ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

I write, always, in response to others, being, like all of us, a result of those around me. This book is, in part, a map of connections, irrevocably tied to everyone it’s been lucky enough to come into contact with, and everyone I’ve learned from. I’m forever grateful for the questions you gift me, and the easy answers you withhold, at a time when easy answers are exceedingly seductive.

Thank you to the editors of Wasafiri magazine for trusting the odd pairing in ‘“What Have I Done?” and other Illusions of Control’ enough to give the piece a first home. Thank you also to Danny Denton for opening a space in The Stinging Fly for ‘Freak Aguacero’. Elements of ‘Mixed Signals: Five Moments of Un-Belonging’ first appeared in ‘Thirteen Ways of Looking at a Crisis’, a short piece published as part of the Aitken Alexander Isolation Series on the Aitken Alexander website in the spring of 2020. A short section of ‘On Whether or Not to Throw In Whose Towel’ appeared in a blog post entitled ‘Always Ask: Too Late for What? Thoughts on the Day of an IPCC Report’ on the Lighthouse bookshop website.

The completion of this book was supported by an Authors’ Foundation Grant from the Society of Authors. I’m immensely thankful for the time and encouragement this grant brought with it.

Thank you to the splendid team at Scribe, in particular to my editor Molly Slight for pushing my questions toward greater honesty and clarity. Thank you to Adam Howard for championing the book out there and to David Golding for making every sentence better. Thank you to my agent, Lisa Baker, for helping me carry these essays from the beginning, with empathy, wisdom, and much patience.

Some wonderful humans, their thoughts, their activism, and the communities we’ve shared, are woven into this book, explicitly and in the gaps. Thank you to Doug Teeling, Paul Reid-Bowen, Peter Birchenough, Iacob Bacian, Euan Monaghan, and Rosie Jones. Thank you to Finlay Asher, Todd Smith, ‘Chris’, Blythe Pepino, Jade S. Sasser, Zoe Bouhassira Miniconi, and my pals in Global Justice Bloc for sharing your crisis responses with me. Thank you to Nicholas Herrmann for reading the first few essays and telling me they could, indeed, be called essays. Thank you to Annie Rutherford for your expert eye on the ‘nerves’. Thank you to Rosie and Kim Sherwood for making and giving the notebook used. Thank you to my former and present bookshop families at Mr B’s Emporium in Bath and the Lighthouse in Edinburgh.

These essays were sound-tracked by Explosions in the Sky, Zoë Keating, Loma, and Loreena McKennitt. Although they have no idea, their music also helped with the questions. Thank you, so very much, to every writer quoted in these pages.

Tack Elix, life-sibling, för insikter det tog mig femton år att hinna ikapp. Gracias Tita, Tavito, Martica y Sali por ayudarme a recordar. Tack Jen, systra mi, för att du läste och sa att det gick bra att skriva om oss. Tack Pa, för att vi kan ge oss in i frågorna och ut ur dem igen. Gracias, Ma, sin ti ningún libro. Thank you, Adam, for being my Person. To quote The Decemberists, this is why we fight.

Thank you, reader, for staying open.