It was unfair how quickly holiday break came and went. The two weeks that Jisu’s family was in town felt all too short. Haraboji and her parents were long gone, but the floor of Jisu’s room was still covered with crumpled Christmas wrapping paper and gold ribbons. If she never picked them up, maybe it would still be Christmas and her family would still be in the same city with her.
Being apart from them for a few months had really made Jisu cherish her family’s presence. She even spent New Year’s Eve with them. Tiffany was throwing a party in her parents’ basement as she did every year, but Jisu didn’t even entertain the thought of ditching Haraboji and her parents on one of their final nights.
Are you sure? Tiffany had asked. We’re going to miss you!
I think Austin’s going to be there, Hiba had mentioned. Would that change your mind?
If anything, it only made Jisu double down on her decision. He didn’t want to meet her family and didn’t seem to want to spend much time with her either. Austin hadn’t really reached out to Jisu over the break, except for random one-off texts that led nowhere and leaving the occasional prayer hands or heart-eye emoji comments on her Instagram posts. He wasn’t ignoring her, but it was more like he was leaving small breadcrumbs of communication so he could pick things back up with her whenever it was convenient for him. Each breadcrumb chipped away at Jisu’s icy, resolute determination to keep away from Austin. But it also gave her a twinge of chest pain each time. He wanted to see her, but not in the same way she wanted to see him.
On New Year’s Eve, Hiba bombarded Jisu’s phone with photos of herself, Jamie and Tiffany at the New Year’s party, but for once Jisu was immune to FOMO. She rang in the New Year quietly with her family, the four of them snuggled on the couch, watching the countdown on TV. The next morning, Mrs. Kim made rice-cake soup as she did every single year. The moment Jisu lifted the spoonful of soup to her lips, took a sip and let the warmth of home cooking wash over her, she knew she had made the right decision.
The constant time Jisu spent with her family made saying goodbye more difficult. After they parted, a quiet stillness returned, like the emptiness of a home after all the party guests have left. But there was just one more semester remaining, and then Jisu would be back in Seoul.
Jisu groaned as she picked herself up off her bed. She heaved herself forward and forced herself to pick up the trash. Break was over. She had to get back on track.
At least all her college applications were now finally sent out and done. Jisu had saved Harvard for last. She’d given her best efforts, spent parts of her break embellishing her essay and adding letters of recommendations from her teachers at Wick to enhance her application.
When school resumed, everyone else also quickly sprang back into motion. Jamie and Tiffany weren’t their usual social selves at lunch. Instead of floating from one table to another and catching up with everyone, they planted themselves down and revised each other’s college essays. Jamie was armed with a purple gel pen and Tiffany with a red ballpoint pen.
“What are you circling so much?” Jamie asked. She looked at her essay in Tiffany’s hand. “Seeing all that red ink is making me nervous, Tiff.”
“Don’t worry, I’m circling both the good and bad parts.”
“There are bad parts?”
“Relax, girl. You said you wanted my notes, did you not?”
Watching Jamie and Tiffany bicker over final edits made Jisu feel better about being done. But a new nervous energy surrounded them...because all that was left to do was wait.
From the corner of her eye, Jisu spotted Austin. He made his way from group to group so seamlessly, like a free-flowing stream of water snaking its way down the mountain around all its curves. He looked so carefree. It was the exact opposite of how she remembered him last, sitting in her bedroom, resistant to the thought of meeting her family. Weren’t they at least friends? Mr. and Mrs. Kim had met Hiba, Jamie and Tiffany during their stay. They’d even met Dave, however unintentional and embarrassing that whole encounter had been.
Jisu could call out to Austin. She knew he would waltz over, greet her warmly and act friendly in that unnerving way. As if they were simply passing acquaintances, and just friendly enough that expressing her frustration with him would make her look crazy. Jisu knew exactly what Jamie and Tiffany would say. But he’s so nice. It’s not like he’s ignoring you. Why are you annoyed with him?
Jisu clamped her hands down and locked her eyes on her friends. She concentrated on eating lunch and not looking up from her table. She’d hoped the break would come and go and Austin would be out of her system, like a bad stomach bug. But a part of her missed him even though he was right there. She wondered if he saw her, and if he wanted to come over and say hi. Maybe all he needed was a sign, a little bit of encouragement from her.
No. Austin Velasco was not the type to need encouragement. He would come over to talk to her if he wanted to. Jisu would not be the one to concede. She was resolute, but she also hated how much she wanted to see him.
“Hey!” Dave startled Jisu. This was the first time she’d seen Dave since they’d both had to witness their mothers’ embarrassing small talk.
She was in the English literature section of the library, flipping through a copy of the Oxford Book of English Verse. School had been back in session for only a day, but she already had a test coming up next week.
“Shh! You’re going to get us kicked out!” Jisu whispered. She’d spent one too many study hall periods at the library with Hiba trying not to break into a fit of giggles. Ms. Cole, the librarian, was always looking daggers at them.
“Hey, Ms. Cole!” Dave waved at the librarian as she pushed a cart of books past them. Instead of scowling like she usually did, Ms. Cole smiled. Of course Dave could win over even grumpy Ms. Cole.
“See? She loves me. We’re good.” Dave grinned. “Anyway, I’ve been looking all over for you.”
“You were looking for me?”
“I was. Two things. One—I’m so sorry my mom was being so embarrassing the other night, yelling about Harvard and all that. I’ve never felt more humiliated.”
“You have nothing to apologize for. Your mom was really excited for you! She’s so cute—I love her.” Jisu closed the book of English verse and walked down the aisle. Dave followed her. “If anything, I should be apologizing,” she said. “I couldn’t stop cringing every time my parents started talking. I swear to god they send me off on so many random dates and they’re so desperate for me to date anyone at this point that they lose all sense of social norms.”
“That’s kind of the norm for Koreans though.”
“Oh, it totally is. Korean moms are always overcomplimenting each other on their outfits, their kids, their husbands.”
“Yeah, it’s either that or backhanded compliments.”
“Oh, my god, it’s hilarious when ajummas go at each other with fake compliments. One time, in elementary school, this girl was mean to me. I didn’t even tell my mom but word got back to her somehow. The next day, at pickup, she went over to that girl’s mom and told her, ‘Everyone has been talking about how bold and aggressive your daughter is. I only hope that kind of pushy unladylike behavior will serve her well in academics and life.’ She actually said that.”
“Okay, well, my mom hates my aunt—my dad’s youngest sister. And every Thanksgiving, when we get together, she’ll always tell her how ‘plump and healthy’ and ‘well-fed’ she looks. You know what that’s code for. And my aunt won’t even say anything back, because she knows not to mess with my mom.”
“Your mom says that? But she legit seems so nice. I can’t imagine her saying that!”
“Well, you know how they are. If they’re on your side, you’re golden. If not, well, good luck to you.”
“Yeah, if backhanded complimenting were an Olympic sport, South Korean ajummas would win gold, silver and bronze.” Jisu laughed, maybe a little too loud for Ms. Cole’s liking, but she didn’t care. The two of them walked to the front desk and Jisu checked out her book.
“Oh, and one other thing,” Dave said. “We should figure out a time to meet one more time for the project.”
“We got a lot done last time though. We’re pretty much done, right?”
It was true. The last time they met up before the break, they had finished the PowerPoint presentation and gone over all their data. Mrs. Kang had made kimchi stew and steamed some homemade dumplings. It was easily one of the best meals she’d had in San Francisco, El Farolito burritos included.
“Yeah, but I figure we should go through it one more time and also practice doing the actual presentation.” No wonder Dave had gotten into Harvard. He did everything until it was perfect.
“I’m free now, if you want to go through it? Might as well since we’re in the library already.”
“I can’t now. Sophie’s in the car outside, waiting for me.”
“Sophie? Oh.” Jisu felt defensive all of a sudden. Of what, she didn’t know. She imagined basic Sophie sitting in the passenger seat, listening to basic music and checking her basic makeup in the mirror.
“Yeah, we’re going to see the new Avengers movie.”
“Fun!” Jisu forced the sides of her face upward.
“Let’s meet up next week?”
“Yeah! Text me and we’ll figure it out.”
Dave left the library and Jisu let her smile drop. She wasn’t jealous in any way, no. Jisu already had plans to see the Avengers movie with someone else. Sure, it was for another seon with a complete stranger via Ms. Moon, but Jisu had her own plans. I bet Sophie’s the type to constantly talk and ask questions throughout the movie. Does she even know who any of the Avengers are? Jisu was just looking out for Dave. The way he looked out for her with Austin. It was in her own motherly way. Having Jisu look out for her son was what Mrs. Kang would want anyway. She clearly wasn’t impressed much with Sophie either.
Jisu gathered her belongings and left the library. She turned her phone back on. There was a text message. Jisu could tell it was Austin. She had deleted him from her contacts, but she still recognized his number. And she hated herself for recognizing it.
Yo. You around this weekend? Starting to forget what you look like.
Starting to forget what she looked like? They were in the same room, eating lunch, just a few hours ago! If he wanted to remember what she looked like, he could’ve easily walked over and said hi.
But he had initiated contact. Jisu did feel a tiny rush of satisfaction. Maybe not saying hi to him during lunch had been the right move. Her thumbs hovered over the keyboard. Should she make him wait for a reply? Did she even want to see him? Thinking about Austin lately was proving to be more tiresome than pleasant.
Jisu’s phone dinged with another notification. It was a Kakao message from Mrs. Kim.
Ms. Moon is emailing you a full schedule of your seons for this month. Don’t forget to add them all to your calendar.
“Yes, Mother,” Jisu said out loud as she swiped away the Kakao notification.
The screen returned to Austin’s text message. Jisu looked at it for a moment. She put her phone away in her bag. Austin could wait.