unremitted terror she felt when she thought about losing her daughter.
Serenity got to her feet. She wanted to be back with Elizabeth—who knew how much time they had left together?
She sniffed and wiped her eyes, hoping Elizabeth wouldn’t notice her blotchy face and red eyes. The last thing she wanted to do was scare her.
Obviously she would need to talk to Elizabeth about going to Sacramento. Elizabeth had never been on a plane before. Would she be excited or scared? Whatever her reaction, the idea of bringing up the subject with Elizabeth made her nervous and she wanted to choose her moment. She didn’t want Elizabeth to discover the packed bag first.
Serenity shoved the bag under Elizabeth’s bed and made her way back to the kitchen.
Elizabeth had swung her legs off the couch; the throw was in a puddle on the floor at her feet. She sat with her head hung and her narrow shoulders slumped. Her arms rested on her knees.
“Everything okay, sweetie?” Serenity asked, but Elizabeth didn’t answer. Slowly Serenity crossed the room until she stood in front of her daughter and then crouched in front of her.
Elizabeth’s eyes stared wide open but they didn’t focus on Serenity; they seemed not to focus on anything at all.
“Elizabeth?” A stab of fear jolted through her. What was wrong with her child?
“No, Mommy.” Serenity jumped at the sound of her daughter’s thin and distant voice. “Please... please don’t make me.”
“What’s wrong?” Serenity asked. Panic rushed through her, adrenaline spurting through her veins. “What’s happened?”
Was Elizabeth sleepwalking? She seemed to still be asleep even though her eyes were open. Serenity thought she’d heard somewhere that waking a sleepwalking child was dangerous and could give them a heart attack or something? Maybe the result wouldn’t be anything quite so dramatic, but it would certainly scare her.
“Don’t make me go away,” Elizabeth moaned. “The man... He’ll hurt you, Mommy.”
Prickles of fear made her skin rise in goose bumps, her hair standing on end. Had Elizabeth overheard her and James talking? Had she seen her packing?
“No... no, Mommy. Not a man... He’s not a man... It smells so bad.” Elizabeth turned her face away as though trying to escape whatever plagued her dream. Her head twisted from side to side, her blank eyes darting around the room, never landing on Serenity. Her hands gripped the side of the couch, knuckles white.
“He’s coming!” Elizabeth suddenly screamed.
Serenity grabbed her shoulders, all worries about waking a sleepwalking child completely flown from her head. She only wanted Elizabeth to stop and wake up.
“No, Mommy... The smell... Please, no...” She shrieked again and again, loud and piercing. To see such emotion come from Elizabeth’s mouth, when her eyes were wide open but still horrifyingly blank, was terrifying.
The little girl fought against Serenity, her small hands clawing at her mother.
“Elizabeth,” Serenity spoke loudly and firmly. “Elizabeth, baby. It’s okay. Everything is all right.” She spoke with an assurance she didn’t feel. She was working on autopilot, on sheer adrenaline. The cold chill of horror bore right down to her bones. She wanted to cry and scream herself, ‘What’s wrong with her? What’s wrong with my little girl?’
Somehow Elizabeth managed to slip out of her mother’s hold. Serenity dodged her daughter’s hands but Elizabeth lurched forward and her small fist caught Serenity on the chin. The blow shocked her, her chin and lower lip tingling. Elizabeth packed a punch for a four year old.
Serenity had seen enough.
“Elizabeth!” Her voiced turned to a scream. “Wake up!”
Her daughter fell still, her shoulders slumped. Then she blinked once and all of a sudden she was back, like watching someone brought out of hypnosis.
Elizabeth took one look at her mother and burst into tears.
“Oh, honey, everything’s okay. Everything’s okay.” Serenity repeated the words, as though saying them over and over would make them true. She pulled Elizabeth into her arms, Elizabeth’s small body trembling against her.
“Don’t make me go away,” Elizabeth cried. “We’re never going to see each other again.”
“What? Don’t be silly, of course we will”
She should have been used to Elizabeth’s precognitive behavior by now, yet the things her daughter said always took her back. Still she tried to justify it, explain her daughter’s uncanny knowledge away with the obvious answer. Elizabeth had been outside of the door when she and James had been talking; she must have overheard them.
“It’ll only be for a few days, sweetheart. You should be excited! You’re going on vacation with Aunty Amy and Noah.”
Elizabeth stared up at her, her big, dark eyes wobbly with tears. “I don’t want to go.” Elizabeth’s lower lip trembled. “I don’t want to,” she said again, but now less conviction affected her voice. “You need me.”
“Of course I need you, but I also need a few days by myself.” She took a deep breath. She didn’t think she had ever told an outright lie to her daughter. “Mommy’s got work to do. Think how much fun you’ll have with Amy and Noah.”
Elizabeth just stared at her. For a moment, Serenity thought she’d gone back to the strange and distant place she’d occupied in her dreams. But then she said, “Okay, Mommy,” in a small, disbelieving voice that should never have come from someone so young.
It dawned on Serenity that Elizabeth had just realized her mother wasn’t perfect, that she couldn’t trust her mother on every count.
Serenity reached out and touched Elizabeth’s curls. They sprang beneath her fingertips.
“I love you so much and I’m so proud of you. It won’t be for long, I promise.”
She bit her lip. Another lie.
When had she become such a liar?